Next up is Jamie. She is the Executive Chef of Absinthe in San Francisco. She's got a very sweet face, but just so you don't think you can mess with her, she's got sleeve tatts on both of her arms. Just so you don't think she's too tough, though, the tatts are flowers and stuff. Jamie likes her menu to be vocal. I prefer silent menus, but I'm old fashioned like that. One time my Meemaw sent me one of those birthday cards that start singing to you when you open it and I sent that shit right back to New Braunfels, TX and waited for the customary ten dollar bill instead. What was I talking about?

200811141144

Eugene is from Hawaii originally, but comes to Top Chef via Las Vegas. He didn't have "the privilege" of going to culinary school. That's a good way to put that, because it makes people who went to college feel like assholes, which I'm all for. Gene worked his way up to chef from dishwasher. The person you never, ever fuck with in a restaurant is the dishwasher. They're usually batshit crazy and have shivs under their hair nets. I know. I was one. Eugene is a personal chef, and he looks like an extra from the set of Girl Fight.

200811141149
Michelle Rodriguez didn't have a lazy eye at the beginning of the shoot. Got me?

Jeff is the retard who is winking in the opening. He's from a town called Niceville, and currently lives in Miami. I'm from a town called GoFuckYoSelf, and I currently live in East Hollywood. Pleased to meet you! Before we are shown pictures of him cooking, we get to see him surf. He says that he has to look perfect at all times and is constantly asking the food runners if his hair's ok. Man I wish I worked with this dude, just so I can chip away at that a-hole exterior. "Hey Jeff! Don't you hate getting pimples in your thirties? I feel for ya! What you don't see it? Never mind. Is that a grey hair?"

200811141157
I smell old people. Anyone else smell that?

Radhika is Indian, and she specializes in global eclectic. She worries that people will look at her and think "Oh no. She's gonna make lots of spicy curries and rice." It's better than people asking you to drop them off on the Upper East Side, isn't it? Ah stereotypes. Good times.

200811141209
I was just kidding. Hey are you guys out of cherry slushies?

Lauren is a chef from Georgia, and she's here because she doesn't just wanna sit at home and waste her life away while her husband's in Iraq. She would rather entertain me while I sit at home and waste my life away while her husband's in Iraq. More power to ya, sister. First impressions: very sweet, and cute nose.

200811141219
Your bangs are rebelling. That's what you get for attempting the Rachel in 2008.

Ariane is the owner of CulinAriane in Montclaire, New Jersey. Ariane has cutesily named her restaurant after herself, she's wearing a cutesy matching headband, and it's kinda cute how she awkwardly keeps staring into the camera. Unfounded pre judgment number one: I'm guessing she will cry a lot and owns a pair of Hello Kitty pajamas.

200811141228
Come on. I was close.

Daniel is a born and bred New Yawker and he is the executive chef at Babylon Carriage House. He specializes in Italian/Asian cuisine. Hey last night I had Pad Thai and a slice. We're on the same page. He has been brought to this show for a reason and is convinced he is gonna win it, because "I was so unnoticed for the longest time". Come on, Daniel. We know you've been noticed in that tiny kitchen.

200811141248
Could you get your ass out of my way before I burn three dinners?

Well, you're noticed now. Does your shirt really say "Trust Me I'm Perfect?" Really? That space should be used for some vertical stripes. I like Daniel's positive thinking, but I think facial hair says a lot, and his is shaved into the shape of a sad clown frown.

Picture 4-89
A smile? Or a frown? Both. This man is blowing my mind.

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Comments (26)

skies:

So glad this show is back on and you're here to share it with us.
It's a bit early to know all the characters yet but it seems like Stefan is in the lead for a$$hole of this season. Could be someone else is waiting to make a bid for that esteemed honor and only time will tell.
Top Chef has assembled another box of assorted nuts and hopefully it will be fun to watch.
Great recap and picture captions.

silver:

Like dessert--your recap is totally worth it!

Is it just me, or does Radhika look like Helena Bonham Carter?

I wonder how Patrick got on the show to begin with. He's in culinary school still--aren't there many many applicants?

fierytopaz:

YAYYYYYYYYYY!!! Flipit's back on Top Chef recaps!!!
Although LoLo did a great job too, but I LOVE your unique brand of humor, Flipit!
Anyway, looks like another interesting season of TC (my fave reality show).
Flipit, if you need a hag, I am so totally your girl! :P

chooch850:

"Gail still doesn't have a mirror or gay friends, apparently, and I love her for staying so true to herself." hahahaha. I loved that dress. I'd wear it.

I thought the same thing about Kelly Ripa & that laundry thing...yeh, right!

Great Recap for a great show. You filled me in on the middle when I feel asleep. TY!

Love the pic recaps. They are awesome. All your work paid off.. love it.

Cherie:

hahahaha I love this season already! And I love your recaps more!

Snootchy Bootches:

Oh Flipit, how we missed ye. This recap was so funny, I actually started reading it to my husband. He doesn't even watch the show and was laughing his ass off! Awesome!

I thought that one guy... wasshisname prison lesbian looking hawaiian guy... was really smart. Most of the chefs seemed unfamiliar with the type of cooking they had to do. However, he went to the deli counter and asked to taste something. Then he figured he knew how to recreate that taste. I thought that was brilliant! And I was really disappointed he didn't win. Stefan is such a douchenozzle, but then I guess we have to have someone to hate. Well, besides the "I don't know if I am good enough" soccer mom because she won't be around that long anyway.

LitChick35:

Loved the recap, Flipit!

Just one question -- did they ever say what culinary school Army Wife and Patrick went to? Because I'd say to AVOID it -- two losers on the first ep???

Hoolia:

Flip, I've gotta admit I'm one of the few who hasn't watched Top Chef before and the only reason I started this season was because my friend lured me to her premiere party with promises of vino. So I don't know if this is the normal reaction, but I'm a little shocked you didn't mention how Mr. Freaky Beard BLED ALL OVER HIS APPLES! I was pretty appalled. I couldn't believe the judges let that slide! Is that normal??

suckitbitches:

Glad Army Wife left because her voice was very annoying.

I think they put some more inexperienced people on so they can have some guilt-free eliminations in the beginning. Just a theory.

waffleboy09:

First off it's great to have a new season of Top Chef, and it's even better to have flipit doing the recaps. The next few weeks are going to be great.
(B), I think I'm in love with Gail. At one point at judges' table when scar was flapping her gums the camera panned all the way down to Gail, who got a look on her face like someone shoved a turd directly under her nose. I know Gail can't be on the show every week because she has to keep America's eggs safe, but can we get like a picture in a picture of Gail in the background whenever Scar opens her cakehole? I'm telling you Gail has future Mrs Waffleboy written all over her, is she single?
Lastly, when Stefan had his little emuslion breakdown, was I the only one bothered by the fact America was getting run down by a chef from a country whose greatest cullinary achivement is cramming meat into animal casings (Please feel free to insert your own cheap joke here)?
Double lastly, "other things Patrick was probably born with: one long eyebrow." Awesome. Great espisode great show, can't wait for more

tebtosca:

Jeff looks like a Tink-version of Chase from House...no??

sheyanicole:

It annoyed me when the spirt guide girl mispronounced Latkes. It's pronounced Lat-kas.

Kon4MItY:

Great recap!! Though, I can't believe no one mentioned how Pretty Boy is a dead ringer for Jesse Spencer (from House). I mean, they're practically identical.

flipit:

HAHAHA thanks for reading I am cracking up over here. Kon4, yes he does!! I guess I was just blinded by his too bleached teeth to notice. It was like staring into the sun.

Helena B. Carter does look like Rad, but I like HBC so I'm not touching that one. Maybe she could make a movie about how she's sick of people expecting her to be sooo Indian. Thanks for the hag offer, fireyt!! Without my girls I wouldn't even get out of bed some mornings.

and "I know Gail can't be on the show every week because she has to keep America's eggs safe, but can we get like a picture in a picture of Gail in the background whenever Scar opens her cakehole?"LOL and well said. Yes on more Simmons pics.

LOVE

Sourire:

Awesome recap- I can't wait for more.

Litchick35- Both Patrick and Lauren went to/are attending CIA Hyde Park (arguably one of the best culinary schools in the country, if not the world), so I doubt it has anything to do with the school. Also, 4 other contestants from this season (Ariane, Danny, Leah, and Jamie) are alums. 3 out of the 4 previous winners went there (Harold, Ilan, and Hung). At any rate, it seems like going to CIA is your golden ticket to get on Top Chef.

valmommyt:

Haven't even finished the recap, but must post IMMEDIATELY to say, YAY! Flipits recapping!! I love me some LoLo, but Flipit, I started reading Tvgasm way back when for the Top Chef recaps, so nice to see you here!

valmommyt:

We both watch too much tv, because this quote had me laughing until I cried:

"Gail "BURNT CHARRED EEEEGGGS" Simmons, who today is dressed like a pregnant Peggy borrowing one of Joan's day off dresses in Mad Men. "

Totally!!! I also love how you throw random commercial screen captures in and comment on them - brilliant!

Ok, enough praise for you - get back to work!

LitChick35:

Hahaha -- thanks, Sourire! I didn't really think they went to a bad culinary school or anything, just thought it was funny that they kept talking about school ("I'm not worried about Chinatown! I took an Asian food class in culinary school!") and both got The Knife on the first episode.

detinha:

Great recap! Thanks!
Now, just for me, tell me, is Eugene a man or a woman! I have to a moman...just get ahold of yourself, moman! You used to be a dishwasher, and I tell ya, that's way harder than make some food! lol

I hate the Eurotrash team already..but Stefan means business and he's kicking some Yankes's ass!

Can't wait for next week!
Kisses!

slutty_whore:

Flipit... Carla looks like an uglier version of Joan from the show "Girlfriends."

mrsc:

Oh what a great recap! Thanks so much flipit!

To me... that Stephan looked like a bald European Edward Norton in those screen caps. I didn't notice that when watching but might have been distracted by the accent. He might be the biggest a-hole but he can obviously cook! 2 wins the first episode is pretty awesome.

And silver- Radhika totally does look like Helena Bonham Carter!

The blood all over the apples should have be mentioned but I am thankful there was no screencap of that. That was dis.gust.ing.

sayhuh:

Yay, thanks for a great recap, Flipit. And special thanks for all the food-porn photos. I mean, I'm more of a food-piled-up-on-a-giant-platter type of person, but these teeny tiny portions still look ...yum.

I'm loving HoneyBear, and I hope he sticks around until he wins. I'm just glad he didn't have to cook with his apples, because I think Padma and Tom would have disqualified him rather than having to taste his blood. I also like Eugene.

Stefan will stick around for a long long time because he's the designated asshole for this year, and because, I guess, it looks like he knows what he's doing. Oh joy, I'll get to hear time and time again about asshole Europeans and Eurotrash for the next few weeks. We're not all bad!!!! I'll just have to remember that in a European Top Chef, it's doubtful the American contestants would be portrayed fairly, either. Although I don't think fairness has anything to do with Stefan's portrayal. He does seem like an asshole.

I hate Daniel's attitude and his stupid facial hair. It looks like he woke up and forgot to wipe off the twin night-spit rivulets. I don't want to be thinking night-spit when someone is serving me my food!

whitney:

for the record, my dad and stefan know each other, and he is an ass. but kind of in a good way, in that he can cook and he knows it. I'm rooting for him though, he has insane skills.

LoLo:

You are welcome, darling. If there's anything I enjoy more than recapping Top Chef myself, it's reading your recaps of it. I truly appreciate how accepting everyone was of me last season, but we all know this is your show and are thrilled you're back.

Besides, I'm a sucker for footrubs. How could I have said no?

P.S. Yes, dishwashers are insane. If I have a choice between a dark alley with an escaped felon and a dark alley with a dishwasher, I'm taking my chances with the dude who hasn't seen a woman in a few decades and may be packing a shiv.

I was going for describing the felon there, but I think that could work for both. Hmm...

Snootchy Bootches:

We did and do appreciate your work too, Lolo. And funny comment about felons vs dishwasher. Hey, that could be a show!

J-Mo:

I know I'm late commenting because I've been wrapped up in the scintillating world of chubby drag queens for the last week, but I want to thank you, Flipit, for pointing out and capturing Carla's skerd-of-being-run-down-by-the-train look.... now whenever I see her on the show I immediately burst into helplessly healthy belly laughter (which, on a big boy like me is saying something)... she is going to be screencap GOLD this season!

love to you, and love to the lovely LoLo, who will forever be a doll in my heart for coining the term "Fleasa"...

love, J-Mo :)

P.S. Honeybear better not make a pass at Daddy Tom, he is notoriously uncomfortable with gay 'mirations... Honeybear can come on over to my house and we can fantasize about Daddy Tom together! :)

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