Testimonials

On Team Bear, Nikki's mushrooms look like crap, and Evangelos asks us who would want to put a turd in his mouth? For $10 or a crack rock, I think Twitch is your man. Dale and Evangelos start preparing to throw Nikki under the bus for the mushrooms, and she races over and insists they can be fixed by dumping crap on top of them to pretty them up. Kind of like those bitches on ANTM in a photo shoot. Meanwhile, Yoda's celery chips are all soggy and gross, giving teammate Valerie a fighting chance of survival when Team Gorilla is inevitably at the bottom.

The group heads off for Lincoln Park Zoo, where I spent way too many school field trips growing up. LPZ's pretty sweet, being located in the middle of Chicago, but I'll always be a Brookfield Zoo girl. Everyone has only 1 hour until service to arrange their presentation and get their food ready to go. Dale and Evangelos want to throw out Nikki's mushrooms, but she still insists she can make them "pretty." Hey Nikki - maybe the reason you think it's so hard to be accepted as a female chef is the way you seem more concerned about how pretty the table or the food is, rather than how stuff actually tastes. Just a thought.

Over on Team Gorilla, the blinis are turning out just as bad as we all thought they would, and Valerie's all like, whodathunkit? You! You're the one who thunk it! We're heard that this was a bad idea at least 50 times this episode! Oh this girl is pissing me off. Val's hoping that Yoda's dish turns out worse than hers - way to be a team player - but at the last second, Antonia convinces Yoda to change her chips & crab to a more appetizing crab salad. Time to grab your ankles, Val.

Scar's come out for this judging, and she's brought along the Coyote, Gail (who wiggles and waves like a small-town beauty pageant contestant), and Daddy Tom. The guests pour in, and the first thing we hear is that Nikki's mushrooms now don't just look like shit, they also taste like shit because they're ice cold. Although if I'm going to put a "turd" as Evangelos called it in my mouth, I'd rather it be cold than steaming hot. Was that too much? Probably. Moving on! Team Bear pulls the mushrooms completely from their table, which I think is the right decision. I'd rather face the judges saying I made the decision to pull something awful rather than have to defend my decision to nearly poison 200 people.

Miss Sweet Corn Queen 1985

Team Lion's beet salad goes over well, as does its bison tartare. Gail loves Team Vulture's marinated anchovies and Scar's all about their Moroccan-spiced lamb meatball. The Coyote enjoys Team Penguin's squid cerviche, and Daddy Tom likes their Thai shrimp & crab salad.

We start running into problems with Team Gorilla, when Daddy Tom and the Coyote both dislike Yoda's reimagined crab dish. Upon hearing their criticism, Yoda begins shaking and gives herself a third-degree burn. The judges then try Valerie's blinis. Daddy Tom remains silent, and the Coyote takes on this gentle voice last used in a kindergarten class when he asks Val if they pre-made the blinis before coming to the event. Team Gorilla's other two dishes go over well though.

Team Bear is serving a chimay cheese and honeycomb dish, which both Gail and Scar
rave about. Scar makes faces while trying the salmon a la plancha, and Gail whines about the lack of mushrooms. This makes Nikki decide to let all the judges try the shrooms, which still look awful despite the beautification efforts. Needless to say, they do not fare well.

The same face she's given Rushdie

Back at home, Mutton break dances as the contestants ponder their fate. Scar comes in and calls Teams Vulture and Penguin to the Judges' Table to announce that they're the two best teams. The judges start with Team Vulture, and specifically praise Mutton's anchovy dish and Zoi's lamb meatball entrée. Turning to Team Penguin, they praise Twitch's glacier as well as his squid dish, and Twitch lives up to his name by having a mini-seizure in response to the accolades. With two excellent dishes, Twitch is named the winner, meaning that we're stuck with his withdrawn, poseur ass for at least a few more episodes.

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Posted in Top Chef by LoLo at 6:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: realityjunkie on Mar 24, 2008 12:24 PM.