It's finally that time! This season, we've had weeks off, a filler episode starring Ilan (still haven't forgiven you, Bravo) and an unfulfilled double elimination. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted!
This week, Top Chef taught us you should never let a caveman touch your food, being really high changes everything, and a grandfather who escaped Vietnam trumps a boring old French grandmother any day.
Game on!!
Baldhawk wakes up on the morning of the final challenge and immediately walks to the mirror to practice all the handsome hot studly guy faces he'll make when he actually wins this thing and runs into his ex boyfriend at the cowboy bar back home in Chicago.
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Bunny Foo Foo, less worried about looking cute than throwing up, takes a long hard look at herself in the mirror and asks "What Would Rachel Do?" Meanwhile in another bathroom at the hotel of busy patterns, a shirtless, hairless and decidedly not nervous Dung entertains himself with a "Hello My Name is Chubby" joke.
Hi. My name is Chubby. My Mama's chubby, my Papa's chubby, and I'm Chubby.
When they convene for breakfast, there's a note that instructs them to go to the top of the mountain for their next challenge. I hope they don't have to hike, cuz you know Baldhawk's wearing shorts. He could get a tick and die of Lyme's Disease right before our very eyes. No worries, they get to take a ski lift! Troll Patch tries to go with them, and when their car gets too heavy halfway up the mounain, they push him off and watch him kick and scream to his fate.
Wait. Wasn't that the Best Chef Ever Invented?
The three survivors reach the top of the mountain to find Daddy Tom and Scar waiting for them. The challenge is simple: cook the best meal they've ever cooked, come up with a heartwarming story to herd the American sheep, and don't give anyone food poisoning. This year they will be cooking at the same time and serving at the same time. When Dung hears "head to head", he drops on his back and touches his ears with his ankles. Daddy Tom hands him five dolla while Scar tells the Chefs they will have thirty five minutes to plan their menus using the fresh produce and proteins on the table plus any of the ingredients they were allowed to bring from home. I've got twenty bucks that says Baldhawk brought a box of Bisquick.
Hung is thrilled. No cowboys, no seniors on a diet, no fast food chains to please. He's going to finally cook what he WANTS to cook! Let me guess. Vietnamese. He's going to start with hamachi and move onto duck. The Chefs are supposed to show off their flavors in this challenge, but it's a little typical, no? Foo Foo ups the bland hack ante by deciding to start with fois gras. Throw in a wedge salad and a cosmo and call it a tired culinary day, Foo. Come on, lady! I'm counting on you. She will be moving from the fois to giant prawns and then to pork belly, which sounds kind of nasty, but I guess it depends on what the pork ate before it died. Hopefully for her it ate duck liver and she'll be deemed brilliant.
All three chefs realize that they chose prawns, and Baldhawk is the only one to bow out, choosing to go with lobster instead. Let Dung and Foo fight it out. One of them will have to suck more than the other, and that's been BH's winning strategy so far. Oh wait. I spoke too soon. He goes with lobster on top of gnocci for his second course, lamb for his third, and dun dun duhn! Foi Gras for his first. Head to head it is. Take him down, Foo!
14 Across: scalpy watcher.
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Comments (13)
How unsurprised would you be to know that I looooove Rocco? I'd totaly lay down & put my ankles to my ears for him. Five dolla, two dollar, no dolla - don't care!
Glad you didn't commit hari kari when the Hung Train of Awesomeness rolled over the rest of the competition!! The knowledge that you had to write this recap made the victory that much sweeter!!
Yaaaay Hung!!!!
1 of 13 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on October 7, 2007 8:05 AM
flipti! i love reading your recaps. great job. I'm a little sad you missed it when Scar said, "well, hung...." I laughed so hard when I heard her say that. with that said, I'm thrilled that Hung won! I'd love to eat at his restaurant. btw, asian seafood isn't known to have citrus in it. so don't see what they were yammering bout.
2 of 13 | Posted by lolafan | Posted on October 7, 2007 10:54 AM
Flipit you sick son of a bitch you!
MONKEY PORN!!!!
OMG I laughed so hard I gave myself a freakin headache!
I love you, you crazy man!
Can I come live with you? I cook and I can tell people how to clean!
3 of 13 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on October 7, 2007 12:34 PM
Baldhawk's self portrait was priceless! Thanks for all the Top Chef fun,
Flipit. YOU made the show so much better!
4 of 13 | Posted by Jellybean49 | Posted on October 7, 2007 3:43 PM
Oh, man -- love you, Flip it? Where to start? Do I chastise you for the beef curtains reference/visual? LOL at you for the requirements for a proper fag hag? Or confess that I didn't immediately get "scalpy watcher", 14 across? (LOL & Duhhhhh.)
Let's just say, great recap, great season, and I don't have any problem with Hung winning -- because, well, he's not Ilan.
5 of 13 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on October 7, 2007 6:08 PM
Actually Baldhawk called Todd English his "prep bitch", but I doubt anybody cares at this stage.
HUNG ROOLS!
6 of 13 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 8, 2007 2:35 PM
Oh, and I had to look up 'french gnocchi'
It is not made with flour and potatoes, but with a choux pastry dough (flour, butter and egg) that is piped into tiny pieces then boiled, and then usually baked in sauce.
So it is an especially light version of this Italian classic.
7 of 13 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 8, 2007 2:57 PM
Thanks again my favorite flipit man!!!! Don't you think we should all go over Donna Martin's for some home cooked meals!!! OR maybe DM, you should apply for next season . . . I'm very impressed with yours and Flipit's culinary knowledge!
Loved the pig in the wood chipper, and that's some serious disdain posting some monkey love . . . liked the sound track though--hopefully Amy Wino will pull it together and give us more music!
HEART and Can't wait for Project Runnway!!!!
8 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 8, 2007 5:58 PM
Thanks for making TP entertaing yet again, flipit. Was it just me or the live feed results kind of. . .sucked. Sure it was cool to see Marcel there, but I would have rather him been a picture-in-picture where he found teh results the results out the first time. In any case it sucks Hung one, I was going for Foo but she fumbled her pork belly right on the goal line. Now ung can get the full prcedure with $100 grand, and maybe have enough leftover to buy Marcel a spit foam machine for his Cpt. Crunch in the morning.
9 of 13 | Posted by mattypopo | Posted on October 9, 2007 11:37 AM
Hey, juddfan, thanks very much for the vote of confidence.
But some of those challenges really put the chefs behind the eightball, you know what I mean? They were so difficult they were almost impossible.
Too stressful!
10 of 13 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 9, 2007 11:52 AM
Well . . . we wouldn't pressure you! and with us in attendance, crushed fritos could go a long way!!!! I do see what you mean about the challenges . . . the worst part is how little time they give them, but as a contestant, I would do cue cards to myself for as many things I could do with "pork belly" for example . . . speaking of pork belly, that sounds like a challenge ingredient, not one someone would choose . . . ah well Foo, just not meant to be!
Mr. Flip . . . will we be getting a recap of the reunion? HEART
11 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 9, 2007 2:13 PM
Thanks Flipit.. you are a joy and I am better having known you....
I am really happy Hung won..... he deserved it.
12 of 13 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on October 9, 2007 10:57 PM
you guys thanx so much. of course i will be recapping the reunion!! i want to see if they will drag sam back out to be all hot for ratings, even though he's so last season. i trust they'll find a way.
thanks for all your funnies throughout the season. love
13 of 13 | Posted by flipit | Posted on October 10, 2007 1:54 AM