The first episode of any reality competition is a bear to recap because there are so many new faces to get to know and rag on. The Season 3 opener of this show is no different, and as usual, the lessons are aplenty. This week, Top Chef taught us to always be on time, don't drink at work, and before you go on TV, make sure you see a shrink first because daddy issues have a way of manifesting themselves at severely inopportune times.
Today's premier opens with a "Get To Know Me" buffet party, which is great because it's fun as the season goes on to compare what the Chefs want us to think of them up front and what they become once a little sleep deprivation and stress make their way into the newbie's psyches. Remember how sweet Bada Bing Betty was last year before she turned into a raving lunatic who threatened to murder the monkey? Ah, memories. Well, this year, we have a whole new stable of wobbly personalities to gawk at like penguins at the zoo, so let's get started!
First up is Sara Mair, a fromaggier (cheese maker) from Jamaica. People tend to come home smelling like their job, so I instantly suspect that Sara M. stinks. She "thinks outside the box" (if you use that cliche, you are automatically not thinking out of the box) and refuses to follow the rules. She says it like she'll cut you, and I believe her.
Clay Bowen looks like he's gonna have a panic attack as he comes down the airport's escalator. He's a crazy toothed, lazy drawled skinny white boy from Mississippi who is calling himself the Dark Horse before he even arrives on set. He didn't go to culinary school, and like a true Southerner (TX here) he brags about his uneducatedness like he worked real hard at it. He believes Southern Food'll really "wow em", and notes that the South hasn't been represented well yet on Top Chef. Note taken.
Joey Paulino is the biggest bad ass mothuhfu**in' bleeeep bleeeeeep bleeeep. Smile. Well, you're the biggest. Let's just leave it at that. Joey's the Executive Chef at Cafe des Artistes in NYC and if he wins, he's giving his mom the money. How much do you owe her? Loud, proud and loud (seriously LOUD). Why does Joey think he'll win? Cuz he's from New York. He's here to kick (shout) ass (loudly).
Dale's a Chef and Consultant at Cru Cafe in Chicago. We know Dale has a lemons to lemonade attitude because he's taken that awkward last tuft of hair men get during the final stages of male pattern baldness and turned it into a mohawk. He's coming on the show for validation. He wants people to say he's good. Well, it's an honest answer, I guess. I don't know how he cooks yet, but his skin is radiant and his eyebrows are waxed flawlessly. My guess is, he's got more bite than he's letting on.
Tre Wilcox is from Dallas and has what looks like a home made (Sharpie) tattoo that says GOTTAHAVEPASSION. It's coming down his forearm so it's upside down when he looks at it but right side up for everyone else. It's not a reminder for him, he's got plenty of passion. It's a reminder for us. Tre Deep, Wilcox. I hope you just cook the food and don't serve it with that arm. No one wants to be lectured at before they eat.
Sara Nguyen doesn't have much interesting to say, so she spokesmodels for today's location, Casa Casuarina, which is Gianni Versace's old mansion. It's of course fabulous, but knowing it's where Versace was murdered makes it a little creepy. And cheap enough for location shots! Ah, Top Chef. You know how to work that small budget.
Hung Huynh is a friend of Marcel's from last season, so he's already fascinating to me. He's an Executive Chef and says for about a year now he has had the title of CPA. Certified Professional Asshole. Oh, Hung. Ugh. People who give themselves acronyms are automatic poseurs.
Micah Edelstiein considers herself an artiste, and wears a crazy old lady fishing hat to prove it. No one taught Michelangelo how to paint the Sistine Chapel, it was just in him. Yeah, but could he cook? Micah only spoke twice at last week's tasting, but she came across as a total biatch. No one taught her how, it was just in her. I can't wait for her to explode.
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Comments (15)
Oh dear Flipit, how I have missed you all these long, dreary weeks since Idol. Highlarious. I'm not really sure what to comment about because I'd just be repeating everything you said. Micah is an uber bitch, Tre's tattoo is silly, CJ is a giant with one ball, Hung is a butthole who can cook, and I'm afraid of the Jamaican white girl. She just screams chola to me. I swear to god, that was my sister 15 years ago. Oh what a delightful summer it will be.
One question, though, where was Gay Ted? He was my favorite Queer.
1 of 15 | Posted by brendahamLincoln![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 1:34 AM
Nice recap, I wish Bourdain would take Gail's place. I would love to watch Tom, Ted Allen and Anthony Bourdain cut these tools down every week. One question though, Why all the hating on Padma?
2 of 15 | Posted by Ryabusa![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 7:23 AM
I think my sister said it best while comparing Hung to Goil from "Top Design": "Goil is Gizmo. Hung is what happens to Goil when you throw water on him and feed him after midnight."
3 of 15 | Posted by Justine![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 8:26 AM
4 of 15 | Posted by Ubiquitous![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 9:26 AM
Sooo funny, Flipit!!
Freakin Padma...she drives me nuts for several reasons:
She sounds A) drunk, B) like her mouth is full of molasses, or C) she is drunk and has a mouth full of molasses. Just spit it out, sister!
I also don't like how she says "food". It's more like, "Fuuuuuud"
And finally, I hate that she thinks she's some kind of food critic. No, honey. You're the eye candy. Leave the commentary to the people who actually KNOW food.
5 of 15 | Posted by MissKatrina![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 9:52 AM
I'm glad that Clay got kicked off. However, I'm still ticked off that Dave got kicked off for only having 2 dishes, while Tiffany's dishes sucked. Why didn't they kick Howie for the same thing?
6 of 15 | Posted by Lorenzo![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 10:40 AM
Thank you, MissKatrina, for saying so eloquently what I was (virtually) thinking.
Padma is a complete wanker, plain and simple.
Sure, she's skinny, striking and modelesque, but her arse ain't all that... Sexy femmes have a full set of curves and know how to use them.
7 of 15 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 10:49 AM
Oh man I have missed Mondays reading your comments, and Brendaham, I love that you were first of the season!
Don't be offended about Padma hate, it's just too easy to pass up, Rby.
And Justine, I almost choked on my egg bagel when I read your comment.
Thanks again guys! :) LOve
8 of 15 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 12:34 PM
As much as Padma drives me insane, I'll take her over Katie Lee "I'm a robot" Joel any day of the week.
9 of 15 | Posted by Laurie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 3:13 PM
I thought Padma had a few cookbooks published? And wasn't she born in India? If both of those statements are true, that means she sorta knows about food and has an excuse for talking funny.
Fun show, fun recap!
10 of 15 | Posted by LongHairedMan![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 18, 2007 7:19 PM
11 of 15 | Posted by Ubiquitous![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 19, 2007 3:01 AM
Flipit - first I love you. I pretty much stopped reading TVGASM after your Idol recaps because the site depresses me too much since B-side and J-unit left...but when I found out you were doing Top Chef...well I will be back now at least once a week. Did I tell you that I loved you yet??? Oh well. Thanks for making me laugh.
Laurie (#9) - Thank you for that comment re: Padma - anytime as well for me over that robot from Season 1 who I hated. Padma may not be perfect, but she is also not a cyborg.
I can't wait for the episodes with Ted Allen either - bring him on!
This gayboy is gonna be cheering his lez sister birdsong on this year - go girl!!
Cheers.
fb22
12 of 15 | Posted by fieldboy22![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 19, 2007 10:02 AM
So now that I am BACK in the century of Electricity let me tell you this Flipit.... This show would not be the same with out you.......
I don't care that you rip on Padma, she deserves it... I now I will see the villain from The Lion King every time she slinks on screen.....--maybe you could replace her head with that particular cartoon character???
And these contestants weird me out...
why are they doing the stupid hair thing...
Do they think that is a way to be separated from the pack...
what about cooking skills....???
I have no heart ache about the loser... he was going to piss me off if he stuck around anyway... Kinda like Screech on Celebrity Fit Club..... HATE
I can't wait until they thin the heard but I will enjoy going through the process with you Flipit...xoxox
13 of 15 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 19, 2007 1:08 PM
Flipit, I want to be your fag hag. Love you!
14 of 15 | Posted by lesfull![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 20, 2007 12:17 PM
lesfull, we shall partner up and become the ultimate faghag! Like some transformer gone horribly, horribly right.
15 of 15 | Posted by brendahamLincoln![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on June 20, 2007 2:24 PM