Fleasa tells us she initially wanted scallops, but since they look so bad (she's capable of recognizing that condition?), she's going with shrimp and NY strip steaks instead. To go with her steak, Fleasa is working on peanut butter mashed potatoes, which sounds only slightly less icky than butterscotch scallops. The stress is evidently getting to Yoda, who's now babbling the entire plot of "Return of the Jedi" to herself while preparing her sweetbreads appetizer and tenderloin entree. She tells us that while sweetbreads are often considered gross -- since they're the thymus glands of veal -- they can taste just like a chicken nugget if prepared right. Well that explains what the hell McDonald's is sticking in those things. White meat, my ass. Richard is also using sweetbreads, paired with some hamachi fish for his appetizer, and he chooses beef tenderloin for his entree. Finally, Antonia is making a warm mushroom/egg salad appetizer and a bone-in ribeye entree.
Things are going smoothly so far, as the chefs dance around each other in the unfamiliar kitchen and try to figure out what the hell they're making. Fleasa lightly complains that her back is on fire and she means it literally -- as Antonia has the door of the wood-burning stove open to allow it to breathe and get hotter. Antonia somewhat reluctantly closes the door a bit, saying she doesn't want the fire to die. Fleasa jokes, "What about me? What if I die?" To which Antonia offhandedly and awesomely answers: "Well then I guess you're not going to Puerto Rico, Fleasa!" She'd sound more concerned if she was talking about the likelihood of Ashlee and Pete Wentz's marriage surviving its first year.
Meanwhile, Evangelass's frozen scallop decision is coming back to bite him in his presumably hairy ass, as he sees they're all torn and water-logged. He grabs rolls of paper towels to dry them off with, but he's definitely looking the most screwed so far.
The hats, the creepy pedophile vibe, and now 1 white glove... Evangelass's transformation into Michael Jackson is almost complete.
Daddy Tom, fresh from his philanthropic endeavors (I usually have more self-esteem than this, but I'm definitely willing to be a charity case if that's what he goes for), is in the house! He stops by Antonia first, and asks her if Evangelass's choices affected her in any way. She admits she would have possibly picked scallops, but once she saw they were frozen, they were all his. Both she and DT share a chuckle over Evangelass's stupidity before he moves on to Yoda and Richard. His chat with Yoda is uneventful, but DT manages to ruffle Richard's fauxhawk when he basically accuses him of playing it safe (which I would agree he has been lately). Turning to Fleasa, DT is clearly concerned about the peanut butter mashed potatoes, and calls the concept "interesting" -- which Fleasa accurately calls out as a DT euphemism for "you're going to fucking poison me, aren't you?"
He finally gets to Evangelass to chat about the frozen scallops. Evangelass admits they're not the quality he would have liked, but then announces that he has no problem using frozen scallops in general -- earning a very judgmental look from Daddy Tom who clearly disagrees. Trying to brazen it out, Evangelass declares that if he can make the scallops look good, he can make anything look good -- and DT quickly agrees. At this point, unless Fleasa's peanut butter mashed potatoes make DT hurl, Evangelass looks like the clear loser.
Daddy Tom announces there's one hour left before service, and that he'll be serving as the expo in the kitchen -- basically the person who takes the final look over the dish between the kitchen and the servers, sometimes plating the separate elements or adding final touches. A good expo can make or break a kitchen for both servers and guests, and having DT in that role should prove interesting. As everyone's finishing up their dishes, they each reiterate for the millionth time that they don't want to be the one who misses the finals by one person. Richard tells us he's failed at a lot of things in life -- one obviously being personal grooming -- and he definitely does not want to fail at this. He wants to make future baby Blais's proud, dammit!
"Maybe if I cover the scallops with dog food, no one will notice how much I've yet again fucked up my QF advantage..."
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Comments (19)
hahaha oh lolo, brilliant recap. i think my favorite part is when you use the term "asshat." fabulous.
four things:
1) fleabag is in final four...DO. NOT. WANT. i would have preferred more of evangelass's antics than her dirty, bitchy, sleazy, undeserving ass. her dishes are consistently poor, and her bad attitude has no dimension. she just plain sucks. and even though evangelass was in the bottom more than she was, i feel like his losses were often group losses in which he was not necessarily the primary culprit, while she always just plain sucked (thinking back to wedding wars, when his dish was the only one that was well-received). anyway, had to get that out. whew.
2)what. was. gail. wearing. she walked out and my boyfriend and i both went OOHHH NOOOOOOOO simultaneously. not a good look, hon. not a good look. and where's her trademark meltdown over poorly cooked meat? and though i would have loved to see the other trademark gail meltdown--poorly cooked eggs--antonia poached perfectly. ah, well. somebody had better make that bitch mad next time.
3) antonia is looking for a baby daddy tom.
4) fleasa's new hairdo...i guess it just got too greasy and she didn't know what else to do with it. that's my theory. either that, or the finale happened post-op.
can't wait for the finale though--fleasa had better be eliminated first or else i'm going to have a conniption.
1 of 19 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on May 30, 2008 6:57 AM
Lolo - I totally have a girl-crush on you! Your recaps are the best! My favorite had to be the Ass- Michael Jackson comparison, creepily on point -
So, I know I'm in the minority here - and that's cool - but I was kinda glad to see Ass go before Fleasa and believe me, I can hardly stand to look at her on screen either and I think her cooking skills are totally inferior to the others - but I like that she takes more risks than he does and for me, its much more entertaining to see odd ideas like peanut butter mashed potatoes, than Ass and his easy chicken sandwich with raw baby carrots...if you're a contestant on Top Chef and you make a dish that I can get at McDonalds, to me, that is just wrong.
Didn't Ant make that exact same salad before? I do like her, but I was surprised the judges didn't call her out on that.
Oh, and did anyone else notice that Blais, yet again, was trying to kiss DT's ass when he offered that plate of bacon - give it up fauxhawk - DT is never gonna like your sorry ass.
And Yoda - I love how much she F's up the QFs, and rocks it on the ECs - cracks me up! She looked like she was gonna cry in front of the judges - she's my pick for the win!
2 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:20 AM
I totally agree with mrsdaddytom, Fleasa should be gone. Long before Dale and Evanglass! Why are they keeping her? I don't think she has won any challenges, or quickfires and has been on the bottom five times. And she mouths off to them. I just don't get it. Richard really needs to get over himself. It was funny that he got upset when DT asked him why he wasn't using any of his "tricks". And how come he and Yoda were both allowed to use the same meat and appetizer protein? Evanglass should not have used the frozen scallops and that was his demise.
3 of 19 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:25 AM
Wonderful recap! Love this show, and will love it more now that fedora boy is gone. (Ah, if only he had managed to take Lisa with him...)
The edit on this epi was odd. They have said that Judges Table often goes for several hours, so obviously they edit it for each show, but it was a little disjointed this time. I'm guessing they were trying to make it suspenseful, but I kept waiting for more follow up on the comments they were making.
As for the whole frozen scallop controversy... I use them all the time, and they're great. Thaw 'em, dry 'em and cook 'em - they keep their texture, form and flavor great. In watching the show, it looked to me like the problem wasn't that they were frozen, but that they weren't frozen well, and became waterlogged when thawed. So their textural integrity must have been mush. And Spike shoulda been able to see that there's no coming back from that!
But I digress... on to the finale! I'd like to see Lisa slink out first, followed by Blais. Then see Yoda and Antonia battle it out for Last Chef Standing, with Yoda winning.
4 of 19 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:50 AM
Lolo, I think Tom hates Ilan just as much as you (and I) do, and must have begged to expediate in the kitchen rather than have to share a meal with that whiny, most undeserving reality competition winner ever.
5 of 19 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on May 30, 2008 8:15 AM
Daddy Tom talked about where the frozen scallops came from in his blog on the Bravo website. He said Rick never uses frozen seafood in his restaurant. The frozen scallops were provided by Allen Bros, along with a bunch of other food for the challenge. He said Rick was aware of this during the taping but didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
6 of 19 | Posted by Allycatt | Posted on May 30, 2008 11:10 AM
Lolo, hilarious as usual. I look forward to these every week!
So my sister was watching this and thought Ilan did something really weird with his hand when he was eating Antonia's salad; as I do not own TiVo, I am unable to rewind. Did anyone else notice that?
I can't effin' stand Ilan. Who wears a t-shirt to a nice restaurant?! (Besides some reeking-of-effort douchenozzle, I mean.) I wanted to hear more from Harold and Hung.
I think this Elimination Challenge was pretty realistic, and as such, especially telling. Vange and Greasa were the ones that struggled the most in the real environment of a chef, and now that he's gone, I'm fairly sure she'll be the next to go. At least, she better.
Finally, I agree on Gail's bodacious ta-ta's and her poor containment of them. I also did not care for Daddy Tom's turtleneck, but Gail's hooteriffic top was a much more egregious offense.
7 of 19 | Posted by MissKatrina | Posted on May 30, 2008 12:55 PM
i can not believe that dale is not in the final four and fleasa is. what the hell is this nonsense?
8 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on May 30, 2008 1:27 PM
Thanks Allycatt for the insider scoop! Makes sense that that's how it happened, and I thought Guesty Judge handled that projectile doucheyness very well--and big of him not to point out said insider scoop to defend himself and/or his restaurant! "Wrong move, Bro!" way to cut it!
And so, in my conspiratorial world, they've been telling Yoda and Richard to make mistakes and blow the QF's etc, to disquise that they are clearly in a league way above the others, but even so, not working--those 2, and Ant of late, have a quiet confidence buzzing about them, even at JT this time.
Will be good to see a TC with a Vag as you so succinctly put it LoLo!!!! I think the new do was on accident cause the grease finally dissolved her hair, and that's the regrowth--nothing could be worse than the grease locks, but think of all she's saving on gel.
Ilan is douche la poodle!!! Even toward the end of his season, his douchyness was apparent--guess these reality stars don't get enough props, so they get this air about them--but, it wasn't as bad as he usually is!!!! Good call on the Tshirt, Lo!!! My co here was watching some interview of him on Youtube, and he's pittering around in his messy apt kitchen dissing Rachel Ray--If you enjoy hating, look it up! Redonk!!!
So I guess they go into remission and reconvene, is it months? later . . . . Go Yoda!
9 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 30, 2008 1:33 PM
Finally! The AssHat goes home. Only took 12 weeks. Great recap. I agree with everyone on here and have nothing to add.
Peace out!
10 of 19 | Posted by el_suavo | Posted on May 30, 2008 5:09 PM
Harold=yum...ask and ye shall recieve (I mentioned last week I wanted to see him on the show).
I digress...You know how sometimes on reality TV instead of just getting rid of one of the final two, they pull a fast one and eliminate them both? That's what I was hopping for. Who says you need 4 in the finals? Why not 3.
carmelicious - I totally saw that and really don't know why they allow them to make the same dish more then once.
Finally-Ilan may be an ass but I HATED Marcel, the foamy bastard. IF he would have won I would not have watched this show again (ok I'm lying but I would have been really pissed).
11 of 19 | Posted by happymomma | Posted on May 30, 2008 7:43 PM
I love Ilan. Haters.
12 of 19 | Posted by iigenericii | Posted on May 31, 2008 11:27 AM
I think Ilan comes off a lot better on those YouTube vids than he ever did on Top Chef, but that is one messy apartment. The interviewer was trying to get him to trash talk various celebrity chefs, but he wasn't taking the bait, so I liked him for that.
He said he made ramen noodles with mayonnaise on his Top Chef audition tape. WTF???? Maybe that means I could be a top chef.
13 of 19 | Posted by gray | Posted on June 1, 2008 5:15 PM
Another great recap, LoLo. The screencap of Ilan describing the head-shaving incident was priceless!
14 of 19 | Posted by bfish | Posted on June 3, 2008 7:15 PM
The picture of Lisa from next week...WHOA. It's like she thought to herself, "How can I make myself even LESS appealing?"
15 of 19 | Posted by danrydell | Posted on June 4, 2008 8:11 AM
Thanks for reading and commenting, everyone! I love getting your opinions and insights on this show, and it's great to hear you guys enjoy reading these recaps as much as I enjoy writing them for you!
Part I of the finale tonight... keep your fingers crossed that Fleasa finally slides back into the grease pit from which she came...
16 of 19 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on June 4, 2008 11:44 AM
"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."
gives new meaning to the term "boning".
17 of 19 | Posted by dredge | Posted on June 4, 2008 4:36 PM
"About 8" long, 2" wide... When the Chicago nights are cold and lonely, I find this is good company."
talk about "boning"!
18 of 19 | Posted by dredge | Posted on June 4, 2008 4:39 PM
I agree with bfish about the Ilan/head shaving caption; I nearly pissed myself I was laughing so hard!
I was in utter shock when Dale got axed, it was Tre all over again, but when the Ass got told to get the fuck out I cheered...loudly. Douchiness always catches up fucker!
I like Richard, but I'm pulling for Yoda, who I also think will win fan favorite.
19 of 19 | Posted by snorwich | Posted on June 4, 2008 6:37 PM