Testimonials

Maybe fearing Team Vulture would do just that, it turns out the producers have provided each team with a list of acceptable foods for their animal. As his team reviews their list, Mutton realizes he and vultures have more in common than just unfortunate plumage. Team Gorilla is given a vegetarian list, and while Yoda and Antonia begin brainstorming ways to incorporate meat, Valerie silently frets off to the side about claiming that Gorillas eat crab and caviar. I think this is a great strategy, given how many other reality show contestants have been successful with the stood-idly-by-while-my-teammates-committed-suicide approach.

Yeah, this has winner written all over it

Team Bear meanwhile is engaged in a power struggle. Nikki gives us the speech about a woman fighting to survive in a man's world, while we see her lay her hand on Evangelos's forearm while trying to persuade him to her point of view. You can't have it both ways, sweetheart. In the most shocking revelation of the season, Dale tells us he doesn't like playing in groups. I'm sure Evangelos and Nikki are less than thrilled to work with you too, douche.

The next day, the chefs head off to annoy local Whole Foods patrons with $500 budgets and 30 minutes to shop. Evangelos, despite being on Team Bear, spurts out vulture metaphors to us about how he's a scavenger and claims he has morphed into an animal. I'd say he's morphed into a strong contender for Twitch's most hated chef title. Lisa, realizing that we don't know who the hell she is, takes a bad fall in the produce section for some extra camera time, and Evangelos cracks up. Okay, I'd laugh too. I also get the giggles at funerals. I'm a bad person.

But Evangelos isn't laughing when teammate Nikki begins whining about how they need table décor and may need to cut out some food purchases to stay within budget. That chick has watched too many episodes of Sandra Lee's "Semi-Homemade." The judges won't give a damn if the colors in your summertime floral arrangement complement the hue of the garnish in your honeycomb dish. As the Dale and Evangelos exchange "are you fucking kidding me?!" looks, their passive-aggressive behavior allows Nikki to get her way. I can't wait for her to gesture to their lovely floral arrangement when Daddy Tom asks why they have 25% less food than other teams.

I'll just save this for later...

Back in the kitchens, the teams have 3 hours to prepare. Stealing from arch-nemesis Richard's bag of tricks, Team Penguin is excited about their jelly "glacier" that Twitch is making using a special thickening agent. Twitch in particular can barely contain himself, and begins dancing around like a marionette puppeteered by someone having a seizure. On Team Lion, Richard's also advocating using molecular science crap (with not one but two Marcel foams on the menu!), which is making Erik a bit nervous. You know Erik was the kid sent to the principal's office during biology class for throwing frog guts in Jessica Grime's hair. His school wisely waived his chemistry requirement.

Team Gorilla's tossing bananas into every dish they can (perhaps trying to make up for the fact they're serving CRAB?!), and while worrying over Valerie's blinis dish. Specifically, they're worried about how Val has to make the blinis now, pack them up, and then transport them to the zoo to be served there. Like I said last week, it really bothers me when chefs know before they even get started that something's likely to be a colossal fuck-up. We saw these bitches having this same conversation that morning before they even bought food - why didn't they just switch to something that wasn't 99% sure to end in failure? Idiots. You deserve to go home.

Collichio's in the house! Daddy Tom's in a great mood tonight, smiling and laughing with all the chefs. He reacts well to the glacier concept, then moseys on over to Team Vulture to stir up some shit over Mutton's immunity. Manny doesn't take the bait though, and confidently says that he thinks Mutton's a good addition to the team regardless. This ruins Daddy Tom's fun, so he announces that they all have 90 minutes left and leaves.

My dreams of eating a breast implant are finally coming true

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Posted in Top Chef by LoLo at 6:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: realityjunkie on Mar 24, 2008 12:24 PM.