Josie tells us even though offal consists of left-over animal parts no one wants to use, it somehow manages to show up on every fine dining menu. I don't doubt that, as rich people insist on having ridiculous tastes just to show us it's not just the money that sets them apart, it's a molecular thing. When poor people eat random animal parts, they're thrown into a blender with bread crumbs, shaped into discs, and flavored with chemicals that taste like Whopper. We insist that our nasty food looks good and has a catchy name. We have pride. Driving up to McDonald's and asking for an awful sandwich doesn't make us feel like we're getting our money's worth, but asking for a Big Mac does.
rich offal / poor offal
Finally Marcel has a snotty ass assignment and some snotty ass ingredients, He went straight for the carafes of blood, and Betty went straight for the obvious Marcel looks like a vampire barb. I'd watch my smart mouth, beef cheeks. I was actually rooting for Marcel to show he's really a decent chef under that wanker exterior, but his veal sweetbread schnitzel with pork blood and kidney sauce came off like a satanic sliced corn dog with pig's blood ketchup. Michelle said she liked the crispy breading. On a protein challenge. Ouch. That's like telling a fat girl she has a pretty face.
Michael impressed me on this task, as he finally put in some effort. He made a sort of eggs-benedict dish, but instead of hollandaise, there was veal tongue sauce. Who wouldn't order that at brunch? Oooh can I have that with pickled lamb testicles instead of the hash browns? To top it off, he didn't burp or fart once. Sniffle. Our boy sure is getting big.
The Chefs did a pretty amazing job overall for this challenge. Some of the dishes were gorgeous. Frank's veal sweet bread and arugala tart with catfish head basil soup was lovely. The fish heads actually looked happy to be there. Marisa's papardelle with greek style beef cheek Bolognese sounded confusing, but was very pretty. Greek Bolognese? If it was served in a taco shell it would be just regionally confused enough for me to order it at a restaurant.
Michelle called out Josie and Elia as the worst plates. Josie knew her oxtail was like rubber so no surprise there; but when a Floridian, especially one of the aerobicsized, dirty blonde in a-tight-denim-rack -accentuating dress variety, challenges a French woman's instinct for preparing disgusting animal parts, sparks fly. Michelle remarks that the kidney tastes like kidney, which apparently is what Elia was going for. "Is zis woman out uff her mind? I cook my productz to bring ze best flavor of zem out. I don't hide zem viss a sauce!" Come on, Elia. There is no "best flavor" to bring out in left-over kidney. You're in America now. At least put a bottle of A-1 on the table.
When Michelle chooses Ilan as one of her top 3 faves, I start to feel a little guilty for making fun of Michael last week. Ilan's almond dusted sweetbread dish looks suspiciously like Michael's poopy cheeto stick, sans the cheeto. I told you a cheeto could make or break a dish! Michelle loves the flavor, and we'll just have to trust her. But come on, could it be better than Snickers and Cheetos? It's veal glands! Rich people food seriously sucks.
What a difference a Cheeto makes!
Michelle also liked Cliff's artful sweetbreads and perfectly braised oxtail, but she awarded the sweetbread and scallion beignets. Sam agreed wholeheartedly with her decision as he feels he hit the nail on the head with that one. Ah, hot, humble Sam. Sucks for Ilan though, because he often gets close to winning but doesn't. He needs to kick it up a notch, but how?
Off to Social Hollywood, where today's Elimination Challenge takes place. Padma is dressed like she just arrived from opening a briefcase on Deal or No Deal. My fears that the producers were toning down the tacky are officially quashed. Michelle, not to be outdone, has put her boobies on a shelf and is showcasing a huge turquoise neck piece that accentuates the girls, just in case you missed them the first time. What's with the boobs today? Could it be that the ladies are a bit insecure about lunching with some of the biggest boobs of our generation? That's right, Jennifer Coolige is throwing a lunch for 60 of her closest friends and the Challenge is to make her happy.
No diet food today.
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Comments (19)
Um... what?
1 of 19 | Posted by MalloryS
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Posted on November 20, 2006 1:41 PM
uhhh.. Flipit? Next time, you should just break the pill in half. Cause, see, this was under the Top Chef recap banner, and it was your notes for TAR. Sounds like it will be funny, though. 'Puters! who can figger 'em out? :-)
2 of 19 | Posted by WDWBelle
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Posted on November 20, 2006 1:44 PM
haha... looks like someone copied and pasted the wrong thing. it's like seeing behind the scenes at tvgasm with all those TAR notes.
3 of 19 | Posted by yaytv
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Posted on November 20, 2006 1:51 PM
Wow - doesn't it suck when you screw up on your first day at work?
Congrats on winning the contest, Flipit! We all look forward to reading your recaps.
But not your recap notes.
4 of 19 | Posted by dagnytaggart
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Posted on November 20, 2006 1:52 PM
ouch. Well it is monday, and your first day on the job....
5 of 19 | Posted by Laurie
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Posted on November 20, 2006 2:06 PM
I hate the single moms, especially the littler, nastier one. Couldn't they have informed the Chos at some point that they didn't want to feel obligated to team up anymore? The moms sure took advantage of the brothers up until they left them in the dust. That said, the Chos were total chumps and deserved to lose. Nice guys, but total chumps.
6 of 19 | Posted by Whore With No Name
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Posted on November 20, 2006 2:46 PM
OKay that was all MY FAULT!!! SORRY!!!
Haha, I don'ot know why it's so embarrassing to have my notes exposed to the world, but I feel like you all just saw me naked! How awkward!
7 of 19 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on November 20, 2006 2:50 PM
Great recap, once it was really posted! It's okay B-Side, we'll pretend we didn't see.
8 of 19 | Posted by yaytv
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Posted on November 20, 2006 3:28 PM
Josie doesn't just have talent. She has PASSION!!
Glad to see Marisa go - she was total dead weight.
And I love that Elia wanted to bring out the flavor of the kidney. I'm not huge on human anatomy, but don't kidneys filter WASTE from the system. Yeah, please - bring out that flavor. Yum.
9 of 19 | Posted by Barfly
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Posted on November 20, 2006 3:32 PM
LOL
Bside, I think I have a crush on you. Thanks for your support on the first recap guys. Me love this site long time and I am proud to be a part of it.
Heart,
Flipit
10 of 19 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on November 20, 2006 4:21 PM
I was going to individually point out all the comments that made me laugh, starting with "PimplePuss" (!) but by the time I got to the end the list was too long. Awesome recap.
11 of 19 | Posted by Strock9
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Posted on November 20, 2006 5:40 PM
Has anyone brought up the Marisa Churchill calendar yet? Yeah, because I love you all, I'll put the link right here.
http://marisachurchill.com/calendar.php
I particularly like the shot where she's holding the cupcake right in her crotch.
12 of 19 | Posted by sugarshane12
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Posted on November 20, 2006 5:54 PM
Marisa looks like Shelley Duvall's uglier baby sister. She should spend more time learning some recipes.
That picture of Josie is just...ugh. Too much sniveling about talent from her mediocre ass.
I thought the guest judge was a huge bitch. I think Sam is full of shit and is a bigger dick than Marcel who's supposed to be the villain. I can't wait for Mia to get the boot either.
13 of 19 | Posted by LaSexorcisto
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Posted on November 20, 2006 6:32 PM
Wow, maybe I should have voted on these. THIS is who you guys voted for. It reads like a crackhead's parody of a typical TvGasm recap. Why would you have a Top Chef recapper who knows barely anything about gourmet food and doesn't even seem to like it? At least with EdHill and Project Runway he can appreciate the clothes even if he admits to not knowing that much about them.
FoiE Gras is not that mysterious of an ingredient. It's used all the time in good cooking. Also, while I can understand being repulsed by the idea of offal, there is a very good reason that people pay through the nose for most of them: they are delicious. I admit to not being a very big fan of chicken feet, but everything else on there that I have tried has been amazing. I know I am being really pretentious, but I really cannot stand it when people make good food out to seem ridiculous because they think its gross. I guess this is why Top Chef has to include all those TGI Friday's challenges and the like.
14 of 19 | Posted by chasgoose
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Posted on November 20, 2006 11:18 PM
Great recap. I have to say that I laughed out loud many times. Congrats on winning the contest and I look forward to reading more of your recaps. This one was too funny.
I thought not knowing about foie gras (or so Flipit says) led up to the great line about choosing Sam and Cliff for the win. I don't expect our recappers to know about every single thing that happens in an episode and sometimes (as in this instance) it leads to a funny.
15 of 19 | Posted by g3
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Posted on November 21, 2006 3:43 AM
Oh, and the guest judge was ANGRY? Angry?
How about disappointed? Surprised? Annoyed? Irritated?
I'd hate to see her reaction to something that would actually make a reasonable person angry.
16 of 19 | Posted by g3
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Posted on November 21, 2006 3:49 AM
Flipit, I really liked the the recap. Don't listen to the haters.
BTW - Elia is Mexican. Sorry to nitpick, but an otherwise hilarious recap. Great start.
Oh, and since B-side said it was like seeing him naked, I'm sorry I missed the TAR notes being posted.
17 of 19 | Posted by tiffgasm
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Posted on November 21, 2006 7:43 AM
And I'm glad Marisa got sent home. For a pastry chef, she seems to have effed up most of her desserts so she spends her time trying to compensate by trashing the other chefs.
18 of 19 | Posted by tiffgasm
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Posted on November 21, 2006 7:50 AM
Love it Flipit.... CONGRATULATIONS ON THE JOB!! I am so fine with these two going home this week......as soon as they partnered up I expected two would go. Tom (whom I love on this show) did seem a little put out having to miss the party while he babysat in the kitchen, kinda like sitting at the kids table at Thanksgiving... speaking of Thanksgiving, I need a recipe for the pretzel, cream cheese, strawberry jello salad!
19 of 19 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on November 26, 2006 6:22 PM