Welcome to the reunion!! The show's over, but there's plenty of drama to be talked out. Hoser and Possible Stalker Leah made out, Possible Stalker Leah and Hoser made out, and two fugfugs totally made out. Excited? Me too.
Andy Cohen: Bobblehead
Andy Cohen is bobbling his head like usual. Dude, you're stealing Stevie's act. Take some epilepsy medicine or something. You're making us all uncomfortable. He intros the judges. Daddy Tom gives an annoyed look when his name is called because he has to wake his lazy ass up,
Gail's wearing yet another blouse that don't fit,
and Toby Young is just as hot as ever.
Oh yeah and Scar's here too. Most all of the chefs look the same...
Don't bother getting dressed up for us.
...with a few exceptions. Girl Prison is pissed off, Ariane looks like she's ready to win a Golden Globe, and Farm Girl Melissa did something with her bangs.
Was that so hard?
Bobblehead asks them if anyone thinks they are going to win fan favorite and of course Danny, the big scare bear who insists he's got movie star charisma, raises his hand. Everyone laughs at that.
What'd I say?
Prettyish Jeff thinks that it's Fabio, Hosea and Fab think it's Beaker, and Leah thinks it's Stefan. She's just saying that to piss of Hoser, and it's annoying. Can this not be about your sad games? For five minutes? Stefan agrees that it could be him and Tom's all "Uh...no." HAHA. Stefan says he voted for himself so at least he knows he got a couple votes. Then he laughs and winks. What the hell? Stefan's a new man today and is the only one in a suit. I'm still kinda afraid of him, but it's fun to see him so footloose and fancy free. Or drunk.
Give him time to get it down. The wink is still new to him.
Bobblehead congratulates Hoser and asks him how it feels to win. He doesn't mention Richard. Who was surprised that he won? Leah raises her hand but says she's just kidding. Then Hoser says no she's not because she said when they left New York there was no way he was beating Stefan. HAHAH. And now, for Hoser's journey.
He's from a small town, his dad had cancer, and his dentist never showed up for one single appointment. The editors did a nice job of piecing together his wins to make it look like his rise was a natural progression. I think they just used different angles of the same three clips like ten times. Also, I don't remember Stefan ever saying that he felt Hosea was his biggest competition and had a good chance of winning, but apparently he did. The grossest part is when he won, Prettyish came over and massaged his head.
I'll do whatever you want daddy. Just please don't send me back to Dildo Beach. My colon's about to fall out.
Hoser says he's gonna spend the money on "different business ventures". I predict either a potato farm, a french fry joint, or a chip factory. Bobblehead asks the judges how the hell Hoser won. Tom says that Beaker surprised everyone towards the end and her oyster stew and beignet were the two best dishes of the season, Stefan was consistently great and just messed up his desserts, and Hosea stayed in til' the very end and did some nice dishes. What a ringing endorsement. Toby says it just came down to Hoser having a good day (cough and PARNTER cough) and Beaker and Stefan not having a good day. Gail says it was very close and the judges fought it out. She sounds really defensive, but Stefan says that he's actually happy he didn't win. No one falls for that.
Next up is a montage of Euro Love. Lots of egghead rubbing, broken English, and non sexual gayness. Fabio says the thought of actually sticking it inside Stefan in any way makes him barf, but he's cool with kissing and touching. In the gay community, we call this safe sex. Fabio says that their romance is continuing in LA and insists that he's into women. Scar assures us that men kissing is very European. Unfortunately, so are infrequent trips to the dentist, which takes the fun away from horny Americans looking to cop a string free makeout session with tourists.
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Comments (18)
Flipit, I totally agree. Overall, the reunion was DULLSVILLE...Your recap, however was exceptional, as always!
Favorite part:
Rad says she didn't want to be known for Indian food but that's all she cooked. Why? She claims that she never made traditional Indian food. Why does she look like she died a week ago? No answer.
I'm so sad Top Chef is over!! Not because I want to see more of lame Hosea (although, like Big Gay Rich, I wouldn't mind more Tom. Yes, please!), but because your recaps are just fantab!! I'll say it, Flipit. You're my favorite! Thank goodness I have American Idol to hold me over.
1 of 18 | Posted by BeccaRULEZ | Posted on March 4, 2009 10:56 PM
The "blind love" montage you put up is just effing hilarious! I especially liked the 80s rockers and their poor mulleted child. LOL!
Flipit, u should have won fan favorite
2 of 18 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 5, 2009 5:42 AM
When Stefan said he was glad he didnt win... I remembered how someone on this comments board said he might have "thrown" the challenge because he didnt want to be bound to the contract he would inevitably "win"...
Given the mediocre batch of chefs, mediocre prizes (when there even prizes) and overall mediocrity of this whole Top Chef season, I thought that possibly Stefan was being serious, and honest. For some of those chefs, those not quite as established, that contract is a dream come true. For someone like Stefan who has been in the business for 23 years (i believe thats what he said?), it isnt quite the same. Maybe he wanted the Top Chef title but not the contracts and obligations that come with that title? His arrogance is enough to make that possible. Just my opinion :)
Oh, and that hair experiment they did on the show had me laughing a long time. HILARIOUS.
I agree, Beaker deserved fan favorite but then the same argument can be made for Fabio, because I love him. So if it was not Beaker, it should have been Fabio.
3 of 18 | Posted by kara | Posted on March 5, 2009 5:43 AM
Flipit, the only thing I will miss about this season of Top Chef are your hilarious recaps. Thanks for causing me spew coffee all over my computer YET AGAIN!!
"My colon's about to fall out." Choking, not breathing, laughing my fucking ass off!! :-D
The blind love montage was also brilliant. Scary, but brilliant.
I think Top Pussy should open a potato restaurant, the first of its kind. All potatoes. All the time.
Thanks for a great season. Much love!
SWAK, PottyMouth
4 of 18 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 5, 2009 6:09 AM
I was upset with myself because I got home too late to see the recap - so I taped the 12am rerun and watched it this morning. What a waste of video tape. Flipit, you are dead on - most. boring. show. ever. Jamie and Leah drunk was the highlight. But THANKS for making a gourmet meal out of garbage - your recap was amazingly funny.
One thing - didn't Fabio talk about how he needed the "win" money to take care of his sick Mama? I love how Bobblehead called him on that when he said he would use the fan fav money to work on his restaurant. I was disappointed that Hootie did not win fan fav, but have to say that Fabio was my second choice so it's ok. But here4beer is soooo right - Flipit deserves the fan fav win!
Big hugs Flipit - xoxox
5 of 18 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:15 AM
Oh, Flipit, I couldn't stop watching that "blind love" montage!!! Hilarious! I agree with the person above: You can make a gourmet meal out of garbage.
I loved Fabio, so I'm glad he won fan fave, but, yeah, what about sick mama?
I'm happy we still have AI, but do I really have to watch Big Brother to have my Flipit fix this summer? Oh dread...a girl's gotta do what a girl's...well, you know...
LOVE
6 of 18 | Posted by michigan | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:06 PM
Who would've thunk it that Leah was actually edited to look SMARTER on the show than in real life? It's like the reverse-bimbo edit!
7 of 18 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:23 PM
Does any one else hate that Andy Cohen douchenozzle with the white-hot intensity of a kitchen grease fire?
8 of 18 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:47 PM
And his Osmond family grin? Ummm, yeah, totally.
9 of 18 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on March 5, 2009 1:49 PM
I'd fuck Andy Cohen in half. And he'd like it.
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Flipit, way to spin gold out of straw! Love to you! :)
10 of 18 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on March 5, 2009 1:58 PM
J-Mo, I'm sure Cohen would like it.
Especially if you're a man.
11 of 18 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on March 5, 2009 2:48 PM
J-Mo, I doubt your boyfriend would like it, though.... Andy Cohen is a Bobblehead, funny stuff, and I'm so glad I didn't watch the reunion, esp. if Beaker did not win fan fave.
12 of 18 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on March 5, 2009 3:15 PM
Hey Flip!
Thanks for sticking with us through this excruciating season. Your recaps made it bearable! Glad you're covering Idol for us...I'll def be reading!
Luv and kisses!
Topaz
13 of 18 | Posted by fierytopaz | Posted on March 5, 2009 4:21 PM
kara-
i was the one that said that i think stefan didn't win on purpose, and i still think it. he seemed pretty sincere when he said he didn't want to win on tv, and he's friends with my dad and told him the same thing.
14 of 18 | Posted by whitney | Posted on March 5, 2009 10:35 PM
Thanks for great recaps Flip! I'm going to miss the beaker videos!
15 of 18 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:20 AM
Whitney -
Thank you for clarification! :) I believe it too. I think the way he said it sounded just slightly cocky and arrogant (as did Tom!) but I believe it was the truth.
16 of 18 | Posted by kara | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:20 AM
Waaaaa!!! NO more Beaker . . . . no more Hootie! Boobie hooobie!!!
I'm okay with Fabi takin' it, tho . . . I did like it when HoneyBear said, "Are they talking about you and me Tom" He seems like one of us, and I should go seek him out on Facebook.
Couldn't help but notice that DT kept his hand over his crotch the whole time, not that I'm the type to stare there or anything *ahem* but really . . . at least Toby was splaying all over . . . hee
Anyone hate him less now that it's over?
I was glad Hoser and that dish rag got dumped!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!! And if they didn't get caught, would they have not felt guilty and gone all bonkers . . . I'm just askin . . .
Big Smooches Flip, Hootie, hoo, and out!
17 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:47 PM
Oh, J-Mo, you are SOOO much better than Andy Bobblehead. Aim higher! (Oooh, double entendre!)
I love Stefan, but I'm afraid "I really didn't want to win" or "I didn't try to win" sounds like he is trying to save face. Next he'll say, "Well, Top Chef is not an important prize" or something like that. It's called "sour grapes."
He looked kinda hot with hair.
18 of 18 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:15 PM