Here we are you guys -- the Top Chef episode that'll determine who will make it to the Final Four. Left in the running are Richard, Yoda, Antonia, Evangelass, and Fleasa. That means either Evangelass or Fleasa are going home this week, right? Right?! After last week's elimination, I've learned not to assume anything, but as a warning, I may have to boycott this show -- and these recaps -- if someone else other than one of those two gets eliminated this week. Mostly because I will have thrown my laptop through my TV, and won't be able to watch it or write about it.
Might I suggest you figure this out with a little game of Russian Roulette?
After the normal opening minutes babble, the chefs head off to Allen Brothers, a beef supplier, where they find butcher gear waiting for them as well as an unidentified woman and no hide nor hair of Scar. This is the second QF in a row that lazy bitch has slept through. Putting on a hair net like a SARS mask because he's "funny" and "crazy" (read: giant douchebag) like that, Evangelass is confident he can handle whatever the Quick Fire is because he has a "strain of butchery" in him. Wow, that sentence would have been so different coming from Fleasa. I'm just glad they waited to have this QF until after Twitch was out of there. He would have gone all "Delicatessen" on their asses.
They walk into a warehouse-plant setup, where each chef is giving a rack of long-bone ribeye. The QF is to cut individual chops from the racks of ribeye, making sure the bone is frenched (scraped clean). With 20 minutes on the clock, they begin -- and most immediately run into problems as they realize how hard it is to literally cut through the meat. As Yoda's swearing and flailing around, Evangelass seems to be sailing through this one with ease as he removes the aged parts of the meat and quickly begins separating the chops before cleaning them. He brags to us a bit, and when time is called he turns to the other chefs and announces he "rocked it" like a triumphant child. How they've refrained from punching him in the nuts is beyond me.
"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."
However, instead of evaluating the chops and choosing a winner, unidentified butcher lady sends them back to the Top Chef kitchen with their steaks. Looks like they're also a cooking aspect to this QF. Sure enough, Scar and this week's guest judge -- Rick Tramonto, chef/owner of Tru and Tramonto's -- are waiting for them when they arrive. The second part of this challenge is to cook the chops, medium rare. They'll be judged on the butchery and the doneness of the meat, rather than taste or preparation, which seems a little counterintuitive to me. If Bravo continues in this direction with its challenges, the "Project Runway" contestants will find their asses sitting in front of a loom next season.
Scar sends them off, and Richard races around fast enough to make Hung proud. Now this is a pretty boring QF to watch since they're all basically standing around, cooking steaks. Fleasa tells us this should be second-nature, but with the pressure of the competition you can make mistakes. Evangelass's secret is to pop the steaks in the oven towards the end, and Richard whines about not having time to stick his steaks in a water bath and about having to do it the old-fashioned way. I feel like whenever he's out of his element, he whines about the parameters of the challenge preventing him from doing something totally awesome so it's the challenge's fault, not his, that he's sucking. Man up, Blais!
Yoda, who looks like a plump, prepubescent boy in a backwards baseball hat, splatters grease all over Fleasa as she's cooking her steaks -- not like the latter seems to mind. Yoda decides it's a greater sin to overcook rather than undercook, and pulls her steaks early. Antonia, meanwhile, is taking a page from the unidentified butcher lady's book and is basting her steaks with love juice.
"Ooh, more grease! Thanks, man!"
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Comments (19)
hahaha oh lolo, brilliant recap. i think my favorite part is when you use the term "asshat." fabulous.
four things:
1) fleabag is in final four...DO. NOT. WANT. i would have preferred more of evangelass's antics than her dirty, bitchy, sleazy, undeserving ass. her dishes are consistently poor, and her bad attitude has no dimension. she just plain sucks. and even though evangelass was in the bottom more than she was, i feel like his losses were often group losses in which he was not necessarily the primary culprit, while she always just plain sucked (thinking back to wedding wars, when his dish was the only one that was well-received). anyway, had to get that out. whew.
2)what. was. gail. wearing. she walked out and my boyfriend and i both went OOHHH NOOOOOOOO simultaneously. not a good look, hon. not a good look. and where's her trademark meltdown over poorly cooked meat? and though i would have loved to see the other trademark gail meltdown--poorly cooked eggs--antonia poached perfectly. ah, well. somebody had better make that bitch mad next time.
3) antonia is looking for a baby daddy tom.
4) fleasa's new hairdo...i guess it just got too greasy and she didn't know what else to do with it. that's my theory. either that, or the finale happened post-op.
can't wait for the finale though--fleasa had better be eliminated first or else i'm going to have a conniption.
1 of 19 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on May 30, 2008 6:57 AM
Lolo - I totally have a girl-crush on you! Your recaps are the best! My favorite had to be the Ass- Michael Jackson comparison, creepily on point -
So, I know I'm in the minority here - and that's cool - but I was kinda glad to see Ass go before Fleasa and believe me, I can hardly stand to look at her on screen either and I think her cooking skills are totally inferior to the others - but I like that she takes more risks than he does and for me, its much more entertaining to see odd ideas like peanut butter mashed potatoes, than Ass and his easy chicken sandwich with raw baby carrots...if you're a contestant on Top Chef and you make a dish that I can get at McDonalds, to me, that is just wrong.
Didn't Ant make that exact same salad before? I do like her, but I was surprised the judges didn't call her out on that.
Oh, and did anyone else notice that Blais, yet again, was trying to kiss DT's ass when he offered that plate of bacon - give it up fauxhawk - DT is never gonna like your sorry ass.
And Yoda - I love how much she F's up the QFs, and rocks it on the ECs - cracks me up! She looked like she was gonna cry in front of the judges - she's my pick for the win!
2 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:20 AM
I totally agree with mrsdaddytom, Fleasa should be gone. Long before Dale and Evanglass! Why are they keeping her? I don't think she has won any challenges, or quickfires and has been on the bottom five times. And she mouths off to them. I just don't get it. Richard really needs to get over himself. It was funny that he got upset when DT asked him why he wasn't using any of his "tricks". And how come he and Yoda were both allowed to use the same meat and appetizer protein? Evanglass should not have used the frozen scallops and that was his demise.
3 of 19 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:25 AM
Wonderful recap! Love this show, and will love it more now that fedora boy is gone. (Ah, if only he had managed to take Lisa with him...)
The edit on this epi was odd. They have said that Judges Table often goes for several hours, so obviously they edit it for each show, but it was a little disjointed this time. I'm guessing they were trying to make it suspenseful, but I kept waiting for more follow up on the comments they were making.
As for the whole frozen scallop controversy... I use them all the time, and they're great. Thaw 'em, dry 'em and cook 'em - they keep their texture, form and flavor great. In watching the show, it looked to me like the problem wasn't that they were frozen, but that they weren't frozen well, and became waterlogged when thawed. So their textural integrity must have been mush. And Spike shoulda been able to see that there's no coming back from that!
But I digress... on to the finale! I'd like to see Lisa slink out first, followed by Blais. Then see Yoda and Antonia battle it out for Last Chef Standing, with Yoda winning.
4 of 19 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:50 AM
Lolo, I think Tom hates Ilan just as much as you (and I) do, and must have begged to expediate in the kitchen rather than have to share a meal with that whiny, most undeserving reality competition winner ever.
5 of 19 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on May 30, 2008 8:15 AM
Daddy Tom talked about where the frozen scallops came from in his blog on the Bravo website. He said Rick never uses frozen seafood in his restaurant. The frozen scallops were provided by Allen Bros, along with a bunch of other food for the challenge. He said Rick was aware of this during the taping but didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
6 of 19 | Posted by Allycatt | Posted on May 30, 2008 11:10 AM
Lolo, hilarious as usual. I look forward to these every week!
So my sister was watching this and thought Ilan did something really weird with his hand when he was eating Antonia's salad; as I do not own TiVo, I am unable to rewind. Did anyone else notice that?
I can't effin' stand Ilan. Who wears a t-shirt to a nice restaurant?! (Besides some reeking-of-effort douchenozzle, I mean.) I wanted to hear more from Harold and Hung.
I think this Elimination Challenge was pretty realistic, and as such, especially telling. Vange and Greasa were the ones that struggled the most in the real environment of a chef, and now that he's gone, I'm fairly sure she'll be the next to go. At least, she better.
Finally, I agree on Gail's bodacious ta-ta's and her poor containment of them. I also did not care for Daddy Tom's turtleneck, but Gail's hooteriffic top was a much more egregious offense.
7 of 19 | Posted by MissKatrina | Posted on May 30, 2008 12:55 PM
i can not believe that dale is not in the final four and fleasa is. what the hell is this nonsense?
8 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on May 30, 2008 1:27 PM
Thanks Allycatt for the insider scoop! Makes sense that that's how it happened, and I thought Guesty Judge handled that projectile doucheyness very well--and big of him not to point out said insider scoop to defend himself and/or his restaurant! "Wrong move, Bro!" way to cut it!
And so, in my conspiratorial world, they've been telling Yoda and Richard to make mistakes and blow the QF's etc, to disquise that they are clearly in a league way above the others, but even so, not working--those 2, and Ant of late, have a quiet confidence buzzing about them, even at JT this time.
Will be good to see a TC with a Vag as you so succinctly put it LoLo!!!! I think the new do was on accident cause the grease finally dissolved her hair, and that's the regrowth--nothing could be worse than the grease locks, but think of all she's saving on gel.
Ilan is douche la poodle!!! Even toward the end of his season, his douchyness was apparent--guess these reality stars don't get enough props, so they get this air about them--but, it wasn't as bad as he usually is!!!! Good call on the Tshirt, Lo!!! My co here was watching some interview of him on Youtube, and he's pittering around in his messy apt kitchen dissing Rachel Ray--If you enjoy hating, look it up! Redonk!!!
So I guess they go into remission and reconvene, is it months? later . . . . Go Yoda!
9 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 30, 2008 1:33 PM
Finally! The AssHat goes home. Only took 12 weeks. Great recap. I agree with everyone on here and have nothing to add.
Peace out!
10 of 19 | Posted by el_suavo | Posted on May 30, 2008 5:09 PM
Harold=yum...ask and ye shall recieve (I mentioned last week I wanted to see him on the show).
I digress...You know how sometimes on reality TV instead of just getting rid of one of the final two, they pull a fast one and eliminate them both? That's what I was hopping for. Who says you need 4 in the finals? Why not 3.
carmelicious - I totally saw that and really don't know why they allow them to make the same dish more then once.
Finally-Ilan may be an ass but I HATED Marcel, the foamy bastard. IF he would have won I would not have watched this show again (ok I'm lying but I would have been really pissed).
11 of 19 | Posted by happymomma | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:43 PM
I love Ilan. Haters.
12 of 19 | Posted by iigenericii | Posted on May 31, 2008 11:27 AM
I think Ilan comes off a lot better on those YouTube vids than he ever did on Top Chef, but that is one messy apartment. The interviewer was trying to get him to trash talk various celebrity chefs, but he wasn't taking the bait, so I liked him for that.
He said he made ramen noodles with mayonnaise on his Top Chef audition tape. WTF???? Maybe that means I could be a top chef.
13 of 19 | Posted by gray | Posted on June 1, 2008 5:15 PM
Another great recap, LoLo. The screencap of Ilan describing the head-shaving incident was priceless!
14 of 19 | Posted by bfish | Posted on June 3, 2008 7:15 PM
The picture of Lisa from next week...WHOA. It's like she thought to herself, "How can I make myself even LESS appealing?"
15 of 19 | Posted by danrydell | Posted on June 4, 2008 8:11 AM
Thanks for reading and commenting, everyone! I love getting your opinions and insights on this show, and it's great to hear you guys enjoy reading these recaps as much as I enjoy writing them for you!
Part I of the finale tonight... keep your fingers crossed that Fleasa finally slides back into the grease pit from which she came...
16 of 19 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on June 4, 2008 11:44 AM
"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."
gives new meaning to the term "boning".
17 of 19 | Posted by dredge | Posted on June 4, 2008 4:36 PM
"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."
talk about "boning"!
18 of 19 | Posted by dredge | Posted on June 4, 2008 4:39 PM
I agree with bfish about the Ilan/head shaving caption; I nearly pissed myself I was laughing so hard!
I was in utter shock when Dale got axed, it was Tre all over again, but when the Ass got told to get the fuck out I cheered...loudly. Douchiness always catches up fucker!
I like Richard, but I'm pulling for Yoda, who I also think will win fan favorite.
19 of 19 | Posted by snorwich | Posted on June 4, 2008 6:37 PM