I may be a big doofus, but I got a chuckle when Snooze said she has been known to watch Lost for 3.5 hours straight.....because it's a 1 hours show.

Just sayin'.

:p

Awesome and hil recap once again, J-mobile. You nailed their personalities and techniques, although I have to say Wiley's swearing did NOT endear him to me. I'm just kinda over all the swearing on TV and in life these days. Be creative, people! Expand your fuckin' vocabularies (HA!)

Oh, and qupert, she did say that she gets the DVDs, so I think she means she watches a bunch of episodes at once.

Love love,
Z

Oooh, and I love when you have dancing-backup-for-drag-queens thing pictures to follow. You all always look like you're having such a good time!

Funny stuff J-Mo. I would never guess that you're not a culinary expert. You sure got these guys pegged.

So tell me, besides being a fantabulous recapper/writer/entertainer, how'd you learn to do all the fancy computer picture manipulation tricks? Loved the Spock ears.

shanti

@ qupert--

I'm an even bigger doofus, whose love for math is only rivaled by my love of sitting on the couch for hours watching TV DVDs. So I sadly know all too well that 42 minute shows (without commercials) times 5 episodes on a DVD = 210 minutes = 3.5 hours.

This recap was so incredibly funny (starting with that perfect title), that I could hardly get through it.

Loved the show's editing -- both audio and visual -- of WD running around the kitchen. Something about the timing of it really had me going. Somehow I never expected him to be such a pottymouth.

The "conversation" between the BFFs was hysterical.

And J-Mo, I just love the nicknames you come up with -- always right on the money and laugh-out-loud funny.

Thanks for so many great laughs today.

No lie, beef and ice cream is actually good! There is a restaurant here in Baltimore that serves beef tartare with a dijon mustard ice cream and it is some good shit!

I knew the old saying about opening your mouth & proving you're an idiot was true! Oh well.

Great recap, J-Mo!

I seem to remember that last time they had the snack machine challenge, it was just a snack machine and a soda machine. I don't think they had a sammich-n-stuff machine, did they? Doesn't seem quite fair to inject "real food" into this challenge.

I never thought of what went on in a bag of chips before I opened them and dumped them into my mouth. Maybe chips 24 & 483 get into a shouting match; chips 381 & 116 are canoodling in the corner; and chip 202 is just waving his arms and talking to whoever will listen (just like some people do on the street). Maybe - just sayin'!

Lezbeth best be careful when working with liquid nitrogen - that could freeze a nipple that would snap right off (of course she'd know where to get replacement parts). I know I'd sure show some respect when working with that shit.

Yay! for Beverly Hills, 90210 - lurves me some Brandon, Kelly, et.al.

And last but not least, I don't quite get the whole immersion circulator thing. In my day it was called a Boil-In-Bag pouch!

I also know nothing about Lost, except when I get there on a road trip.

Keep it up!

Lots O' Love

"'West Coast Chef', which means she signed with Death Row Records and not Bad Boy"

Just one of many gems in this recap!

I am a rabid "Lost" fan (though I don't scour the internet for every nuance of it)and I thought your snarking on "Four Eyes" Lindelof was hilarious!

Also note they got stuff from the pantry to use such as fresh fruit and vegs.

Don't recall if the season two contestants were able to to do that. Also weren't the prior amuse boche contestants hammered during the judging if their meals took more then one bite cause I don't think any of those would have qualified under past challenges.

J-Mo, your pix of SnoozAnne had me rolling on the floor! I HATE HATE HATE Ilan so much - I can't believe they brought that douche back. Again. UGH. Loved your treatment of the the Three Stooges!

@arizonatom & yeschef: They did have that sammich machine the first time around, and could use the pantry. I think Sam ended up using potato salad from that machine and I thought for sure someone was going to get food poisoning!

Thanks again for the great recap J-Mo - can't wait to see the pix!

SWAK, PottyMouth

I had to restrain myself from making a comment immediately when I read "Vulcan Lesbian". What a great title! That started me giggling, but I managed to hold back until I finished the remainder of the hysterical recap.

When Wylie has appeared as a judge on TC, he always seemed kind of Zen-like and laid back. It was hysterical to see him running around "like a drag queen with her wig on fire" (BEST.LINE.EVER!) yelling SHIT!!!!! FUCK!!!! For some reason, that cracked me up big time. Looooved Teddy, he was adorable. Certainly agree about Snoozer, could you be any LESS excited about your win?

I do like this format, especially that the points from the Quickfire become part of the final score. It's also nice to see these really talented chefs work, without the silly posturing of past TC cheftestants. However, I agree with Yeschef - in past TC the amuse bouche had to be one bite - and if not, the cheftestants were criticized.

Did anyone else notice that one of the Lost writers looked like son of NerdMo? It was the guy who made some nonsensical comment like "it confuses my palate". I love it when the also-ran judges attempt to appear knowledable (or just want screen time, take your pick).

J-Mo darling, please DO share your photos - your fans are waiting! Thanks again for such a great, on-target recap! Hugs xoxo

Hey messystation,
Where you at?? I'm in Bawlmer too, Hon!

I didn't think it was quite fair that Snoozanne's amuse bouche was mostly non-vending machine stuff and quite a bit large than even *my* bouche.

2muchbravo (no such thing!):
Actually, the County: Chase (NOT to be confused with Essex), but the restaurant of which I speak is Pazo on Aliceanna. You should amuse your bouche there!

qupert... don't feel bad, I thought exactly the same thing: "Does she stop halfway through an episode?" when SnoozAnne said that, you're not the only one. xoxo :)

zbird... I'm SO fucking pleased that you liked my goddamned recap'n'shit! LOL, and I think a few pictures of the Miss Gay Arizona Pageant may find their way into my next recap (perhaps at the end)... I guess we'll fucking have to wait and see! xoxo :)

shantigal... LOL, you know, I could do some amazing things with Photoshop, but the computer I recap on doesn't have it, so all the effects you see are hammered out of MS Paint by brute force. You, too, can make Vulcan ears on anyone, all you need to do us outline the top crescent of their ear and cut and paste it several times with each paste a little higher than the last and voila!... instant Spock! And thanks for all the sweet compliments, you're a doll! xoxo :)

lagitha... heyyyy, thanks for the calculation, now I know that I have spent 157½ hours watching Beverly Hills, 90210 on DVD! xoxo :)

xqzmoi... I know, wasn't it weird to see how freaked out The Doof got? Weird. Then again, neither of the challenges allowed him to really use much of the molecular gastronomy thing. Thanks for the sweet kudooz! xoxo :)

messystation... you have a far more adventurous palate than I do, but I think that dish actually sounds kinda intriguing... If I'm ever in Baltimore I'll have to try it... xoxo :)

arizonatom... I loved what the chips were doing in your bag, I should have thought of that, too... too funny! Also, loved the "boil in bag" thing, you're totally right... thanks sugarpie! xoxo :)

pixielated... I'm glad you liked me making fun of Damon, I bet some fans think he's Jesus... is he normally that pompous? If so, I hope he'll rediscover his humility before the show finishes it's run. xoxo :)

yeschef... THERE you are! I was wondering when we'd hear from you (and a little scared in case I got something glaringly wrong). I agree with you, I think these amuse bouches were meant more for hippos than humans. xoxo :)

PottyMouth... HA, I'm SO with you on not caring for Illyawn, but I have to say his hair looked better grown out (hopefully he got a lot of shit for that shaved-symbol bullshit he paraded about in last time). I also found it very interesting that he agreed to appear after I saw an article recently where he was basically saying that the producers gave him the "asshole edit" and completely misrepresented who he really is as a person. Editing or no, I still think he's a fuckerdoodle. Thanks for the love! xoxo :)

njgasmifan... I know a drag queen who tends to wear a lot of complicated costumes that she likes to shed pieces of during her performances, and seeing The Doof running around and saying "SHIT!!! FUCK!!! DAMN!!!" totally reminded of her running backstage while her music plays and attempting to remove various parts of her costumes. It never fails to crack me up. Thanks for the compliments! xoxo :)

2muchbravo... OMG, I didn't even THINK about that, but I think you're right, the only thing she used was a little Frito powder and some Dr. Pepper! SHENANIGANS!! xoxo :)

Thanks for all the comments, guys, I'm working on this week's episode now and hope to have it up quicker.

love, J-Mo :)

Classic J-Mo!! I am so glad you're recapping again. Ilan bugged the crap out of me during season two, and I cringe every time he's back on TV. I really think that it should be part of any media contract he signs that when he makes an appearance you get to rip him to make fun of him. See J-Mo darling, you really do make the world a better and more palatable ( hee-hee) place.

Love and hugs,
Yenta

The show (Lost) is fantastic, so I guess he's earned a little of that self-importance. The other guy (Cuse) doesn't seem to be that way, though.

Graham IS adorable, and I don't usually dig the big guys. What is that tattoo on his arm? A map?

Oh, sorry, I meant to mention that I LOVE your title.

"The amused douche"--HA!

It goes so well with that picture of Ilan.

Am I pathetic because I think he's kind of cute?

(I've never HEARD him, so maybe that excuses it.)

Damn I'm late on this!!!! Missed epi till this week, so I was waiting to read your wonders this week, J-mo.

lagitha, Good work with that!!!

Potty Mouth, I just looked up SWAK after spending my weekend with it repeating in my head, and me not know what it meant, I thought it was an air kiss sound effect . . .

the things I ponder . . . sigh

Can't wait to see the pics, J-mo!!! You always bring it!!!!

I saw Lezbeth on the Food Network Battle of the Brides last night. I was not impressed with her two cakes and "doughnut hole" tower. She lost and the fat guy who thinks he's Duff won.