Glad to hear you're feeling better, J-Mo.

I'm still am crushing on DB. LOVED the fact that he won the quick-fire challenge w/o being well-versed in Asian cuisine.

Boo to Big Volt yelling at him. Sheesh ... ask an innocent question. I don't think DB was getting ready to pick him apart. He seems to be one of the more tactful and mature chefs.

Now if Big Volt woulda ripped a new one into Eli ... THAT woulda been entertainment.

Poor Ashley. I certainly thought Eli or Ash shoulda gone over her.

A side note: MerryMan's smile is really beautiful. Hair, well ... brush it already!

I would love for DB to win the whole thing. Couldn't you just see him as a guest judge? I don't think he could bring himself to be critical (ala NerdMo) of someone else's dish. He's got that loveable quality that Big ART has.

Nice job J-Mo

Glad you're feeling better. I missed this episode but you have explained it splendidly. I did see somewheres that sexist pig made such a jerk of himself that clips of his idiocy was shown. How can a man act like such a fool on TV? Isn't he aware he's in danger of never getting laid again except by pox ridden sluts?

I actually like Tyler's show, sometimes anyway. I love his ultimate meatloaf. But he does say off the chain alot....

Bitter Jen's sickness makes me wonder if eateries will insist that their employees stay home if they are ill especially with this swine flu thing. I mean think about it: could a person be guilty of manslaughter if he's contagious and cooks and serves food and he's traced to being the source of illness for several dead victims? It could happen - think Typhoid Mary. So now I'm not only eating at home more to save money but to keep from getting sick. Food for thought, no pun intended.

Being in pain has made you funnier, JMo! Self AbZorba the Greek is one of my favorites of all time--I've got to work that one into a conversation sometime.

I'm glad you are feeling better. I messed up my back about 10 years ago, and it is unbelievable pain. I got two shots of demerol at the hospital, and it didn't even touch the pain, it just made me sleepy.

I'm afraid that Sexist Pigshit couldn't get on Tool Academy. They have to have girlfriends, and I absolutely cannot believe that he has one.

The Volts endeared themselves to me a little this week. Yeah, Big Volt shouldn't have yelled at sweet ol' DirtyBear but I think he was trying to take up for his little bro. And Lil Volt owned up to overcooking the fish AND was very sweet with Ashley. What's up with them?

I believe Eli should have gone home instead of Ashley. She is a better chef--what has he ever done that has succeeded? She has been doing some nice dishes lately, but it's true that the gnocchi was not a good idea.

While Bryan could have been nicer about it, Kevin was kind of thoughtless to just start in on Bryan and questioning him, in detail, about how and where Michael screwed up. His intentions may not have been to put the screws to Bryan, but his timing was horrible and that was the end result.

And all Bryan did was shut down the questioning. Clearly he was concerned for Michael and not interested in talking to anyone. Kevin should have seen that, but he plowed ahead and Bryan just cut it off. He wasn't rude to Kevin, just emphatic.

Great recap. Our Top Chefs are spilling over into other media. Did anyone see the Iron Chef episode last week with Richard Blaze vs. Mario? Fat Kid Eli was Richard's sous chef on that episode! Gaahh! I love Richard, and knowing that he'd have Fat Kid as his sous chef brought Richard down a notch or two in my book. Sigh.

Also, CDAN had a blind item about Dirty Bear Kevin. DB was asked what his weirdest experience in the restaurant biz has been. Apparently some famous female musician wanted to make reservations at his restaurant and demanded that none of the staff look at her or speak to her or make any kind of contact with her while she was there. His reponse to her people was that when she decided to dine like a normal person, she'd be welcome in his restaurant. How cool is that!? Guesses on the site are that it was either Maria or Madonna. Ha!

Love the recaps. Glad you are feeling better.

Love your recaps!! I am sitting at work tonight for a dreaded 12 hours and your gif of Pigshit & FatKid falling made my night!! Heehee...

So, your coming to Indy?! I'm an Indy girl!! Be ready for our chilly weather, it's here already...blech!

So glad you mentioned Scar's 70s outfit .. the poly fabric made even her thighs look fat.

"AbZorba the Greek" .. that is a new high even for you!

sillygrrl - Thank you! .... I THOUGHT that was Eli but I didn't get a really good look at the sous-chef so I wasn't sure.

Gee, you don't think the producers decided BitterJen turned out to be kind of a "meh" villain and started feeding Sexist Pigshit lines, do you? He's clearly being led into those responses, and the big shit-eating grin after he delivers them shows that he knows he's the new villain. Ah, reality.

Hopefully, the consolation prize is a Costco-sized bottle of Prell. Lesbotangle needs it, obviously, but half the cast is also going to need it to get rid of the Sonic-Had-a-Love-Child-with-Wolverine-and-My-Head-Is-the-Result 'dos the show's stylists have inflicted on them.

Why in the blue hell would they have brought back tewwible Toby? I thought it was pretty clear last season that everybody hated him, fans and judges alike. I wonder what the thinking on his dumb ass was?

@pixielated I live in the DC area, and Sexist Pigshit just got married. AND got a feature in the Washington Post for it.

www_dot_washingtonpost_dot_com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/18/AR2009091800203_dot_html

Oh J-Mo, you are amazing. Hang in there with your back problem. It's not fun, but sometimes the drugs can make the dullest of moments entertaining... Count me among the "Self-Abzorba the Greek fans". What a great line!

I am falling in love with Dirty Bear - both he and Jen and have a great understated, unpretentious style. They obviously set high standards for themselves, and are disappointed when their final product does not live up to their own ideas of what they should be producing. I think DB was right to take the money, and was not being cocky when he said he would risk not having immunity - he knew there were much weaker chefs there. Jen was a real trooper, and it was great to see her win. The idea of cooking while being ill is unappealing, but I have to believe she is enough of a professional to take all necessary precautions, hand washing, gloves, etc.

As for Sexist Pigshit - I am surprised that no one called him out on his "I made, I did, I used, I decided" speeches. It was obvious he was ignoring 80's Hooker. Granted, she is not a great cook but I think she has won more than he has and it was a team challenge. There may be no "I" in team, but there is certainly a big ol' "U" in Fuckface....

@sillygrrl - yep, I saw FatKid as Blaise's sous chef, too. When they said his name (Eli) I had to think for a mini, so used to calling him Fat Kid.

Sorry to see MerryMan go - she was not a great chef but I enjoyed some of her comments. FatKid can fall in the deep fryer as far as I am concerned - no talent, and no personality unless you count annoying...

Love you J-Mo - I'll visit the pic site soon. Feel better - oxoxo

J-Mo, so glad to hear you're feeling better!

Bitter Jen and Dirty Bear are my favs this season, and I was so glad to see them paired together for the challenge. And really happy to see her win one! I loved that she said DB at least deserved a suit or something.

I really wanted Sexist Pigshit off my TV as quickly as possible. He's to hoping he crashes and burns SOON. And he can take Fat Kid with him when he goes.

Love ya!
SWAK, PottyMouth

We call Dirty Bear by another name. Around here he's The Ewok.

j-mo, i have to say that you are hands down the funniest recapper. there are definitly shows that i like better than top chef that are being recapped on this site, but i love reading yours b/c you are so sarcastic and witty. i've laughed out loud at least six times reading this. the screengrab with sexist pigshit falling down and causing a domino effect was priceless. anyway, enough ass-kissing... i really liked ashly too and i would have much rather seen fat kid go. i hated bitter jen at first b/c she came off more than a little bitchy, but she has grown on me and i can't take away from her that she's professsional and passionate about what she does. so yay for bitter! i have to admit i was pretty effin jealous about the macy's card worth $10,000, but i did think it was really cool of her to say that she would buy DB a suit or something.
i love love love lil volt. i'll join ash in the unrequited love fest. i'm a sucker for lots of tattoos and bad hair. thats probably why i had a crush on ashley when i thought she was a man.
love you j-mo, really hope you start to feel better soon. back pain is the worst, so glad you felt well enough to make us all laugh! xoxoxo

Am I the only one who thought Tyler Florence went through this whole episode with a look on his face like his Mariah Carey thong was riding up on him?

I also felt Gay Ashlee should have gotten a little more love for telling us about coming up as a plucky young boy from the suburbs. You know, we as a society just don't don't give as much recognition as we should to people who are able to overcome an environment that features good schools and low crime rates. Sweet Baby Jesus, what a maroon.

Great recap J-Mo as always, yay!

sillygrrl: Who's Maria?

Maria, Mariah, Mimi, Mimoo, Nick Cannon's wife, Whateva, I'm a terrible speller! I screwed up Blaise too! Blame public education and "phonetics" - I'm dating myself. Hee. :) Still, gotta love J-Mo and Top Chef!!!!

ohhhh, I wasn't giving you a hard time, I was really trying to think of who Maria was and it was driving me nutzo! :)

When I first read lifesabeach's comment about Sexist Pigshit,my thought was he must have chosen his bride out of a catalouge... from reading the article it turns out that's not true. Whooda thought????

Yay! Awesome Recap!

Ash should've gone if for no other reason than his cheesy-as-hell Picasso/paintbrush comment, good lord! I thought Lil Volt was gonna be like: "DuuuuDe, STFU!"

While maybe DB's inquiry was bad timing, Big V is always Mr. Serious and people with no sense of humor irritate me! Hey, Mr. Volt, crack a smile every now and then, you're wound tighter than my grandmother was at my aunt's lesbian wedding!

Oh, and Jen's being sick really grossed me out too, but having worked as a waitress for more years than I'd like to count, I can tell you that happens ALL the time because most line-cooks don't get paid sick leave....(not to mention they usually get little to no credit which is heaped on the "head chef" who is always out schmoozing in the dining room all night)

@lifesabeach:
Thanks for the link, but the information that he basically persued his friend for a year until she finally gave in to dating him is bad news. Now he'll be the poster boy for all those obnoxious loud boys who pursue women who want nothing to do with them, and think that they can pester a woman long enough to convince them to ignore their unattractive sexist boorish ways and give them a little play. Those types are soooo annoying!! and I can see him playing that role to a T! ugh.

J-mo, I heart you, first time commenting. Can I just say that Padma's green outfit was Awful with a capital A! Also, I enjoy the older Volt, Brian, I feel like he's a nice guy with talent who doesn't want to eff his bro over (even though his bro might be cool with effing him over). Also, Sexist Pigshit needs to die a slow, horrible Top Chef death. Anyhoo, love you J-mo!!!

J-Mo. Thanks for your recaps. Seriously, you are the most hilarious recapper working right now.

If only Padma could have found some green nail polish and shoes to go with her incredibly garish, 70s variety show costume. I think they make crocks in that color... but crocks might have been a little classy for the overall look she was going for.

Tyler Florence has gotten so doughy over the years. I blame it on the alc alca alca alcohol... have you seen how much wine he swills on his show?