The Elimination Challenge is, of course, to recreate each of the six dishes they just ate. Stefan gets to choose which one he wants because he won the Quickfire and he takes the lobster, telling us that he's already figured out the ingredients. Hosea tells us the only reason he took that is because it's the easy way out. Poor little Hosea. Compete with Leah and save yourself some face, you hack. Beaker is instantly nervous and says "it's like recreating the Garden of Eden!" Find a way to recreate grass and Scar will give you this whole thing hands down. She picks Escolar and Hosea chooses the Monkfish knife, which is just brilliant because Monkfish is often referred to as the poor man's lobster. Leah gets Mahi Mahi, Fabio picks Red Snapper, and Turtle pulls Black Bass, which is the dish she just said she hated the most. HAHAHAHAH. I swear sometimes I think God watches this shit.
When they get to the kitchen, all of the ingredients are laid out for them, so they have no excuse for not being able to figure out what is used in each dish. Beaker is nervous because she's never oil poached a fish before, and Turtle has to ask Hosea to help her take apart the Serrano ham she was given to use for her sauce. When you're leaning on Hosea, it's time to just go home. Stefan is confident as usual, and says that the lobster is a classic French dish and the most important part is getting the shell off properly. Then he takes a bit off and says "like this. The butt." HA. Leah says that at her restaurant she's the lead fish cook. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! She is confident that she will do ok with the butchering part, even though she admits she messed up last time. She doesn't add "and the time before that and the time before that", but that's what I'm here for.
Hair product. Please.
She's having trouble figuring out the sauce and Stefan helps her. We don't hear what he says, but Leah decides that she's missing butter. Hosea is at a loss because he's not a "schooled chef." Girl you get schooled every week, what are you talking about? He can't figure out what to do with his ingredients but figures the egg must be used to batter the monkfish. Fabio knows it's going to be tough to compete with Ripert's thirty years of experience and he's gonna bring some Italy to it. Oh no. Don't do that. "We add on da same boat der." No idea.
Ripert comes around to check on progress. Stefan's only mistake is that he cooked the asparagus and wasn't supposed to. He tells Leah that her broth is too intense and oily and she should use some of that oil in her hair to calm down the stringiness. Beaker's fish is good, but the sauce needs more acidity to balance the richness. As he walks away, Juanita air pinches his butt.
OMG huss you're gonna get us in troubs!
Hosea asks Rip if his crust is right and Ripert is like uhhhhh....no Ho. Ripert leaves the kitchen and wishes them good luck without tasting Turtle's dish. WHY? "Cuz I didn't have time for him to." Oh man, Turtle. This is not the way to bring home a win. Focus on going home a winner and getting to throw the first pitch at the next San Francisco Women's Softball League game! Pull it together! The Judges arrive and Daddy Tom says that the chefs are probably shitting themselves. Fabio's Red Snapper is out first. He worries that his bread is over done, but there's no fixing it now.
The judges agree that the bread is overdone and cut too thick, but Ripert likes it overall. Tom says it's like art forgery. It looks good but you can tell the differences. Ripert takes this as flirting.
We weel be zo appy.
Leah's next, and she's having some major issues. Her fish isn't cooked all the way and she doesn't think she got the miso right. Dramatic music plays as the Mahi-Mahi comes out, which is bad. For Leah. It's awesome for us.
No one's impressed. Bland, too much ginger, overcooked not under. Toby bends Ripert over the table and starts making out with his cornhole. I could tell you what he said, but all I could concentrate on was the Baby Herman head diving into the pasty French butt. Scar coughs out some resin and starts giggling. "Congratulations, you are the Top Chef." Ah, Scar. Never get sober babe.
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Comments (23)
Funniest line, and I'm still cracking up: "Holy shit! Well, we know now why Beaker didn't win. She has a jayjay. Stefan better bring a pillow to bite, cuz that's gonna be one rough week."
Didn't Leah say she was the FISH COOK at her restaurant???? I haven't seen her cook one piece of fish that looked edible. Also, the fish that Beaker cooked, Escolar, aka butterfish aka EXLAX fish is known to give you anal leakage, and explosive diarrhea for days. LOL, why would ANYONE serve that in their restuarant???
Why in the world did they keep Leah and let Turtle go? All I have to say is Go Beaker!!!
1 of 23 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on February 7, 2009 4:46 AM
I am loving Stefan right now. He's no Hung, but he's getting there.
I wanna know when Anthony Bourdain's going to guest judge!! We're getting close to the end and he hasn't been on yet. Booo, Top Chef. I want to see him make Leah cry.
2 of 23 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on February 7, 2009 6:14 AM
If it wasn't for these recaps I would probably be done with this season. Stefan is clearly the best. Only his arrogance could cost him this competition. The other chefs cannot compete with this guy.
I cry foul too! The only reason Turtle is out is to keep the Hosea/Leah thing going on. I don't recall any mention of it this episode? Leah needs to go.
There is no drama this season. They are all constantly helping each other which is great in real life but makes for boring TV.
I am in complete agreement with featherhead: the jayjay line was the funniest line ever. I am still laughing about it.
3 of 23 | Posted by el_suavo | Posted on February 7, 2009 7:16 AM
BTW, Hosea called them 'Euros' not 'zeros'. Great recap.
4 of 23 | Posted by hillpete | Posted on February 7, 2009 8:06 AM
Great recap! My favorite was the picture of Hosea trying to get the win for the quickfire! I was dying.
5 of 23 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on February 7, 2009 8:21 AM
oh yes Pegster, we need some Bourdain! He would reduce Leah to a sniveling, nose wiping, lip scratching, whining mess. Oh wait, she already is one. Seriously, she touches her nose, mouth, and hair ALL the time. How gross to eat her food. Bourdain would shatter her!
Awesome recap as usual Flipit!
6 of 23 | Posted by real_atlanta_girl | Posted on February 7, 2009 8:34 AM
I too was left speechless when Turtle was sent packing. Sharon Stone would have done the right thing and sent Leah home.
There's really nothing interesting about the Mr. Potato Head/PSL might someday hookup story.
OK, this is really nerdy, but I googled the GE Monogram oven and it AND the Kenmore wall ovens both have been recalled due to fire hazards! Great recap again, flipit.
7 of 23 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on February 7, 2009 9:20 AM
For a follow-up online search, plug in "escolar" and any variation of "anal leakage" or "diarrhea" and you'll find plenty of message boards and blogs dispensing harrowing tales similar to Duffy's. Some of these stories offer disturbing, long-winded narratives that begin with a mysterious expulsion of gas and end with a destroyed pair of khakis at a romantic dinner, or, in some cases, a trip to the emergency room by those who feared that their insides had melted.
Maybe that is why Ripert makes all those crazy faces!! All I can say is Never Trust a Fart!!!
8 of 23 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on February 7, 2009 9:46 AM
I refused to watch it, and my son came running to tell me Jamie was out. WTF?
Thank God for FlipIt's reviews, because they're sure more entertaining than this season.
I'm soooo done with this show (unless they bring back Jeff & Jamie - as some rumors are going around). Stefan's pretty good, but he's no Hung, Tre, Harold, Richard or Stephanie.
9 of 23 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on February 7, 2009 9:51 AM
You outdid yourself on this recap, Flipit! I must have laughed for 5 minutes over the whole Stefan-eel-Satan story and pics. There were plenty of other gut-busting moments here as well. I too thought, after hearing at JT about Leah's messed-up miso sauce, that Stefan's advice might have pushed her in that (wink-wink) direction -- you're the only commenter I've seen mention it. I feared that the expert student was surpassing the master (no, not Stefan and Ripert) after howling over some of JMo's recaps of Top Design, but this one showed me you've got plenty of game in you. More!
10 of 23 | Posted by bfish | Posted on February 7, 2009 10:11 AM
As for the exlax fish guess what beans or chili do the same to a lot of people.
If you don't want the discharge don't eat a lot of the fish or have it grilled to remove the oil.
It's also sold under a lot of names often misleadingly. Plus the close relative of the scolar is often sold as the escolar and that is what causes the trouble most people have since the oilfish is a cousin of the escolar.
11 of 23 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on February 7, 2009 10:24 AM
hello! thanks for reading. i love waking up to laugh at these comments. pegster, you are just poking me with the hung stick woman and i won't bite! i won't! wait i guess i just did damn you!!
bfish, way to keep me on my toes, there, buddy!! ha! jmo is a badass so i am glad to be in the same paragraph. and as far as the whole fish making you poop thing, lol. i hadn't heard that. i love that you always comment like a scholar/doctor yeschef, even when talking about poop fish. thanks for that!
one thing i did read while looking up more on what i already knew on pablo escolar was this:
"New Adventures in Neology
Pablo Escolar: A coke dealer whose product makes you crap your pants.
Ex.: 'Dude, I’m not calling that guy anymore, he’s a total Pablo Escolar. His cocaine always makes me crap my pants.'" who knew this explanation would be all the more perfect this morning?
"to keep the Hosea/Leah thing going on. I don't recall any mention of it this episode?" i can only mention it so much. i was way more interested in riperts fake sex life this week than psl and ho's really gross real one.
i am typing way too much. this is your section. but damn these comments are hilary. ok LOVE
12 of 23 | Posted by flipit | Posted on February 7, 2009 11:23 AM
Flipit, Don't make me use the "Leah" face!! I need your address, I have some Escolar and a pair of khakis I want to send you. Heart..
13 of 23 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on February 7, 2009 2:16 PM
I found Toby Young much easier to take this week when I pretended that he was Christopher Guest in disguise, workshopping an over-the-top character for his next mockumentary about the pretentious foodie world. The ridiculously long labored metaphors feel so Corky St. Clair to me.
14 of 23 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on February 7, 2009 3:37 PM
I lurve Eric Ripert. And your pix of him are freaking priceless, Flipit!!
Ugh, someone please get Hose & PSL off of my TV. I can't stand either one of them. My hate for Hose is higher because he is such a fucking PUSS. I love how he shit talks behind everyone's back - Dude! Grow some balls.
ahem.
Did I mention I lurve Eric Ripert?? :)
15 of 23 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on February 7, 2009 9:32 PM
HAHA - Flip - page 1, photos 3 and 4 - HOLY JAY MANUEL! I thought I opened up the ANTM recap for a second!
Dammit Turtle! Why'd you have to F up the celery, now I have to endure more of Leah's insecurity and Hosea's misguided competitiveness. Maybe if Fleasa were on this season and you two had some drunken, late night ugly bumping you'd still be here :(
Seriously, Hosea needs to get kicked off next week, looking at him makes my vagina hurt.
Excelente recap, as usual!!!
16 of 23 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on February 8, 2009 7:10 PM
Flipit! You kill me! I guess I was oblivious to Ripert's 'mo-ey-ness, but now that I see all those pictures of him... he looks like a sex-offender.
I'm so sick of Leah and her wah wah wah-ing, just go home already, she's a literal hack (and giving up on a Quick-Fire?... why not just do the Poopy-Chee-to-Penis Part Deux?). I thought for sure she was out, but Turtle's clear sense of blah towards Ripert's food probably put her in the noose faster than anything.
Swimming anal-leakage? Not likely to be on my plate any time soon. You nailed it, though, I laughed and giggled my way through it as always. Love to you forever!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. bfish, you are waaaay too kind to give such high praise, Flip's always been my Top Dawg here, if I can be half as funny as he is, then I feel like I've done a good job. Love and kissy-smoochies to you! xoxox -J
17 of 23 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 8, 2009 9:34 PM
I have a game I play with Flipit's recaps whereby I print them when I come into the office and then carry them downstairs with me for my first cigarette with my serious, earnest, look-at-this-HUGE-pile-of-emails-I-have-to-read-right-away face on. Then, I see how long I can keep the face on once I start reading.
This morning, I made it to "This week on Top Chef, Ripert is back and he's hornier than ever." Very hard to look serious and professional when I'm dangerously close to spewing coffee all over the place.
The Fabio translations KILL me and the Beaker/Juanita/Rhonda conversations...entirely TOO MUCH!!
Thank you for starting my morning with way more than my fair share of frivolity and joy. :) :)
And thank you for limiting your comments on the Leah/Hosea thing...can't STAND them. But I am suddenly crushing on Stefan and think that I need to be slapped. :)
18 of 23 | Posted by kimbubbly | Posted on February 9, 2009 7:42 AM
Agree with the others who want HoLeah GONE! Does she think the faces and talking like an 8 year old are sexy? I think they make her look mentally deficient.
Loves me Beaker, but Stephan appears to be the star this season. Altough agree with Hutchlover - if he were competing against previous season contenders, I don't think he would appear so strong. He's just the best in a very mediocre pack. It occured to me that no one this season is using molecular gastronomy (except for Fabio's olives) or exotic ingredients that make me yell "WTF is that?" at the TV. Meh, this should be called Top Chef Applebee's edtion. Hoping Beaker gets into the final 3, that could be fun.
I no longer hear Toby anymore either, too busy yelling STFU whenever he opens his pie hole. Totally loved Daddy Tom's put down of him - it's harder than it looks!
Flipit, you are the awesomest. I can't wait till the recaps are posted so I can get my giggles.
19 of 23 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on February 9, 2009 7:45 AM
Great recap! I too was surprised that Turtle got the boot. Leah sucks. SO does Toby.
BTW, Beaker was talking about "beurre rouge," or "red butter."
20 of 23 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on February 9, 2009 10:52 AM
"It's like when I hold the mirror up behind my head to make sure I got everything and look at that mirror in the mirror in front of me. The baldness goes on for eternity."
Too f'in funny, Flip it!!! I agree with all above, it almost made it ok that Turtle took one for the team!!! I just stared and screamed "Noooooo" at the screen, more becoz I have to listen to that whiney lazy depressed hack PSL for another week--cmon people, did they not want to keep someone who could at least look like a contender against Stephan, who I agree, looks poised to rock this one out.
Don't know if Fabio will make top 3, he's been seeming weak and sliding, whereas Beaker is on the rise, and I'd love to see her go all the way!!!!!
I'd still hit Toby, what is wrong with my twisted self, I always root for underdogs, and I always lust for Assholes . . . but I would have to fill that pie hole first . . . I know, eww!
I'll quit while I'm behind--Can't wait for PSL to go the F away, and I agree about Stephan and the pillow, that sounded like a romantic getaway if I ever heard one!!!
21 of 23 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 9, 2009 1:28 PM
So I guess the one that Daddy Tom was talking about when he said he was surprised someone crap made it to the end must be either Leah or Hosea, right? It friggin pisses me off that those two hacks are still in it when my girls Turtle and Girl Prison are gone. That is total bullshit!
And they need to kick Toby the Eff out of Dodge. That guy is extremely annoying. Everytime he opens his mouth, I cringe. Maybe he will see an episode and realize he is making a total douche out of himself on national television.
Anyways, love ya, Flip! *mwah* I was just checking in while on vaycay. And no, Itchy... I said vaycay not vajayjay! :p
22 of 23 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on February 10, 2009 9:55 AM
Actually "laughing out loud" while on the internet doesn't really ever happen for me. Until reading this recap, that is. Very, very funny stuff.. and you really nailed their personalities also.
23 of 23 | Posted by vango | Posted on February 19, 2009 11:38 AM