Wow, it's a good thing that I went to the bathroom before I started reading your recap or I would have pissed my pants by now.

Picking a favorite joke would be like picking the bugs out of Le Ludocrous's hair. There's too many and not enough time in the world. I'll try anyway and go with the colored food quips. I, too, would like to see some Twizzlers and cherry Kool-Ade in his dish. Better yet, he could take a bath once in a while. Is that his strategy? To gross the other cooks out with his B.O.? It's sure working on me, and I'm not even there.

Big hug and kiss,
Twunty

J-Mo, one of these days I will get in big trouble for laughing hysterically at your recaps while I'm supposed to be working! You are one seriously funny mo'fo'mo!

Totally with Twunty, so many funny moments, it's hard to choose. Although 2 of my fav screengrabs were "which is French for "pissy-faced boogersnot"... and
it's the cast of "Self-Stimulation In The City"!"
But it was the Friskies can that put me over the top and nearly cost me my job....

I knew that you would have a field day with Ludo - I was yelling "shut up Frenchie!" at the TV every few moments. What an arrogant dick. I thought it was hilarious that he was worried about FugT bashing him because of the
English/French hatred - and yet FugT was the only one who complimented him!
And an unrelated note - why does Gramma Gael look like an extra from Murder on the Orient Express each week?

Because you are such a witty darling, I will forgive you for putting Flesa's ugly puss in front of my face. Great pic and video - you and da boyz got some great moves! Thanks for sharing with your fans xoxo!!

Keep up the great work, you make my day with your recaps - hugsxoxox

J-Mo, LOVED the video! You guys definitely worked it and I'm sure you had a lot to do with Ms Shane's win. :)

Oh look, here comes the Gang Of Ugly Critics That Make Kelly Choi Look Like A Supermodel!...

..♪."I feel pretty..♪. oh so pretty..♪."...

bwaahaaaahaaaa

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the distinct lack of physical appeal of any of the judges for this iteration of TC.

I make beleive that the judges are actually a gang of supervillians called the "Cretinous Critics"

They are The Human Prune, The Crone of Endless Horrifying Hats, and Oilslick.

You can imagine who is who.

Sometimes Bok Choi is almost pretty, and then from other angles I wonder what in the hell I was thinkin'.

Hilarious -- loved your take on Le Ludocrous. Wasn't he a guest on some other TV show -- the husband of some contestant who came in and cooked for everyone in the house? Was it Top Chef?

BTW -- L'Orangerie was a super-duper fantastic resto. RIP. Le Ludocrous is famous (at least in food circles in LA) for taking over from the superb Alain Giraud at Bastide a few years ago and serving "foie gras lollipops" and meals with "gummy bear reduction." I am not making this shit up.

Oh love love love, heart heart heart (and not ears or stomach!)

J-mo, you . . . .you . . . I can't describe how completely blown away I am at you and your gangs dancing prowess . . do the other diva's have back up dancers like you? Just incredible, and even if I didn't know it was you up there, you would have definitely been the one to hold my attention, sorry ebonae . . . just admirin' your team! I bet you also do the choreography--so smooth with the moves!

Great recap too, it's fun having you along for a ride with the masters . . . couldn't believe how sour Lisa looks after all this time, my my, she must have forgotten extra batteries for the competition, and couldn't find any at whole foods (Gawd, I'm awful--but so is that face!)

Wish Daddy 2.0 had made the cut, he is a fine piece of man flesh to admire . . . and so sweet when he talked of his charity . . . ah well.

That prissy face is just too much, i never notice all the lemon sucking faces till I read these--hope he doesn't . . . . at least if I was him, I'd not want to see how bitter sucking I was . . . but then again, he could totally fill in for Snape in the Harry Potter movies . . .

Thanks again for sharing the video--I totally have to have a trip out to check one of these comps with my besties!!! Would be a blast!

Thanks for the great recap, J-Mo! And for the record, I've been to France twice in the last few months and the people there were super nice. I just think that guy was a dheek. :p I'm glad the honorary Mexican guy won. He seemed really down to earth and all of his food sounded good.

I love when you show us your videos! You guys are really fun to watch! Someone else already asked this, but I am also curious about it. Do the other performers also have back up dancers?

Damn J-Mo, your dance crew, like your recaps are fanfuckintastic.

I love where your twisted, brilliant mind takes us each week. Twizzlers & Kool-Aid, ha, who hasn't had that for dinner before? And don't forget that Waffle House is open 24-7. Just write your recaps there.

Wonder if Fug Taser and Frenchie hooked up? They make an appropriate couple. Give my love to your co-dancers, you all are awesome.
shanti

Ok, I haven't even read the recap yet, but from the title alone, I'm hoping Merlin from Fashion Show has done a crossover!!! Wouldn't that be awesome???

J-Mo,
Do we have to have the tartare conversation EVERY week? It is tasty shit, I tell ya!
Also, does it bug anyone else that the shadow of the chef slots yet to be filled (last screencap) look like Le Mullet?
And J-Mo, you are a hottie! I am a chick, but I can make some awesome junk food and the pantry is always stocked here. Sure you don't want summa this?

You CRACK me up! I was literally L-ingOL. So loud, in fact, my husband came in to ask me what was so funny.

Bok Choi is so skinny she looks like she would snap in two if she stomped her foot. I think a food judge should have some meat on them to give their critiques a little validity.

FugTaser. What a loser. You can just tell his personality is the kind where knocking other people down makes him feel better about himself. Kind of pathetic.

And you? Man, you can DANCE! You're the best in your group, you know!

Do they offer a course in writing for accented voices there at TVgasm? You and Flipit just nail it every time. I can actually "hear" the voices, which makes the recap that much funnier.

And J-Mo, you're just one helluva creative force to be reckoned with, aren't you? Not only do you write well (and hilariously), you're one heck of a hoofer, AND an amazing artist to boot. Your flies hovering around Rudo are just lovely!

I couldn't believe Rudo chose to make quesadillas. I've always thought they LOOKED like pig ears. In this instance, that's just gross. I should think he'd want to avoid reminding people of what they're eating.

I have a deeck story for you: I was watching a high school hockey game with some Russian friends. Their son was called for a penalty, so Dad ran over to find out what it was for. When he came back he said something to his wife in Russian who then shrugged her shoulders and looked at me. "Vot means deke?" Thinking they should know this, I explained that it was a quick move to get around the goalie. She conferred with her husband, turned back to me and asked, "No, vot means you call someone a deeck?" I guess it means you get an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. LOL!

Loved the Missy Elliot Megamix!

J-Mo, you hunk of handsomeness you! Thanks so much for sharing the vids with us - you guys kick some serious ass.

As always, your recap also kicks all kinds of ass. I was thinking of you while watching this episode - I knew you were going to love Papi Tom 2.0! I hope they keep having a hunk of manliness for you to oogle each week!

You had me rolling on the floor throughout the entire thing. Oh, except for one part. Fleasa. Eeewww. I had forgotten how fucking DIRTY she looked. Nasty.

SWAK, PottyMouth

Awesome, filarious recap, J-Mo. I too was watching the show thinking of you and the comments you’d have about the resident Frenchdouche ™
Way too many funny moments to list them all out. You had me at "Bienvenue."

Aaaarrrrgh, but the pics of Fleasa, yikes! I wish there was some footage of Fleasa tripping in the kitchen or something. That way we could have clips of “Fleasa falls” along with “Lisi falls.” Such joy that would bring to my day. O well, Fleasa FAILS so I guess that’s close enough.

And THIS is why I call you J-Mobile, cuz you’re such a lithe, mobile, graceful, teddy bear of a man. I LOVE watching you dance. So fun and awesome in every way. You boys (esp you) do steal the show though; not sure if the queens will like that or not ;)

Erm...hilarious, not filarious.

On second thought...maybe filarious works just fine?

NM. 

Great recap, as usual! I never post on here, but had to to respond to DonnaMartinGraduates. Ludo was a guest appearance on the Apprentice 6 - his wife Christine was a contestant on the show and won a prize of having her hubby visit her. She later posed for Playboy (she was hot in a take off your glasses and pull out your ponytail kind of way).

Awesome recap!!

I like this show much more than I thought I would!

I have to say I thought granny was robbed a bit. Not so much that she should've beat Bayliss, but more like she was the only one that really featured her protein - hey anything tastes better when smothered in cheese and stuffed into tacos/pitas/quesadillas...no?

I absolutely love it when a contestant on this show is super-competitive and gets all feisty as they desperately try to reign supreme over the one-to-beat. While at the same time, said one-to-beat is totally clueless and really just having a great time because they love to cook and end up winning hands-down only to send Mr. Competitivo back to the Offal-Tower whence he came! LOL - brilliant Bayliss - I only wish LuLu came in last!

Yay J-Mo!
Yet another fantastic recap of an awesome. Thank God Frenchie showed up, otherwise it would have been another week of polite professionalism, and who really wants to watch that.

When Frenchie and Fug got into it, was I the only one waiting for Frenchie to call him "a stupid English Ca-Nig-ette"?

Oh, and is there any chance someone at BRAVO could get Nerdmosexual to say suffering succotash at least once episode? I really think it would make me laugh until I pee, err make the show better?

Anyway fabulous as always J-Mo, can't wait to read the next one!

Cha!

Dang, J-Mo, I knew you were clever, but never knew how hot you are! Watching you move makes parts of me move too! Thanks for everything, but especially thanks for including those videos!

THANK YOU nycid -- "Ludo was a guest appearance on the Apprentice 6."

It was bugging me.

zbird, I thought "filarious" was a new mash-up word like "fugly." It's cool.

Someone beat me to it, but JMo, you do the best writing of accents! I loved the Brazilian (Portuguese) accents you did for ANTM, and you did yourself proud with Ludo as well.

I had menudo once, and it was a little on the bland side. And greasy. But that was "white menudo" and I noticed Granny made "red menudo," which, it stands to reason, would be spicier. Wouldn't most people want it spicy or salty or something, to cover up the greasy, tripiness?

Why is it so many "hangover cures" (which menudo is) are so gag-worthy?

OMG fantastic recap had me laughing out loud all the way through! Yes you are wonderful! :)

as for the short film fantasy with Daddy Tom and Papi - nah - its my Dream - but one change - im in the bed too! LOL :)

big hugs and Happy Fourth of july!

xo
rebecca

OH BTW - thank you very much for sharing your photos and videos LOVE LOVE LOVE them!

xo
rebecca

"Why is it so many "hangover cures" (which menudo is) are so gag-worthy?

"

Likely to shock your system and well throwing up sometimes does make a person feel better.

Btw I find very spicy hot food like haberno quality is the best for upset stomach as well as upset intestines. It just shoves whatever food is causing the problems out in about an hour or two.

Okay, where do I put in my compensation request for PTSD?

If you're going to scare us w/pictures of Fleasa, I think we should be compensated.

Can you imagine Rudo trying to seduce Fleasa? "What you mean you lesbeen? I am zee French! Zee greateest loveers in zee world! Wimin love zee French men."

Although I like Fug-T's name, I think he's the best judge, and it's his parents fault he was born with that mug.

Warning: Never read more than one of J-Mos recaps at once unless you're wearing Depends and have an oxygen tank nearby.

Hey guys, sorry about the delay in replying, I had a house full of kids for the weekend... okay, well, two, but one of them was a total boogerface and it wiped me out restraining my urge to beat the shit out of him.

twunty mcslore... "Picking the bugs out of Le Ludocrous's hair"... now THAT'S the kind of thinking that brings a joyous tear to my eye. xoxo :)

njgasmifan... let me apologize for polluting the net with more FFFF's (Fucking Fleasa Fernandes Fotos) but I just wanted to illustrate how dedicated to his craft Wilo Benet is... plus we should never forget the face of evil, lest we fail to recognize it in our daily lives. xoxo :)

here4beer... aww, shucks, darlin' thank you, you're sweet and I wish Ebonae or Candi HAD won (the actual pageant winner left me a little underimpressed). xoxo :)

qupert... LOL, glad you liked the song choice. xoxo :)

NotWithoutMyTV... ROTFLMAO at "The Human Prune"! Even more so because when I look at him I want to go to the bathroom! xoxo :)

Donna Martin Graduates!... Gummy bear reduction?!? OMG, that sounds DIVINE! xoxo :)

juddfan... LOL, you're making me blush and now I look like a big fat beet! To answer your question, yes, several of the other divas have their own little cadres of dancers, and a lot of them are quite good... however, a lot of them were chosen more for their looks and/or body than their dancing ability, and for that reason I've always thought that we were just a smidge better since the criteria for our group is the other way 'round. And just FYI, those FFFF's were not new, they were just cadged from the net from Season 3's run. I have no idea what Fleasa looks like now (and don't care to know). xoxo :)

Snootchy Bootches... I'm so glad that you had a good experience with the French, I'm sure that as long as people are kind to each other they generally receive the same in return, I would be willing to bet that people who have issues with them may have acted like stereotypical "ugly Americans" in the first place. xoxo :)

shantigal... thank you for the kind kudos, I will pass them along to the rest of the Fly Boyz. xoxo :)

Brattygrl... I would LOVE for Merlin to wander into this show and try to redress Bok Choi! xoxo :)

messystation... I'll take your word for it about the tartar, but I don't think anybody will ever be able to serve me what looks like a Gaines Burger™ and get me to eat it, I'm just weird that way. And thanks for the hotness compliments, that's completely unexpected and surprising, and I appreciate that very much! xoxo :)

baffled... LOL, tell your husband all is well and you're just enjoying your daily TVGasm... and thanks for the dance compliments! xoxo :)

xqzmoi... I'm so happy you liked my flies, I labored over them pixel by pixel (I'm not kidding, either) and thank you for the deeck story, that made my day! xoxo :)

natpatben... I wish I knew who authored that particular Missy mix, I know it was lifted from another drag queen (except our DJ Tony had to remake it from scratch because the old version had all the typical Missy Elliot profanity in it, and they frown upon that in the Miss Gay America Pageant system!) xoxo :)

PottyMouth... Awww, thanks for the sweet words (and as we all know, they're even sweeter when they come from a PottyMouth). xoxo :)

zbird... Thanks for the compliments, I love being described as a "teddy bear", which is a nice change from the usual "fat ass" I get everywhere else! That makes my day! P.S. "filarious" is my new favorite word! xoxo :)

nycid... Thank you for the extra info, I will have to see if I can find that episode and see if Ludocrous was just as big of a deeck on that show (except he couldn't possibly have been because that show has Donald Frump). xoxo :)

carmelicious... you know, you bring up an interesting point, and I actually kind of agree with you, I think she should have scored higher than she did (plus it would have been LOVELY for LuLu to wind up dead laaaaaaast!) xoxo :)

waffleboy09... "thufferin' thhhuccotash!" would be a PERRRRRFECT catchphrase for NerdMo'! You are a gem! xoxo :)

Quean CeCe... Cha-Cha! xoxo :)

alaskanactor... Thank you for the extremely sweet (and graphic) compliment... which parts of you are moving? xoxo :)

Rebecca1968... Okay, there's room on the Fantasy Mattress for you, too! Glad you liked the pics and vids, too! xoxo :)

pixielated... LOL, I'm glad you like my accents, eet eez vayrey fon too geeve yoo zee sainse off how zeez peeple toke! And I'm right with you on the pukeyness of menudo, blech! xoxo :)

User Name... You are right, I always feel better after I barf. Thanks for sharing about the habañero shoving food out, I'll have to try that sometime, LOL! xoxo :)

hutchlover... LOL, also sorry about the Fleasa Flashbacks, I suffer from them, too. You're sweet to read on anyhow! xoxo :)

love to all you guys, hope you had a great Fourth of July and a new episode airs tomorrow night!

love, J-Mo :)