This week on Top Chef, the chefs compete in two all-time favorite challenges while both old (Twitch v. Richard, Fleasa v. soap) and new (Dale v. Evangelass) rivalries emerge.
"I only married you for your money!"
"I know. And once those start to sag, I'm trading you in for a younger model."
We open the morning after Mutton's elimination with the Douche Twins mourning the loss of their bubble bath buddy. Hey, if there's an opening guys, I'm sure Richard will throw his name in for consideration. Rad hairstylin' tips AND mediocre television-character impressions? What more could you want? We're down to the final 8 out of 16 chefs, and the women are pumped that it's an even-gender split for once. I'm all for girl-power, but in looking at the remaining chefs, I'm hoping this week ends with the men having the numbers advantage because either Nikki or Fleasa have. to. go. home.
Everyone arrives at the kitchens for the Quick Fire, and instead of a guest judge we see Scar with Daddy Tom. More Daddy Tom is always a good thing in my book! Scar announces that QF winners will no longer receive immunity, and that this week the chefs will be completing two all-time favorite challenges. The chefs are forced to draw knives and divide into two teams -- forks (Yoda, Richard, Twitch, and Antonia) and spoons (Dale, Evangelass, Fleasa, and Nikki). Looking around, Dale echos my thoughts by noting his team doesn't have the strongest people on it, although he does optimistically call them capable. That's more credit than I'd give them. I think the most credit I'd give Nikki is to heat me up a Lean Cuisine, and it's still possible she'd burn my place down.
"Yeah, the oil from my hair started to drip into my food... so what? Why shower when you've got this bitchin' bandana?"
Once the teams are sorted, Scar reveals the details of the QF -- they're doing the mise en place relay race! Yes, I love this shit! Yoda reminds us of how awesome this was last year, when Hung violently dismembered a chicken without breaking a sweat and Bunny Foo Foo chopped an onion more delicately than doctors cut an umbilical cord. Daddy Tom steps up to explain the tasks -- 1) peel and supreme (take the flesh out of the interior membrane) five oranges, 2) peel and turn two artichokes, 3) clean a gigantic, nasty monkfish into two filets, and finally 4) make one quart (ugh) of mayonnaise. DT promises that even though immunity's not available, the winning team will get a useful advantage, and then gives the teams two minutes to strategize.
On Team Forks, Antonia orders that Yoda do the mayonnaise since Yoda evidently makes it by the bucketful in her spare time. Poor Yoda -- between that and Gail's comment last week about her never being at home, no one thinks this girl has any life. Although her Star Wars obsession isn't doing herself any favors on that front. I will say though that it's a good idea to keep Yoda away from any of the knife-related tasks, given her history of shaky hands during QFs. I really don't need to see anyone sever a finger. As for the other teammates, Antonia takes the oranges, Twitch takes the artichokes, and Richard will be handling the monkfish. On Team Spoons, Nikki's having a mini-meltdown over the thought of making mayonnaise without a food processor, while Dale bugs out his eyes and gives someone off-camera the "are you fucking kidding me?!" face. I'm already cracking up when in the confessional Dale shakes his head in disgust over Nikki's stupidity and rhetorically demands "Why are you still here?!" LOL thank you! That is my quote of the season thus far. Oh man, I love Dale. Well, despite her fears, Nikki gets stuck with the mayo while Fleasa takes the oranges, Evangelass takes the artichokes, and Dale will be squaring off against Richard and the monkfish.
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Comments (11)
LoLo, your recaps make the show 1000% better. As for Fleasa, I prefer to call her Greasa, but that's just me. Dale needs to stop acting like a bitch. He's too good a chef to let it get overshadowed by his shitty personality.
1 of 11 | Posted by scoutf | Posted on May 9, 2008 6:27 AM
Great recap. I am working trying to hold in the laughter!
I think Dale needs a nickname, too. If Twitch is on crack (he's actually ADHD I think), then Dale should be on Prozac.
2 of 11 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on May 9, 2008 10:00 AM
haha great recap...i kept wanting to call them "team mcbride" and "team mcgroom."
FINALLY they tell nikki to get the fuck out...my boyfriend and i both screamed YES at precisely that moment.
also, interesting how evangelass and dale kissed and made up after they both realized neither of them got booted...perhaps the fighting was really just bromantic tension a-brewing.
3 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on May 9, 2008 11:50 AM
mrsdaddytom, can I borrow your husband for a little while, I promise I'll give him back!
Dale needs serious anger management lessons, and I think the judges and producers should have said something when he slammed the locker . . . over a QF . . . and the only advantage was to avoid the bride's choices, which they got to do anyway . . . pick your battles, Dapolean!!!
Happy to see Nikki go, she was out of her league, and Fleasa could have at least chopped a couple more tiers outta those cake pan shapes . . . no !?. . .
4 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 9, 2008 12:15 PM
Lame-arse challenge, only made tolerable by your most excellent and extra-bitchy recap, LoLo.
superb screencaps.
Cutting rails and popping culinary boners -- now there's an image I wish I didn't have...
Was the sea bass the only dish Evangel-arse completed, in all that time?
Plus, I coulda told you bruchetta was entirely the wrong thing to serve at a wedding.
*sigh*
5 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on May 10, 2008 10:52 AM
juddfan - for another top chef fan...well...i suppose, but he has a curfew... and i agree, fleasa's cake was a shit show...she needs to go next.
6 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on May 10, 2008 4:28 PM
Mrsdaddytom, may we both recieve our wishes this week, my only arguement for keeping fleasa is the male to female ratio--I'd like to see a women represent this year, and Yoda just might pull this one out! (but I'd still like to see her not be the only female for weeks!)
7 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 12, 2008 11:28 AM
Well, mrsdaddytom, if you're loaning him out, what about some love for your recapper? ;)
Thanks for the great comments as always, guys. I love your insights and you crack me up as well! I too hope for a female winner and hope Yoda can keep her shit together long enough to take it. She's likeable, talented, and has girly parts. As Michael Scott would say, win-win-win.
Just to give you guys a head's up, the recap may be a little late this week. I have a final tomorrow and I graduate on Saturday, so things around here are a little crazy. However, I'm going to do my best to get the recap posted by late Thursday/early Friday. Thanks for your patience!
Cheers!
LoLo
8 of 11 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on May 12, 2008 11:48 AM
hahahahaha oh now everyone wants a piece of my hubby? but of course there's love for my favorite recapper. and congratulations, by the way! i think your devoted fans can handle waiting a little longer than usual for that very exciting reason.
juddfan--agreed about the female thing, but i don't want a female to win just on the basis of her being female. i'd rather see richard win based on talent (even though he's socially awkward) than fleasa because she's (kind of, barely) female...
listen up, i'm going to have to put up a sign-up sheet, and people can request time slots w/daddy tom. it's the only fair solution, hahahaha.
9 of 11 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on May 13, 2008 1:14 PM
I love your recap and your photo captions. One quick correction - mayo is made from egg YOLKS and oil, not whites.
10 of 11 | Posted by elanmilo | Posted on May 15, 2008 12:19 PM
Love the recaps and captions. I hope I'm not the first to make this correction, chefs...
Mayo is made from egg yolks and oil, not egg whites.
11 of 11 | Posted by elanmilo | Posted on May 15, 2008 12:21 PM