Recap: Top Chef: And Gosh Darn It, People Like Me! - 
by Flipit
When I was a kid, we had a maid named Romana. She was sweet, charming, and pretty cute, but she was nothing special in the cleaning department. My mom had been hearing stories from her friends about this amazing cleaning woman named Sofie and wanted to try her. Sofie could get wine stains out of anything and even had a magic, super secret technique to make sink fixtures look like new! Some called it voodoo, others called it brilliance. Either way, my mother was intrigued.
When Romana went home to her family one weekend, Sofie was snuck into the house. The stories were true. She insisted on being alone in the room while she worked, so all I can tell you is that in one day, she had our home looking like a shiny palace. And then she started talking. On and on in a tiny squeaky voice she went, only pausing to giggle like a little witch. She told me I was too fat (ok she was right) and she told my sister she had thin hair (sorry, but true again). She called my Father baldie and my Mom Anciana, which is Spanish for "ancient". She was teasing us, and I think it was her misguided way of trying to build camaraderie. It was sweet, in a way. Come Monday morning, Romana was back at work and we were forbidden to ever mention Sofie again. It didn't matter that the windows were so clean they weren't even visible. No one calls my mother old.
This week, Top Chef taught us it doesn't matter if you're good enough and smart enough. People have to like you.
It's the final episode of a very juicy, controversial season of Top Chef and the producers couldn't have chosen a more awkward pair to stick alone together on an island for the last hoorah. Marcel swims and poses like he's on the cover of molecular gastronomy's answer to the Abercrombie catalogue while Ilan sits fully dressed on the sidelines sniping at the monkey and pining for romance. Such a beautiful place, he just wishes he could share it with a beautiful woman! Still stickin' to that story, huh?
Marcel is so at peace in the natural surroundings that nothing could ruin his mood. Then he pricks his finger trying to pull sea urchin out of the water. Ooh, he pricked his finger. Call the medics.
Someone recommends he pee on the tiny wound to avoid infection. I'll think of that next time I get a paper cut. People at work would love that. It's not like they're on a deserted island. Doesn't the Top Chef crew at least carry a bottle of alcohol around? Where's Frank when you need him? Ilan doesn't lend his hose, but says he would have loved to pee on Marcel.
We're less than three minutes into the finale and already they're playin' water sports. What's next? If it involves a swing of any kind I'm turning off my TV. Marcel peed on himself, earning a whole new following in the process.
Padma and Tom greet them. This past week, gossip abounded that Padma was tokin' bud (often) on set, and I have to say her slurring and staring off into space is less fun now that I know she's just high and not an alien. Daddy Tom has packed on another 25 or so pounds during the shoot break, and decides to celebrate his new figure by wearing this shirt.
Noooooooooooooooo!!!
Dear Daddy Tom,
You are firm, fair, and sexy no matter your weight, but the Hawaiian shirt hurt my feelings. Please never do that to me again. Put on a sexy suit. Feed the people.
Heart,
Flipit
The challenge today will be simple. Create their best five courses ever. They will have their own locations and a staff of two, which they will get to choose from the group of, you guessed it, the chopped Chefs! Dooinggg. Cliff's not back for this challenge, which isn't really surprising, but it is kind of disappointing. I'm a big fan of unpredictable anger. Oh, that reminds me I need to call my mother.
Clearance Rack
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