Recap: Top Chef: Left Over Awful - 
by Flipit
"Flipit, there's a starving child in India who would kill for that pile of peas."
"Then do us all a favor and mail them to him, mother!"
I didn't want them when they were fresh, I hellaain't gonna eat 'em the next day all gussied (drowning in plastic-y cheese) up. Get those peas out of my face, woman. They are Left. Over. Ok?
This week on Top Chef, we learn that you can make truly beautiful art with food you didn't have the stomach for last night, but sometimes it's ok to just feed the unwanted filler to the dogs.
As it is Season 3's tradition, Marcel has to ring in each new episode by annoying the hell out of someone first thing in the morning. Since there's no unconscious, defenseless fat guy sleeping on the couch today, we're force fed a face to face with him.
He's really, like, all sorts of distraught and disappointed that his first win on a team (first win period, yo) was marred by the Black Betty Fat Camp Scandal of 2006. I looked up the winning three course meal from last week on bravotv.com. Frank was in charge of the pizza (that was Betty's suggestion), Betty was in charge of the cursed cookies, and that left only one dish for Marcel to be responsible for. Cut up fruit on a kabob stick. I swear to God. I wish I was one of the Chefs at the breakfast table just so I could raise a glass to Marcel and toast "That fruit stick was bold, Marcel. Congrats, buddy." Puh. Leeze.
The mood in the loft this morning is decidedly chilly.
Betty, who has obviously taken the allotted sleep hours to build back some of her resolve (go girl), insists that she didn't cheat. Her "error was a mistake". Cut to Betty with braided pig-tails using her electric toothbrush a little too intensely. This morning Betty doesn't run around giving everyone a personal kiss on the cheek and an over-enthusiastic smile, and the room suffers for it. There's a new girl in town.
Craaaaaaaaaaack...
Josie's still on her soapbox about betrayal and lack of camaraderie among the chefs. She says that the only one she trusts is Marisa. They have become very close, and prove it at the breakfast table by slurping on the same plumb. GROSS.
BFF
Today's Guest Judge is Michelle Bernstein, owner of Michy in Miami and consulting chef at both Miami and LA's Social. Michelle looks sexy and fun in her tight black denim dress and big curly 'do. Now it's Carlos' turn to fawn over a guest judge. No simple and rustic for him. Gay guys like their women difficult and post-modern, IE drama queens. Yay!
Today's Quickfire Challenge is centered around left-overs, which immediately made me hope the remaining twelve Chefs would have to go dumpster diving in downtown LA. That would be a good punishment for all of last week's bad behavior. Top Chef hasn't had a homeless challenge yet.
It was actually worse. Michelle smiled and motioned to large tables covered in animal guts. I was waiting for the guy from "Saw" to get up off the floor missing half his head to lecture the Chefs about being better people, or else. In fancy foodie talk, the left-over animal parts are called "offal", fittingly pronounced "awful". Last week douche, this week awful, I can't wait for PimplePuss: the Fine Dining Pudding Stir-off. Michelle says that she serves a lot of offal in her restaurants. Way to self-promote, Michelle.
The goal was to take this smorgasboard of fish heads, pig blood, chicken feet, and beef hearts and turn them into dishes that don't make people want to vomit.
Sam says that he's psyched about this challenge because he knows lots of different flavor profiles for these ingredients. My mind is poisoned with the image of hot diabetic Sam sitting around in his tighty whities gnawing on chicken feet. Just because you can't have candy doesn't mean you can't snack!
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