Not really sure what Bravo's doing tonight, other than making me not wanna watch their internet interview show called "Watch What Happens", but I'll make fun of the ep anyway.

First of all, the title. We get it. It's the network slogan. A. It's not a very good one and B., it's a slogan, not a title. McDonald's doesn't come out with a new burger and name it the "You Deserve a Break Today Mac". Trojan doesn't doesn't call their rubbers "Don't Spread the Herps Condoms" (although, come to think of it, they might sell more if they did), and we're Spreading Democracy in Iraq, not Blowing Up Innocent People and Instigating Civil War Between Multiple Factions of Insane Religious Freaks. Anyhoo, you get my point. Watch What Happens barely holds up as a slogan, please keep it out of my face.

If I Had To Be With My Damn Kid For 24 Hours a Day I'd Fucking Shoot Myself In the Face Day Care Facility

Second, it's a little odd to have a reunion partly starring a sliver of a cast of a season that's not finished yet. Add to that the lingering Monkey Head Shave Rape and Fat Camp Sugar Trickery Scandals from last year (there was never a Season 2 reunion) and then pick out the most boring contestants of all the seasons to sit in one room and stare at Scar flirt with Daddy Tom, and you've got one giant bowl of uncomfortable. Ok, I'm slowly getting on board. Half yay! I love an awkward room.

The show is being hosted by Andy Cohen, the VP of Production at Bravo. Andy's kinda cross eyed and twitchy, so I assumed he'd be sweet. I mean, seriously. If you're twitching and crosseyed, you should be nice to people. Is that shallow? Anyhoo, he's not nice. He's never without a shit eating grin and a head bob, even when he's calling everyone out on being complete losers. People like this are very dangerous, and I like when they are on my TV. Full on Yay!

Evil Bobblehead

Let's meet our panel! Tiffani was in the season opener Cook Off Thing, but she decided to play nice in that episode and is not surprisingly missing from the Season One panel tonight. You should have cried and told someone what to do. So sorry.

Instead, we get Harold (yawn), Lee Anne (yay yawn) and Dave (not boring, but tired. Yawn.) From Season 2, we have Ilan (ick tuxedo gross ick ARG) and Sam (oooh shaved head hot jerk) and Mikey (yay, ew and yay.) He's also wearing a tux. He looks like a drunk skeezy uncle who grabs bridesmaid's asses on the dance floor of a family wedding. And I don't mean that in a good way. Some sleazy uncles are kinda hot. Not this one. Sam must feel extra special fine tonight.

The people who have been ousted so far from Season 3 round out the Guest Panel. I am happy to report that Suicide Guy is back and alive. Glad you found the strength to pull through, little buddy! Matilda's nutcase mom is there, and so are Birdsong, Lia, and that chick who wore a bikini and had nice brows.

My guess is there's only plastic utensils on the Kraft table.

Bobblehead tells Mikey and Ilan they should be working as doormen. Oh, I get it. Cuz they're in tuxedos! Bobblehead, you sir, are a barrel of monkeys. Mikey retorts that he was going for "the driver thing". He just got his license back from the DMV. Ah, young Hollywood. Blohan has nothing on this guy. He's livin' in the fast lane!

We're also joined by the Judges (and Scar), which is pretty awesome. They're going the be taking questions from the Bravo audience, which is what the Presidential Hopefuls should be doing. That YouTube thing was for suckers. The Bravo audience will not be f ing around, I imagine. There won't be any "Senator Clinton, what makes you awesome?" questions tonight, HOPEFULLY. Come on, Bravo audience! I'm putting my faith in you! (*note from after viewing: MISTAKE)

« Recap: Mike Is A Walking Excel Spreadsheet | | Recap: Shaq's Big Challenge: And We Shall Overcome »

Posted in Top Chef by Flipit at 12:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: bdos88 on Jul 30, 2007 01:56 PM.

Comments (5)

sheloveslennon :

twice in one week i battle this evil typekey for you!

i sat through this episode drinking whiskey and PRAYING that you were going to recap it, b/c it was the only way i would feel validated in wasting an hour of my time.

great job, i laughed and laughed and then went out and drank.

1 of 5 | Posted by sheloveslennon | Posted on July 28, 2007 2:42 PM

sweetleaf :

Very Funny, I read the
whole thing.
I'm serious

2 of 5 | Posted by sweetleaf | Posted on July 28, 2007 3:01 PM

LaSexorcisto :

Birdsong's hard-on (or is it a wide-on?) for Padma was pretty obvious. And a little sad, but not as sad as her bitching about her elimination. Somebody buy this ho a portable Smokey Joe.

Ilan is still the definition of douche-nozzle. Sam is a smug jerk-off and I fail to see what's so hot about him. Mike is disgusting. He looks like he smells of Cheetos and Aquavelva mixed with bean farts.

Micah is the pits. I'm glad the other contestants and judges seem to hate her as much as I do.

3 of 5 | Posted by LaSexorcisto | Posted on July 28, 2007 3:48 PM

GIFFORDSAZ :

Thanks for the recap, you made it funy but this was a complete and questionalbe waste of time for Bravo to even fly these noids to sit on the same sound stage. Why do they do this to us followers when we least expect it.
Cheated I say we were!!!!!

4 of 5 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ | Posted on July 30, 2007 1:45 AM

bdos88 :

How could you make so many references to how hot Sam looked and not show one screencap? You're slipping Flipit. Did some guy really ask Tom about being an icon in the Bear community? That's hilarious and awesome.

5 of 5 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on July 30, 2007 1:56 PM

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