Testimonials

The chefs are staying in their same teams from the QF (poor Dale), and will each cater half the McBland wedding (125 guests/team), according to either the bride or groom's culinary preferences. Adding to the pressure is that the engaged couple runs their own restaurant and wedding venue (aka a Holiday Inn?), so they will be much harder to please than a normal couple. As the winners of the QF, Team Forks gets to decide whether they want to cook for the bride or groom side -- and they pick the bride, leaving Team Spoons with the groom. Evangelass is shocked the other team picked the bride, given how there's a good chance she'll go all bridezilla on their asses whereas the biggest problem Evangelass foresees with the groom is dying of sheer boredom from trying to talk to him. Scar announces they have 45 minutes to meet with their client, an hour to shop at Whole Foods and Restaurant Depot, and a $5,000 budget. They'll do most of the cooking here in the kitchens, and at the wedding they'll have two hours to prep. Oh and one more thing -- they'll be pulling an all-nighter in order to get everything done. Twitch is all excited about the prospect of an all-nighter, and drops that "culinary boner" phrase those of us whose TiVos didn't cut out caught last week. He tells us he won't have any problems staying up for as long as it takes, as he starts creating rails on the mirror perched on his lap.

Other things that give Twitch boners: poodles, Rock Band, and Rainbow Brite.

Team Spoons (to be renamed Team Groom) begins grilling the groom on his preferences, and when he reveals he likes Italian, Nikki grins and writes PASTA in block letters on her notepad. As the groom continues to talk about his love of seafood, Nikki gets all hot and bothered, breathing that they have the same exact palate. Until he says "I do", this piece of man meat is fair game in her book, evidently. I half expected her to start rubbing her nipples. Over on Team Forks (to be renamed Team Bride), the bride is busy describing how she's a fat girl at heart, for she loves red meat, starchy sides, and anything that's fried. Personally, I'm right there with her, but I don't think I'd want the equivalent of the Sizzler's menu at my wedding. The bride and Richard bond over their Atlanta connection, while Antonia snottily informs us that even though the bride vetoed a few classic catering dishes, she's going to get them anyway and better fucking like it. Both of the future McBlands end by describing what kind of cake they want -- him wanting German chocolate/hazlenut, and her wanting a multi-tiered traditional job -- while Yoda freaks out, reminding us that there are whole businesses built around wedding cakes because they often take days to make and cost thousands of dollars. Yep, sucks to be you. Get to work.

After the future McBlands leave, the two teams meet to plan their menus. Team Bride's busy talking about how to make comfort food wedding-appropriate, and Twitch tells us that he's really excited about his team, since all four of them have won ECs and QFs before and have proven to be good chefs. Cut to Antonia, who bitches to us about Twitch's lack of experience and how she guesses they'll "survive." Why don't you take a gander across the room before you start complaining -- you've got the greaseball, the angry midget, the douchebag, and the incompetent Italian. I'm pretty sure Dale would sell his sister into prostitution to be on your team, so shut up. Speaking of Team Groom, Nikki is taking charge while the other three basically defer to her judgment. Oh man, they're so fucked. As Nikki outlines her plan to make sure they're the losing team, Dale interrupts a few times while Fleasa and Evangelass stick their thumbs on their asses. Annoyed, Nikki tells us in the confessional that Dale is a finger-pointing pain in the ass, whom half the house doesn't want to work with. I definitely believe that, but Nikki... I also believe the entire house doesn't want to work with you.

What about if I sold her to some dude in Amsterdam? They have like, health care or some shit for their whores, right?

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Posted in Top Chef by LoLo at 6:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: elanmilo on May 15, 2008 12:21 PM.