Recap: Top Design: The Wrath of Mini-Me

topd4.gifMy cousin Macy was going on a long-planned trip to the Bahamas with her (asshole) husband Richard and she'd lost her babysitter at the last second. It was either trust old Flippy or cancel the vacation, and she wasn't willing to do that. "I need meeee time, Flipit! Goddamit just get over here!"

I tried to hide the pure joy in my voice because I knew she feared that I would leave her three year old in the mall or teach him the f word, but I loved her son. Mason was like a mini-me. He loved green, hated vegetables, and kicked anyone who tried to wake him up. His first word was "no" and his first sentence was "I don't like you", which isn't a perfect match but is close enough to my first sentence: "I hate you." I couldn't wait to show Mason how to con marks, bag babes (or dudes, depending on that outcome) and lie his way into a decent job. His mother knew this, and that's why she kept us apart as much as possible. But now, for a four-day weekend, he was all mine! In the short course of our time alone together, Mason called me fat, stupid, and ugly. He threw his dinner in my eyes, came into my room to pee in my bed while I slept, and put rocks in my shoes. When Macy came back, Mason told her I was mean. I defended myself ("He totally started shit with me every two seconds!") but she curtly said thank you and got me out of there as fast as she could. As I left that day, I hugged Macy tight, knowing I was going to have to start blowing her off now. You see, Mason was like me in every way. And I never wanted to have to deal with that brat ever again.

This week, Top Design taught us crimp irons went out for a reason, grapes and bananas are pretty fruits best avoided by petty fruits, and if you ever meet someone just like you, turn your head and walk the other way.

ryanschances.gifRyan kicks off the episode by telling us he doesn't feel he's really had a chance to prove himself yet. Uh, actually you've had three chances so far and you've boned it. Given the right circumstances, he feels like he will be able to "blow some minds". What are the right circumstances, exactly? Maybe a fifty thousand dollar budget? How bout talented carpenters and seamstresses? Or professional advice from a friendly sock puppet? The circumstances haven't sucked, dude. You have.

Gay Dad is still mortified that he was in the bottom three last week and feels it happened because he didn't take an active enough roll in critiquing his teammates, who were actually designing while he cried in a corner. You didn't take an active roll, period, you whiny little closet case. As usually happens on reality shows, the big fake smile is fading away and we are starting to see the shitty little queen under the mask.

I like how the producers of this show have no problem changing the format around a little when it isn't working. They seem to have realized that they chose a sad group of uninteresting people as their contestants and have stopped subjecting us to "Home Time" first thing in the morning. Butch coming out as being HIV+ over breakfast put the nail in that coffin. Instead, we immediately move gay-ly onward with the next challenge. This time, the Designers will get to meet their client, but Todd warns them that they will be the bitchiest, prissiest group of homos they've ever had to design for. Other designers! Actually, designers in training. The task will be to create the perfect post college sleep/eat/work space for fashion students randomly assigned to them. Gay Dad gets the cutest of the students (randomly assigned my ass. Stop tempting Gay Dad, producers!), and the smile is instantly back on his face.

gaydadflirting.gif

Eye on the ball, Mary, this ain't a date!

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Comments (15)

dent [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Flipit, you are hysterical!!!

This show is growing on me, but the producers need to back out a little bit. Felicia is obviously a much better designer than Ryan, yet they are looking for a Santino for ratings.

Have you thought about doing PR recaps? You could have the whole Bravo trio.

sweetleaf [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Too funny! This is such a snoozefest of the show but the recap is very entertaining! I love Flipits interaction and strong feelings for the cast, great job.

GIFFORDSAZ [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Thank you Flipit... you make me get out of bed on Monday -- pushing the kids out to school--- so I can read your recap in sweet quiet bliss. I would normally go back to bed--pull the covers over my head--and sleep for 2 more hours but you get me going!
ALAS
This show really sucks though.... week after week. They not only found the crappiest contestants the found hosts and judges who seem to be dead too!
How I wish for monkey boy and the pack of jackels he had to deal with. I would rather watch that group of all stars decorate rooms than these dish towels. -- Could you imagine Michaels bedroom design tactics... beer fridge, a must!!
Hang in there and you do make the recap worth reading --xoxox

mesha [TypeKey Profile Page]:

How can you take someone's taste seriously when she insists on crimping her hair?

photochild [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Love it! And I'm happy you share in my feelings for Ryan. BLECH! He's so gross.

And Judge Wiggum Kid, hilarious. I love his facial expressions, as annoying as he is he makes me laugh my ass off, and that's what helps me get through this show.

zoobabe [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Funny stuff Flipit!

I really enjoy these recaps b/c they ARE much better than the actual show. Don't hate me though, but I have that ugly blanket (it was my gramma's)so I guess my living room looks like Gramma's family. I keep it on the end of my sofa where the cat likes to sharpen her claws. :)

Flipit [TypeKey Profile Page]:

"How I wish for monkey boy and the pack of jackels he had to deal with. I would rather watch that group of all stars decorate rooms than these dish towels. -- Could you imagine Michaels bedroom design tactics... beer fridge, a must!!" LOL GIFF. That shit killed me.

Thanks you guys! I am actually liking the show more now that there is some decent designing going on, but I watch Trading Spaces on a loop, so there you have it.

ZB don't be ashamed of your gramma's blankie, just be sure not to compete with it in a reality show.

Down with hair crimping!

HoneyBunny [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Soooo Kelly Wearstler was once known as Kelly Gallagher and September 1994's Playmate of the Month. That helps explain the choice of wardrobe.

hb

slutty_whore [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Flipit, will you be recapping Work Out, (and by that, I mean, PLEASE PLEASE make fun of Jackie and her ugly, stupid insipid girlfriend!)

HokieJM [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Great recap Flipit! People look at me strangely when I talk about this show because I refer to the puppet, Gay Dad, Wiggum, etc. Thanks Flipit.
It was sad to see Felicia go. I think the producers want to keep Ryan around for the drama of it all. I say, let's have Kelly and Margaret go at it in the White Room, or shirtless carpenter wrestling to pass the time!

ATCmurph [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Flipit, you hit on almost everything I was thinking watching this show. Most annoying was the crimped hair. I mean, really...does this woman have any friends that tell her the truth?

What I had an issue with was those goofy half-legged chairs. Were they meant to be sat in? I don't know about you, but I occasionally scoot my chair in to get closer to the table. In these chairs, I now have a broken ass.

Keep up the GREAT recaps, Flipit...you rock!

may1 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Okay, I don't watch this show, but I'm hooked on the recaps. Flipit you are genius.
What was on Michael's walls? Looked like the Partridge Family opening.

Flipit, would you come to Pgh. with me this summer to my unbelievably insane family reunion - and recap it???? This bunch of nutty Italians will have you visiting Mary Jane so often, you'll start wearing Mary Janes.

sheloveslennon [TypeKey Profile Page]:

i.ve found that i watch the show and think how you.ll recap certain events.

and i knew it would be an awesome recap when they all went to the garage sales (it was even like horrific childhood saturdays going to all the yard sales with your insane family).

i.m also starting to get curious about next week.s deranged outfit

aloveaffairwithtivo [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I recently moved and to my horror, my cable does NOT get Bravo. I don't know how that is possible, but apparently it is. So anyway not only did I miss the final episode of Top Chef, but I haven't watched this show at all...not to mention Real Housewives... And of course now I won't be able to watch PR unless we get Direct TV or something. Anyway enough about me, I just appreciate your recaps. They really are hilarious, so thank you!!

TinkerbellAPixie [TypeKey Profile Page]:

You promised you read comments - even old ones - so here I am.

"The Wiggum Kid isn't so lucky with the Judges. He threw stones and he lives in a glass house. The shards rained down on him in the White Room and scarred his face for life. "

Toooooooo funny! That guy does not have an expression that doesn't crack me up. He always looks perturbed and put out. I want him on til the end so I can keep giggling at him.

"Ryan is guilty of Neon Condescension and he is sentenced to having his fat gut in the same frame as the Workout Season 2 ad"

You don't miss a thing - I love that about you (well among other things)

Ryan's room wouldn't have been as horrible if not for the painful looking pick up sticks gone bad sculpture/room divider. I love that he sticks with his disdain for design and doesn't let the designer judges keep him from his opinions.

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