Scar races in, screaming time is up (looks like the extra beauty sleep makes her feisty). She and Rick make their rounds, and besides asking the chefs what method of preparation they used, Rick doesn't really say anything as he inspects the cut and doneness of each steak. Although I have absolutely no idea what the fuck I'm talking about (which is nothing new), I'd say Evangelass's look the best in terms of cut, and Antonia's look the best in terms of doneness. I'd pick Yoda for worst cut, and Richard for worst level of doneness. Then again, as long as it's not still mooing, I'll eat any steak so I'm a horrible judge of this. Thanks, Rick, for giving us some idea of what you're thinking.

Sidenote: I know the primary qualification of guest judges is their pedigree (ignoring Sam last week), but is it not possible to also find someone with a personality? With a few exceptions like Bourdain, so many of these guest judges are pouty, pissy looking lumps especially during the QFs. I don't know if they take themselves too seriously or many just have the personality of a salad spinner, or what. I'd much rather have the same core four judges -- Scar, Daddy Tom, Gail, and Ted -- every week than these useless guests. And end rant.

The chefs gather for the results. Rick calls out Yoda for being the worst, saying her cut was terrible and it was definitely undercooked. He also calls out Richard for inconsistent butchery and undercooked meat. Rick then praises Fleasa, Evangelass, and Antonia, focusing on Evangelass's butchery and Antonia's level of doneness. Huh, maybe I do know a little bit about what I'm talking about! Rick gives the overall win to Evangelass, which again thankfully does not come with immunity. It does come with him treating us to more of his douchebaggery as he melodramatically flails around when Scar reminds him they still can send his ass home.

Picture 1-45

Anyone else notice his head looks a bit like these chops -- bulbous at the bottom and sticking straight up at the top? I'm sure this is the first and last time Blais will ever be called a meathead.

Time for the Elimination Challenge. Scar announces they're entrusting the chefs with something very precious to Rick -- and surprisingly she doesn't mean his Rogaine kit. Each chef will be making an appetizer and an entree for Tramonto's, based on the ingredients they find in the restaurant's kitchen. As the QF winner, Evangelass gets first pick of the proteins for both courses -- which hopefully will land him in the bottom again for trying to screw over everyone else.

Back at home, Evangelass is still bragging about how well he did at the QF, while the ladies admirably do not stab him with their steak knives. He tells us he thinks Yoda is the strongest female, but it's "debatable" between Antonia and Fleasa -- with Antonia deserving to go home more. What?? This man is so fucking stupid -- but I guess that was apparent the moment he decided to adopt a nickname only appropriate on bull dogs and cartoon villains. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky he didn't go with Gargamel.

Very early -- before daylight -- the next morning, the chefs head out to Tramonto's in Wheeling (a suburb north of the city, which is also home to my favorite restaurant, Bob Chinn's Crab House). They'll have three hours to make their appetizers and entrees. Evangelass immediately has to pick his proteins, and goes with the same tomahawk chop steaks from the QF, as well as frozen scallops -- a choice which surprises Yoda, Fleasa and Richard, the latter of whom amusingly pokes at the bag when Evangelass turns his back. Even I'm confused as to why this idiot wouldn't pick something fresh -- it seems like he had decided ahead of time he was doing scallops, and stubbornly stuck with the plan despite only frozen scallops being available. Flexibility anywhere, including the kitchen, is crucial but if this can get him eliminated, I'm all for it. Bring on the freezer burn!

Picture 2-28

"Are you alive, little scallops?"

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Comments (19)

mrsdaddytom:

hahaha oh lolo, brilliant recap. i think my favorite part is when you use the term "asshat." fabulous.

four things:
1) fleabag is in final four...DO. NOT. WANT. i would have preferred more of evangelass's antics than her dirty, bitchy, sleazy, undeserving ass. her dishes are consistently poor, and her bad attitude has no dimension. she just plain sucks. and even though evangelass was in the bottom more than she was, i feel like his losses were often group losses in which he was not necessarily the primary culprit, while she always just plain sucked (thinking back to wedding wars, when his dish was the only one that was well-received). anyway, had to get that out. whew.

2)what. was. gail. wearing. she walked out and my boyfriend and i both went OOHHH NOOOOOOOO simultaneously. not a good look, hon. not a good look. and where's her trademark meltdown over poorly cooked meat? and though i would have loved to see the other trademark gail meltdown--poorly cooked eggs--antonia poached perfectly. ah, well. somebody had better make that bitch mad next time.

3) antonia is looking for a baby daddy tom.

4) fleasa's new hairdo...i guess it just got too greasy and she didn't know what else to do with it. that's my theory. either that, or the finale happened post-op.

can't wait for the finale though--fleasa had better be eliminated first or else i'm going to have a conniption.

carmelicious:

Lolo - I totally have a girl-crush on you! Your recaps are the best! My favorite had to be the Ass- Michael Jackson comparison, creepily on point -

So, I know I'm in the minority here - and that's cool - but I was kinda glad to see Ass go before Fleasa and believe me, I can hardly stand to look at her on screen either and I think her cooking skills are totally inferior to the others - but I like that she takes more risks than he does and for me, its much more entertaining to see odd ideas like peanut butter mashed potatoes, than Ass and his easy chicken sandwich with raw baby carrots...if you're a contestant on Top Chef and you make a dish that I can get at McDonalds, to me, that is just wrong.

Didn't Ant make that exact same salad before? I do like her, but I was surprised the judges didn't call her out on that.

Oh, and did anyone else notice that Blais, yet again, was trying to kiss DT's ass when he offered that plate of bacon - give it up fauxhawk - DT is never gonna like your sorry ass.

And Yoda - I love how much she F's up the QFs, and rocks it on the ECs - cracks me up! She looked like she was gonna cry in front of the judges - she's my pick for the win!

featherhead:

I totally agree with mrsdaddytom, Fleasa should be gone. Long before Dale and Evanglass! Why are they keeping her? I don't think she has won any challenges, or quickfires and has been on the bottom five times. And she mouths off to them. I just don't get it. Richard really needs to get over himself. It was funny that he got upset when DT asked him why he wasn't using any of his "tricks". And how come he and Yoda were both allowed to use the same meat and appetizer protein? Evanglass should not have used the frozen scallops and that was his demise.

ChicagoGal:

Wonderful recap! Love this show, and will love it more now that fedora boy is gone. (Ah, if only he had managed to take Lisa with him...)

The edit on this epi was odd. They have said that Judges Table often goes for several hours, so obviously they edit it for each show, but it was a little disjointed this time. I'm guessing they were trying to make it suspenseful, but I kept waiting for more follow up on the comments they were making.

As for the whole frozen scallop controversy... I use them all the time, and they're great. Thaw 'em, dry 'em and cook 'em - they keep their texture, form and flavor great. In watching the show, it looked to me like the problem wasn't that they were frozen, but that they weren't frozen well, and became waterlogged when thawed. So their textural integrity must have been mush. And Spike shoulda been able to see that there's no coming back from that!

But I digress... on to the finale! I'd like to see Lisa slink out first, followed by Blais. Then see Yoda and Antonia battle it out for Last Chef Standing, with Yoda winning.

tvismyfriend:

Lolo, I think Tom hates Ilan just as much as you (and I) do, and must have begged to expediate in the kitchen rather than have to share a meal with that whiny, most undeserving reality competition winner ever.

Allycatt:

Daddy Tom talked about where the frozen scallops came from in his blog on the Bravo website. He said Rick never uses frozen seafood in his restaurant. The frozen scallops were provided by Allen Bros, along with a bunch of other food for the challenge. He said Rick was aware of this during the taping but didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

MissKatrina:

Lolo, hilarious as usual. I look forward to these every week!

So my sister was watching this and thought Ilan did something really weird with his hand when he was eating Antonia's salad; as I do not own TiVo, I am unable to rewind. Did anyone else notice that?

I can't effin' stand Ilan. Who wears a t-shirt to a nice restaurant?! (Besides some reeking-of-effort douchenozzle, I mean.) I wanted to hear more from Harold and Hung.

I think this Elimination Challenge was pretty realistic, and as such, especially telling. Vange and Greasa were the ones that struggled the most in the real environment of a chef, and now that he's gone, I'm fairly sure she'll be the next to go. At least, she better.

Finally, I agree on Gail's bodacious ta-ta's and her poor containment of them. I also did not care for Daddy Tom's turtleneck, but Gail's hooteriffic top was a much more egregious offense.

reckless_saturn_11:

i can not believe that dale is not in the final four and fleasa is. what the hell is this nonsense?

juddfan:

Thanks Allycatt for the insider scoop! Makes sense that that's how it happened, and I thought Guesty Judge handled that projectile doucheyness very well--and big of him not to point out said insider scoop to defend himself and/or his restaurant! "Wrong move, Bro!" way to cut it!

And so, in my conspiratorial world, they've been telling Yoda and Richard to make mistakes and blow the QF's etc, to disquise that they are clearly in a league way above the others, but even so, not working--those 2, and Ant of late, have a quiet confidence buzzing about them, even at JT this time.

Will be good to see a TC with a Vag as you so succinctly put it LoLo!!!! I think the new do was on accident cause the grease finally dissolved her hair, and that's the regrowth--nothing could be worse than the grease locks, but think of all she's saving on gel.

Ilan is douche la poodle!!! Even toward the end of his season, his douchyness was apparent--guess these reality stars don't get enough props, so they get this air about them--but, it wasn't as bad as he usually is!!!! Good call on the Tshirt, Lo!!! My co here was watching some interview of him on Youtube, and he's pittering around in his messy apt kitchen dissing Rachel Ray--If you enjoy hating, look it up! Redonk!!!

So I guess they go into remission and reconvene, is it months? later . . . . Go Yoda!

el_suavo:

Finally! The AssHat goes home. Only took 12 weeks. Great recap. I agree with everyone on here and have nothing to add.

Peace out!

happymomma:

Harold=yum...ask and ye shall recieve (I mentioned last week I wanted to see him on the show).

I digress...You know how sometimes on reality TV instead of just getting rid of one of the final two, they pull a fast one and eliminate them both? That's what I was hopping for. Who says you need 4 in the finals? Why not 3.

carmelicious - I totally saw that and really don't know why they allow them to make the same dish more then once.

Finally-Ilan may be an ass but I HATED Marcel, the foamy bastard. IF he would have won I would not have watched this show again (ok I'm lying but I would have been really pissed).

iigenericii:

I love Ilan. Haters.

gray:

I think Ilan comes off a lot better on those YouTube vids than he ever did on Top Chef, but that is one messy apartment. The interviewer was trying to get him to trash talk various celebrity chefs, but he wasn't taking the bait, so I liked him for that.

He said he made ramen noodles with mayonnaise on his Top Chef audition tape. WTF???? Maybe that means I could be a top chef.

bfish:

Another great recap, LoLo. The screencap of Ilan describing the head-shaving incident was priceless!

danrydell:

The picture of Lisa from next week...WHOA. It's like she thought to herself, "How can I make myself even LESS appealing?"

LoLo:

Thanks for reading and commenting, everyone! I love getting your opinions and insights on this show, and it's great to hear you guys enjoy reading these recaps as much as I enjoy writing them for you!

Part I of the finale tonight... keep your fingers crossed that Fleasa finally slides back into the grease pit from which she came...

dredge:

"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."

gives new meaning to the term "boning".

dredge:

"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."

talk about "boning"!

snorwich:

I agree with bfish about the Ilan/head shaving caption; I nearly pissed myself I was laughing so hard!

I was in utter shock when Dale got axed, it was Tre all over again, but when the Ass got told to get the fuck out I cheered...loudly. Douchiness always catches up fucker!

I like Richard, but I'm pulling for Yoda, who I also think will win fan favorite.

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