There are twelve contestants, so this episode is chock full of info. Let's skip the small talk and get down to bidness. The first Designer to arrive at the decked out loft is a little Asian dude named Goil. He has pink frames and does that "through a camera" thing at the us, so he might be trouble, but he gives off a very sweet vibe when he opens his mouth. The first thing he does is re-arrange the furniture, explaining that he thinks of himself as a problem solver and not a designer. Uhhh....Top Problem Solver is already on. It's called Jeopardy. OK, sentence structure isn't his strong suit, but Goil has a masters in architecture from Yale and a sweet disposition, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. And the lamp did make more sense pulled further to the right! Oh, Goil. Thank God you got there first!

Next contestant is Felicia, who runs her own design business and is so involved in every aspect of her work that she wants to put the food in the fridge and the toothbrush in the cup. Get the underwear off the floor and you're hired. She's been so busy that she hasn't had time to take a pair of tweezers to her uneven eyebrows. Girl, you can't win if your face is askew. I tilted my head a little every time she came on screen, but it was nothing like the eye spasms I had when Michael was introduced. If Matt Groening ever decided to make a cartoon centered around a flaming, obnoxious interior designer, this is probably how he'd draw him. Looks like all the pier abuse finally got to Ralph Wiggum, turning him into a bratty little cream puff.

Ralphie's all grown up!

Promos have shown him saying things like "I don't have to compete. I'm just better!" and bug-eyeing us, so I know we are supposed to hate him, but the guy's a hoot. He says while the other kids were out playing baseball, he was inside watching Dynasty, commenting on the interiors. LOL. I don't doubt it for a second. He and Goil seem like they will get along like sorority sisters, and both are psyched about the Sleep Number Beds in the loft. Color me impressed, Bravo.

The next to arrive over at the ladies loft is Andrea, who seems like a mature, even keeled woman with thinning hair. I always feel for a woman with a bald spot, so I automatically like her and hope she wins. You don't need hair to be confident, Andrea! Oh, who am I kidding? I've been popping Propecia pills like Flinstones tablets since I turned twenty six and can't even look the Starbuck's guy in the eye every morning. I hide my insecurities by wearing huge sunglasses and chain smoking, but Ryan, our next contestant, hides his by riding a skateboard, calling himself an artist, and wearing shirts like this.

Can you see me now?

Just in case we thought the skateboard was a prop, Ryan does a jump off the breakfast table to prove he's got skillz. I wonder how many shots that took.