Great recap as always, Flip. And thanks for the Der Wienerschnizel reference. Mmmmmmm... Der Wienerschnizel. They make a killer chili burger, btw. It ain't all about the dawgs!

Did you notice in the before/after weightloss picture that the woman's boobs got bigger AFTER she lost weight? Yeah, that always happens. o_0

Prettyish going home is fine and all but unfortunately we will still have to endure his wink in the credits every week. What a douche. Wouldn't it be great if they did away with the credits entirely? They could just have Fabio explaining it to everyone: "Thees is a top chef not eh top scalyope..."

Flipit, your screencaps of the Queen of Dildo Beach make me spit various beverages all over my screen. Hilarious.

Spike has a burgers-and-fries joint in DC where you can watch Top Chef on Wednesdays, so my sister and I went this week and Carla Beaker was there!! She hadn't told her husband about the Superbowl tickets so he was genuinely surprised, it was really cute :-) Also, she actually is that happy in person, so Ronda and Juanita must be doing something right!

Flipit, in the superbowl of recaps, YOU'RE NUMBER ONE! Yay, foam finger, Yay. I too, spewed mocha java all over the keyboard.

This episode had me wondering if Fabio should cook up some monkey ass. He might actually win a challenge. He's to darn entertaining to go yet. Get yo monkey shit together, piasan!

This was both the most upsetting and delighting episode of the season.

1) Dr. Jeff SHOULD NOT have gone home. Fabio can talk crap about taking the whole season into consideration, but he definitely did worse than Dr. Jeff throughout the season. And Dr. Jeff has never overcooked or undercooked the meat ever!

2) Beaker's "SHUT UP" was priceless! Get this woman a show of her own - other than Sesame Street.

Me thinks I'm as done with season as I was after Tre got booted in S3.

Another brilliant recap, Flipit! You are my HERO! That Match.com screencap on page 5 had me gasping for air, I was laughing so hard!

At this point, I'm rooting for Beaker. Girl is a comedy goldmine, and anyone who can make gumbo in 20 minutes is a ROCK STAR! She hasn't got a chance in hell, but your recaps just won't be the same with our favorite muppet!

hutchlover:

If you read the judges' blogs, Jeff's ceviche tasted awful, whereas Fabio's dishes had some good points to it. In the end, it's a cooking competition based on taste, and since we can't taste the food, it's impossible for us to say who should and who should not go home. If Jeff's food tasted the worst, then he SHOULD have gone home.

Alafoss: Watch the show again. I call BULLSHIT. Tom has never liked Jeff's cooking. He slams him all the time, even when he does well.

Fabio has been a mediocre chef from Day 1, excepting the carpaccio in EC2. Not as bad as Leah, but definitely not innovative or original.

Fabio's meat was well done to the point of massacre, his cheese over salad was sloppy & poor taste (per judging). If Eugene's fish was gave up its life "for that", then don't you think Fabio's deer was murdered for "that", as well?

Flipit,

Wonderful recap - I laughed my ass off! (and that's a lot of ass). You are just TOO funny! I agree that Toby should go - I don't like him at all, and I normally just lurve a bitchy queen.

Keep up the great work!

P.S. Please don't smack Little Kittie - it's not his/her fault that it's in Pussy Prison on some trumped-up charge. Some dog must have framed the poor thing. YAY for kitties!

~meow

"Tom has never liked Jeff's cooking. He slams him all the time, even when he does well."

Because Jeff does too much he makes pretentious food. He basically wants to make pretty bad tasting food.

Fabio at least had a few wins or near to them while Prettyboy was near the bottom a lot more.

Fabio at least does far more good concepts or tried and true while Jeff does stuff that most professional chefs have abandoned as old fashioned and out of place.

Beaker and Fabio might just be two of my fave characters ever, so I can't deny I love this season! Are they necessarily the best chefs ever? Well..no, duh (except possibly Stefan) but man, the entertainment level is awesome.

Flipiiiiiiiit! I live for your recaps, because the chefs this season suck donkey balls!

First of all, tofu (to me) is quite possibly the most disgusting food product imaginable, but I was happy that Beaker was able to use it to her advantage, for once it came in handy!

I am in everlasting hate with Possible Stalker Leah and her blah face. Ditto Prettyish.

Hose(a) makes me sad. And his chiclet-teeth are disturbing.

Miguel actually was given the nickname "Chunk La Funk" by the Season One chefs. I would like to bend him over my kitchen counter.

I almost peed with the Josie "you've found hot oils" caption! I'm so glad she decided to ditch the fauxhawk!

Fabio's obsession with monkey-ass is also disturbing, but you make bestiality so damned funny!

Loved the "Alice" reference on the Beaker post-meditation screencap, I miss me some Linda Lavin and Polly Holliday.

I, too, noticed how the judges did not seem to care for whooping it up with their giant foam fingers (Toby probably tried to eat his, and then got mad when he couldn't think of anything unfunny to say about it). He is just a more pinched-looking constipated version of Daddy Tom and makes me hope Beaker left enough of Gail's remains to perform some kind of revivification ceremony on them (with Ronda and Juanita's help, natch!)

I was jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs when Stefan got his ass handed to him with a big fat ZERO points. YES! In your face Europea! He's still going to win, tho.

I, too, hate the fact that Aunt Jackie's face looks like all those years of living with Roseanne have finally caught up to her.

I would kill to know where Turtle Jamie got her Princess Of Power™ headband/circlet. It looks like probably Paradise Island.

Toby's piss-colored glasses = dead-on explanation for why he is the way he is! Love you for that!

Also scream-inducing was Fabio's smack-down at the hands of Conant, I live for when these cheftestants forget their place and try to critique criticism!

The kitten in the cage looks hungry. Kitten scary. Boo.

...and my favorite caption of all? "sdgiehasdnghesdon'tmakemegobacktothedildoclubsdglksdgj"

As always, I bow to the Queen Of All Bitches, you are my master.

love, J-Mo :)

you got to meet beaker? you lucky girl!! did you get pics? i would act like i was at disneyland! thanks so much for reading you guys. you kill me every single time. "...the judges did not seem to care for whooping it up with their giant foam fingers (Toby probably tried to eat his, and then got mad when he couldn't think of anything unfunny to say about it)" bwahahahahah

have a great superbowl day! i will be making hot dogs and crying in the dark. LOVE

Oh please. You'll do the same as last year. Tie 2 foam fingers to Lil' Elvis and run screaming thru the streets until someone calls the po-po.

Maybe Beaker took a page from Flo's playbook and, after the Quickfire challenge, told everybody to "kiss my stone-ground grits."

great stuff, a per.

I have nothing more to add.

oh - except @ Snootchy Bootches:
"Did you notice in the before/after weightloss picture that the woman's boobs got bigger AFTER she lost weight? Yeah, that always happens. o_0"

I had to go back and check on that.

riiiiiight

also, @ hutchlover:
"2) Beaker's "SHUT UP" was priceless! Get this woman a show of her own - other than Sesame Street."

HIL-arious!

I didn't realize how much I'd miss Fabio until we came so close to losing him. "You fucked up, you go home. How sounds that?"

It sounds freaking awesome, Fabio. That's how sounds it. Now stop fucking up your proteins or we'll be one step closer to a Leah/Hosea/Carla finale, and that's simply unacceptable.

I liked Jeff. Ah well.

Puh-lease..the fix was so obviously in to keep Fabio...I can't believe there wasn't more of an uproar in print media.
Ever read the disclaimer at the end of the show?
"Winning and elimination decisions were made by the judges in consultation with producers. Some elimination decisions were discussed with Bravo."

Of course they are going to keep the charming but so far, fairly mediocre talent.

I'd say the reaming Fabio got from the guest chef judge rates among the top five judges' table humiliations throughout all the seasons. Arianne came off a few big wins when she "disrespected the protein", and out she went. Fabio murdered the venison and the rest of the dish was crappy too, yet he's still around.

I happen to like him...last week if I HAD to pick who I hoped to win, he was one of my choices. But now...I am on the "Carla train"...she may not be the Top chef (Ilan was crap and he took the win), but I hope she has at least a few more good showings, and stays a while longer. Several weeks more with the insufferable Stephan with no Carla buffer would be torturous.

"came off a few big wins when she "disrespected the protein", "

Let see one win was more due to her leader Jamie with even the judges admitting that if Jamie had spoken up Arianne wouldn't have won that one.

The Today show one was a joke of a win. I mean a freaking salad.

Arianne lacked basic cooking skills.

I think the decision between Fabio and Jeff could have been influenced by their familiarity with the dishes. Jeff said in the diary room and the exit interview that he makes dozens of this meal every day at his restaurant, but my fauxbeau Tom said it tasted really bad. We all know there's nothing worse to Tommy than a chef who can't tell whether one of his tried and true recipies tastes awful. Because Fabio was working with a protein with which he was unfamiliar, he overestimated the cooking time, but the rest of the meal was ok.

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself because Jeff is creepy and Fabio is dreamy, and Tommy can do no wrong. Ever.

Flipit,
Have you considered adding a job posting section to the TVGasm website, for those of us in danger of being fired for laughing inappropriately while we should be working???

My questions:
1. Is Monkey Ass the national dish of Italy?
2. Is Scarianne (one of the OLDEST CONTESTANTS of Season 5) so officially senile she forgot her pants?

I loved Juanita and Ronda calling out Jeff's creative monkeys. SOME people have spirit guides, some have monkeys....

LOVED seeing SmartAss Stephan get smacked - and LOVE Beaker, her guides and her attitude - she is my fan fav, although I don't believe she is Top Chef.

Ho-sea's potato religion and feeding Noah Wyle to the bears were just 2 hightlights for me. Flipit, thank you so much for the amazing job you do recrapping this crap - and commericals - too funny!

How could Spike make a Wisconsin dish without using cheese or dairy? Please. Boil some brats in some beer and cover them with cheese. Serve with a side of beer and cheese. The end.

Great comments and great recap Flip!!! Just remember to remove sharp objects before you turn off the lights to eat and cry--I speak from experience!!! HEE

That 39 pounds looks like an inhale and a slight vert/horz distort--I swear I could do those for a living, and frankly, when it comes to men's before and afters, I always like the hairy bellied version better than the ken doll after . . .

Yay Beaker!!!! I too noticed she was getting lots of screen time, but I bet it's coz Prettyish is so meh, as you've pointed out, he's got one expression, to keep him over Fabio would be redonk! I do wish Fabio was a better cook, I thought he was a contendah!?

Me used to eat plenty of tofu, and likey . . . I think Beaker, Juanita and Rhonda specialize in vegetarian fare . . . but I did go to one of those, "we're going to make faux meat from tofu and you wont know the dif" places, and I will never ever eat it again!!! Do we really need faux venison, or kidney, ewwwww!!!!

I hate Toby too, and what a riot that he tries to look all tough and threatening, I'd still bend him over the counter (thanks for that J-mo! xoxox)

There's an interview with Prettyish out there where he's waaaa ing about being treated like a sex object on the show, ahem, check it out!!! Lot's of bitter spew about DT too!

Thanks so much for all the joy you bring us Flip, and remember, when your chewing that food in the dark, feel the love we got for ya!!!!! Mwah!

ok so i just went to e and read an interview. prettyish says that he thinks it was unfair that he was sent home because all the judges had to say about his ceviche was that it was watered down "and i didn't even use any water." LOLOLLLL. priceless.

It may have been people, I saw an excerpt on dlisted, it's got a shirtless screen cap if you want to scroll back for it!

What a maroon!

I was DYING at the caption under the "An animal is beaten..." commercial. So true. And I punched Leila for looking at me funny while I was laughing. As if she doesn't hate you enough.

Flipit, you get me every fucking time!! The pictures of Beaker are priceless! And the video clips every week are too awesome for words.