I've been waiting for this show. Not just because it's another clone of Project Runway and I would watch any show in that format (even though I probably would), but because it revolves around interior designers, the gayest (in both senses of the word) and most melo-dramatic people you could base a reality competition around. Except for maybe celebrity stylists, and even Bravo has to draw the line somewhere. At first glance, Top Design is a cheap plastic version of it's big sisters, but a few minutes in, I realize it's that cracked out drag queen cousin we publicly cringe at but secretly sneak off with to smoke a bowl at weddings. Nothing personal, Bee, I love you! As the moments went on, this show traveled further and further into Crazy Town, and even though my face was scrunched the entire time, I went with it. It's all hazy now, but I remember bright colors, strange creatures, and a sock puppet narrator guy named Todd.
There are twelve contestants, so this episode is chock full of info. Let's skip the small talk and get down to bidness. The first Designer to arrive at the decked out loft is a little Asian dude named Goil. He has pink frames and does that "through a camera" thing at the us, so he might be trouble, but he gives off a very sweet vibe when he opens his mouth. The first thing he does is re-arrange the furniture, explaining that he thinks of himself as a problem solver and not a designer. Uhhh....Top Problem Solver is already on. It's called Jeopardy. OK, sentence structure isn't his strong suit, but Goil has a masters in architecture from Yale and a sweet disposition, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. And the lamp did make more sense pulled further to the right! Oh, Goil. Thank God you got there first!
Next contestant is Felicia, who runs her own design business and is so involved in every aspect of her work that she wants to put the food in the fridge and the toothbrush in the cup. Get the underwear off the floor and you're hired. She's been so busy that she hasn't had time to take a pair of tweezers to her uneven eyebrows. Girl, you can't win if your face is askew. I tilted my head a little every time she came on screen, but it was nothing like the eye spasms I had when Michael was introduced. If Matt Groening ever decided to make a cartoon centered around a flaming, obnoxious interior designer, this is probably how he'd draw him. Looks like all the pier abuse finally got to Ralph Wiggum, turning him into a bratty little cream puff.
Ralphie's all grown up!
Promos have shown him saying things like "I don't have to compete. I'm just better!" and bug-eyeing us, so I know we are supposed to hate him, but the guy's a hoot. He says while the other kids were out playing baseball, he was inside watching Dynasty, commenting on the interiors. LOL. I don't doubt it for a second. He and Goil seem like they will get along like sorority sisters, and both are psyched about the Sleep Number Beds in the loft. Color me impressed, Bravo.
The next to arrive over at the ladies loft is Andrea, who seems like a mature, even keeled woman with thinning hair. I always feel for a woman with a bald spot, so I automatically like her and hope she wins. You don't need hair to be confident, Andrea! Oh, who am I kidding? I've been popping Propecia pills like Flinstones tablets since I turned twenty six and can't even look the Starbuck's guy in the eye every morning. I hide my insecurities by wearing huge sunglasses and chain smoking, but Ryan, our next contestant, hides his by riding a skateboard, calling himself an artist, and wearing shirts like this.
Can you see me now?
Just in case we thought the skateboard was a prop, Ryan does a jump off the breakfast table to prove he's got skillz. I wonder how many shots that took.
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Comments (20)
Hey guys! Sorry for the late-ass recap.
This week I return to my regular Sunday deadline. HEART
1 of 20 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on February 6, 2007 6:09 PM
By the way, Flipit, you forgot to mention one of Arquette's best movies is actually one of my favorite movies ever: Last Exit to Brooklyn. It actually is one of "the tranny's" best acted portrayals. It also stars Ricki Lake and Jerry Orbach in minor roles...
2 of 20 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on February 6, 2007 7:02 PM
I am really having a hard time listening to Todd Oldham...he keeps putting the accent on the wrong words in his sentences. It has a weird lilt to it that just hurts my ears. And he is quite dull.
I hope that all the challenges aren't 50K budgets...I would like to see a little "design a bathroom and for a budget you have bus tokens" or "design a jail cell and to get the paint you have to barter using two cartons of cigs."
Alexis is the prettiest Arquette. How sad is that?!
hb
3 of 20 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on February 6, 2007 7:12 PM
By the way, Flipit, with all the controversy on the Top Chef boards, I hope you haven't stopped the opening preamble because of what the people said.
4 of 20 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on February 6, 2007 7:25 PM
You're the bestest. Wax them brows!
5 of 20 | Posted by photochild
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Posted on February 6, 2007 8:02 PM
awe Flipit, I so want to hear your story about the wedding, the bowl and Cousin B......don't leave your life out of the recaps, it is what has endeared you to us....
I would like to know what 5 items you would have given to have them design you a room too>>> pretty please.
I think in time this show will capture us all.... if they kick 2 every week it should go quick too!
6 of 20 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on February 6, 2007 8:12 PM
And there is no need to apologize... remember this was a two-fer week, Top Chef and Top Design.....you must have had no life last week end!
7 of 20 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on February 6, 2007 8:31 PM
Thanks for the well wishes, all! Just left out the "foam" (hehe, dredge) this week cuz I was already at 8 pages and late. Next week back to foam form. Or this week I should say.
And Giff:
a box of hostess chocolate glazed donuts
a tivo
a smelly Jack Russell
a crystal ashtray
paper clip covered in tar
GO!
8 of 20 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on February 6, 2007 11:04 PM
I had a hard time watching this show, Todd was just creeping me out. He sounded like Mr. Rogers on crack!! I got through it though and loved your recap. Lisa/Storm that was right on the money. A couple of months ago, when I found out "lost" was moving to 10pm, I was freaking out. But I see I don't have to worry anymore...
9 of 20 | Posted by Featherhead
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Posted on February 7, 2007 7:26 AM
Well, we won't have to wait until the next Padma-tastrophe to get a Flipit review! I am glad to see see that B-side and the like did not put Flipit out on the TVGasm unemployment line. As always, great job Flipit.
I think there is a factory for the Bravo reality shows. Because the life has not been squeezed out of this formula, there will be another one in additon to Top Design. The one is a hair show called "Shear Genius" I think. It's nice to see that Bravo will keep those gay viewers!
As for Top Design, I HATE Wiggam and Butch but they are going to make this show interesting (like the monkey). The judges are going to be good, especially Margaret. I reserve judgement on the other designers for at least another episode.
10 of 20 | Posted by HokieJM
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Posted on February 7, 2007 8:51 AM
Aww, you guys don't like Todd Oldham? He seems like such a nice guy!
11 of 20 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on February 7, 2007 8:53 AM
well, i for one, am happy for this show b/c it will only mean more Flipit!! the recap was so enjoyable, much more entertaining than the show. Luv the Wiggum & Storm monikors, loved how you ripped the mean Butch a new one---i think we should nickname the Skateboarder dude, 'Squiggy', as he reminds me of the dude from Laverne & Shirley. I think this show will be a little like Project Runway, in that only the truly wacky designs will be lauded over --- the stuff you & i would pick will not be what wins. I would never pick the Kitty Litter room for my house (THAT was $50K??!! didn't even spring for paint!!)
Loved the comment abt Todd O. being like a Mr Rogers on crack! and #s) 4 & 6 -- your comments were so sweet! Flipit, can u feel the luv?! your fans heart u back!
12 of 20 | Posted by Tati
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Posted on February 7, 2007 9:04 AM
Flipit, you are Snarktastic! Second, the minute Todd O. started to speak I screamed "PADMA!!!" in horror at the TV and my sis was like "No, that's just his gay lisp". By the way, isn't Margaret so Miranda Priestly? I was expecting "That's all" any minute while she was critiquing...
13 of 20 | Posted by Justine
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:11 PM
Flipit I totally agree with you about Buddha rape, it must be stopped. Lol
14 of 20 | Posted by angiemarie
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:12 PM
Everyone looks so much younger than their age. Goil is so cute, I'll be rooting for him!
15 of 20 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:45 PM
I love you Flipit! I'm usually just a lurker on here, but I wanted to tell you that I lurved your stories at the beginning of your recaps. Don't give them up! I'm sure there are many life lessons to be learned through Top Design.
16 of 20 | Posted by mandarine688
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Posted on February 7, 2007 1:43 PM
Flipit you are fab, I was so excited to see a Top Design recap posted! I agree with everyone else in that I'm very glad you're back with more post-Top Chef recaps
I think you should seriously consider taking over My Super Sweet Sixteen recaps, I think your family flashbacks would bode well at the beginning of 16-year-old birthday parties...
seriously do it!
17 of 20 | Posted by cherin
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Posted on February 7, 2007 2:24 PM
I know that this is gay-friendly BRAVO, but couldn't they do better than Alexis Arquette? What's next, a confetti-strewn room for Rip Taylor?
18 of 20 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on February 7, 2007 4:25 PM
love the recap flipit!
are the pictures oddly stretched out in all flipit recaps for anyone else? not a big deal, but everyone looks extra wide.
19 of 20 | Posted by yaytv
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Posted on February 7, 2007 6:11 PM
when Alexis was "Alex" Arquette he was the Boy George singer in The Wedding Singer. I liked him better as a he, but I agree SHE should definitely hit up her sis-in-law for a job on Dirt.
I didn't like any of their rooms. They just didn't look comfortable, and what about ones with no TV's? 50K and no big-screen? Ridiculous!
great job Flipit! :)
20 of 20 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on February 8, 2007 4:57 AM