Go is called and everyone runs around. Fabio can't get the fridge doors open. Maybe you're thirteen and my mom padlocked them so you won't be a two hundred and sixty pound adult. Nice try! Like me, he got that shit open. Unlike me, he didn't devour six boxes of thin mints right after. Hosea wants to open a seafood restaurant in real life, so he figures he'll use that in this challenge.

200901230017
Don't forget the potatoes.

Prettyish tells us that when you open a restaurant, you have to look at your clientele. "This is me, this is my cuisine." The problem is, he has no defined personality. Sure enough, he doesn't really come up with a theme. "I can sell anybody anything. It's perfect American fare, it's a winning dish." Huh? Somehow, this deep thinking led him to salmon.

200901230021
asdgsdagsdgasdgoiehgdildosandwichlksdhgihasdgihsandinmycracklkasdglnasdgblaaah

He grabs about thirty things off the shelves and then runs around the kitchen really fast so it looks like he's doing something.

200901230023
I will find a way to plate half an hour of cardio and make a million dollars.

Possible Stalker's snapper smells like ass, so her restaurant concept is going to be "The Morning After...Will He Call or Will I Start Following His Wife Around?" Seriously though, how many people are going to make seafood? When the chefs start to dwindle, it usually gets exciting to see the real creative talent emerge. Anyone? Fabio thinks that the lunch diner is overlooked for the most part, so he's making a soup, salad and sandwich plate. Glad to see him cutting tuna, because it would be a shame if anyone actually broke the mold and stood out. Jamie the Ninja Turtle sees no reason to try to win this thing either, because she knows the leader in Restaurant Wars has a really good chance of going down. So she makes fish over corn. OY. She's made corn soup, chicken cutlets with corn, corn salad....Jesus woman. Enough with the corn. Leave it to Turtle to find away to hack apart one of America's finest all natural phallic symbols every time she gets a chance. Someone get her a girlfriend.

Scar calls time and she and Dame approach Beaker, who gets a delicious look in her eyes. "Aren't you...?" Dame pulls off her glasses right away and speaks in as low a voice as possible. Ronda and Juanita remind her that this is a competition and she gets on with it. She wants to make a New American restaurant with seasonal rustic ingredients. She's made cod seared in tomato oil with tomatoes and mache salad. I love you Beaker, but YAWN. Dame wants more salt, and as she leaves, adds "I'm trying to find a word to describe what you're wearing... affordable."

200901230100
Juanita told me the gold hoops would be too slutty.

Hosea made shrimp with morel, mushroom cream sauce and garlic potato puree, which Dame seemed to like. Hosea isn't sure though. "I don't think he liked my concept." Your one word concept was revolutionary, dude. "Seafood". I'm sure you'll win. Possible Stalker wasn't sure on what to make when her snapper was bad, so she just put together one of those rubber fake vomit gag gifts. As the Dame once famously said, "People can't hit you, can they, when they're laughing." Dame loves a good joke. She's gonna win.

200901230108
There will be a fart cushion on every seat in Leah's restaurant.

Well, at least she didn't make fish. Dame thinks it's tasty, which makes Leah run and hug Hosea. And then I make her dish right on my living room floor.

200901230110
EW

Stefan would open a EurAmerican restaurant, which means he would take the old of Europe and blend it with American. That somehow led him to make trout and asparagus soup. Boredom is multicultural, fo sho. Prettyish doesn't have a theme. He just took whatever looked good, in this case a filet of salmon and artichoke puree. This is not a concept. It's a fucking piece of grilled fish. Are these people joking? Dame doesn't look thrilled, so Prettyish takes off his shirt. I thought that would win it for him, but all Dame has to say is "for some reason it's a little mushy." Oh, snapple!

200901230116
But I'm Pretty!....ish!

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Comments (28)

Snootchy Bootches:

Awesome recap, as always. I find it amusing that there are times when I am watching shows when I think to myself "Oooh Flipit is gonna LOVE that!"

I really loved in the beginning of the show when the other contestants were calling bullshit on HoLeah throwing Scari under the bus. So often on shows like this, people just take it in stride rather than calling it out (on camera anyway). That was fantastic.

philo:

Flipit I love the comments on the commercials as much as the recap.

I think Rad, Beaker and Leah are on their last legs. Rad looked and sounded exhausted and ready to go home for good. Beaker cooks safe food but is clearly out of her league. Leah seems exhausted as well. She couldn't find a better piece of fish to send to the judges? I think Stefan is the clear winner unless he truly screws up.

What is with the tight clothes. Starr's jacket was about to split in the back and Fabio's Saturday Night Fever jacket sleeves ended at his elbows.

And do you think Toby (aka Dr. Bunsen Honeydew) keeps index cards in his jacket pocket with witty remarks written on them? He's like that kid that no one likes at the lunch table that thinks if he says something funny everyone will like him. See you after class for your daily wedgie Toby. I think Tom can't stand him either.

njgasmifan:

This was one of the most hysterical recaps I have ever read - THANKS FLIPIT!
The title alone sent me rolling - the so many great lines....the reference to Dame Edna (spot ON!), the mention that Turtle ought to be good at soup and scallops by now, Leah blaming Scari for the cod -I just kept giggling. And a big Hootie Hoo for the Muppet video with the band (and Animal the drummer). As always, the screen caps were great - "this bitch is wack" is my fav. Your commercial recaps are also sooooo entertaining.
Rad was really ready it seemed - really in over her head. I was glad Beaker stayed, although when they were at judge's table and she was talking about smiling and sending out love I actually yelled at the TV "shut up Juanita and Ronda!" Bad time for the guides to get feisty.
I'm over HoLeah - at this point Stephen really looks like the only one who can go all the way -even if he's an arrogant ass.
Philo, I thought the same thing - DT looks like he smells something bad everytime Dr. Honeydew opens his mouth with his "witticims".
Flipit, you are awesome. Thanks for making me laugh!

animalcrackers:

"and less time playing Hootie Hoo in grocery stores with her husband and having tea parties with Ronda and Juanita, her spirit guides" - OMG! Best line EVAH!

and i love the recap title!

i really hope jeff & his dildo club are gone soon!

Team Stefan!

Y3KPhenom:

I was so glad to hear that Toby actually made a comment that made sense for a change. Especially, since it saved my Carla Beaker. I did feel for Beaker when they all ganged up on her about sending out the love with her food. I don't see how this is any worse than them going on and on about "respecting the protein" every week. I'm sure if the little lambs had their choice, they would take life over our "respect" any day. I LOVE that she stood up for herself though. But since she's already earned DT's disdain, I doubt that she will make it another week. Which sucks because that means more time with the Stalker.

welcometothepartypal:

oh my goodness, this recap was yummy in my tummy.
"Just because I'm Indian doesn't mean...."
LOL seriously good stuff.

njgasmifan:

PS - did anyone else think Rad could not possibly find a deader color to wear? The whole effect was washed out, ready for the coffin. Get some bright colors girl!

JimbobJones:

Great recap, Flipit!

Given the craptacularity of this season, your recaps are pretty much the only reason I keep watching (I don't want to miss a reference).

This group is the most bland, ridiculously BAD group of cheftestants ever. They make Ilan look like friggin' Thomas Keller. The only one with any real cooking chops is Stefan -- no wonder he's an arrogant prick.

After her weird showing at judges table (you were sending out good THOUGHTS, Beaker? How about sending out good FOOD?), I officially no longer like Beaker. She has GOT to go.

So now, my forerunners are Baldilocks (the arrogant asshole), Turtle (I guess I really like scallops and corn), and Prettyish (because you never can have enough separate components to a dish). And that's just plain sad.

hutchlover:

Flipit, Jeff made the scallops, though the idea was Jamie's. In fact I think most of the menu was Jamie's.

Have we ever seen an executive cheftestant in RW crash & burn so horribly? I don't count Dale S4, because at least he cooked something. Rad did NOTHING! except arrange the decorations and drink.

LAjane:

Hilarious recap, per usual. I just hope that Fabio stays on until the finale. I don't even care if he can cook; his comments crack me up every time.

Jellybean50:

Flipit, I second everything that njgasmifan said. I sooooo look forward to your recaps--I think YOU are the best part of this season's Top Chef! And you recapped at lightning-speed! By the way, I just moved to Houston and ate at Luby's for the first time last weekend. ANYTHING the cheftestants have made tastes better than one morsel of food there.

carmelicious:

Wow - I have to say Flip, you've outdone yourself with this one:
"....and as he walks away, adds "This double chin was grafted onto me, in Brazil. It belonged to Elizabeth Taylor. It was her left love handle." Wink

I don't even know you, but I think I love you! Brilliant!

I can't believe what a change of heart I'm having over this season, now I kinda like Egg-head - I mean, he suffered the evils of the fucked up Kenmore Freezer and figured out something to do about it - unlike Beaker who knew how horrible her food was, and just accepted it. I really like her though, hopefully next week she'll (wo)man up and shank a bitch!

I'd like a closer look at Turtle's tats, I'm willing to bet money that she has pictures of 2 scallops and an ear of corn with an X through it!

suedisco:

I have great love for Beaker and I'm pulling for her to make it further because she (like myself) is from D.C. She's also wacky and I like that in a person. I mean hey, if you're going to send out bad food at least send out bad food with love. I feel like there have been a lot of equipment breakdowns this season and that sucks...but kudos to baldy for figuring out a work-around.

juddfan:

I'm agreeing with everyone, (except I don't think Beak needs to go, I still HEART her!) esp njgasmi and philo--u are so right about the cue cards, but I'd still hit it, I'd be anxious to hear what analogy he'd come up with for it!!!

I too saw Saturday Night Fever, but I knew Fabio would lead his team to victory. Lately, I'm like Rad, stirring around in circles, unable to focus, and sucking down some wine, so I can sympathize, but I was very disappointed she didn't at least control the menu, I think she has a lot of great ideas, and a great palate, too bad!!! For once Turtle man-ed up, I loved her saying No to Pretty-ish, the silent nod, "No" - classic!

Can't say I'm a baldy fan, but he's the one to beat. Holeah can eat it, esp since he saved her ass. And let that be a lesson to cheaters, when you get home with that look on your face, it's crystal clear you been up to no good, and you will be caught! My face reads like that all the time, I've probably got bug eye's like beaker, I just can't see em. It don't pay for me to do anything bad . . . but it was kind of fun to see the teams reaction to the shift in them. and PS. "Kissed" my ass, they boned it deep and it was meh for both! I do think Leah was the more aggressive party . . . she must really like potato's!

Thanks Flip It, esp for the speed in posting!!!

whitney:

i was surprised that there was no mention of stefan and fabio's joint interview clip. i loved it!

flipit:

you guys thank you so much for reading and commenting. hilarious.

"I'd like a closer look at Turtle's tats, I'm willing to bet money that she has pictures of 2 scallops and an ear of corn with an X through it!"

bwahahahahahahahah!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS

juddfan:

I forgot to mention, amazing on the dame edna, amazing!!!! And I thought the tricks Prettyish was doing was one of the best things he's done all season!

Have a great weekend all!!!

Alafoss:

The stupidity of this year's contestants aggravates me so much. Okay. It's Restaurant Wars. You know the format. So, you should pick your team to play to certain strengths, right?

You know you need someone as the front of house, who is energetic and charming. So how is Fabio picked third to last? He was so perfect for that role.

You know you need good food, so how is the best chef on the show and the one most consistently in the top 3 picked dead last?

If you are Radikha, how do you pick yourself for front of house instead of Jeff?

Seriously, I knew once I saw the teams that Fabio and Stefan would be on the winning team. They were the perfect contestants for this challenge. Yet they were picked last and thirdto last. Mind blowing. I just don't see how you pick Hosea and Carla over Fabio and Stefan, or why you would pick Jeff over Fabio and then not use Jeff as front of house.

slutty_whore:

Great recap, Flipit, as per usual, and although you went with the Dame Edna reference, I would have said something more along the lines of Mrs. Slocombe from Are You Being Served, arguably the best character on TV, and I am unanimous in this.

And, as far as cooking with love, watch the movie "Like Water for Chocolate" and you will gain a greater appreciation for Beaker's POV.

And, as much as I hate HoLeah also, we don't know if they have an open relationship with their significant others. Not saying it's right to make out with someone else on camera, but there might be extenuating circumstances.

juddfan:

no wonder they call you slutty whore!!!!

; )

just kidding, I have a feeling it's not the case tho, coz they were suckin' on some serious guilt, visible, and so strong that Hosea and Baldy had to team up to seperate them. Now whodda thunk that would happen, they're the closest thing to enemies the show has . . .

Is anyone calling winners yet, top three?

I had Jamie as winner from the beginning, so with her and Baldy there will need to be a surprise according to DT, so I'm hopin' it's Beaker or Fabio (tho Fab would not be that big of a surprise)

silver:

Loved every single Dame Edna reference. BRILLIANT!

The441commando:

Quick observation: Carla/Beaker and the real Beaker both work in chemistry... "Alchemy Caterers"...

Anonymous:

"The stupidity of this year's contestants aggravates me so much. Okay. It's Restaurant Wars."

Radhika hates Stefan with a passion. As for Jeff honestly would you want him for the front of house they have to interact with the guests and see to their needs.

Radhika was just burnt out.

Donna Martin Graduates!:

Soooo, let me get this straight -- they sack Rad over poor FOH ability but they gave the win to Stefan not Fabio?

whatevs.

Stefan will win this comp, no doubt about it.

And any show with crazy funny guest judges, such as the legendary Housewife Supah-stah - the one, the only - DAME EDNA EVERAGE - (or Shazza Stone) is compelling viewing, um, reading.

Thanks Flip -- TEAM STEFAN!

Donna Martin Graduates!:

I know Beaker's days are numbered, but I am sure gonna miss that wacky chick. It's too bad the judges just don't get her.

CrazyTrain:

Man I miss ya flip! Wonderful recap!

yeschef:

"Soooo, let me get this straight -- they sack Rad over poor FOH ability but they gave the win to Stefan not Fabio?"

It was also Rad's not telling Beaker what to do when she was informed of the difficulties with the desert situation. She could have had Beaker do something else such as putting yogurt soup on the menu.

They were going to sack Beaker until they got informed of Rad being told and Rad not caring about it.

The chef/owner of a restaurant has to make decisions in the kitchen and listen to the chefs. Rad did neither.

Snootchy Bootches:

They should give Beaker her own show. I would absolutely watch that. Hootie-Hoo!

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