Stefan and Ariane's Middle Eastern dishes are the first to be put in front of the judges. Ariane's lamb chops went over well across the board, but her risotto was way undercooked. Stefan got a unanimous pass from the Judges on his Lamb Chops with tabouli salad and beef skewers with onion and yogurt sauce, and Tip Stealer says he loved his use of cinnamon. Then Stefan's panties are flung in his face.
Honey Bear and Jamie are out next, and HBear is all aflutter when he sees Daddy Tom. Hilarious. He actually blushes and starts sweating as he tells us that Tom has nice eyes and he would try to get him wasted if he saw him out in the bars. Love it. Their theme is Greek, and HBear made lamb sliders with orzo feta pasta salad. Jamie seared some bass and put it over eggplant puree. The color composition is hideous. It looks like a rotten egg. She also added in her "deconstructed Greek salad", which is the same as regular Greek salad but with less of the good shit in it. It's like the Weight Watchers version. Yes, it's pretty and tiny, but get me more fucking feta cheese before I bite a chunk out of your arm.
Daddy Tom and tip stealer liked both, but choose Jamie's because Honey Bear's lamb was dry and overcooked. Honey Bear looks upset, but his boner is still visible. Rad is up next with a Jamaican dish, and her hope is that her competition's food is worse than hers. Way to reach for the stars, girl. Even though her aim is low, it still misses. She does jerk halibut over three bean rice with mango salad. It looks pretty enough, but Gail thinks she was off texturally. Jill, her competition and a girl that we haven't discussed here yet, did plantain fritters under jerk scallops. She also made three different vibrant sauces to represent the Rastas. Her scallops were a bit overcooked, but Daddy liked her sauces and thought the dish was creative, so she wins. Rad sulks off and tries to figure out a better goal system than sucking slightly less than everyone else.
Fabio and Pretty boy are next with their Latin dishes. Fabio comes out of the gate babbling jibberish, and it's the first time the judges have heard him speak.
WTF?
He says that he will be reading what he made because he doesn't want to mess it up. Daddy Tom's face is frozen. It's really funny. He made mango and jalapeno pork with a mushroom and avocado salad. The avocado salad is pretty bad ass. The avacados are sliced and molded around the rest of the salad. Pretty Boy's coffee seared tenderloin with plantain and black beans with rice looks like it was lumped onto the plate at Luby's, but Tom is the only one that doesn't think it tastes way better than Fabio's so he wins.
Hosea and Carla are out next with their Russian dishes. Hosea battled his initial confusion by squeezing as many ingredients as possible onto an artful dish. His smoked fish trio with caviar, creme fraiche and apple chutney looks gorgeous. Carla's, not so much. She made smoked trout and salmon cakes over potato latkes. Her spirit guides told her to make her dish an impression of her scared about to get a ball thrown at her face look. She really needs to stop listening to them.
Tell that dish to stop looking at me with bug eyes. I'm getting uncomfortable.
Gail didn't like her salad, and Tip Stealer says she needs some sauce work. Daddy Tom loves Hosea's work and Scar says that he had a culinary eloquence that won it for him hands down. Carla starts swatting at the air, finally realizing that her guides have made a fool out of her.
Leah and a sort of hillbilly girl we haven't really met yet named Melissa are up next with Italian. Leah made farro risotto with seared red snapper and mushrooms. There's a lot of brown on that plate. Melissa did a seared rib eye steak with fried mushrooms and tomato sauce. Daddy Tom tells her that her dish would have been a winner with just a bit of salt and pepper, but Leah took this one.
Patrick and Daniel are next with Chinese. Daniel made a poached chicken salad with bok choy, mushrooms and fried wontons. Scar gives it a dirty look, which is rude. Just because something looks like hair clogging up a drain doesn't mean it will taste bad.
« Ultimate Fighter: Hit me. Please, please, hit me. No, really, hit me. | Main | Gossip Girl: A Tie for the Dumbest Person EVER »
Comments (26)
So glad this show is back on and you're here to share it with us.
It's a bit early to know all the characters yet but it seems like Stefan is in the lead for a$$hole of this season. Could be someone else is waiting to make a bid for that esteemed honor and only time will tell.
Top Chef has assembled another box of assorted nuts and hopefully it will be fun to watch.
Great recap and picture captions.
1 of 26 | Posted by skies | Posted on November 16, 2008 6:27 PM
Like dessert--your recap is totally worth it!
Is it just me, or does Radhika look like Helena Bonham Carter?
I wonder how Patrick got on the show to begin with. He's in culinary school still--aren't there many many applicants?
2 of 26 | Posted by silver | Posted on November 16, 2008 7:13 PM
YAYYYYYYYYYY!!! Flipit's back on Top Chef recaps!!!
Although LoLo did a great job too, but I LOVE your unique brand of humor, Flipit!
Anyway, looks like another interesting season of TC (my fave reality show).
Flipit, if you need a hag, I am so totally your girl! :P
3 of 26 | Posted by fierytopaz | Posted on November 16, 2008 7:19 PM
"Gail still doesn't have a mirror or gay friends, apparently, and I love her for staying so true to herself." hahahaha. I loved that dress. I'd wear it.
I thought the same thing about Kelly Ripa & that laundry thing...yeh, right!
Great Recap for a great show. You filled me in on the middle when I feel asleep. TY!
Love the pic recaps. They are awesome. All your work paid off.. love it.
4 of 26 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on November 16, 2008 7:24 PM
hahahaha I love this season already! And I love your recaps more!
5 of 26 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on November 16, 2008 8:10 PM
Oh Flipit, how we missed ye. This recap was so funny, I actually started reading it to my husband. He doesn't even watch the show and was laughing his ass off! Awesome!
I thought that one guy... wasshisname prison lesbian looking hawaiian guy... was really smart. Most of the chefs seemed unfamiliar with the type of cooking they had to do. However, he went to the deli counter and asked to taste something. Then he figured he knew how to recreate that taste. I thought that was brilliant! And I was really disappointed he didn't win. Stefan is such a douchenozzle, but then I guess we have to have someone to hate. Well, besides the "I don't know if I am good enough" soccer mom because she won't be around that long anyway.
6 of 26 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 17, 2008 3:09 AM
Loved the recap, Flipit!
Just one question -- did they ever say what culinary school Army Wife and Patrick went to? Because I'd say to AVOID it -- two losers on the first ep???
7 of 26 | Posted by LitChick35 | Posted on November 17, 2008 8:43 AM
Flip, I've gotta admit I'm one of the few who hasn't watched Top Chef before and the only reason I started this season was because my friend lured me to her premiere party with promises of vino. So I don't know if this is the normal reaction, but I'm a little shocked you didn't mention how Mr. Freaky Beard BLED ALL OVER HIS APPLES! I was pretty appalled. I couldn't believe the judges let that slide! Is that normal??
8 of 26 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on November 17, 2008 9:30 AM
Glad Army Wife left because her voice was very annoying.
I think they put some more inexperienced people on so they can have some guilt-free eliminations in the beginning. Just a theory.
9 of 26 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on November 17, 2008 11:19 AM
First off it's great to have a new season of Top Chef, and it's even better to have flipit doing the recaps. The next few weeks are going to be great.
(B), I think I'm in love with Gail. At one point at judges' table when scar was flapping her gums the camera panned all the way down to Gail, who got a look on her face like someone shoved a turd directly under her nose. I know Gail can't be on the show every week because she has to keep America's eggs safe, but can we get like a picture in a picture of Gail in the background whenever Scar opens her cakehole? I'm telling you Gail has future Mrs Waffleboy written all over her, is she single?
Lastly, when Stefan had his little emuslion breakdown, was I the only one bothered by the fact America was getting run down by a chef from a country whose greatest cullinary achivement is cramming meat into animal casings (Please feel free to insert your own cheap joke here)?
Double lastly, "other things Patrick was probably born with: one long eyebrow." Awesome. Great espisode great show, can't wait for more
10 of 26 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on November 17, 2008 11:25 AM
Jeff looks like a Tink-version of Chase from House...no??
11 of 26 | Posted by tebtosca | Posted on November 17, 2008 11:36 AM
It annoyed me when the spirt guide girl mispronounced Latkes. It's pronounced Lat-kas.
12 of 26 | Posted by sheyanicole | Posted on November 17, 2008 11:39 AM
Great recap!! Though, I can't believe no one mentioned how Pretty Boy is a dead ringer for Jesse Spencer (from House). I mean, they're practically identical.
13 of 26 | Posted by Kon4MItY | Posted on November 17, 2008 11:54 AM
HAHAHA thanks for reading I am cracking up over here. Kon4, yes he does!! I guess I was just blinded by his too bleached teeth to notice. It was like staring into the sun.
Helena B. Carter does look like Rad, but I like HBC so I'm not touching that one. Maybe she could make a movie about how she's sick of people expecting her to be sooo Indian. Thanks for the hag offer, fireyt!! Without my girls I wouldn't even get out of bed some mornings.
and "I know Gail can't be on the show every week because she has to keep America's eggs safe, but can we get like a picture in a picture of Gail in the background whenever Scar opens her cakehole?"LOL and well said. Yes on more Simmons pics.
LOVE
14 of 26 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 17, 2008 1:18 PM
Awesome recap- I can't wait for more.
Litchick35- Both Patrick and Lauren went to/are attending CIA Hyde Park (arguably one of the best culinary schools in the country, if not the world), so I doubt it has anything to do with the school. Also, 4 other contestants from this season (Ariane, Danny, Leah, and Jamie) are alums. 3 out of the 4 previous winners went there (Harold, Ilan, and Hung). At any rate, it seems like going to CIA is your golden ticket to get on Top Chef.
15 of 26 | Posted by Sourire | Posted on November 18, 2008 1:57 AM
Haven't even finished the recap, but must post IMMEDIATELY to say, YAY! Flipits recapping!! I love me some LoLo, but Flipit, I started reading Tvgasm way back when for the Top Chef recaps, so nice to see you here!
16 of 26 | Posted by valmommyt | Posted on November 18, 2008 6:58 AM
We both watch too much tv, because this quote had me laughing until I cried:
"Gail "BURNT CHARRED EEEEGGGS" Simmons, who today is dressed like a pregnant Peggy borrowing one of Joan's day off dresses in Mad Men. "
Totally!!! I also love how you throw random commercial screen captures in and comment on them - brilliant!
Ok, enough praise for you - get back to work!
17 of 26 | Posted by valmommyt | Posted on November 18, 2008 7:20 AM
Hahaha -- thanks, Sourire! I didn't really think they went to a bad culinary school or anything, just thought it was funny that they kept talking about school ("I'm not worried about Chinatown! I took an Asian food class in culinary school!") and both got The Knife on the first episode.
18 of 26 | Posted by LitChick35 | Posted on November 18, 2008 8:12 AM
Great recap! Thanks!
Now, just for me, tell me, is Eugene a man or a woman! I have to a moman...just get ahold of yourself, moman! You used to be a dishwasher, and I tell ya, that's way harder than make some food! lol
I hate the Eurotrash team already..but Stefan means business and he's kicking some Yankes's ass!
Can't wait for next week!
Kisses!
19 of 26 | Posted by detinha | Posted on November 18, 2008 10:05 AM
Flipit... Carla looks like an uglier version of Joan from the show "Girlfriends."
20 of 26 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on November 18, 2008 10:29 AM
Oh what a great recap! Thanks so much flipit!
To me... that Stephan looked like a bald European Edward Norton in those screen caps. I didn't notice that when watching but might have been distracted by the accent. He might be the biggest a-hole but he can obviously cook! 2 wins the first episode is pretty awesome.
And silver- Radhika totally does look like Helena Bonham Carter!
The blood all over the apples should have be mentioned but I am thankful there was no screencap of that. That was dis.gust.ing.
21 of 26 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on November 18, 2008 11:10 AM
Yay, thanks for a great recap, Flipit. And special thanks for all the food-porn photos. I mean, I'm more of a food-piled-up-on-a-giant-platter type of person, but these teeny tiny portions still look ...yum.
I'm loving HoneyBear, and I hope he sticks around until he wins. I'm just glad he didn't have to cook with his apples, because I think Padma and Tom would have disqualified him rather than having to taste his blood. I also like Eugene.
Stefan will stick around for a long long time because he's the designated asshole for this year, and because, I guess, it looks like he knows what he's doing. Oh joy, I'll get to hear time and time again about asshole Europeans and Eurotrash for the next few weeks. We're not all bad!!!! I'll just have to remember that in a European Top Chef, it's doubtful the American contestants would be portrayed fairly, either. Although I don't think fairness has anything to do with Stefan's portrayal. He does seem like an asshole.
I hate Daniel's attitude and his stupid facial hair. It looks like he woke up and forgot to wipe off the twin night-spit rivulets. I don't want to be thinking night-spit when someone is serving me my food!
22 of 26 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on November 18, 2008 12:07 PM
for the record, my dad and stefan know each other, and he is an ass. but kind of in a good way, in that he can cook and he knows it. I'm rooting for him though, he has insane skills.
23 of 26 | Posted by whitney | Posted on November 18, 2008 12:55 PM
You are welcome, darling. If there's anything I enjoy more than recapping Top Chef myself, it's reading your recaps of it. I truly appreciate how accepting everyone was of me last season, but we all know this is your show and are thrilled you're back.
Besides, I'm a sucker for footrubs. How could I have said no?
P.S. Yes, dishwashers are insane. If I have a choice between a dark alley with an escaped felon and a dark alley with a dishwasher, I'm taking my chances with the dude who hasn't seen a woman in a few decades and may be packing a shiv.
I was going for describing the felon there, but I think that could work for both. Hmm...
24 of 26 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 19, 2008 1:19 PM
We did and do appreciate your work too, Lolo. And funny comment about felons vs dishwasher. Hey, that could be a show!
25 of 26 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 20, 2008 2:44 AM
I know I'm late commenting because I've been wrapped up in the scintillating world of chubby drag queens for the last week, but I want to thank you, Flipit, for pointing out and capturing Carla's skerd-of-being-run-down-by-the-train look.... now whenever I see her on the show I immediately burst into helplessly healthy belly laughter (which, on a big boy like me is saying something)... she is going to be screencap GOLD this season!
love to you, and love to the lovely LoLo, who will forever be a doll in my heart for coining the term "Fleasa"...
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Honeybear better not make a pass at Daddy Tom, he is notoriously uncomfortable with gay 'mirations... Honeybear can come on over to my house and we can fantasize about Daddy Tom together! :)
26 of 26 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on November 20, 2008 8:04 AM