OMG - LMAO Hysterical Recap! Had me laughing out loud all the way through! Im going to look forward to these each week! :)

Ive been anxiously awaiting to see if a recap of this show would be coming out - im a Top Chef addict! and absolutely loved this new version!

thank you so much for taking the time to write this recap - and entertaining me! :)

Rebecca

Dammit J-Mo! I was supposed to be working this afternoon - but when I saw your recap all work ceased and hilarity ensued.

Great job - your dubbing of "Bok Choi" just had me snort tea onto my monitor.

Totally miss Daddy Tom - hope we get to see him during the season. Agree with you the judges were fug and boring. I did enjoy the camaraderie of the chefs, they seemed to be having a good time. And also agree with you that I would have dived headfirst into the mac 'n cheese - yum yum!

Hasn't Christopher Lee been shilling for Swanson broth or some other watery soup?

Anyway, so glad you will be our guide on this journey, J-Mo! Looking foward to more of your awesome recaps!!

Man, I live about 30 minutes north of Ft. Worth and Lonesome Dove Bistro is the bomb for lunch(haven't been for dinner yet)They have this wild rabbit fettucini and an amazing buffalo burger(very low fat who knew?). Plus, these to die for, yummy to my tummy cheesecake lollipops and some kind of chocolate cake with chiles that surprised me on how great the combination was. YUMMY!!!!!

I love the idea of this show and am impressed that they could find so many "Masters" willing to put their reps on the line, even for charity.

Wow, Sam Harris. Where's he been for the past 20+ years and how could SS have been that long ago?

..."And I'll pop the balls of anyone who disagrees with me!"...LOLOLOLOL

Thanks, J-Mo. I was thrilled to see your name attached to this recap. Your biting wit and snarky observations are always greatly anticipated.

"...he sounds like steam escaping..."
Yeay J-Mo, awesome Blazing Saddles reference! A wonderful recap. Oh and thank you for pointing out just how easy Richard's banana scallops were. Really Boch Choi, that was the best dessert in 3 years of Top Chef? Why not just put a snicker's bar on a plate? And don't get me started on the fact he trotted that dish out three times that season, Grrrr! I'm kind of interested to see how this show will play out compared to regular Top Chef. This show has very talented people doing very creative things, and regular Top Chef has hacks, with large collections of douchy hats and/or dodgy personal hygiene. When is Top Chef going to be on again?
Still I can't wait for the next episode and more importantly, the next recap.

Aaaahhhhh, a J-Mo recap. I've missed you so.

Bok Choi had me snorting with laughter. I miss Daddy Tom and Scar - total BS that they aren't a part of this show.

You are a culinary genuis my love - chocolate jimmies near the mouse's ass? 10 stars!!

Lastly....I may have Sam Harris nightmares tonight - was Star Search really on THAT long ago? Am I really that old? SHIT. I need to go eat something.

Love you!
SWAK, PottyMouth

J-Mo, that was hilarious!!! So glad you're recapping this! The show's pretty good, but it's no Top Chef. Still, it's fun and I'm looking forward to your next recap!
Love!

I'm really enjoying this show so far. I like the concept too. I mean, with regular Top Chef, we don't really have any clue how good/bad the contestants are going to cook. Yeah... they give us their titles but that doesn't mean shit, really. An executive chef from a shithole and an executive chef from a fine dining Michelin star having establishment are going to be very different. So it is hard to tell if they are thrown by the limits of the challenge or if they just suck.

With this show, we know the chefs are good. So we can get the pure masochistic joy of watching the challenges bring them to their knees! :p

Glad to have you back, J-Mo. We missed ya.

Oh yeah... FugTaser's moles remind me of the piercing on the mute from Love Bus / Charm School.

Hi, it's Leia LaBiblia from HARPER'S ISLAND-- The Recrap here on TVgasm.

WOW! You are hysterical, J-Mo. I'm an instant fan and already hungering for your next one.

Did you know Judge Gramma Greene wrote a super-salacious 70's Erica Jong knockoff/bestseller called "Blue Skies No Candy"? Pretty unendurable, but since she's a food critic, it did have one unforgettable line:

"His asshole tastes like apple cider."

Oh, Gramma.

love
LLB

LL... how do you know these things?! You are a sick sick individual, but I mean that in a totally good way!

Oh sure go for the easy racial slur as a nickname for the asian host. Bok Choi indeed. This calls for a tvgasm boycott.

But I now have a new calling in my life. I am going to start a local chapter of the FFHA. I have years of experience to share with the younger generation. Every girl should have he very own fag and be able to send up the rainbow, bat signal when she in hag distress. And in need of a little hag maintenance.

Rebecca1968... thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it! xoxo :)

njgasmifan... LOL, don't get fired, this job market's a BITCH! I doubt Daddy Tom shows up much on this show, maybe to hobnob with the best of the best during the Champions Round, otherwise I think he's have Gramma and Nerdmo hitting on him and he doesn't like that. I agree with you, it was interesting to see how friendly the chefs were with each other. Thanks for reading! xoxo :)

kittkatt357... thanks for the Lonesome Dove review, it sounds great. Do they serve good tequila there, too? xoxo :)

xqzmoi... thanks for the kind kudos, you're sweet! As for Sam Harris, I guess he's married to a guy and they adopted a kid together, and he still looks pretty good, and I think he's also still performing here and there. Probably at Gay Pride. Thanks for reading! xoxo :)

waffleboy09... HA! I'm glad you clocked that reference, dearly departed Dom Deluise was such a gem in that lovely non-sequitur scene. As for the hack contestants, it looks like this week's episode features some from past seasons judging the Masters, which means there will be much assholery. Thanks for reading! P.S. I'm loving your Trashback movie reviews in the news section, that is some funny-ass stuff! xoxo :)

PottyMouth... girl, I'm right there with you, Scar is WAY more integrated into the judging clique than Kelly Choi is. And I've never been able to bring myself to eat chocolate jimmies for the exact reason that they look like mouse turds, LOL! Thanks for reading! xoxo :)

fierytopaz... thanks so much for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed the recap! xoxo :)

Snootchy Bootches... thanks for the welcome back, I'm glad to be recapping again, and I think you're right, it's a lot of fun to watch these guys have to deal with the insanity the rest of the poor chef-schmoes have to put up with. Thanks for reading, and LOL about Mute from RoL/CS! xoxo :)

leia labiblia... Hey there, I'm a mutual fan, thanks for the compliment! And OMG, Gramma Greene wrote porn?!?! That's so lovely, ESPECIALLY the whole cidery anuses thing, I think I will use that as a compliment the next time that kind of thing is offered my way. Do you own this book? I must know what else it says. Email me. Thanks for reading! xoxo :)

reckless_saturn_11... I'm sorry you're offended, boycott if you must, but it was either Bok Choi or Kelly Kimchee, beyond those two I got nothing. If you have a better and funnier nickname I'm all eyes. I'm glad you liked the FFHA, though, and thanks for reading! xoxo :)

Oh I was just totally being sarcastic about that. The nickname was perfection, but now I am really liking Kelly Kimchee and will secretly be laughing at that all day.

Also now that I have watched the show I had to chime in once again to say how perfect the fugtaser comments are. I can not look at that guy without thinking that and it is so true those moles are awful, scary and they make me feel small,afraid and ugly. Why these judges? Where did they get them? I don't care about experience or knowledge. I want attractiveness.

I'm only on page three and bwahahahahahahaha! Jmo you are such a funny mofo!

The whole thing has me laughing, but this, for some reason, just SLAYED me: "This may sound weird, but I believe I remember my mommy putting "banana scallops" in my bowls of Cheerios as far back as 1973." HA!

*skips back to read rest of recap, gleeful that the Jmobile is here to amuse me beyond all reason*

Darling J-Mo,
Having you recapping again is right up there with my my fave things in life; gummy bears, matzo ball soup, halvah, chocolate covered cherries...I'm so excited about this season, that I'm even laying in a new supply of chocolate truffle coffee beans to sip on while I read your delicious recaps!!!

I've always liked Mullet when he's appeared as a judge on TC, so I'm thrilled that he did so well on the challenges. Of course, that means TC will continue to have him as a guest judge. Seriously, if a "master" totally bombs, it would be way too awkward to have him back as a judge.

Hugs and heart,
Yenta

Wasn't Mullet the guy that got into it with the irish/scottish(?) guy who stuck his fingers in the food?

Snootchy! I am still reeling from the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ finale tonight and Teresa's Guidette meltdown. Transcendent glorious trash.

Speaking of, my great-grandmother learned English reading the rawest, nastiest bestsellers she could get her manos on, and when I left San Juan in 1981 to be a teen model in Madrid she gave me a bag of books ("for planes and trains") including "The Other Side of Midnight" (the best manual for practical loss of virginity), "Ordeal" by Linda Lovelace (the shocking, mendacious tell-all memoir if her porn enslavement, including teaching Sammy Davis Jr how to deep-throat in the Pussycat Theatre) and Gael Greene's "Blue Skies No Candy" (which set the apple-cider standard for man-rimming). The flight to Madrid was over before I knew it!

LLB

theotherfamily.com

Snootchy, you are correct. Le Mullet DID get into it with that dude for tasting the sauce with his finger and then sticking his finger back in the sauce. So gross.

reckless... oh thank GOD you were kidding, I was spraying my undies trying to think of how I could change the nickname for the rest of the series, LOL! I'm kinda liking the Kelly Kimchee, too, perhaps I will alternate! Plus, I have to say, I am shocked at the frightening homeliness of the judges, but then when I think about it, not really, would Daddy Tom and Scar allow a spin-off to have anyone hotter than them? xoxo :)

zbird... LOL, thanks for the love, and I kinda like J-Mobile, if I had a wireless communication brand, that'd be the perfect name for it! xoxo :)

Yenta-darling, did the Manzo clan invade your comments this week? They were serving some serious Haterade™ on you over there! I'm glad I could help out, and I agree with you, I think Le Mullet was a gracious winner and clearly the most talented out of all of them. xoxo :)

Snootchy, you and PottyMouth are both correct, that was the first ever challenge on Top Chef and that dirtyfingered guy screaming at Le Mullet was part of what got me hooked on this show. xoxo :)

love, J-Mo :)

J-mo, dahlink, so lovely to have you back!!! You are a joy, and I care less that your not a trained chef at more than mac and cheese!

The show's interesting, I like that it's only 4 at a time . . . those first shows are always chaos! Despite the mullet, I too liked him best. Loving Gramme, esp with a dirty novel under her belt!!! Once is not enough, indeed! She is dragalicious!!! ( as you would know, dear J-mo ; )

Well, I agree with all above, I'm a little late finishing this, as I too have to fit it in at work, but it's always well worth the wait!

See ya for the next 4 suckas!!!

Ps. Bok Choy was the obvious choice--don't go changin' love . . .

LL, that is too funny! Coincidentally, my grandmother did the same thing to me, except she didn't do it on purpose. When I was around 12 or 13, she gave me a book that she had picked up at a rummage sale (without reading it first). It was called The Mahound. It featured a rather well endowed man, harems, kinky slave stuff, etc. I was too embarassed to tell her what the book was about!

Excellent recap, J-Mo!

I'm enjoying the Top Chef Masters so far. It would be even better if they would get Tom and Gail to the judging table sometimes.

Finally!! J-Mo is back on the recap wagon! Sorry this comment is so late, but I read sloooooooooowly.

Bok Choy is hilarious - it just sounds SO much better than Kelly Napa! LOL

My mommy put banana scallops in my Cheerios too, but it was back before JFK got 'lected to be prezzie. (Yes, they had Cheerios back in the days of yore - Lucky Charms, too)!

Those p'nut butter 'n choklit balls were a mess. Why he put them directly on the rack instead of on wax or parchment paper is beyond me. What a bewb!

A strawberry milkshake with OJ in it? No wonder the poor kid thought it was sour.

Sam Harris on Star Search - I remember seeing his little gay butt win that contest. He kicked ass with "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"! Natch.

Cowgirl could have asked WFM if they could grind his pork for him. Or *gasp* cut the pork in chunks and make the chili. Hey, isn't most real Texas chili made with chunks instead of ground meat? I think so!

Yay for DJ Mac 'n Cheese winning the first epi!!

Maybe the different chef jacket colors stems from them wearing their own from their restaurants, instead of TC whites? I didn't pay attention while watching the show, but I'll keep an eye out in future.

Lots O' Love and keep it up!

Too busy before this, but great recap! I had to read it in order to decode the 2nd one (the names of the critics).

I am in love with Hubert, too. He seemed to be the only one who cooked for the specific "audiences" (children with the little animals, college students with the mac'n'cheese). He rocks that mullet--lovin' it.

..."But I was the one with the BOLD FLAVORS!"...
hahahaha

..."And allzow I want too zee how wide my nose weel look wizzee feesheye lenz!"...

I just LOVE the way you render the foreign accents, JMo. It's one of the best things about your Top Model recaps.

My husband better hope that I never meet Hubert Keller in person. I find that man sexy as hell. Add in the accent and cooking.....hubby
will be out the door.