The first thing that pops out in this episode is "HOLY MOTHER OF SCAR TISSUE, PADMA!" You've felt pain. We GET IT. Now give the camera the side of you that doesn't make my face scrunch up. You're like a girl I knew in Jr. High that had one wooden leg and came to class wearing mini-skirts. Seriously? Get some pants. I'm trying to concentrate.

What she said was a blur, but I think it went something like this: "Last year, a monkey went home with his tail between his legs, a Mexican chick saved her head and lost to a white boy cooking Spanish food (I know they're not the same, but ouch), and a hot guy taught us that not only little girls wear comb headbands." Gotta disagree with you there, Padma.

Before we get on with Season Three, we get to roll around in Season 1 & 2's mud. Harold, Tiffani, Stephen and Dave are in the house, and I'm praying they're ready to smack Sam, Elia, Marcel and Ilan DOWN. It's a cook off! Grrrrrrll. It's no coincidence that this show is coming on right before gay pride weekend. PARTAY!

Padma greets Season 1 first. Tiffani smiles big and says it's just like old times. Yeah, I still wanna punch you in the face. Dave looks at her like he's thinking the same thing. Harold has great news! He's opening his restaurant in the Spring! Wow, that was quick. If Harold got pregnant, it would take him 10 years to pop that brat out. He's going the "Seasonal American" route. I'm glad he used his time to come up with something inventive. He smiles all good-natured like and I have to admit, even though I just spent a whole paragraph ragging on him, I would marry this man. Nice, boring guys are hot, and they usually have jobs.

Padma sits them down on the edge of the bed and explains to them what happened to Katie Lee Joel. Dave tries not to cry as he listens to the story about the Mercedes, the fat drunk husband and the tree. Aw. Feelings. To bring everyone's spirits up, she tells them that Lee Anne, who finished fourth their season, is too successful and fabulous to compete. Ouch. To make it worse, her replacement is Stephen, the sniveling, whining wine snob who finished fifth. The camera cuts to him looking pissed off that this Padma bitch called him out as a temp right in front of the entire office. Katie Lee would have NEVER.

Lee Anne was hired by Top Chef!! YAAAAAYYYYYY!!!! She's the culinary producer of the show now, which I can only guess means she'll be creating the hellish challenges for this year's grunts. Sweet! Glad someone got a decent job out of this show.

The Season 2 Chefs enter the kitchen and Tiffani looks like she's about to cut one of them. Ilan tells the cameras that since the show ended, he's gone from being a conceited, backstabbing nutsack to a full fledged, ballz out villain. Ugh. I hate hating him because I know that's what he wants. People don't shave shapes on their scalps or get faux hawks because they want people to like them. Ilan did both. Two wrongs make a WRONG, Ilan. He licks his lips and shiftily boasts to a (slimmed down, worked out, fine hunk of burning love) Daddy Tom that he's had tons and tons of lucrative offers, but they've all been "too big". MmHmm.

He wants his first restaurant to be tiny. Good thinkin'. I can totally picture him with a tiny restaurant.

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Posted in Top Chef by Flipit at 4:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: Featherhead on Jun 12, 2007 08:48 AM.

Comments (7)

Ryabusa :

Excellent recap Flipit. I really wish you hadn't posted that picture of Ilass fellating the mixer though. I had just gotten that nightmare out of my head.

1 of 7 | Posted by Ryabusa | Posted on June 10, 2007 8:17 AM

Ubiquitous :

I began to watch this special but gave up shortly after the QFC because I'm still peeved about the disasterous second season and all the CYA they did with regards to that incident with Marcel.

2 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on June 11, 2007 2:41 AM

MissKatrina :

I am in grad school, and Top Chef is more or less my reason for living right now.

Excellent recap, Flipit! Can't wait for the rest of the season.

I am actually pleased with the choice of Ted Allen as a judge; he is reasonably funny and capable of being critical without being a total jerk like some other guest judges.

3 of 7 | Posted by MissKatrina | Posted on June 11, 2007 6:31 AM

Laurie :

All this did was really make me miss the folks from season one. And how much Ilan really does suck.

I loved it when Harold told Marcel to shut up and be a grown up. Yay Harold

4 of 7 | Posted by Laurie | Posted on June 11, 2007 7:18 AM

Ubiquitous :

All this did was really make me miss the folks from season one. And how much Ilan really does suck.

And Elia.

5 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on June 11, 2007 12:22 PM

may1 :

I've never watched this show, so I'm going to give it a shot this season. A Flipit recap is pure gold, so this is something I can't miss.

6 of 7 | Posted by may1 | Posted on June 11, 2007 1:01 PM

Featherhead :

So you caught Tiffany's flood pants, too!! I asked myself, doesn't she realize she's going to be on TV again? Guess Walmart was closed....

7 of 7 | Posted by Featherhead | Posted on June 12, 2007 8:48 AM

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