This week on Top Chef, all hell breaks loose.
With Special Guest Stars Ming Tsai and Dale's Crotch
We open with the lesbian lovers and Antonia all mildly pissed off that Zoi and Ant were in the bottom group last week. Boo hoo hoo don't suck ass next time, ladies. Ryan, meanwhile, astutely tells us that someone has to go home this week. Gee, thanks for clearing that up. He hopes that it isn't him, but I would definitely be okay with that. Besides some minimal eye candy, you're useless.
This week's Quick Fire judge is Ming Tsai, chef/owner of Blue Ginger restaurant in Boston. Lisa - while still not showered - is actually excited for this guest judge. At least I think that's a smile, since I've never seen one on her face before. The challenge is an upscale Coke vs. Pepsi blind taste test (which I totally rock, btw), where the blind-folded chefs will have to identify which is the higher-end ingredient of two options. The chef who gets the most right wins immunity.
If you food tastes like shit, I know what to do
Ryan's up first, and is excited that he doesn't have any food debris in his mouth to interfere with his palate. Awesome. The first ingredient pairing is maple syrup, $3 per bottle versus $9 bottle (holy shit dude, that costs more than a jug of wine... yeah I'm classy like that). He gets that one right, as well as the $16 versus $4 bacon test. Yoda's next, and screws up the $5 versus $25 crab test - even gagging at the better product. Scar is very disappointed in our frontrunner, and announces Yoda's mistake in a tone of voice so sad and pitying you'd think she was having to tell Yoda that "Star Wars" didn't really happen again.
Dale gets the $1 versus $8 chocolate test right, as well as the $6 versus $72 sake test. But he blows the $2.50 versus $17 caviar test, which really pisses him off given his love of the stuff. I didn't even know they had $2.50 caviar. What is that from, the sturgeons who take the short bus to school? Lisa nearly wrecks the joint by knocking over a bottle of water (between this and the lack of showers, she must have something against good ol' H2O) and then blows her first test. However, she does get the $4 versus $8 butter correct, as well as the $3 versus $19(!!) cheddar cheese right.
The rest of the contestants get edited together really quickly, but from what we can see: Beasty nails the $24 versus $6 pork test but Mutton misses it. Richard gets the $4 versus $25(!!) olive oil test right, and is a snooty prick. Antonia, Zoi, and Nikki all get the sake question correct, leaving Twitch as the only one we see who can't taste $64 difference between the bottles. You know how when you get a bad head cold you can't taste anything? I wonder if it's the same when you're snorting lines off the back cover of your Superman comic books.
H-E-Y-S... Getting this one wrong should be instant elimination
Time for the results. Evidently there were 15 different tests (wish we could have seen more of them), and Yoda had the lowest score with 6 correct. Beasty and Ryan tie for second place with 11 correct, and Antonia wins the QF with 12 correct. Antonia's excited, Yoda's embarrassed, and Zoi is yet again pissed off, this time because Beasty beat her. Okay, Zoi, just to save future bitchfests - Beasty is nicer, smarter, more attractive, and more talented than you. Your ugly ass is definitely dating up, so why don't you shut your trap and take what you can get. Capiche?
With that out of the way, it's time to announce the Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be preparing the first course for the Meals-on-Wheels Celebrity Chef Ball. The event's theme is the four elements, so the chefs will be divided into four groups - earth, air, fire, and water - and must prepare a dish inspired by their element. They draw knives and are given 15 minutes to plan their menus, which no one thinks is enough.
Team Water is Richard and Twitch - paired up yet again - as well as Mutton. Richard assumes the leadership role and begins talking about sushi. Over on Team Air, Beasty's stuck with Nikki again, as well as Ryan for extra suckage. Beasty suggests shoving anything with wings on a plate to meet their theme requirement, but Nikki thinks that may be a tad too literal.
I've got an idea... what do you guys think about making some pasta?
« Beauty and the Geek: The Dorks and the Restless | | Rock of Love: Cross Eyed Soccer Prom »
Comments (13)
Your right Antonia deserved to get road rash over her lack of Soup Enthusiasm.
Butternut Squash Soup
w/extra sharp English Cheddar Cheese crumbles
flavored with apple smoked bacon and
Shaved Black Truffles.
There is you hundreds of dollars bitch.
I will never understand people not putting truffles on ANYTHING and knowing they will win.
I get mixed up on your nic names but Dale should have held his tounge and not his genitals. In no way did he have a an edge in that room with so many woman having bigger dicks than him.
And the guys with the constant DT's... could we medicate him to make the show easier to watch?
His team should have lost and the fish man should really have gone home.
Would you rather have underseasoned mushrooms or fish scales caught in your teeth and throat?
1 of 13 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 14, 2008 2:07 PM
There hasn't been a season of Top Chef with as many douchebags as Chicago. I hate Dale - don't care if he's a good cook, he's a ball-gripping prima donna. And Twitch and Spike both need to go.
But none of these people are going to get kicked off, because they each start more shit than the rest of the cast combined. I hate when the producers decide what will be good TV. It's good TV when talented people I don't want to kill are on, too!! Between those three and Dominique and Fatima from Top Model, I know my (boyfriend's) TV is going to get a shoe thrown at it before June.
2 of 13 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on April 14, 2008 2:20 PM
Giff, your soup sounds delicious, and I totally agree about high end ingredients . .. . or perhaps a little side something-Ant took her one victory straight to her bitchy head, but I'm not sorry Zoi's gone, nor that Evangohattool has another notch in his knife . . . he's beyond the douchiest to me, and I also think Beast needs to take her upcoming sexual frustation out on someone else (maybe Lisa--You said she needs a bath, VD!) actually I mean, she should have kept it to herself. To me, Zoi was stunt casting, she was out of her league and couldn't season Pasta Salad, obviously the weakest link.
Couldn't they have scaled the fish again during plating . . . am I dense for asking?!
alas, perhaps Evangohattool will end up lovers with Ricky from ProRun, ala, Dale and Jack . . . or should I say baldhawk ala Flipit!
3 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 14, 2008 4:23 PM
Great recap once again. The recaps are better than the show. As I was watching this trainwreck, I was wondering how a tvgasm recap would play out and you have exceeded my expectations.
Now for a little venting...
As a born and bread Chicagoan I am really disappointed in this season. Has anyone noticed that every guest judge is from the east coast? The only Chicago chef so far has been Rick Bayless. WTF? And then Richard Roeper? He's not a chef and the movie challenge was stupid. And of course the producer's have to show him in a negative light when he dares to disagree with so many refined New York taste buds around him. Has anyone noticed this? Am I just over-sensitive for my hometown?
I see next week they are tailgating at a Bears game. I better see a Chicago chef there to guest judge or I will seriously lose my nut!
Okay I feel better.
4 of 13 | Posted by el_suavo | Posted on April 14, 2008 4:55 PM
Dale is without a doubt the biggest dick of Top Chef history. I hope Lisa wins the QF this week just to torque him some more. When his entree falls a little short, I hope she tells him to use bacon next time. I always thought he was a wound a little tight, but the ball grabbing is way overboard. Maybe his inner Rap Star is showing itself.
Richard, aka Baldhawk 2.0, gets the Lucky SOB award of the week. I felt he was more deseving of expulsion than Zoi. I believe Fish Cleaning is part of Cooking 101.
Gail could use a stylist, but I am glad when she is on. She floats my boat just like the new and improved Bunny Foo Foo and Michelle Bernstein. I hope she makes an appearance this season.
Great recap LoLo. I laughed the whole way through.
5 of 13 | Posted by snorwich | Posted on April 14, 2008 7:57 PM
As with most seasons, it looks like this cast has quite a few people who are just not up to snuff compared to the rest, so the first several weeks are spent in cutting them loose. I figure Nikki, Spike and Ryan will be the next to go, with one-note Richard not far behind. Then the competition will rise up another level.
And yes, el_suavo, I'm bummed they haven't showcased more of Chicago's great cuisine and chefs. Hopefully that's coming soon!
Great recap, LoLo! You have a great knack for illustrating the absurdity of these characters!!!
6 of 13 | Posted by ChicagoGal | Posted on April 15, 2008 6:58 AM
Wait, Chicago has cuisine aside from brats and deep-dish pizza?
Love, a faithful Packer fan ; )
7 of 13 | Posted by marishka | Posted on April 15, 2008 7:11 AM
Ha...I just saw Spike this morning when I went to mail my taxes. He was hanging out with a couple of older people (probably his parents) at the Brooklyn Bagel place near my office in Arlington, VA. My co-workers naturally thought I was retarded for claiming this, so I looked at his Bravo bio and it says he's opening a restaurant with his 'rents here in DC. Anway, that's my random Top Chef sighting of the day.
8 of 13 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on April 15, 2008 10:58 AM
I love this show and sadly do not get Bravo on our craptastic Comcast. Is there anywhere on the internets where you can watch the episodes??
Great recaps Lolo - thanks for taking this on. Love your screen caps!
9 of 13 | Posted by Jelliepair | Posted on April 15, 2008 11:17 AM
suedisco, I can't believe you didn't mention what hat he was in!!! I wish you had spit at him, and vomited in a near by bucket . . . allright, I guess he was with his parents . . .
10 of 13 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on April 15, 2008 5:07 PM
I don't really have much to add. I agree pretty much with everything snorwich said in that review. One note as far as I could tell the final argument between Dale and Lisa occurred when he yelled in support of either Spike or Biesty... I couldn't tell afterwards Lisa told him to shut it which set him off. I personally pegged Dale as my least favorite chef the first episode, but I have to say Lisa's constant whining all episode really annoyed me, and I was somewhat glad she got yelled at. I could have done without the crotch grab though.
11 of 13 | Posted by Fitz | Posted on April 16, 2008 12:44 PM
I like Lisa, but she spazzed, and whined throughout the entire episode...and then, she won a free trip to Italy. It wasn't a week with a lame gift like Padma's book, or a token for dinner at Pizzeria Uno, it was a free trip to Italy!!
I don't think Dale was an asshole at all. He worked with the team, he wore his little headband, and he got the job done. Who can blame him for being a bit salty, and indulging in a little yell and grab? At least he didn't grab someone elses crotch.
p.s. super excited to see Zoi go..
"I'm sorry...but white chocolate and wasabi, do not taste good together, I promise you"
did you taste it bitch? yeah, that's what I thought, you didn't...keep talking shit about people who are cooking circles around you. Maybe you can figure out how to SALT your food while you whine.
12 of 13 | Posted by lil jess | Posted on April 16, 2008 10:22 PM
How is it that Nikki manages to scam her way through every week? She's screwed up every single dish she's been involved in since her overflowing dough disaster in episode 1. Man, I wish we could magically throw her into Ramsey's kitchen for an episode.
13 of 13 | Posted by vango | Posted on April 16, 2008 11:46 PM