This is it guys -- the Top Chef finale! Who will win it all? Will it be quietly arrogant Richard, lover of puns, fauxhawks and molecular gastronomy? Will it be fan favorite Yoda, who has overcome her often-horriffic Quick Fire showings with class, poise and the most Elimination Challenge high finishes? Or will it be conspiracy theorist Fleasa, hater of showers, soap and pleasant facial expressions? You all know who I'm rooting for, so without further ado, onto the recap!
If she wins, maybe Yoda can use the money to buy better-fitting pants.
We open this finale still in Puerto Rico with the three finalists sitting down to enjoy a meal and discuss how excited they are to be in the finals. You can practically hear the producer off camera urging them to talk about this, for they're barely able to muster up the same level of excitement I display when my gyno calls me to schedule my yearly check-up. In truth, everyone just seems really exhausted and ready to get this over with.
As they sit there and stare awkwardly at each other, Yoda gives us the vagina monologues again, and Richard tells he needs to win for his wife and their baby on the way. I'm glad now that Antonia's gone, he's stepping into her IT'S FOR MY PRECIOUS CHILD shoes. Fantastic. Like everyone who watches this show, Richard can't get over the fact that Fleasa's still in the competition and doesn't think she deserves to win. As long as both you and Yoda don't choke, she won't, so keep your shit together Blais. Fleasa tells us she realizes that Richard and Yoda are coming into the finale with a lot more EC wins under their belts, but the only thing that matters is who wins the last challenge. That is true, but her patented second-to-last strategy still means someone else is taking the crown. Thank god.
With the obligatory final meal finished, the chefs head to meet Scar and Daddy Tom at their final challenge. The final challenge sticks to its simple roots by demanding the chefs each create a traditional four course (fish-poultry-red meat-dessert) tasting menu. Haha, dessert as the final challenge -- love it. Squirm, bitches. Yoda is understandably nervous, saying dessert isn't her forte, while Fleasa complains that she doesn't have any cake recipes memorized and she doesn't even like cake. Who the hell said you had to make cake? Someone get this woman a Q-tip -- I think the earwax buildup has reached epic proportions again.
"I have to make cake?! This is fucking sabotage!"
There's another catch besides the dessert surprise. Like last year, each chef will be paired with an established and successful sous-chef. To choose from are April Bloomfield (chef/co-owner of The Spotted Pig), Dan Barber (chef/co-owner of Blue Hill), and Eric Ripert (chef/co-owner of Le Bernardin). However, each sous-chef has a different array of proteins. Orangesicle Eric has hibachi, snapper, clams, sea urchins, lobster, lamb, quail, bacon and caviar (I think, the French accent's a bit thick and I can't stop staring at his face in amused horror). Male pattern baldness victim Dan has FRESH scallops, squid, abalone, guinea hen, venison loin, pork belly, duck, foie gras, and cured ham. Finally, April's chin has chicken, large shrimp, jumbo lump crab meat, some kind of steak, and oysters (another damn accent, this time British).
Scar announces the plan was for the chef with the most EC wins to pick first, but as Yoda and Richard shoot each other looks and begin counting on their fingers, Scar confirms that they are tied at four a piece. So instead they're going to draw knives to determine first and second pick, with Fleasa automatically getting stuck with what's left. Richard makes Yoda pull first, and then hilariously gulps gigantically when Yoda pulls the knife marked 1 and gets first choice. She takes Orangesicle, Richard chooses Moulting Dan as his sous-chef (seriously dude, I have not seen someone so in denial over their balding in a long time. I don't care if you have a crater on the back of your skull. Shave you head), which leaves Fleasa with The Chin. Not that Fleasa minds. She thinks it's awesome to work with another woman. She says it's because of "girl power." I say it's because of "lesbianism." As for the details, the dinner will be black-tie only with nine diners. The chefs will have three hours to prepare today and four hours tomorrow before service begins. They'll be serving head-to-head.
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Comments (10)
Great recap LoLo!! The one about the pre-nup was priceless!! I taped the episode and watched it this morning and I was getting really nervous that Lisa would win. Whew, go Yoda!! Richard obviously did choke and I am surprised he was man enough to admit it, when they were sitting around waiting on the judges and Lisa piped up telling Yoda she thought she took second and fourth and Yoda took first and third, there's poor Richard hanging his head. Now if someone did that to Lisa she would have had a meltdown!! Look how she acted when they didn't "congratulate" her for not getting kicked off. I would have been so mad if Lisa would have won!! I wouldn't say that I would stop watching the show, because I love it!! Can't wait for next season!!
1 of 10 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on June 12, 2008 4:34 AM
"Fleasa tells us her menu is going to reflect her personality, and begins listing off adjectives. Big (fine), bold (sure), spicy (okay), sweet (hahahahahaha omg can't breathe), salty (definitely), and sour (ding ding ding we have a winner)." LMAO oh lolo, i'm seriously going to miss these recaps, no lie. hahaha and those picture captions--smiling this hard makes my eye wonky, i'm going to get so much ass now--oh man. dying.
i totally agree with you about fleasa--completely insensitive to blatantly point out that richard never had a winning dish. does she realize what comes out of her mouth, or is she mainly on autopilot? and her reaction to steph's win--hahaha to quote my friend, "god, you could congratulate her or something, it's like you think the wrong person won!"
SO HAPPY STEPH WON. if fleasa had won, i seriously might have had to stop watching that show. you know. until next season. felt really bad for blais, but he pulled a casey. he got all wound up and unfocused and choked. thank god for steph's constant ability to remain calm under pressure. i think that's why she was always a frontrunner and that's why she won it. you can't pull good dishes out of your ass on the last challenge and win top chef. and agree about the main course winning it for her. they said that it came down to the meal they would like to eat again, and no matter how many gallons of soup gail could consume, you're going to go to the place where you had the incredible entree, not the appetizer or dessert.
i also agree with you about blais's witicisms. enough already. i'm interested to see the menu at his restaurant. i wonder if he's added banana scallops. (too true--very lame to be making those for the THIRD TIME. that really should have been an issue.)
all in all--blais won the car, and steph won the whole kit 'n caboodle, and fleasa sucks...well...probably not balls but she sucks something pretty hard. awesome recaps, hope to see you back next season lolo.
2 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on June 12, 2008 6:58 AM
Well done Lola! This is my first time posting and I wanted to say I really enjoyed your posts (Thanks for getting today's out so quickly!).
I am so excited Stephanie won!!! She deserved it and I knew from the beginning of the season a woman would win b/c Bravo is pretty PC like that. I almost threatened to stop watching if Fleasa won, but honestly who really wins in that situation???
Finally - I HAVE to add this because it's been mentioned so many times. Butterscotch scallops are actually delicious. Daddy Tom has them on his menu at CraftBar (actually Caramel Scallops with apples). They are the best thing I have ever eaten in my life, honestly. So it may sound disgusting, but Tom did rip it off from Dale since this is a recent addition to his menu (he changes it every day/season).
Looking forward to next season!
3 of 10 | Posted by nycid | Posted on June 12, 2008 8:07 AM
Well, its over - Congrats Chef Stef!
I feel like Fleasa had "Sarah Hughes" syndrome - like the Olympic figure skater that figured she was going to loose anyway, she went out there with no pressure and not a care in the world and ended up winning (or almost winning in Fleasa's case)
So one of my coworkers came over to chat with me this morning about the finale and I accidentally called Collichio, "Daddy Tom" she looked at me like I'd totally lost my mind, good times :)
Before I say Bon Voyage for this season, I would like to honor my top 5 favorite LoLo quotes (promise I'm not crazy, just bored at work)
1. "Oh, Dale, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure it's at least 3 inches."
2. "Ted Allen is very excited about the concept of sausages, and Richard agrees that his favorite kind of party is a sausage fest."
3. "Nikki's worried that she won't do very well because she has poor knife skills. Honey, the lack of knife skills have nothing to do with you sucking giant donkey balls week after week."
4. "How is that in any way being a top chef? That's not even top lunch lady."
5. "Dear Charlotte: Thanks for nothing, you stupid bitch. Love, Wilbur."
Till next season!
4 of 10 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on June 12, 2008 12:43 PM
Thanks so much for the speedy recap and many guffaws!!! Blais boned it bad, and I just can't understand, with 6 months leading into this finale, why he would not have ace's up his sleeve--to use his "toys" to freeze ice cream is beyond lame, and they should have thrown his banana scallops back in his face--Lame, on top of pork belly again, even lamer . . . UGH!!! I knew Fleasa was the one who actually prepared for this, and Yoda's probably just that good! She's seems able to change on the fly and still be innovative and creative!!! Go Yoda--the force is with you!!! and she'll likely be fan fave--agreed?
Anyway, tootles till next time!
5 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 12, 2008 2:39 PM
I thought Lisa had a good chance to win and I wouldn't have minded it too much because the recap would have been extra-awesome!
Well Blais, it looks like nobody was blinded by science. And as a homage to last weeks douchy comment; Congratulations, you won the fucking bronze medal, you happy now?
Next weeks reunion ought to be interesting; I'm hoping that Lisa lays somebody out.
6 of 10 | Posted by snorwich | Posted on June 12, 2008 6:54 PM
In response to snorwich, why the hell would Lisa need to lay somebody out? When you are a huge bitch and have a major attitude to anyone in your path, people are going to treat you poorly. It's how the real world works. She has no business "laying somebody out" since she's the one who instigated all the hate aimed towards her.
When the past chefs came back to help them she was so nervous since none of them liked her- that should tell you something when everyone hates your guts and only four percent of the viewers care to see you win.
I never understand people who go out of their way to be miserable bitches in life. It's too short, enjoy and smile!
7 of 10 | Posted by serjen | Posted on June 13, 2008 4:40 AM
Great recaps this season!
I did want to mention that the Judges Table actually LOVED the bacon ice cream. I know you ripped on it several times throughout the recap, so when you said nothing new came when the judges were talking, that was definitely something new. It doesn't sound like something I would like, but they all LOVED it. Granted the banana scallops were done multiple times and I don't know how much I would like bacon ice cream alone let alone with bananas...but...the judges seemed to enjoy it.
I'm going to miss this show!
8 of 10 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on June 13, 2008 7:41 AM
Great recap, yet again, LoLo. I am glad Yoda won (I can't even remember why we call her that...) bc she *was* always so calm, poised and creative.
Why oh why would you admit your faults BEFORE the judges had made their final decision, Blaise, ya big dag? They might have been teetering on the edge! So unwise. And banana fucking scallops again? They're not that great. They're a thick piece of banana that has been caramelised and drizzled with something. I mean, how spesh could they possibly be??!!
Lolo - please pretty please will you recap Tiny Tots (teen) Top Chef?!
9 of 10 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on June 14, 2008 10:25 PM
great recaps.
Fleasa made me more uncomfortable than usual with her "confidence". And her bravado over how you have to prepare food calmly and with love or something like that because people don't want food from a freaked out chef..(paraphrasing...)
Um..has she EVER worked in a restaurant kitchen? Making food is a performance, and no doubt you'll battle with stage fright in order to produce something worthwhile, especially in competition. She should be talking about HELL'S KITCHEN.
What also bugged me was Gail's comment about Yoda's dessert. "Sucked"?? really?..the guest chefs thought it was okay ad not special. Sucked would imply inedible. and this is what, and editor of food and wine magazine?? She's such a declassé bitch. More raw chicken for her!
And Ted! Uggggghh! I CAN'T STAND him either. He's useless.
10 of 10 | Posted by dredge | Posted on June 18, 2008 1:34 PM