Recap: Top Chef: Raw Arrogance Cooked the Goose - 
by Flipit
A long, long time ago, when I was a wee young Kiddie Flipit, I would refuse most days to go out and play with the neighborhood kids. I wasn't an outcast, really. I was just very, very lazy. Those kids ran around and jumped and yelled. No, thank you. I would watch them from the living room window like they were animals in a zoo.
There was this one badass kid, Rusty. Rusty would build ramps in the culdisac with plywood and bricks and fly off of them on his dirt bike. It was amazing to see the jumps this guy could make! Well, those ramps kept getting higher and higher, and Rusty would just smirk at the other kids and jump higher and higher. One day, he was dared to jump a couple of trash cans. I stood there in my living room window, peanut butter jar in hand, watching and waiting. BAM! Rusty fell face down on the street. Hard. Everyone froze. A couple minutes passed before Rusty got up again and everyone breathed. As he stumbled around, you could tell that there was something different about him. I mean besides the bloody broken face and the concussion. He had failed. He had been humbled. As I finished off the jar of peanut butter, I told myself I was smiling because I was happy Rusty was ok.
This week, Top Chef taught us that you can walk the walk all you want, but you have just as good a chance as anyone else of getting paralyzed in a car crash. Oooh, my pizza just got here!
We start off the day with Elia doing yoga and promising to be an emotionally stronger person. She's calm, she's centered. She's making us forget all about the chocolate faced "give them a shot of veeenager" from last week and instead using her Thanksgiving win to center her soul. Go girl. It almost gave me the self-confidence to turn off my TV and get a job and a spouse and a life, but I was instantly depressed again when they cut to Frank sitting around in his boxers. He reminds us that he's been in the top for the past few challenges, and for the past several years, he's been "the best at my field". Put on a shirt, I'm trying to binge, here.
Hungry?
Guest Judge Raphael Lunetta (Food and Wine Magazine's Best New Chef and owner of Giraffe in LA) and Padma greet the Chefs at the Farmer's Market. Padma's wearing a bright pink halter and a jingle jangle belt. She's like Latin Grammy Barbie with an added Lara Croft scar on her right arm to remind us that not only is she BEAUTIFUL, she can kick our asses. I bow down, Lakshmi. Today's Quickfire Challenge is to buy fresh ingredients from the Market and prepare a great dish without cooking anything. I was immediately turned off by this because Farmer's Market + no fire = salad, and I was holding a cream cheese wrapper in my hand. It hurt my feelings.
The Chefs seem to think that every challenge is very, very difficult, and their solution is to start running around like a bunch of aimless maniacs. This whole "running into a challenge" thing is a reality show staple Top Chef should avoid at all costs. In reality, these contestants don't run. Except for Sam. PSILUVU.
If Elton John and Clay Aiken could make babies.
Most of the Chefs are feeling more inspired once they get their hands on the food. Mia says raw corn on the cob is something everyone should have the pleasure of eating at least once in their lives. If only there was a stalk in this damned trash can...Michael doesn't ever get inspired, and today is no different. Completely bummed, he stares at the camera and shrugs. "I don't eat raw food. So like, what am I gonna do, you know?" He finds salmon jerky and watermelon, but he feels it isn't a confusing enough choice, so he grabs a yellow bell pepper on the way out. Oy.
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