Bunny Foo Foo stands alone on the balcony of the Fountainbleau looking at the ocean and trying to recover from the misogynistic disrespect she was shown in the last challenge. She had to cook in high heels with her cleavage almost kinda showing! Like some kind of cheap whore! As she tries to get through the post traumatic stress, the boy chefs convene in the kitchen and ignore Howie because he was such a dick to Saran. He pretends he doesn't notice.

Holy connoli! My tits are getting huge!

He tells us that he doesn't give a rats ass if no one likes him. He's willing to go home if he was the one who screwed up...Like the time you didn't finish plating before the buzzer? Or the time you lumped everything together before freezing? Or the time you....damn. We'll be here all day. Point is, you've boned it on almost every single challenge, and you were not once willing to go home. Just saying. He says he's worked really fucking hard and really fucking slowly to get to this fucking point in his life and fuck fuck asshole fuck. Classy.

Sara M is depressed about Saran, or as she calls her, her little "bunda", getting the axe. According to Wikipedia, a bunda is a butt. Sara M misses her little butt. Hmmm. Me thinks there was a hidden showmance here. The editors are concentrating on the wrong things this season. Like the cooking. Anyhoo, Sara is depressed, so she deals with it like every other heart broken girl in the world. She eats a bag of Doritos.

No reason to take it out on your big bunda.

Time for the Quickfire Challege! Todays Guest Judge is Daniel Boulud, who is most famous for his Manhattan restaurant, Daniel. He's also famous because he was slapped with a discrimination suit for not ever promoting anyone but white French men in his restaurant. There was a rally staged outside Daniel in NYC with minority workers holding up signs with cockroaches on them while singing "We Shall Overcome". There's no better way to repair a damaged reputation than by shilling your book on national TV. God bless America! Well except the part that's filled with Bangladeshis and Latin Americans. I am a horrible person who believes people never change, so I'm betting here and now he chooses three white men as his favorites in this challenge.

Alleged racism aside, the contestants wet themselves like Chef Boyardee himself was standing before them. Boulud's the best chef EVER!!! Hung is the only one who keeps his calm. He bows subserviently and asks if Daniel and Scar would like a table or if they'd like to sit at the sushi bar. Arigato!

I am excited to find out what today's product placement challenge will be. So far this season we've been given dog and pony shows for Coldstone Creamery, Rocco's Frozen Dinners, Bombay Gin, the Elk's Lodge, and of course, Not Kenmore. Lee Anne has to be running out of businesses to build challenges around by now. I've been wondering when the McDonald's Happy Meal Challenge would rear it's ugly head, and it looks like we're in luck! Well, McDonald's doesn't need the press, so instead we get what looks like the Canadian version of Fuddruckers, Red Robin Burgers! Dammit! I wanted to see what kind of toy Howie would have come up with.

Kids get a free packet of Cave Man Back Wax with every meal! It's never too early to start!

Howie's psyched for this challenge because Boulud was the first Chef to make a hundred twenty dollar burger. Damn you, France, and your market inflation! What are you gonna attack next, the HoHo? Hands off my binge food, ya stinkin Nellies! Scar tells them that every Happy Meal counts today, because no one will be getting immunity. Yaaaay! That means the people with the obvious edge here (Howie) will still have a chance of getting the boot. I am gonna celebrate with a Happy Meal of my own. Or five. Hell, I won't stop til I have every Legion of Heroes Action Figure there is! BRB.

OK, I'm back. And just to let you know, the lady at the drivethru window asked me if I wanted to sub my fries for apples. No, not apple pie. Apples. I threw one of my Cokes back through the window at her and sped off. What the hell is this world coming to?

« Recap: Newport Harbor: Welcome to Newport Harbor! | | AUDITIONGASM: La Suisse »

Posted in Top Chef by Flipit at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: Donna Martin Graduates! on Aug 24, 2007 04:21 AM.

Comments (11)

barneyandmole :

Snotty Uggo is actually Madonna's brother.
The Ciccone siblings: "We keep it classy."

1 of 11 | Posted by barneyandmole | Posted on August 18, 2007 2:06 PM

criscogirl :

When Howie said that heavy food turned him on, did anyone else have flashbacks of Vincent from Project Runway??

2 of 11 | Posted by criscogirl | Posted on August 19, 2007 8:24 AM

Flipit :

barney- figures

3 of 11 | Posted by Flipit | Posted on August 19, 2007 10:23 AM

Honey Gangsta :

Hilarious recap, as always. I love how you always stop in the middle and get something to eat - it makes me crave all kinds of junk food.

I found a second definition of bunda on urbandictionary.com. Besides meaning buttocks, it can also mean the following:

Ass-raping, especially by an entire tribe against a stump.

"Death or bunda?" asked the tribesman to the helpless missionary.

Lovely nickname.

:)
-HG

4 of 11 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on August 19, 2007 2:08 PM

bdos88 :

"Kids get a free packet of Cave Man Back Wax with every meal! It's never too early to start!"

--------------
Flipit, you had me at back wax! Great recap.

Honey Gangsta, I love how specific that definition is. Any idiot can be anally raped by a tribe - but for a Bunda to be performed properly it has to take place against a stump.

5 of 11 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on August 19, 2007 8:48 PM

RachelLynn :

That cap with chilis cracked me up. Great job on the re-cap!!

6 of 11 | Posted by RachelLynn | Posted on August 20, 2007 1:44 PM

RachelLynn :

That cap with chilis cracked me up. Great job on the re-cap!!

7 of 11 | Posted by RachelLynn | Posted on August 20, 2007 1:47 PM

popo :

Hi-larious recap as usual, Flipit. Pretty much my favorite recapper on this site. Now if you can just start doing the Hills, I would be set.

I like how Judge Scar is the most snarky of the bunch now. Last season it was Gail and her loathing for BURNT RUBBERY EGGS! Now it is Zorack(scar) and fully admitting that these chefs are dogshit surprise.

Anyone else see Dung as Long Duck Dong form 16 Candles? Except in reverse. At first he was the obnoxious Duckman being an ass and stealing grandpa's auto-mo-bile. Now he is subservient Hung that mows the law so Grandpa doesn't aggravate his hyena. maybe it was just me.

8 of 11 | Posted by popo | Posted on August 20, 2007 4:23 PM

Flipit :

thanks guys!! honey, that was freaking hilarious. i will never look at sara m the same way again. bdos and rach, love, yes i was reminded of jeffrey from pr and it really made me NOT HUNGRY.

thanks for the kind words, popo, but give ting lee a chance. i think she'll surprise ya.

HEART

9 of 11 | Posted by Flipit | Posted on August 21, 2007 8:17 PM

Donna Martin Graduates! :

Flip, that was very au courant (as in up to the minute) of you to reference those youtube videos of jerks throwing sodas at fast food window jockeys. The best one is the gal who has the presence of mind to throw one back into the slow-to-depart car.

It's true -- you do not put cream in bloody risotto, nor do you cook it in vats, as you so shrewdly observed.

When on earth are they going to give Howie the boot?

That snotty ugly guy *was* a monkey. If I were him, I'd be picking my similes more carefully in future.

BTW -- Sara told Hung to calm down after he knocked a whole bowl of what looked like lovingly prepared stock all over the floor. Douche!

I didn't realise Tre's potatoes were burnt, I just thought they were overly smoked, which would have really tasted bad.

thanks for the laffs!

10 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on August 24, 2007 4:18 AM

Donna Martin Graduates! :

Flip, that was very au courant (as in up to the minute) of you to reference those youtube videos of jerks throwing sodas at fast food window jockeys. The best one is the gal who has the presence of mind to throw one back into the slow-to-depart car.

It's true -- you do not put cream in bloody risotto, nor do you cook it in vats, as you so shrewdly observed.

When on earth are they going to give Howie the boot?

That snotty ugly guy *was* a monkey. If I were him, I'd be picking my similes more carefully in future.

BTW -- Sara told Hung to calm down after he knocked a whole bowl of what looked like lovingly prepared stock all over the floor. Douche!

I didn't realise Tre's potatoes were burnt, I just thought they were overly smoked, which would have really tasted bad.

thanks for the laffs!

11 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on August 24, 2007 4:21 AM

User Name		Need to Register with our Forums section? Then click here
Password

Back to Recaps

Post a comment

102