Greetings, 'Gasmii! It's taken ten weeks, but we've finally arrived at the Last Competition™! I dunno about you guys, but I think this show was actually fairly successful in showing us a different facet of the whole Top Chef franchise. One without Scar! How is that even possible?...
...Well, you start out by making a face like this (only with less teeth)...
Of course Top Chef Masters has also shown us that even high-level chefs can turn into complete tools when placed under pressure in a competitive environment. Or sometimes that's just who they are (*cough*MichaelChiarello*cough*) and it has nothing to do with being on TV. Anyhow, while reveling in our fondest memories of Cocky Lee, Schlubbo, Cowboy Love, Teddy Graham (♥), The Doof, LezBeth, Papi Tom v2.0, Granowlycyn, Le Ludocrous, El Shalito, Marky Doody, CaJohn Boy, Reverend Moon, LachLump, Bork Bork, Waxie, The Gooch, Rusti, SnoozAnne, Big Gay Art (♥♥♥) and NoNita Mann let's make the jump and see who wins!...
We start out tonight's show with Le Mullet, Smirky and Bayleafs all being packed into a Lexus mini-SUV and whisked away to destinations unknown. Bayleafs is being a bit of worrywart, saying he's not sure if they're gonna have to do another Quickfire Challenge (guess he musta forgot when Bok Choi told them last week that the blindfold tasting thingy was the last one). He's not the only one, cuz Le Mullet admits he's a little frightened, too. Smirky's just sitting there being all smirky and replaying last week's fight with Dung v2.0 over and over in his head while rehearsing cutting comeback lines in case they ever meet again.
Eventually their car exits the city proper and they're on the Pacific Coast Highway, which is always gorgeous. Seriously, I never get tired of seeing the ocean, and to prove it to you, here's a picture my BF took of it last weekend while I was driving...
...the BF was holding my brand new camera out of the window when he took this...
The picture taken right after that one was a little blurry because it's hard to hold a camera steady when the driver of the car is trying strangle you one-handed. Back to the show, they are in Pacific Palisades and turn up a long driveway that leads to The Getty Villa, the second of J. Paul Getty's art museums in Los Angeles. Le Mullet approves of this heartily, "Zat's on zee levail ovv Top Chayf Mastairz for ze feenahlay!" It really is beautiful, and I'd show you pictures, except Bravo is still insisting on running those giant ads that cover a quarter of the screen and it just ruins the quiet beauty of it all...
...God, come on Scar and Daddy Tom! Stop being so jealous and trying to block Bok Choi, it's gonna be back to being aaaaall about you two in another hour, can we please just see the villa?...
Oh well, if you want to see more of the Getty Villa then go here, okay? Anyhow, once she gets out from behind Scar's picture, Bok Choi greets the remaining Masters, reminds them how we started off with "24 extraordinary chefs" and congratulates them on making it to the Final Three. She also reminds them of the 100,000 clams at stake for their charities. She also reminds them who she is.
So what is the final Elimination Challenge? Well, it's all about history. Specifically, the three Masters' history as chefs, so they're being asked to create a series of dishes based on their lives. Here's how it will break down: Dish One will need to be based on their first food memory. Get ready for a lot of pureéd vegetables. Dish Two has to be based on the experience that made them decide to become a chef (like their first visit to a fine restaurant, such as La Sizzler or Chili's). Dish Three needs to reflect the opening of their first restaurant, and oh, how I wish one of them started out with a Dairy Queen franchise, because I'd kill to see someone make a gourmet Blizzard™ or Dilly Bar™! Dish Four is supposed to illustrate where they are going in the future as chefs (and based on how many teeth they each have left, we may be heading back to the pureéd veggies).
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Comments (12)
Great recap J-Mo!
As happy as I am that I won't have to see McSmirky anymore (while watching Food Network ALL WEEKEND LONG, I always change the channel whenever he or the Neeley's come on (hate them both) I am kinda sad to see the end of the season.
It has been quite refreshing to see most of the Master chefs respecting each other and (sometimes) helping each other out. While we all know that "there is no I in team", it is possible to shine like a superstar while also being nice and working WITH other people, even during a competition. I did enjoy this season very much and hope that they decide to bring it back again. Hopefully it will serve to show the "normal" TC cheftestants how true professionals act in the kitchen.
Also, the hilarity that you bring to the recaps is tremendous. You certainly have the knack for picking up things that I don't even notice when watching live - especially with the screen grabs. And your wit makes the captions so funny! I am looking forward to reading your recaps on the new season of TC!
That fried pork cake thing did sound good, maybe you should make that for your boyfriend before he can make you another casserole!
I will be in Las Vegas over Labor Day weekend - maybe we'll see each other across a $4.99 buffet line!
Lots O' Love
1 of 12 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on August 23, 2009 7:50 AM
What could be cuter than JMo doing his happy dance? Absolutely nothing!
XOXOXO,
Z
2 of 12 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 23, 2009 12:27 PM
...Unless it's Jmo doing his happy dance holding a basketful of puppies!
3 of 12 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 23, 2009 12:28 PM
Yay J-Mo, and we get you for Top Chef too? That's neon awesome!
Loved that we found out Fug-taser is Austin Power's older creepy cousin. I'm waiting for the outtake to come out where Fug Taz is outside the resturant later that night hitting on a hole in a fence saying. Yeah baby, yeah! Do I make you horny? Grrrrr!
4 of 12 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on August 23, 2009 1:11 PM
Oh J-Mo, what a wonderful end to a fabulous season. I really enjoyed this version of the Top Chef universe, and especially enjoyed reading your take on it each week!
I also love Harold more than any other winner of this show. Remember how cranky he used to get at some of the ridiculous challenges?
I'm glad that Bayleafs won - his meal looked so GOOOOOOD, but In would have been happy with a YouBear win also. Really I'm just glad that Smirky lost.
Can't wait to see what you have to say about the next crop of cheftestants on Top Chef Vegas!!
SWAK, PottyMouth
5 of 12 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on August 24, 2009 8:41 AM
Darling J-Mo - thanks for spending this season with us. I am so excited that you will also be our "spirit guide" for TC Las Vegas.
I did enjoy this season, it was a refreshing break from the 'tudes of the regular TC cheftestants. The level of cooking and the level of mutual respect (Ludo Criss and Smirky aside) were fun. But I will still be glued to the good 'ol ego/asshole laden version of TC if for no other reason but to get my Daddy Tom fix.
Loved the pic of your happy dance, and I was dancing right along with you (after I put down my exotic gourmet treat, Doritos). It was interesting that all the chef's except Smirky were
focused on putting out their best meal possible - all Smirkster seemed to focus on was trying to beat the competition. Love how that strategy worked out for you, asshole.
I would have been happy to see either You-Bear or Bayleaf win - they both showed such extrodinary skill and passion for their food. But at the end of the day I am with Potty Mouth and the countless others who are just so happy that Smirk did not win.
One final note - the photo of You-Bear's first course - to me it looks like a representation of a bunny rabbit on the plate...
J-Mo, you are so much fun to share a show with. Look foward to Las Vegas.
Big hugs to you! xooxo
6 of 12 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on August 24, 2009 9:14 AM
you Rock, J-mo!!! And you know a happy dance just isn't the same without a chain hanging from your pocket!!! ; )
Fairly uneventful gathering of the winners . . . poor Hosea, will he ever get respect?
I still think it's funny that he should be doing it for me, and yet he doesn't . . . so odd . . .
Can't wait for more J-mo love in the new season! XOXOXOXOXO
7 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 24, 2009 2:19 PM
OMG, the description at the beginning of their 'travels through their career', was one of the funniest things I've ever read!
And I don't know what LeMullett (LOVE) did wrong, but to me it seemed like his dishes went over better than McSmirky. Why - oh why - couldn't he have tried to make his first restaurant meal a gourmet chicken McNugget?
Anyway, thank you for the entirely over-achieving and hilarious posts. You're so lucky to get this gig.
And I hope the b/f head stiches heal soon!
8 of 12 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on August 25, 2009 5:54 AM
Oh, this was all so much fun I hate to see it end. J-Mo, you are one of the funniest people in the world. I was just TELLING my husband how I would read the screen and be speaking with a French accent (or redneck!) and he started cracking up. Thanks for some FUN reading!
I loved YouBear, but Bayleafs was my absolute favorite. Everytime he said something all I could think was how NICE he was.
I will NOT miss Bok Choi. Her repetetive droning voice made me want to stick nails in my ears. Every Single Thing she said had the same cadence. High high high high LOW. High high high high LOW. I'm kind of thinking Scar does the same thing, though. But her mean attitute at least makes her more interesting.
So, see you on the Las Vegas side! And again, thanks!
(And the Top Chef knife poking Gail in the nose almost made me pee my pants...!)
9 of 12 | Posted by Baffled | Posted on August 25, 2009 5:59 AM
J-mo:
I too just wanted to throw out my THANK YOU for such hilarious (and insightful) recaps this season!
I was super-happy for Bayleafs, you always here the regular Top Chef contestants say stuff like, "I deserve to be here because I just love food!" but when you watch this show, and you see Rick Bayliss, now THAT is a man that really loves food! Sheesh, I need to get my ass to Chicago pronto!
Oh, by the way, reason # 945 to love Daddy Tom: Have you ever heard him ask the contestants how to say his name? (Colicchio=ColliKEYo)? I think not!
10 of 12 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on August 25, 2009 6:48 AM
** that should say: "you always HEAR the regular Top Chef..."
11 of 12 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on August 25, 2009 7:25 AM
Carmelicious, I've been trying to get into 'Topolobampo' and to a lesser extent, 'Frontera Grill', for months now. Forget it! Unless you know your schedule months in advance, almost can't get it.
J-Mo, I'm sure you've got some pull. Can you get me some tix?
12 of 12 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on August 25, 2009 7:04 PM