Thank you, dearest J-Mo for another witty recap AND another way to not work on a Monday afternoon!

Although I must say that you should have put a Sexist Pigshit disclaimer on page 1 - that unexpected photo of him made me yelp in pain. I was truly hoping I would never have to gaze upon his visage again (at least till the reunion).

Jen is totally losing it. I could not believe she would actually SAY her food was Shit on a Shingle. Way to talk up your dish! And her elimination dish confusion - when I heard about Excalibur I thought "big hunk of meat". (which lead me to think of other things, but let's not go there, this show is about food). I was hoping she would a twist using lamb or venison - but no, she made a "stone". Whoops. I really think she has given up in her head. While I would love to see her in the finals, I doubt it will happen unless she gathers her shit quickly.

LOVED the "new carbonization" technique for Volt's charred food. That is exactly the kind of stupid-talk-down-to-us spin he would put on it. Also totes agree that this show should have been called "AYFKM?" - I know I yelled that at the TV several times. Especially when Fat Kid won the Quickfire. Thank God he made up for it with his Pepto Bismal Shooters....

Loves you J-Mo - I missed the 2 day-3 night comment, so glad your quick mind picked that up and shared it with us! Have fun in the land of the angels....xoxoxo

J-Mo! That pic of FatKid in the cown wig and makeup just made me laugh like a crazy homeless lady for about ten straight minutes!!!!

I'm really sad that Bitter Jen is tanking - I had really high hopes for her at the beginning of the season. I'm still hoping she can pull her head our of her ass and somehow make it into the finals, but I'm thinking that's probably not going to happen.

How awesome was it that FatKid got Circus Circus? I laughed my ass off. And then I wanted to puke when I saw what he had made. Fingers crossed he's the next to go!

I don't want this season to end - what will I do without your recaps?!?!? :(

SWAK, PottyMouth

That would be CLOWN makeup. Stupid spelling.

I was so hoping fat kid would get the boot this week for the pepto soup. I got the latest Schwans's catalog and Dirty Bear's TV Guide Episode winning dish was in there, but unlike the other ones by previous season winners, his name and picture was left off. Grandma is going to be really upset.

I also was hoping for Robin to pull one more upset before making her exit, but she didn't have it in her. I still think it could've easily been Eli going home. Oh well, the only question now is what order Jen and Eli go. I really thought she'd give everyone a run for her money after starting out so strong, but I don't think she can recover from this mental fatigue she has going on now, not against high-level chefs like DB and the Volts.

Mike I.'s exit didn't disappoint, so I can only hope Eli's inevitable elimination is even more gratifying. On the plus side, it was nice to see the chefs show some class once Robin was actually eliminated.

Should be interesting this week, it looks like Lil Volt runs his mouth on DB's food a lot more, maybe he goes completely over the douchebag cliff.

If I remember past seasons correctly, they get it down from five to four contestants, and then there is a break followed by a new location. I know they did that in Season Four and Five.

If so, then Jenn could really benefit provided she survives the next challenge. Her problem seems to be fatigue and a break could be just what she needs to pull it back together.

Keep in mind the chefs have been working for about 22 straight days at this point without a real break.

I was also hoping that Robin would last one more week. I know she was the worst of the chefs who were left, but based on those dishes, Eli should have gone. That was just absolutely disgusting. I mean WHO thinks of putting something like that on a plate? Gross!

Like other commenters, I am also sad that Jen hasn't pulled her head out of her butt. I think she is just exhausted and feeling beat down. She seems to be a perfectionist so I am sure every time she sends a less than perfect dish it fucks with her head. I hope she comes back around. I perfect final 3 for me would be DB, Big Volt and her. But I think we all know, at this point, that it is going to be DB and the Volts.

Thanks for another funny recap, J-Mo! You'd never give us the ABC popcorn version of a recap. And we really appreciate it.

Btw, I don't remember which recap it was on, but thanks for the warning with regards to Paranormal Activity. My husband and I were going to go see it but I mentioned your comment about it making you really afraid of dark hallways. Now he refuses to go see it. We live in a 300+ year old house so we already have a spooky factor going on at night. This is especially true about the far end of the house. In fact, we just recently found out that the rooms on that end were completely closed off from the rest of the house. No one even knew they were there until they were doing some construction on the house and knocked through the wall and found the rooms. Yeah... so we won't be seeing that movie. Thanks.

J-mo, that close up of the pepto shooter was sublime . . . . it was sooooo AYFKM!!!! I had a glimmer of hope that Robin may indeed bury him too, but in all fairness, this is the second or third week they have saved Jen from going, coz, if I'm not mistaken, her restaurant war dish and this last one were really bad. Not cooking the meat right, when that's basically all there is, is a crime like the one that got Paddy axed, and WTH--it's a big chunk of meat with a drink sword in it . . . there was no other way to conceptualize a sword . . . and my point is, why was it so late to be plated . . . I'm with you all on wishing she wasn't tanking so hard, but her attitude is killing me. Does she not see how they have protected her and given her another chance. She's at least won some things, and been in the top group. Robin bottom fed the whole time, except for the one quick fire win, which she followed with an epic, but "immunitied" FAIL!!!

I'm not sure she'll make it past this week, and I have no idea what happened to make her so glum and defeatist, but it's getting harder to root for her.

Call me crazy, but this could be an upset epi, with all that trash talk about DB, I wouldn't be surprised if Lil V gets zapped! (maybe I'm too victim to the editing . . . )

J-mo, if you're going to hit the hot spots in boys town, I'd love to come and meet you and your man!

Thanks again for the thorough recap--I'm glad it's finally down to serious business and the "kahem" top people are left . . .

I love love LOVE your recaps.

I'm hoping that Fat Kid goes home next, as he's the last one left that really doesn't deserve to be there anymore. I'm rooting for Dirty Bear, and he might actually be the first (hopefully) winner that I actually like lol.

Did anyone catch the scenes for the next episode and lil-bitch, I mean Volt, saying DB makes food that he makes on his days off. What an ass. Someone is just upset about DB cooking way better than him.

Yay J-Mo, you pheeeeeee-nominal human being you. This recap was so good it took 11 pages to hold it.

I totally agree with you on the Circus Circus Casino. As far as I'm concerned the concept of a kid friendly casino makes as much sense as a grandma friendly bordello.

Oh, Nigella Lawson was a complete [Insert your own favorite profanity here, mine rhymes with "hawt"]. All I'm going to say about her being the new Julia Childs is Julia made it through almost half a century on TV with doing an episode with the top three buttons on her blouse undone.

Oh and yes it looks and sounds terrible, but SOS is one of the all time awesome breakfasts out there. It's right up there with corned beef has, which let's face it, looks like pet food too. Trust me, once you try it, it will change your life.

Anyway, loved the recap and have fun in LA.

Great recap J-Mo!

Pigshitlits! Oh, you make me laff!!

The knife draws for the casinos sucked. If I was drawing I'd want one of the little ones downtown where they have the free spins for the big prize - a bag of groceries! Talk about having to be creative!

When Jen walked by the Sponge Bob display, KRABBY PATTIES should have been the only choice!

The only thing I can find on compressed vegetables are references to dried or dehydrated vegetables. Maybe he breathed on them and some of the moisture ran away??

Have fun in LA. We'll wait for the next recap.

Lots O' Love

J-Mo, love you and your funny.

Urg, another week of Lumpy Rutherford. Robin did need to go though. Why couldn't they do a double elimination like they do on Survivor?

That carnival soup was putrid looking. My six year old niece makes something similar in her play kitchen, serves it to us and we all pretend to like it. But then we get to drink afterwards.

Have a fab time in LA, you know we'll always be here for you.

Paranormal activity is just a bunch of cliches presented in such a way that gullible people think it is a documentary. Anything in the movie you can predict in advance and any well read person not even in horror films or books can do this and be proven right.

It's like tbe Blair Witch project sheer stupidity on the screen and not good at all.

As for circus circus it's strange that it has lasted for decades and being the flagship casino for the group that is the largest casino operators in the world.

Did anyone else notice that dull and dingy "white" tee shirt FK was wearing. YUCK!! How could he wear that in public. Guess they aren't letting his mom in to do his laundry!

I'm so glad Robin is gone. While she seemed nice, she also seemed to be an unbearably clueless person. Watching her get in Lil Volt's way "cleaning" summed her up for me perfectly:

Robin is the person who you're stuck behind in a long line during the busiest lunch hour at a deli where you have to order a custom sandwich. She will have looked around vacantly, smiling sweetly at people, maybe even striking up a conversation here and there. When it's her turn to order her food, suddenly she focuses and goes "OH! [pause] Oh my, everything looks so delicious! Okay. I know I have to order [pause] let's see... let's see... (she studies the overhead menu; then she looks down at the glass case; then she studies the overhead menu again--while the line stacks up behind her, tense and hungry, and you want to ball up your fist and punch the place where her skull meets her neck)." When she FINALLY decides, instead of getting her money ready, she stares vacantly around some more and then as if it's a huge surprise that she has to pay for her food, she slowly unzips her purse and gets her wallet out, blocking the aisle.

Yes. I have stood behind many Robins. I have driven behind many Robins. I fucking hate Robins.

I will love you forever for including another "M" joke. And you said you didn't have it in you...HA! I knew you did!

J-Mo: Did you or anyone else catch Lil Volt's reaction when T-cubed mentioned his "effeminate" cooking style? He said something along the lines of, "I try to interject my personality into my cooking." I know it was all editing tricks, but I seriously LOL'd at that . The editors of this show must not like the little bugger too much.

Awesome recap, as always. Have fun on your vacay!

kloewent, I too noticed Fat Kid cruising around the strip in a dingy t-shirt. It's not even just a t-shirt, it's an undershirt. Lucky for us he doesn't wear wife beaters!

J-Mo, This is my first time commenting, but I have been a long time follower of yours. Before I say anything else I want you to know your recaps complete this show for me. It warms my heart whenever I see you've posted your splendidness.

Moving on, I was curious about DB's compressed veggies, too. I thought maybe he just had Fat Kid just sit on them, but then no one would have wanted to go near them and he wouldn't have been in the top 3. But earlier I was reading Daddy Tom's blog and he demystifies the compressed vegetables. The compressor puts them under pressure, all the liquid is forced out, and they become translucent in the process. Thanks Daddy Tom!

And I didn't really notice it until some of your screen shots for this episode, but I finally noticed that Fat Kid kind of reminds me of the Penguin from Batman Returns. I used to feel my skin crawl when I'd see that villain and Fat Kid has the same effect on me.

Anywho, thanks for the fantastic recaps!!

jaimesommers

OMG. Nailed it. Always with the big, stupid, vacuous grin on their face, completely clueless.

I actually pointed out when watching the show that they ALL dress like complete slobs outside of their chef whites. To say Eli was wearing his 'Sunday best' during restaurant wars is not only true, but horribly scary.

J-Mo - Love the digs at FK's living sitch. Keep 'em coming.

Jamiesommers, you make me want to change my name to "I'mnotLisa"

XOXO

I'm grateful that we didn't get to hear Robin's explanation for how her sugar glass got ruined by humidity in the middle of the friggin Mojave Desert.

OMG jaimesommers, you did nail a Robin type. Annoying as all get out. Nexttime I am behind one screaming in my head like Elaine on the train, I will remember you and think ROBIN !

andyexcuse - I completely forgot about that. I was saying the same thing. She did mention it when it first failed. Something about the humidity. In the desert. Anyway, then she babbled about hard crack stage to the judges. If you can't read a thermometer, maybe you shouldn't be on Top Chef.

z-bird --- YES! I heard that too. It was a "Huh? Heh Heh" moment for me. I love that the editors have been fucking with him for a couple of weeks now. Remember the "I'm the nicest guy w/ the biggest heart" montage? Hahahaha

J-Mo = You had me at "FatKid goes to the Cirus". Your recaps complete the whole Top Chef weekly experience for me. This was another hilarious recap and I loved it!

I would NEVER have picked up on FK's "inchwood". Ewwww but Hahahaha!!!

Have a great time in LA. You will be missed. *hug*

OK, I gotta comment on this week's ep - no spoilers, but I am SO SICK of hearing about "sustainable" food! WE GET THE POINT. DROP IT. Holy fucking hell! And in this week's, it was so obviously scripted and forced. SHUT UP ALREADY.

DAMN IT!

Rant over. Thankyouverymuch. :)

J-Mo, you awesome recapper you, have a nice vacation and can't wait for your version of this week. :)

juddfan:
Jamiesommers, you make me want to change my name to "I'mnotLisa"

XOXO
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Thank you juddfan. I'm smiling right now with my head tilted, staring happily the same way my dim German shepherd would if I asked her to fetch the rusty folder for momma. Or the way Robin looks all the time. I don't know what your comment means. Please tell me!

Damian and mrsc-- Right back at ya homeslices kiss

Wow, Jamie, Oscar must have swept your memory . . . heee . . . wasn't there an episode where Jamie lost it and was running in the rain, crying into the phone booth that "I'm not Lisa" and then falling down with headache pain . . .

Alas, as far as your head tilt--I guess it's appropriate considering the obscurity--if only I'd said fembot . . .

and I'm not crazy . . .

Found this on Youtube--not sure if it goes all the way to the phone booth . . .

Bionic Woman Jaime meets Lisa from Deadly Ringer

juddfan:
Wow, Jamie, Oscar must have swept your memory . . . heee . . . wasn't there an episode where Jamie lost it and was running in the rain, crying into the phone booth that "I'm not Lisa" and then falling down with headache pain . . .

Alas, as far as your head tilt--I guess it's appropriate considering the obscurity--if only I'd said fembot . . .
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oh. oh. OH!!!!! Of course I should have remembered that! I remember other obscure things, like when she went crazy and threw her tennis racket and it imbedded into a wall! And yes, the eerie Fembots. Finally, I'm pretty certain that the reason I own a German shepherd is due to the Bionic Woman.

Oh how I love Jamie . . . so nice to have you commenting here.

Seeing the Bionic Woman on youtube was quite the flashback . . . and I don't think anyone could ever replace Lindsay, no wonder that remake series blew chunks!!!! Harrrummmphhh!

ps. If you copy and paste that title in Youtube's search, it will lead you to that epi. There's a few scenes, but alas, not the phone booth. And I guess I was confused, as Lisa is another person who was surgeried to look like Jamie, and has a crisis of identity . . . oooo, they don't make 'em like they used to . . .

andy, EXACTLY. I live here. It is NOT HUMID. As I sit here it's noon and 14%.

She sucks. So glad she's gone. Awesomely funny recap!

(ugh... banana sauce on an egg??)

HELLO....if you're going to take this job how about you do it.

Great recap, as per.

@jaimesommers, you DID nail a Robin type.

YES! OMG these people should be taken away and shot! SO annoying!

I am glad to see her go, but thought FatKid deserved to go this week... His turn will come.

Yeah, I am also disappointed that BitterJen is losing her moxie.

Loved the "Jello-" monniker. She's actually quite a curvy lady, but one of those women whose faces make her look slimmer than she is.

Also, on one of his shows Chef RamJam (Gordon Ramsay) named some pigs and turkeys (that he later slaughtered) after all the famous British chefs & TV peeps, including Suzannah and Trini (sp?) who do that "What not to wear show," so it was more a tribute than a diss (sort of...)

TEAM DirtyBear! Or Jen!! Tho the Volts are both very talented.

Ah, once FatKid goes, I won't really care who wins.

Oh, re the compressed veg dish? Can't help you there with anything besides speculation.

Probably some sort of terrine where he pressed all the cooked veg together to combine the flavors.