Stefan is in charge of desserts, too, and he's having the same problem with the crap freezers. He doesn't rely on spiritual crap though, because he only worships himself. And lesbians. He spends his time coming up with a solution. He puts everything on ice and then freezes it. I hope Beaker sees that shit, because I don't want her to go home. With an hour left, Rad comes back to the kitchen dressed all perty to find Beaker freaking out over her desserts. Beaker wants an opinion. Rad tastes the cake and says it's fine, refusing to make any kind of decision. Wait. She's making one. My bad.

200901230308
This one's good, but I want to be as informed as possible. Open a few more bottles.

Fabio's gotten all dressed up too. Yikes. Save some grease for the fryer, dude.

200901230310
I gotta Rolecks I coulda sell you for chep.

His white suit is blinding enough that people won't even notice the food. "We coulda serve monkey ass in a clowna shale and we weel ween!" That will be the title of his first cookbook. And now it's time for judging!

200901230316
C) I'm still waiting for my penis to come back out.

200901230318
Diet Dr. Pepper, now with sweat. Yum.

200901230320
You should have. She coulda used the trip to the doctor.

Both teams did a good job with the interiors. It helps that they're in a gorgeous space this year and not in a warehouse, like usual. Both places look exactly the same, but Fabio gets extra tacky points for the giant wicker couches he uses. It's hard to fault him though, because the poor guy bought a Drescher rug and a white suit. Team Just Because I'm Indian Doesn't Mean I'm Gonna Force Feed You Naan starts with whole wheat way too thick naan. Whole wheat? Way to kill naan. Rad's gonna get her ass stoned when she gets home. Daddy Tom thinks that it tastes like it needs maple syrup, but Scar likes it, admittedly because she and Dame just shared some purple urple in the Honda on the way over.

Rad seems to be doing a good job in the front. Ok maybe not. Well, she's not going catatonic like last week, at least, which is a step forward. Back in the kitchen, though, Turtle's getting pissed because Bravo sent over some busboys to serve as waiters. Bitch, you ain't tippin. She yells at one for not holding a plate straight, which makes him shake like a leaf. Turtle should not be dealing with the staff.

200901230331
Please don't make me go back there, miss. Can't I fill some waters?

Next up is curried carrot soup. Lemme guess. Turtle. That girl never met a blender she didn't like.

200901230335
Streeeeetch!

That's followed by a seared scallop! JESUS CHRIST TURTLE!!! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? The chefs love both the soup and the scallop, which they should. A hellofa lot of practice has gone into them. This show might be, after all, retitled Top Skaylope. Unbelievable. Seared snapper with a white lentil tabouli is served alongside a dish of cinnamon and saffron braised lamb shank. Both look delicious, and the judges all love them both for the most part. Dame doesn't like that the snapper had so much tomato juice on it because he doesn't want his fish served floating in liquid. "That's where it comes from." Toby sourly mutters that it tastes like dishwater. Dame laughs uncomfortably and says that's a bit harsh. If you can offend Dame Edna, you're really a cock.

200901230346
Go fuck some pork and leave Top Chef alone, hack.

Beaker didn't have much luck with her cake or (un)frozen yogurts. Nothing went well for her, and she knows it. She can't get too down about it, though, because she's Beaker.

200901230351

I can see my cerebellum!

Tom's pissed that he doesn't have a spoon to eat the melted yogurt with and all of the judges agree that it was the worst part of the meal. Baby Herman says "It's much like the career of Elvis Presley. It started off great..." and Dame adds "and then it died on the toilet." LOLOLLLL Dame, and thank you for showing the angry baby how it's done. Unfortunately, Toby adds "That'll come later", which took the fun out of it again. Well, it was a good two seconds. And then this bitch ass queen "real person" gets all rude about the chocolate cake. I hate when real people complain so bitchily about free stuff, no matter how much it sucks.

200901230356
Gays like you need to move to another country so people will start voting for equal rights for the rest of us.

Top Chef: Monkey Ass Een A Clowna Shale Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8 

« Brothers and Sisters: Sex Hair for Everyone! | Main | 90210: Gasmii Don't Preach, She's In Trouble Deep »

Comments (28)

Snootchy Bootches:

Awesome recap, as always. I find it amusing that there are times when I am watching shows when I think to myself "Oooh Flipit is gonna LOVE that!"

I really loved in the beginning of the show when the other contestants were calling bullshit on HoLeah throwing Scari under the bus. So often on shows like this, people just take it in stride rather than calling it out (on camera anyway). That was fantastic.

philo:

Flipit I love the comments on the commercials as much as the recap.

I think Rad, Beaker and Leah are on their last legs. Rad looked and sounded exhausted and ready to go home for good. Beaker cooks safe food but is clearly out of her league. Leah seems exhausted as well. She couldn't find a better piece of fish to send to the judges? I think Stefan is the clear winner unless he truly screws up.

What is with the tight clothes. Starr's jacket was about to split in the back and Fabio's Saturday Night Fever jacket sleeves ended at his elbows.

And do you think Toby (aka Dr. Bunsen Honeydew) keeps index cards in his jacket pocket with witty remarks written on them? He's like that kid that no one likes at the lunch table that thinks if he says something funny everyone will like him. See you after class for your daily wedgie Toby. I think Tom can't stand him either.

njgasmifan:

This was one of the most hysterical recaps I have ever read - THANKS FLIPIT!
The title alone sent me rolling - the so many great lines....the reference to Dame Edna (spot ON!), the mention that Turtle ought to be good at soup and scallops by now, Leah blaming Scari for the cod -I just kept giggling. And a big Hootie Hoo for the Muppet video with the band (and Animal the drummer). As always, the screen caps were great - "this bitch is wack" is my fav. Your commercial recaps are also sooooo entertaining.
Rad was really ready it seemed - really in over her head. I was glad Beaker stayed, although when they were at judge's table and she was talking about smiling and sending out love I actually yelled at the TV "shut up Juanita and Ronda!" Bad time for the guides to get feisty.
I'm over HoLeah - at this point Stephen really looks like the only one who can go all the way -even if he's an arrogant ass.
Philo, I thought the same thing - DT looks like he smells something bad everytime Dr. Honeydew opens his mouth with his "witticims".
Flipit, you are awesome. Thanks for making me laugh!

animalcrackers:

"and less time playing Hootie Hoo in grocery stores with her husband and having tea parties with Ronda and Juanita, her spirit guides" - OMG! Best line EVAH!

and i love the recap title!

i really hope jeff & his dildo club are gone soon!

Team Stefan!

Y3KPhenom:

I was so glad to hear that Toby actually made a comment that made sense for a change. Especially, since it saved my Carla Beaker. I did feel for Beaker when they all ganged up on her about sending out the love with her food. I don't see how this is any worse than them going on and on about "respecting the protein" every week. I'm sure if the little lambs had their choice, they would take life over our "respect" any day. I LOVE that she stood up for herself though. But since she's already earned DT's disdain, I doubt that she will make it another week. Which sucks because that means more time with the Stalker.

welcometothepartypal:

oh my goodness, this recap was yummy in my tummy.
"Just because I'm Indian doesn't mean...."
LOL seriously good stuff.

njgasmifan:

PS - did anyone else think Rad could not possibly find a deader color to wear? The whole effect was washed out, ready for the coffin. Get some bright colors girl!

JimbobJones:

Great recap, Flipit!

Given the craptacularity of this season, your recaps are pretty much the only reason I keep watching (I don't want to miss a reference).

This group is the most bland, ridiculously BAD group of cheftestants ever. They make Ilan look like friggin' Thomas Keller. The only one with any real cooking chops is Stefan -- no wonder he's an arrogant prick.

After her weird showing at judges table (you were sending out good THOUGHTS, Beaker? How about sending out good FOOD?), I officially no longer like Beaker. She has GOT to go.

So now, my forerunners are Baldilocks (the arrogant asshole), Turtle (I guess I really like scallops and corn), and Prettyish (because you never can have enough separate components to a dish). And that's just plain sad.

hutchlover:

Flipit, Jeff made the scallops, though the idea was Jamie's. In fact I think most of the menu was Jamie's.

Have we ever seen an executive cheftestant in RW crash & burn so horribly? I don't count Dale S4, because at least he cooked something. Rad did NOTHING! except arrange the decorations and drink.

LAjane:

Hilarious recap, per usual. I just hope that Fabio stays on until the finale. I don't even care if he can cook; his comments crack me up every time.

Jellybean50:

Flipit, I second everything that njgasmifan said. I sooooo look forward to your recaps--I think YOU are the best part of this season's Top Chef! And you recapped at lightning-speed! By the way, I just moved to Houston and ate at Luby's for the first time last weekend. ANYTHING the cheftestants have made tastes better than one morsel of food there.

carmelicious:

Wow - I have to say Flip, you've outdone yourself with this one:
"....and as he walks away, adds "This double chin was grafted onto me, in Brazil. It belonged to Elizabeth Taylor. It was her left love handle." Wink

I don't even know you, but I think I love you! Brilliant!

I can't believe what a change of heart I'm having over this season, now I kinda like Egg-head - I mean, he suffered the evils of the fucked up Kenmore Freezer and figured out something to do about it - unlike Beaker who knew how horrible her food was, and just accepted it. I really like her though, hopefully next week she'll (wo)man up and shank a bitch!

I'd like a closer look at Turtle's tats, I'm willing to bet money that she has pictures of 2 scallops and an ear of corn with an X through it!

suedisco:

I have great love for Beaker and I'm pulling for her to make it further because she (like myself) is from D.C. She's also wacky and I like that in a person. I mean hey, if you're going to send out bad food at least send out bad food with love. I feel like there have been a lot of equipment breakdowns this season and that sucks...but kudos to baldy for figuring out a work-around.

juddfan:

I'm agreeing with everyone, (except I don't think Beak needs to go, I still HEART her!) esp njgasmi and philo--u are so right about the cue cards, but I'd still hit it, I'd be anxious to hear what analogy he'd come up with for it!!!

I too saw Saturday Night Fever, but I knew Fabio would lead his team to victory. Lately, I'm like Rad, stirring around in circles, unable to focus, and sucking down some wine, so I can sympathize, but I was very disappointed she didn't at least control the menu, I think she has a lot of great ideas, and a great palate, too bad!!! For once Turtle man-ed up, I loved her saying No to Pretty-ish, the silent nod, "No" - classic!

Can't say I'm a baldy fan, but he's the one to beat. Holeah can eat it, esp since he saved her ass. And let that be a lesson to cheaters, when you get home with that look on your face, it's crystal clear you been up to no good, and you will be caught! My face reads like that all the time, I've probably got bug eye's like beaker, I just can't see em. It don't pay for me to do anything bad . . . but it was kind of fun to see the teams reaction to the shift in them. and PS. "Kissed" my ass, they boned it deep and it was meh for both! I do think Leah was the more aggressive party . . . she must really like potato's!

Thanks Flip It, esp for the speed in posting!!!

whitney:

i was surprised that there was no mention of stefan and fabio's joint interview clip. i loved it!

flipit:

you guys thank you so much for reading and commenting. hilarious.

"I'd like a closer look at Turtle's tats, I'm willing to bet money that she has pictures of 2 scallops and an ear of corn with an X through it!"

bwahahahahahahahah!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS

juddfan:

I forgot to mention, amazing on the dame edna, amazing!!!! And I thought the tricks Prettyish was doing was one of the best things he's done all season!

Have a great weekend all!!!

Alafoss:

The stupidity of this year's contestants aggravates me so much. Okay. It's Restaurant Wars. You know the format. So, you should pick your team to play to certain strengths, right?

You know you need someone as the front of house, who is energetic and charming. So how is Fabio picked third to last? He was so perfect for that role.

You know you need good food, so how is the best chef on the show and the one most consistently in the top 3 picked dead last?

If you are Radikha, how do you pick yourself for front of house instead of Jeff?

Seriously, I knew once I saw the teams that Fabio and Stefan would be on the winning team. They were the perfect contestants for this challenge. Yet they were picked last and thirdto last. Mind blowing. I just don't see how you pick Hosea and Carla over Fabio and Stefan, or why you would pick Jeff over Fabio and then not use Jeff as front of house.

slutty_whore:

Great recap, Flipit, as per usual, and although you went with the Dame Edna reference, I would have said something more along the lines of Mrs. Slocombe from Are You Being Served, arguably the best character on TV, and I am unanimous in this.

And, as far as cooking with love, watch the movie "Like Water for Chocolate" and you will gain a greater appreciation for Beaker's POV.

And, as much as I hate HoLeah also, we don't know if they have an open relationship with their significant others. Not saying it's right to make out with someone else on camera, but there might be extenuating circumstances.

juddfan:

no wonder they call you slutty whore!!!!

; )

just kidding, I have a feeling it's not the case tho, coz they were suckin' on some serious guilt, visible, and so strong that Hosea and Baldy had to team up to seperate them. Now whodda thunk that would happen, they're the closest thing to enemies the show has . . .

Is anyone calling winners yet, top three?

I had Jamie as winner from the beginning, so with her and Baldy there will need to be a surprise according to DT, so I'm hopin' it's Beaker or Fabio (tho Fab would not be that big of a surprise)

silver:

Loved every single Dame Edna reference. BRILLIANT!

The441commando:

Quick observation: Carla/Beaker and the real Beaker both work in chemistry... "Alchemy Caterers"...

Anonymous:

"The stupidity of this year's contestants aggravates me so much. Okay. It's Restaurant Wars."

Radhika hates Stefan with a passion. As for Jeff honestly would you want him for the front of house they have to interact with the guests and see to their needs.

Radhika was just burnt out.

Donna Martin Graduates!:

Soooo, let me get this straight -- they sack Rad over poor FOH ability but they gave the win to Stefan not Fabio?

whatevs.

Stefan will win this comp, no doubt about it.

And any show with crazy funny guest judges, such as the legendary Housewife Supah-stah - the one, the only - DAME EDNA EVERAGE - (or Shazza Stone) is compelling viewing, um, reading.

Thanks Flip -- TEAM STEFAN!

Donna Martin Graduates!:

I know Beaker's days are numbered, but I am sure gonna miss that wacky chick. It's too bad the judges just don't get her.

CrazyTrain:

Man I miss ya flip! Wonderful recap!

yeschef:

"Soooo, let me get this straight -- they sack Rad over poor FOH ability but they gave the win to Stefan not Fabio?"

It was also Rad's not telling Beaker what to do when she was informed of the difficulties with the desert situation. She could have had Beaker do something else such as putting yogurt soup on the menu.

They were going to sack Beaker until they got informed of Rad being told and Rad not caring about it.

The chef/owner of a restaurant has to make decisions in the kitchen and listen to the chefs. Rad did neither.

Snootchy Bootches:

They should give Beaker her own show. I would absolutely watch that. Hootie-Hoo!

Post a comment

Post a comment

102