Lucius was a tattoo artist I met at a war protest (they had free hot dogs) in Austin, TX. His body was covered in tattoos, he sported a spilt "snake" tongue, and had holes in his earlobes held stretched open with what looked like hip-hopper Bentley rims. At first I was very afraid, only because this type of person usually wants my type of person dead or in serious pain, but Lucius made me laugh, and that's all I really ask for in a friend.
He would rant on about the government's secret brainwashing missions, the Man holding down the little guy, and America's piggish consumption habits. I would sit in the audience and watch him perform these rants like beat poetry to a single guitar strum weekly in a run down loft space on South Congress (Kill Life/Blood Tree was my favorite) and I have to admit, he had me going for awhile. One morning, as I stood in line at Starbucks, I questioned my existence. Am I just feeding the Man's machine? Is plucking my eyebrows just another way I try to homogenize myself for an ignorant, shallow public's consumption? Is George Bush a lizard? As I looked out the store window a Range Rover pulled up and out popped Lucius in his green and black uniform. That hypocrite! One of the greatest spokespeople for the movement works at Starbucks and drives a RANGE ROVER?!? I calmed down and realized I was relieved. Who wants to live in a world where poor people are just as good as rich people and there are no massive soul sucking chain restaurants around? I can live without a lot of things in life, but I will never ever give up my God given American right to a daily Venti Iced Non-Fat No Whip Two Pump Mocha.
This week, Top Design taught us garages aren't playgrounds. Crate and Barrel kind of sucks, and Che Guevara didn't wear a LIVESTRONG band.
Gay Dad starts off the show with some lispy complaints. The Judges' comments last week still smarted, and losing first place to Carisa, whose room literally fell apart, added to the sting. Even gay guys hate getting beat by a girl. Now that the fake smile is completely gone and the true whiny Mary has unabashedly come out to play, I find that I am starting to enjoy Gay Dad. When he says "Miss Carisa beat my ass on that one!" with sibilant esses hard enough to crack the camera lens, I giggle. Girrrrrlllll. He's one Delta Burke reference away from officially being on my good side. It's also really awesome seeing him do his interview next to the butt plug vase. Set decoration or missing piece to the Gay Dad puzzle? You decide.
Carisa is as shocked as the rest of us that her hot pink hellhole from last week won. She says she had been packing her bags to go. That must have been a quick pack, since from the looks of it she only brought three outfits. The PA s on this show must be doing laundry every day. Horrible plaid jacket aside, the close call seems to have humbled her a bit. I hope this doesn't mean she won't be wandering around in circles babbling complaints while spraying down half-naked hot guys, because frankly, that's all she's got goin' for her right now in my book.
This week's challenge is quite possibly the lamest yet. An annoying family has been given a new GMC Acadia. In return, they have agreed to let Top Design ruin their garage. A GARAGE CHALLENGE? Seriously? Next they're gonna be designing recycling bins. The garage is so packed full of crap, there's no room for the new GMC gas guzzler, so the task will be to design a beautiful, functional space to showcase the family sellout bus. Gay Dad takes one look at the pack rat nightmare and pees a little in his pants. He is horrified at the crap stockpile and says the only solution here is a lit match. LOL, Gay Dad. Keep it up.
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Comments (17)
Flipit...this was hilarious. The Judge and the Gay Dad comments crack me up! I love the show but recap is so much more entertaining. Thanks.
1 of 17 | Posted by moxy![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 11, 2007 4:11 PM
That was a great recap Flipit!
I am still laughing about the missing vase!
I love that Firecat made it into your recap. Firecat and James Dean - nice choices!
Judge Wiggam cracks me up!
And as for Carisa and her desk - looking at the final garage - there wouldn't have been room for that desk so it's a good thing she had the shed to put it in. My question is - having seen the photo of the gigantic house - why can't Mrs. Annoying do her desk work inside the actual house?
Flip - you could do an entire recap with nothing but photos of Jonathan's facial reactions and it would be nothing short of hilarious.
2 of 17 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 11, 2007 4:30 PM
Loved the recap, Flipit, as per usual, you delivered the lol's. I'm really surprised you left out something, though. It was when they were all still working on the garage, and Gay Dad or Wiggum says something along the lines of how all this stuff won't fit in the space, and Gay Dad proves himself to be a truly Gay Dad by saying, "kind of like Carisa in stretch pants." That was GOLD! Pure gold!
Also, I would have like to have read your take on Wiggum's final words of judgement, "And I have to go take a piss."
3 of 17 | Posted by brendahamLincoln![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 11, 2007 4:52 PM
Flip, you rock. Can you puh-leeze recap Desperate Housewives? Pritty pleeze?!?!?!
4 of 17 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 11, 2007 6:57 PM
DH is one of my fave recaps to read on this site! I can't believe umnata gave it up!!! I am about to start AI and with TD I won't have the time but dammit DMG that would be killer. Thanks for the vote.
And brendaham (so still in love w that name) I read about it in the forums after I posted here and couldn't believe I missed the Carisa slam! What the f kind of lame ass recapper am I? Anyaways I love u guys. THNX
5 of 17 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 11, 2007 8:53 PM
THIS WAS FABULOUS!!!
Flipit...you have now restored my faith in the 'gasm. Your recap was hilarious - and dead on.
I hated, hated, hated this challenge, this family & pretty much the entire "design". Can't even really say for sure why - but I did. However, your recap made it all worth watching.
Except maybe the time I wasted watching that hideous mother. Someone slap her - soon.
6 of 17 | Posted by eellsinoc![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 12:00 AM
Are we sure that they were at Crate and Barrel? I'm pretty sure that was The Container Store or something. C&B doesn't really specialize in plastic bins.
7 of 17 | Posted by Emilita33![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 7:34 AM
Flipit, your recap is so f'ing funny. I don't watch this show, so reading the recap is a weekly flipit fix for me. Have I mentioned that I love you? I will read anything you write, so write on dear flipit - write on!!!
P.S. Yeah, Firecat.
8 of 17 | Posted by may1![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 7:59 AM
Best line from the show ever from Ralph Wiggum:
"...drenched in squirrel urine."
9 of 17 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 8:30 AM
You just keep getting better and better while this show gets suckier and suckier.
More bare chested sweaty men would really help.
hb
10 of 17 | Posted by HoneyBunny![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 2:55 PM
Honey Bunny, you took the words out of my mouth!
But a couple of thoughts: is it me, or does Jonathon have a thing for Wiggum?
Is it me, or did Kelly have a thing for Ryan?
And, the Wiggum/Carisa feud is so delusionally funny that it is the only thing keeping me watching the show.
Flipit, as so many of your fellow recappers have defected, can you please promise to recap all of the Bravo reality shows? (including Work Out and the new one with hair stylits?)
Thank you!
11 of 17 | Posted by slutty_whore![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 4:29 PM
I will be here until they make me leave. Workout probably no cuz I didn't watch the first season, but the hair show for SURE. How can I pass that up? Thanks for being such a supportive slutty whore.
The image of Jonathan and the Wiggum kid naked together truly made me sick. Thanks. And yes, Kelly definitely had a think for the poser. Beautiful women have issues too!
12 of 17 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 4:33 PM
Even though the show is lame, Flipit's recaps are awesome. I will watch the show as long as you are recapping it,Flipit. You should try to get some money from Bravo, they need every viewer they can get!
13 of 17 | Posted by angiemarie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 5:17 PM
I. Haart. Flipit....
Please please please recap the Flavor of Love Girls in Charm School, starring Monique....
I mean, could there be any bigger irony?
14 of 17 | Posted by slutty_whore![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 12, 2007 6:24 PM
flipit, i love you for including 'Andrea's Kiddie death trap sketch', true work of genius! loved the captions too (the Missing Vase & Gay Dad!!) you make this show much more enjoyable than it is. thx!
15 of 17 | Posted by Tati![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 13, 2007 10:58 AM
Flipit, that death trap sketch made me laugh hysterically.
Wiggum as Judge Judy is priceless
And I don't blame you for skipping out on WorkOut, its my least favorite of the shows on Bravo.
I think this show obviously has the intern from the accounting department thinking of show ideas, because come on... they designed on the beach, for children, a garage, why don't they just get some money to design "a bathroom" so that they can actually show what they can do.
My prediction is that soon they'll each get the Top Chef mystery box of frog legs, peanut butter and chicken livers and have to design a kitchen around that...
16 of 17 | Posted by cherin![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 14, 2007 9:07 AM
Flipit, your the best. I don't even watch this show but I'll read anything you write.
Love the story of your buddy the activist driving a gas guzzler.
Where can I sign my house up for this show. I have a garage that needs cleanning.
17 of 17 | Posted by campfiregirl![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 17, 2007 7:43 PM