Beaker listened. Back at the kitchen, she says "I'm just putting squab and peas on a plate." LOL. That's what he asked for, that's what he's getting. Leah? Like really likes like eggs cuz she'll like eat eggs all day long? So she's gonna prove herself with her like eggs cuz she sucked ass in the last challenge? That's almost a direct quote. Community.
Stefan says there's no way he can f up a salmon fillet, which worries me. That's always when people fall. Hosea decides to add a butter sauce to the shrimp because it's non traditional. He's not sure whether they're supposed to put their own spins on their dishes or not because Scar didn't say. My guess is at this point, the judges need to make sure that some of these yokels can at least cook a piece of meat. You can hardly blame them with the way a lot of this season has gone so far. Will the judges think Hosea's melted butter is brilliant, or just melted butter? Either way, wow. Way to think outside the box, Hosea. Melted butter. Staggering. Meanwhile, Leah's wasting time taking care of personal business.
Now's not the time to clean your diaphragm, skank.
Then, we don't see how, Fabio breaks his pinky finger. Ouch. The medic asks him if he wants to go to the hospital and he says no way, he'll cut it off first and sear the stump so it won't bleed tomorrow. HAHAH.
D.) Dominos
And why isn't Stefan on this list?
I predict this is how Fabio will compensate for his injury.
Beaker and the guides try to pump Fabio up by yelling that he can do it and calling him Rocky, but Fabio thinks they're referring to the squirrel on the Bullwinkle cartoons and just gets down on himself. He tries to peel his potatoes and veggies but can't hold onto anything, so he makes fingerless rubber Madonna gloves and yells "Madonna!" I thought only gay guys begged for help from her. He says "I get so many keek een my assa dat I go to da bathroom and steel pool chooz oudda my assa." LOL.
Beaker sees that Stefan is messing around with his recipe to give his chef spinach two ways and she doesn't approve. Why would you ask someone what they wanted to eat before they die and then bring them something else? Because you can't always get what you want and that's life. See ya in hell sucka. Fabio tells us that he wouldn't want his last meal cooked by a reality show contestant, he would want his last meal cooked by his grandma. You know, the one who used to force him into line cook child labor when he misbehaved. She only made you whip butter because she loved you. Poor Fabio. Just talking about grandma "geeve me goosebumble."
Daddy Tom comes into the kitchen wearing a suit! Well howdy, Daddy! He doesn't bother giving any advice. Instead, he just says "don't embarrass me." The judges sit with the guest judges. And yes they're old. I only mention that to explain the three inches of vaseline on the lens. It's like the RuPaul show.
Vaseline: The Great Equalizer
Tom tells us that the chefs have a chance to make these dishes "special" and elevate them to the next level. I think that means he wants them to change stuff up, but he will flip flop until the very end, you know he will.
Leah's eggs benedict is out first. She served a plain jane salad on the side just because there is so much fat in the main dish. What chef cares about fat? No good one, that's for damn sure. Sho nuff, Lipnicki says that he wouldn't bother with a salad on his last meal and adds that the egg whites are too watery but the bacon is good. Pepin says something in a really thick accent and I can't tell for the life of me what it is. He does wipe his mouth a lot, which I wish he would teach people who eat at Luby's how to do. Cuz old people with food running down their chins is gross. Toby says he likes his egg whites runny, and Lipnicki shakes his head, disappointedly. "Did you know that in 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined?" Toby makes angry man baby face and ignores him, saying that overall Leah's dish was decent. He is completely out of fake witticisms, and I am forever grateful.
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Comments (18)
I love you Flip, you make me laugh until I cry so I tell you this with love ... look up squab in the dictionary.
1 of 18 | Posted by Quean CeCe | Posted on February 13, 2009 6:58 AM
I lost count of the times I laughed out loud while reading this recap. Thank you for noting the dewy, soft lens they used, especially for octogenarian Pepin. I thought something was wrong with my TV.
Soooo glad the Stalker is gone. Seriously the editors hate her too. Did you see her ask some dude at Whole Foods where the butter and eggs were? Haven't they shopped there quite a bit already? Even if not, could she really not figure this out herself? Hate! She's given some post-booting bitter interviews saying she hates Toby (yay!), her boyfriend dumped her for kissing Hosea (yay!), she had never put a plate together from start to finish before the show (no kidding!), and she doesn't regret kissing Hosea (yuck!)
Btw, Fabio said he was like "a flash, zip, zip, zip" not Fletch.
2 of 18 | Posted by real_atlanta_girl | Posted on February 13, 2009 7:19 AM
Well done as usual, Flipit! While watching this epi, I was thinking of you - there was some great fodder this week.
But what I totally did not see coming was your screencap about PS Leah's "eye view" of HOSEa'a bald head. OMG, hilarity ensued when I read that.
Was it just me, or did PS Leah look HAPPY to be cut loose? Honestly, she looked like she won instead of being told to pack her knives. Good riddance to the pouts, baby talk, stalking and poor cooking skills.
I was nervous for Beak when Juanita and Ronda were reading Dr. Seuss - thought that might backfire on our girl, but she pulled it off. Great job, and loved her "See ya!" tortise impersonation.
I found Fabio charming early on, then he began to grate on me a bit - but he was a total class act in this epi. He even hid his broken finger while serving dinner and at Judges Table - as if to not emphasize his injury so he could be judged on his food alone. You know that HOSEa would have had his arm in a sling and blame everything on his injury. LOVED his saying "clever" for cleaver when he was "cut ting up da cheeken widda clever like Chason." And the new shirt will have to be "It's Top Chef, not Top Pussy" - classic!
I'm totally over Toby (sorry Juddfan :-)) and it appears that our Tom-Tom is too. He makes sourpuss faces whenever Toby monologues.
It was good to see Stephan get a little humble pie - there is such a thing as overconfidence. Hoping for a Stephan, Carla, Fabio F3!
THANKS Flip for the morning laugh!!!
3 of 18 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on February 13, 2009 8:08 AM
I thought the lady's name was Susan UNGARO, not LINGARO... but whatevs, since she doesn't matter in the long run.
I'm so glad that Beaker and Fabio have survived, and I hope that Hosea is gone next week. He doesn't really do anything well, other than Leah, and he doesn't deserve to be in the finals.
My ranking for final 4:
4th- Hosea
3rd- Fabio
2nd- Carla
1st- Stefan
I think that any of the chefs have to cook at their absolute best to beat Stefan at this point, which is not going to happen, especially with what looks like sabotage in the next episode with the usual Top Chef "who turned the burners down?" mystery.
Flipit, another great recap and I love you so much! Thanks so much for being my Facebook friend! I feel like I know a celebrity!
4 of 18 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on February 13, 2009 8:14 AM
Two things I am dumbfounded by after this episode:
1. Carla was a model?
2. Green eggs and ham wins over Stefan's dish?
This Lipinski guy is into molecular gastro cooking and Stefans to me was the closest to that type of cooking, but suddenly he is into simplicity?
BTW, Lipinski, was that a Chiapet under your shirt? He had chest hair creeping up his neck like ivy on the side of a building. A little man-scaping before going on national TV next time please.
I'd like to thank Scar for the highbeams and the judges for eliminating Leah. Still a little perplexed that Leah was eliminated when every judge disliked Stefan's dish but there were a few that didn't mind Leah's runny eggs. At this point I think the judges know who they want in the finals (and Leah wasn't one of them).
In next week's preview, did they show people in New Orleans yelling "HOOTIE HOO"? Can't wait.
Great recap as always.
5 of 18 | Posted by philo | Posted on February 13, 2009 8:53 AM
1. Squab is young pigeon not duck. :p
2. I could picture Beaker as a model. She has beautiful bone structure and is pretty when she isn't making faces.
3. When Fabio said the whole Top Pussy thing I immediately thought of you, Flip. Wait... that sounded wrong. I mean that I thought about how you must have loved that. This season is filled with material for these recaps.
4. There was a shot of the "last supper" table and Toby was seated on the end. In several renaissance images, Judas is sat apart from the others (on the end or on the other side of the table), maybe Toby is the Judas of this last supper? Or maybe they sat him on the end because then only one person would be stuck sitting beside his lame ass?
Awesome recap, as always!!
6 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on February 13, 2009 9:33 AM
Flipit, I just have to say that your Top Chef recaps make me laugh out loud more than just about anything else on the internet! Just when I think it couldn't get any better, you give me this:
"She tells us the tortoise story again, but Juanita gets bored and breaks into Josh Grobin's "You Lift Me Up."
7 of 18 | Posted by User Name | Posted on February 13, 2009 10:32 AM
LOL - I thought Fabio said "flesh" so I thought he meant streaking.
8 of 18 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on February 13, 2009 12:02 PM
Snootchy Bootches: I though the same thing about Carla before Flipit said anything about. I was noticing how tall and thin she is and that in a unique, quarky way that she is very beautiful.
I hope that it is Stefan and Carla in the final two. I am shocked at the selection of chefs for this season. Most of them could not cook their way out of a paper bag. I think that Stefan is the only chef that could have competed with chefs from the other seasons. Ummm?
Fabulous recap Flipit. I keep laughing at the Big Mac line. Nice!
9 of 18 | Posted by areyoucliff | Posted on February 13, 2009 12:26 PM
guys thanks so much for reading and commenting. and i am mortified about calling squab duck. i know it's pigeon! we serve it at the restaurant i work at! so lame. that's what i get for writing these in the middle of the night. haha. HOOTIE HOO!!!
10 of 18 | Posted by flipit | Posted on February 13, 2009 2:09 PM
"I'll bet she was passed around that first kitchen like a cold." I almost spit my wine all over my computer screen when I read that. You know it's gotta be true.
11 of 18 | Posted by lajane | Posted on February 13, 2009 3:05 PM
Flipit, I'm to the point where I can't tell if I read your recaps because I watch Top Chef, or if I watch Top Chef so that I can read your recaps.
"We done here? Cuz I got a chop on the grill." Why is that making me LOL every time I see it?
HOOTIE HOO!
12 of 18 | Posted by LoraGW | Posted on February 14, 2009 7:02 AM
I think Carla is definitely "sexy-ugly" like Angelica Huston. She's what Tyra would call "exotic" (read "ugly"). Loves her though and the show wouldn't be the same without her. It must be her Tom was talking about when he said we'd be suprised who ended up in the finals.
I'm an unapologetic member of team Stefan and if he doesn't win something is very wrong in reality tv world. As far as Hosea goes... dude, get over yourself. You suck and I can't deal with it anymore.
Yeah New Orleans! Can't wait for the finals in one of my favorite places on earth. I could die happy surrounded by food in New Orleans. Loves ya Flipit!
13 of 18 | Posted by BugMom22 | Posted on February 14, 2009 11:00 AM
Pigeon, duck, who gives a ...
This recap made me laugh out loud. I heart Carla and hope she wins. And I really heart Flipit. Best recapper ever.
14 of 18 | Posted by Liberal Wag | Posted on February 15, 2009 3:39 PM
The whole time Hosea was cooking the quick fire I was wondering if sweat was dripping into the food. Totally grossed me out.
Daddy Tom was sure rockin that suit.
And please say that Toby won't be back next year. He tries to be funny(I think) but comes across as an evil mean spirited little troll with a boulder on his shoulder.
I'm rooting for Carla for the win but it probably will be a$$ hole Stefan.
Hope she wins fan favorite.
Funny recap as usual.
15 of 18 | Posted by skies | Posted on February 15, 2009 10:13 PM
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The picture of Beaker holding her hands "this far" apart and looking excited and amazed was BEE-YOO-TEE-FUL! Ditto the one of Carla in a burka!
Boy, I guess I never noticed what. a. fucking. SCHNOZ. Hose(a) has! Combine that with his snaggle-teeth and his schlubbiness and the only word that comes to mind is "Hawt." And "Pukeyvomit." And "Heandleahdeserveeachothersotheycanbetheasshatcouple."
Awesome job, Flipit, you knocked it out of the park... AGAIN!
love, J-Mo :)
16 of 18 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:17 AM
SPOILER ALERT! (sort of)
I am watching the final part 1 and I don't care who wins this quickfire - this is not fair!
17 of 18 | Posted by Y3KPhenom | Posted on February 18, 2009 7:18 PM
Flipit, I love you, will you marry me? LOL.. this was one of the funniest recaps ever.....
18 of 18 | Posted by tracyintpa | Posted on February 25, 2009 10:15 PM