The reunion opens with the host wearing the standard shit-eating grin all these Bravo hosts wear, welcoming us and introducing the judges. Gail's channelling Violet Beauregarde by sporting a blueberry muumuu for the event, while Daddy Tom has opted for a vest that makes him look like a shoe cobbler. Scar and Ted Allen thankfully do not look like they got dressed in the dark.

After briefly explaining that Richard will be chatting via satellite because Momma Blais is about to pop out Baby Blais any moment, Shit-Grinner asks Yoda what it felt like to win Top Chef. She thought it was swell, which is both shocking and fascinating at the same time. Shit-Grinner then asks the judges what they thought about Richard's "I choked" speech at the final Judges' Table. Gail says she was shocked Richard would admit it, but DT and Ted disagree, saying it was very consistent with Richard's truthful personality. Well, truthful unless he's being asked who cleaned the fish.

Turning to Fleasa -- still rocking the Pat haircut -- Shit-Grinner wants to know if she really thought she could have won. She says she did think she had a good shot since she was very pleased with her final performance, but if she had to lose to anyone, she's glad it was Yoda. So am I. If someone like Dale had won, she would have castrated him right there. Hmm, on second thought then, I wish she had lost to Evangelass. His winning would have been worth it.

DT asks Yoda if she'd rather be known as the first female Top Chef or merely the winner of season 4 of Top Chef. She goes with winner of season 4, because she doesn't want people to think she won simply by having a vag, and she doesn't identify herself as a female chef -- just a chef. Shit-Grinner then wants to know how Yoda's going to use her prize money.

"Adding on to my "Star Wars" collection, of course!"

Yoda's first purchase.

Viewer question: does any have any regrets? Dale jumps in and says he wouldn't have made the butterscotch scallops dish, which prompts Scar to come out of her stoned stupor and quip "Yeah, we regret that too..." Wow, Scar made a funny! Okay, now back to contemplating whether Steve Wozniak is too gross for even her to bang. Beasty admits regretting using the word "phallic" on national television, although she should be regretting sharing a hairstyle with Richard even more.

The chat about regrets leads to our first silly montage -- this one of bromances. First up is the infamous bubble bath scene with Evangelass and Mutton, which reminds me how much better Mutton looked with longer hair. We still don't get a clear explanation for that event though. Next is the never-before-seen Dale/Richard bromance. Basically, Dale is complaining how Twitch was watching him rub lotion on his nipples. Okay, that raises some questions. A) Is Twitch a masochist? Why on earth would you watch that? It's like looking directly at the sun -- that shit will burn your corneas. Oh, and B) Who rubs lotion on their nipples? Does that mean they are dry? Why are they dry? Instead of being alarmed and confused by this news like me, Richard takes it in stride, saying "You have gorgeous nipples. I mean, what's wrong with admiring something so beautiful?" Okay, maybe they're dry from Richard sucking on them.

"YEAH bitches, you like that? Daddy give you lots more!"

The third bromance is Twitch and Evangelass, who was spreading his diseases around a bit. This is from the episode they were calling themselves "Vanilla Love" but I still prefer "Douche Twins." Oh man, and there's some new footage of them doing bad white-boy rapping. This should have been permanently left on the cutting room floor. However, we do get another quotable gem from Twitch, he of culinary boners, when he says, "I'm not gay, but I'd probably let him bang me!" Between that comment and the eyeing of Dale's areolae, I'm thinking Twitch needs to do some reevaluating.

FYI: Mutton found some poor chick who's a sucker for accents and got his green card by marrying the girl three weeks ago. Hope your dinner guests don't mind their food with a side of saliva.

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Posted in Top Chef by LoLo at 4:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: mynameisjenn on Jun 25, 2008 04:51 PM.