Testimonials

The teams line up, and with a whistle blast, they're off! Fleasa and Antonia start on the oranges, and Fleasa's shaking like a leaf holding a very sharp knife. That isn't stopping her though from kicking Antonia's butt, who doesn't seem to get the whole race part of "relay race." You're not making lunch for the kid you abandoned to come on this show -- move your ass, lady! Daddy Tom gives Fleasa his okay on the oranges, and Evangelass starts in on the artichokes. He works quickly, maintaining his team's lead as Antonia finally moseys through her last orange and Twitch is allowed to begin.

"La di da... cutting an orange... I wonder what the ladies on 'The View' are talking about today?"

As the Douche Twins square off on the artichokes, each guy takes a different approach. Evangelass chops the outer leaves off his artichokes with a knife, while Twitch violently begins tearing them off with his hands. Both techniques seem to work until it comes to trimming down the woody part of the stem. Evangelass, using some sort of scraping tool, accidentally snaps the stem of his second artichoke, forcing him to start a whole new one, while Twitch's idea to use a peeler is a little slower but a lot safer. When the tweaked out crackhead is calmer than you, that's when you know you need to get a grip. As a result of Evangelass's fuck-up, both teams finish the artichoke task at the same time, as we move on to the monkfish and Richard and Dale.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie -- this is some nasty ass shit. There's gigantic fish carcass and guts flying around, as both guys hack and saw into their monkfish a la Hung and the chicken. I have some tilapia in my refrigerator right now that I think is going into the freezer for a few days -- which will probably be how long it's gonna take me to look at raw fish without feeling nauseated. Lisa comments that Dale's doing a pretty amateur job at cleaning his filets, but it's a moot point as he and Richard finish at the same time and Daddy Tom approves both of them.

Which brings us finally to Yoda and Nikki, and the horrifying concept of making mayo by hand. From what we saw during the strategy session, Yoda should have this one easily, but we all know how she likes to cave under pressure in QFs. Now making this mayo basically comes down to drizzling oil in a bowl of egg whites while stirring as fast as you can until your arm falls off. It has nothing to do with knife skills or any other chef-related technique -- this is a physical competition, and Team Spoons chose the wrong person as their anchor. Nikki's chicken arms can't keep up, and Yoda wins the QF for Team Forks!

"Psst... Since you're so good at it, I've got something else you can beat... my bunk bed, 11 o'clock?"

As Team Forks hugs and celebrates, Team Spoons looks on with varying degrees of annoyance and sadness. Dale especially is taking the loss hard, given how big of a lead Fleasa built for them. Now in case you haven't noticed, Dale can be a bit too competitive at times, and isn't the most mature of the contestants. Still -- slamming your fist into a locker and screaming "fuck" in front of all the remaining chefs and 2 judges? Not the best idea, dude. As Antonia points out, someone needs to get his diaper changed. And check into anger management.

Seeing as though these lockers hold Richard's chemicals and Twitch's meth lab, Dale's lucky he didn't blow up half of Chicago.

Once Dale's been wiped, powdered, and strapped into a new Luvs, it's time for Scar to announce this week's Elimination Challenge, which is the second of the all-time favorites the chefs will be doing this week. She begins by talking about restaurant wars -- where each team opens a competing restaurant, responsible not just for the food but also decor, service, etc -- and how they're not going to do that challenge this year. The majority of the chefs aren't happy about that, and are still getting over their disappointment when a young couple joins Scar at the front of the room. Turns out they're engaged and whoring themselves out for free wedding shit -- and accordingly the EC this week is wedding wars, a challenge we haven't seen since the disaster of Season 1!

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Posted in Top Chef by LoLo at 6:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: elanmilo on May 15, 2008 12:21 PM.