One would assume that this week would focus on the gourmet side of the culinary arts, since last week the chefs whipped up some ice cream and hearty, comfort dishes for TGIF… but the reality gods -- or just some highly paid suits -- threw another twist our way bringing sugary sweet Betty’s persona to a whole new level and making diabetes cool again (or maybe for the first time)… onto the show!

Top Chef opens with the usual scene: groggy, half-dressed chefs, some naaaasty feet, Betty doing squats?? Wait, that’s a new one… ah, but then we see Michael. Poor guy isn’t feeling well – maybe he’s coming down with something, or maybe he caught what Mia had a couple of episodes back… oh wait, it’s Michael. His not feeling well = one big a** hangover.

I love when people pretend that they’ve just come down with something, conveniently following a night of 10 rum and cokes, 2 woo woo shots, 1 mind eraser and three karaoke songs, one being a crowd-moving rendition of the Spice Girls’ classic “If you want to be my lover…” five Dominos pizza slices at 4 AM… but yeah, you probably caught the stomach bug that’s going around. Hope you feel better!

Now get ready: button up your smocks and throw your hair in a net, it’s Quickfire Challenge Time! This week’s guest judge, Suzanne Goin, explains: this is a challenge where attention to detail (hahem, Michael, that’s directed to you buddy, attention to detail=no beer) is needed to make an amuse bouche. Upon hearing this, my ears perked and eyes widened. Niiice, Bravo, very risqué. How are the chefs going to pull this off? Half of them look like they haven’t gotten laid in months! Other than edible undies, what can they do for this challenge? I hope the chefs are wearing their creative, yet comfortable, work shoes today. Woohhhooo, I cannot wait for the judges’ table.

Oh … wait… amuse bouche means to literally amuse your palette. Oooooooooh. I guess this is Bravo, not Skinamax. All excitement isn’t lost in translation though, the chefs have to amuse their palettes with something out of the…the dreadful machine of common-folk where a combination of letters and numbers release sugary fake goodness loaded with artificial coloring and flavor… the VENDING MACHINE!

These are my favorite challenges because I love seeing the chefs getting SO pissed off and sinking to my level of cooking. How many times I have come home, ravenously hungry after a long day of sitting at my desk, ready for dinner, only to find a fun-size snicker bar, 2 slices of that yellow cheese food and 4 saltines? Now that’s what I call a meal!

I love seeing the chefs mope around, complaining because they can’t show off their “real” skills, but mostly, I love seeing what they do with it – these guys turn out some high-class stuff! It’s pretty amazing what they create… I have no idea what it takes to make a kick ass leg of lamb in a reduced brandy wine sauce with broccoli rabe and shallots, but I do know that it takes SKILL to make a delicious meal out of pretzels, fake cheese, and yogurt.

The chefs are given a roll of quarters and their shopping begins! Marcel is upset once he finds that there are no oysters in the vending machines. Yup, imagine that… no shellfish in a freakin’ machine. What is Marcel to do?? Marcel looks with amazement at this machine. How does it work he wonders…