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Evangelos immediately makes excuses about his dog meat dish, which came out looking like a pile of constipation. The Coyote thought the dish was going to be a steak sandwich and Evangelos quickly agrees that that's a good point. The Coyote gives him a look that's all like "Of course it's a good point! I fucking just said it!" and Evangelos tilts his head and douchily smiles. Nice try.

Did I mention how much I like your pocket protector?

Mutton's baby-sludge covered sirloin looks like it's cold and still mooing, and he stupidly admits he left some greens at the market. Never admit a mistake, Mutton! But the Coyote likes the peaches and turnips in the dish, so it's okay. Then, as the Coyote begins to walk away, the most phenomenal thing happens - the Coyote turns to Mutton and dead-pans "nice sideburns." I almost fall off my couch laughing as Mutton chuckles uncomfortably, not sure if he's being mocked or hit on. Get with the program, Mutton - extreme sideburns enthusiasts are a dying breed, and you guys gotta stick together. Look at the way the mullet enthusiasts have kept their hideous look from going extinct. It's not a coincidence that where you can find 1 mullet, you can usually find others.

Twitch (thanks xqzmoi!) is up next, and he explains that he foshizzled some lamb chops-izzles. As he lists out the ingredients - accompanied by some flailing hand motions that nearly take out Padma's eye, natch - Padma takes a break from her pre-purge binge to point out that Twitch violated the QF rules by using 6 ingredients. Oh, poo. Okay, Padma, please accept my apologies - evidently it was necessary to count to 5 on your fingers when explaining the rules. Twitch defends himself by telling us that he can only focus on a certain number of things at a time. That's why crack is whack, dude. It melts your brain.

Yet again not everyone gets camera time, so it's time for the Coyote to pick the best and the worst. The bottom group consists of Evangelos for being inflexible with the dish once the meat wasn't what he expected, Erik (who looks near tears again!) for presenting 3 separate piles of carrots, potatoes, and lamb instead of a cohesive dish, and Richard for oily and unrefined chicken soup. Richard tells us he's shocked that the Coyote didn't play favorites with his molecular chicken soup. Sorry, Richard, but Mutton managed to one-up you on the common ground factor with the Coyote.

Now for the top group. The Coyote selects Ryan's simple steak dish, Valerie's grisly-looking rib eye, and Mutton's side burns, err I mean raw sirloin as the top 3... and gives the win to Mutton! See, Mutton, the Coyote understands the sideburns enthusiasts' creed - those who grow together must stick together. The Coyote even praises Mutton's honesty over the lost greens. Mutton is beside himself with joy, especially knowing he now has immunity and can't be eliminated no matter how hard he bones the elimination challenge.

The power of sideburns

With that out of the way, it's time to draw knives for the elimination challenge. Manuel draws first, and his heart drops to his toes as he sees that it says "vulture." Manny's not too excited about cooking scavenger for dinner. Dale gets bear, and Antonia puzzles over whether she would make braised bear chops or braised bear tenderloins. I would definitely try a bear burger myself. Ryan and Richard both draw lion, and Twitch excitedly tells us that he hopes he gets lion and then tries to growl at the camera. Despite his "growl" (see I can use quotation marks too, Twitch!) sounding more like a purr, I hope he gets lion too. I think that's our best chance of seeing him getting eaten. But alas, Twitch draws penguin. Maybe they can peck him to death.

Antonia's bear dreams are dashed when she draws gorilla, and seeing as though it's illegal to eat gorilla, it finally begins dawning on the chefs that they may not be making penguin stew and vulture stir fry tonight. After everyone has drawn a knife, the teams wind up as this: Yoda/Valerie/Antonia (gorilla), Lisa/Twitch/Jennifer (penguin), Zoi/Manny/Mutton (vulture), Nikki/Evangelos/Dale (bear), and Richard/Erik/Ryan (lion). The challenge is that the groups will be catering staff parties at the Lincoln Park Zoo for 200 people - and their menus must be based on the main foods in their animal's diet.

Twitch is pumped about his penguin, but Team Vulture is worried that they'll have to serve decaying animal carcass. See, I'm thinking vulture's the best because those nasty fuckers will eat about anything - you could throw an old boot in your dish and ask Daddy Tom if he had a problem.

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Posted in Top Chef by LoLo at 6:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: realityjunkie on Mar 24, 2008 12:24 PM.