Micah Crazy Pants was sent home in the last episode, and I was seriously worried that I'd be bored not having that psycho energy around anymore. Well, shame on me for not having faith. If there's not a fire, Bravo will light a match and start one. Did they reinduct Betty for another round? Nope! Did they bring suicide guy back for a final nudge off a bridge? Nope! Even better! They delivered the season's first team challenge, which turned normal, sweet players into complete wrecks in less than an hour! Burn, baby, burn!
This week, Top Chef taught us there's a club for everyone, bikinis can't cook, and you only have to be married for three years to get alimony.
Howie tells us that after last week's win he's got some "wind under his belt". I'm glad your nuts are chill, dude, but your sail boat's not moving. Dumdum. As per usual this season, there's not much "at home" personality goin' on with this cast. Hung speedwalks around the kitchen with an ugly look on his face, Joey breathes heavily, and Bunny Foo Foo over-enunciates her explanation that someone got kicked off last week. Really, Bunny? Thanks for the info. When does the sewing start?
When the Chef's walk into the Not Kenmore kitchen. Scar is waiting for them with a table full of martinis! YAY! Theme party! I'm going to BevMo. The good thing about AA is it's always there tomorrow.
Today's Guest Judge is Jamie Walker, who's billed as the "Global Master Mixologist for Bombay Sapphire Gin". Hmmm, bartend much? Jamie's got an English accent and a faux hawk, so he's already on probation with me.
Straighten your tie and comb your hair. Your in your forties, for cryin' out loud.
The task is to create an appetizer to pair with one of the multi-colored creations on the table. Jamie tells the Chefs that one of the most difficult things in the world is pairing food with alcohol. Duh. That's because your supposed to drink till you can't walk and then eat to recover. If you eat before or during your drinking binge, the food impedes the alcohol from getting into your blood stream properly. Who's the professional here?
Bombay has ten "uniquely vapor infused botanicals to use as a platform to create a plethora of cocktails". I hope this guy's never my bartender. He sounds like Niles Crane and Bunny Foo Foo's love child. And I don't mean that as a compliment. Just shake me a martini and shut up.
The chefs have 30 minutes to create a fabulous dish for their drinks, and of course Hung is hellapissed. He picked a rasberry mint flavor, and it doesn't go well with the "elegant food" he cooks. Riiiight. Maybe you could kill a crawfish or something to make yourself feel better, dick wad.
Guest Judge Jamie wins me over a little bit during his critiques. He's not over-complimentary to say the least, and when it's time to pick his bottom dishes, he calls Joey's scallop risotto "too robust, too heavy and too clumsy". I couldn't help but think Jamie worded it that way as a chunk slam. British people are tricky like that.
Did you just call me fat?
Jamie makes me smile even wider when he calls Hung out in the bottom. The drink was too sweet for his balsamic salmon with sour cream. Hung, unable not act like a shitty little bitch in every single frame, smarts back: "So sweetness doesn't go with creamy," and nods like he's talking to a special child who is incapable of swimming in the deep end. You're speaking to a Global Master Mixologist, Hung. And PS, no. Rasberrys, balsamic vinegar and sour cream do not taste good together. Ass.
Jamie liked Bunny FooFoo's French toast baguette with pecan crusted fois gras, and he gives her extra points for her overly perfect enunciation and useless explanations. He appreciated Tre's silence throughout the Challenge (HOLLA!) and his halibut and watermelon wasn't bad either. His experience on the show seems to have beaten Tre down a little bit. He doesn't crack a smile once. Even when he's being praised, he is clearly over it.
You like my cooking? Kiss my ass, bitch!
Rounding out the top 3 is BaldHawk's fois gras and parsnips. Jamie likes him cuz he too is holding on to that Hawk way past his prime. Hawks of a feather. Don't believe me? Look around you. Old men who drive tiny convertibles are always friends. ALWAYS. Human nature's a stinker, isn't it?
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Comments (11)
ohemgee, best recap EVAR! I had several hearty lol's.
First and foremost, I hate pineapple. Can't stand it. It's gross. A sick fruit indeed.
Second, what was up with FooFoo's Rachel haircut? Is it 1996 again? Does that mean I can bump Coolio whilst crusin' down the street? I was really hoping for an immunity revocation cuz I don't even know her damn name, therefore she's not interesting. At least I knew which one Camille was, she was the vaguely exotic pretty girl.
I liked Hung at first, I really did, but when he got all pissy for his raspberry sour cream mix up, I officially dropped out of his fan club. Yeah, sweetness and creamy do go together, if you're eating ICE CREAM. If you're drinking booze, you don't want something that'll make you vomit before you even get a buzz going.
Flipit gets a sash and a medal for awesomeness. I'm gonna go make it out of toilet paper and bottle caps right now!
1 of 11 | Posted by brendahamLincoln![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 15, 2007 7:47 PM
hilarious recap as always! Regarding your comment about the shrimp/bacon/corn combo sounding disgusting, I was at a fancy restaurant last night and that was the side dish to the grouper special. It was delicious! th sweetness of the corn works well with the salty bacon. I didn't realize until I read the recap that it had been a dish on Top Chef.
I also ordered espresso semi-freddo for dessert, thanks to Top Chef...I hadn't known what semi-freddo was until this week. Thanks, Daddy Tom!
2 of 11 | Posted by kepster![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 15, 2007 8:34 PM
hilarious recap as always! Regarding your comment about the shrimp/bacon/corn combo sounding disgusting, I was at a fancy restaurant last night and that was the side dish to the grouper special. It was delicious! th sweetness of the corn works well with the salty bacon. I didn't realize until I read the recap that it had been a dish on Top Chef.
I also ordered espresso semi-freddo for dessert, thanks to Top Chef...I hadn't known what semi-freddo was until this week. Thanks, Daddy Tom!
3 of 11 | Posted by kepster![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 15, 2007 8:35 PM
hilarious recap as always! Regarding your comment about the shrimp/bacon/corn combo sounding disgusting, I was at a fancy restaurant last night and that was the side dish to the grouper special. It was delicious! th sweetness of the corn works well with the salty bacon. I didn't realize until I read the recap that it had been a dish on Top Chef.
I also ordered espresso semi-freddo for dessert, thanks to Top Chef...I hadn't known what semi-freddo was until this week. Thanks, Daddy Tom!
4 of 11 | Posted by kepster![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 15, 2007 8:36 PM
Was I mistaken, or was that Chip (as in Reichen & Chip) from TAR sitting next to Ted Allen?
5 of 11 | Posted by Marisa![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 16, 2007 8:40 AM
ummm Kepster.... I really like your comments and am sooo happy you posted it three times!!
Flipit... I am waiting for a stand out chef... I haven't found him or her yet... seriously who are you looking at to take it all?
And Padma being with the guest judge on quick fore when alcohal is being served.. oh the irony....
and before I go I'm still looking for the Chia Tea.... when you going to 'produce' that there, my personal chef you.
6 of 11 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 16, 2007 8:53 AM
Another awesome recap flipit!
Hung is a whiny little bitch. It's like Stephen from season 1 and Marcel had a annoying asian love child. "rasberry doesn't go well with elegant food"?! Freakin jackass. And learn to respect the judges, this is twice now he's been a smart ass to the quickfire judges.
And Brian needs to start cooking with something other than seafood. Has he done any non-fish dish yet?
7 of 11 | Posted by Laurie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 16, 2007 10:50 AM
Hilarious as always, Flipit! The captions were particularly awesome :-)
Here's my theory on Hung: I think he was picked on as a kid, and he's still insecure, and he now pretends to be an asshole. Notice how hurt he gets when the judges don't heap praise on him; a real asshole wouldn't care!
Laurie (#7) I agree about Brian. I think that for this season's winner, they will pick someone with a RANGE of abilities (cough cough ILAN). I don't think Daddy Tom will let Brian get away with seafood much longer.
My picks for top three are Tre, Hung, and Lia.
8 of 11 | Posted by MissKatrina![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 16, 2007 12:56 PM
HOLLA! Thanks guys! I am sorry, kep, but I stand by my bacon and corn spit aversion. I'm glad you had a good dinner, though! I LOVE GROUPER.
And giff, I won't pick a top 3 just yet. No one seems to be front running, even though they are trying to make us believe Hung's all that.. I just don't buy it yet. I still miss Birdsong, so what do I know? I'm gonna eat some Baja Fresh now. LOVE
9 of 11 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 16, 2007 11:49 PM
I totally agree with you on Hung. Which is what he needs to be (hung, that is..) You can tell that he and Marcel are BBF. When the judges don't like his food, he says straight out that they don't know what they are talking about. Sure, they don't know what they are talking about, they are just the judges.... Whine, Whine, Whine... I hope he goes soon!!!!
10 of 11 | Posted by Featherhead![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 17, 2007 9:15 AM
Oooh - good point, MissKatrina (#8) about Hung - "a real asshole wouldn't care!"
I agree it's too early to call, but I'd wager on Hung vs. Tre in the final showdown. Hung may be an obnoxious "evil blur" (love dat, flip baby) but he *does* know how to cook.
11 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on July 17, 2007 9:41 PM