Finally, a real fag hag. Carisa is an FIT student who wants to help people without the means to hire a designer. In other words, she wants to give poor people hope, which can be very dangerous. This is a real rebel, Ryan! Elizabeth and Lisa join the ladies. Elizabeth seems likeable and harmless, and Lisa looks like a retired Storm from X-Men. Will she have the superpowers her hair suggests, or is she just a hack with a funky cut? Time will tell...Heather is a fun-loving kinda sexy type who looks a lot like Cynthia Rowley, a famous designer and judge on last Summer's Design Star. I've got respect for Rowley, which gives Heather a leg up with me, but when she gets all girly and flirty while she tells us she has no design training but somehow finds herself being offered restaurants and bars to decorate, I cringe. Jury's out on Heather, but I hope she's not as much of a dimwit as she seems, because I kind of like her.
Next we meet Matt, possibly the sweetest and gayest of them all. "I'm maaaried!" Girrrrrl. He uses design in every area of his life. "Going to the pumpkin patch with my daughter and picking out the perfect pumpkin and then placing it when we get home, that's design!" That is some gay ass design, yes it is, Matt. Matt's type scares me because I don't want my mother watching this show and getting it into her head that I can change my mind and get married to a nice Jewish girl (she's convinced they have more money than us gentiles) and make babies. Sorry, mom. TV's not real. Especially not reality shows.
Alright, who's buyin' it?
I think the only way I'd believe him if this was his wife.
Matt is either the best actor in the world or he's a true angel. So far so good. Everyone seems pretty likeable, even the Wiggum kid. And then a dark cloud filled with acid rain descends on the men's loft. John says he didn't anticipate a very positive experience when he got a load of his flaming roomies. There is NOTHING more sad and horrible than a bitter, aged, self-hating queen, and this one of the most bitter, aged and self hating I've seen in a long time (and I do musicals!). Calling Liza Minelli, please come pick up your ex-husband. He can barely move his face, and I hope next time the doctor slips and injects the Botox into his voice box so I won't be subjected to any more of his bile. "I might as well live with the girls. I mean, what's the difference?" Right, Butch. Go to your room and don't come out until you've got that gnarly fist out of your ass. I HATE THIS MAN. When he reads the Contestant Welcome Form Letter from Todd Oldham, John screams like a little girl who won a slinky from a claw machine. Woops, the Average Homo bus just passed and you're covered in mud. You can take off that baseball cap now, Mary.
The letter invites them to their first meeting with Todd at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood. I think it's really brave of Bravo to use a sock puppet as their host. At first it doesn't make a whole lotta sense, but it works brilliantly. Todd out-crackers vanilla and he is as robotic and friendly as a fiberglass character at Chuck-E-Cheese. He's basically doing Tim Gunn's job with Heidi's personality, but unlike her boobies, he won't get a say at Judging time. The first challenge will be to work in pairs to come up with a soothing, relaxing space for a "mystery guest". He or she, or he/she, has given them a few objects as inspiration, among them a disco ball, an antique toy, a psychedelic (velvet?) painting, and a framed butterfly. My guess is either Clay Aiken or Charo. I would be happy with either. Each team is given their own carpenter plus a whopping budget of 50,000 bucks to spend at the PDC, which is one of the hugest, most gorgeous design centers in the world. It's rare to see reality contestants get the opportunity to do that kind of damage in a shopping binge. Hats off, Top Design. The Designers are mostly ecstatic, but Butch is worried because obviously this "mystery guest" wants something campy and he doesn't do camp. LOL. You are camp, Dorothy.
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Comments (20)
Hey guys! Sorry for the late-ass recap.
This week I return to my regular Sunday deadline. HEART
1 of 20 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on February 6, 2007 6:09 PM
By the way, Flipit, you forgot to mention one of Arquette's best movies is actually one of my favorite movies ever: Last Exit to Brooklyn. It actually is one of "the tranny's" best acted portrayals. It also stars Ricki Lake and Jerry Orbach in minor roles...
2 of 20 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on February 6, 2007 7:02 PM
I am really having a hard time listening to Todd Oldham...he keeps putting the accent on the wrong words in his sentences. It has a weird lilt to it that just hurts my ears. And he is quite dull.
I hope that all the challenges aren't 50K budgets...I would like to see a little "design a bathroom and for a budget you have bus tokens" or "design a jail cell and to get the paint you have to barter using two cartons of cigs."
Alexis is the prettiest Arquette. How sad is that?!
hb
3 of 20 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on February 6, 2007 7:12 PM
By the way, Flipit, with all the controversy on the Top Chef boards, I hope you haven't stopped the opening preamble because of what the people said.
4 of 20 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on February 6, 2007 7:25 PM
You're the bestest. Wax them brows!
5 of 20 | Posted by photochild
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Posted on February 6, 2007 8:02 PM
awe Flipit, I so want to hear your story about the wedding, the bowl and Cousin B......don't leave your life out of the recaps, it is what has endeared you to us....
I would like to know what 5 items you would have given to have them design you a room too>>> pretty please.
I think in time this show will capture us all.... if they kick 2 every week it should go quick too!
6 of 20 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on February 6, 2007 8:12 PM
And there is no need to apologize... remember this was a two-fer week, Top Chef and Top Design.....you must have had no life last week end!
7 of 20 | Posted by GIFFORDSAZ
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Posted on February 6, 2007 8:31 PM
Thanks for the well wishes, all! Just left out the "foam" (hehe, dredge) this week cuz I was already at 8 pages and late. Next week back to foam form. Or this week I should say.
And Giff:
a box of hostess chocolate glazed donuts
a tivo
a smelly Jack Russell
a crystal ashtray
paper clip covered in tar
GO!
8 of 20 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on February 6, 2007 11:04 PM
I had a hard time watching this show, Todd was just creeping me out. He sounded like Mr. Rogers on crack!! I got through it though and loved your recap. Lisa/Storm that was right on the money. A couple of months ago, when I found out "lost" was moving to 10pm, I was freaking out. But I see I don't have to worry anymore...
9 of 20 | Posted by Featherhead
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Posted on February 7, 2007 7:26 AM
Well, we won't have to wait until the next Padma-tastrophe to get a Flipit review! I am glad to see see that B-side and the like did not put Flipit out on the TVGasm unemployment line. As always, great job Flipit.
I think there is a factory for the Bravo reality shows. Because the life has not been squeezed out of this formula, there will be another one in additon to Top Design. The one is a hair show called "Shear Genius" I think. It's nice to see that Bravo will keep those gay viewers!
As for Top Design, I HATE Wiggam and Butch but they are going to make this show interesting (like the monkey). The judges are going to be good, especially Margaret. I reserve judgement on the other designers for at least another episode.
10 of 20 | Posted by HokieJM
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Posted on February 7, 2007 8:51 AM
Aww, you guys don't like Todd Oldham? He seems like such a nice guy!
11 of 20 | Posted by Rock Star
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Posted on February 7, 2007 8:53 AM
well, i for one, am happy for this show b/c it will only mean more Flipit!! the recap was so enjoyable, much more entertaining than the show. Luv the Wiggum & Storm monikors, loved how you ripped the mean Butch a new one---i think we should nickname the Skateboarder dude, 'Squiggy', as he reminds me of the dude from Laverne & Shirley. I think this show will be a little like Project Runway, in that only the truly wacky designs will be lauded over --- the stuff you & i would pick will not be what wins. I would never pick the Kitty Litter room for my house (THAT was $50K??!! didn't even spring for paint!!)
Loved the comment abt Todd O. being like a Mr Rogers on crack! and #s) 4 & 6 -- your comments were so sweet! Flipit, can u feel the luv?! your fans heart u back!
12 of 20 | Posted by Tati
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Posted on February 7, 2007 9:04 AM
Flipit, you are Snarktastic! Second, the minute Todd O. started to speak I screamed "PADMA!!!" in horror at the TV and my sis was like "No, that's just his gay lisp". By the way, isn't Margaret so Miranda Priestly? I was expecting "That's all" any minute while she was critiquing...
13 of 20 | Posted by Justine
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:11 PM
Flipit I totally agree with you about Buddha rape, it must be stopped. Lol
14 of 20 | Posted by angiemarie
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:12 PM
Everyone looks so much younger than their age. Goil is so cute, I'll be rooting for him!
15 of 20 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on February 7, 2007 12:45 PM
I love you Flipit! I'm usually just a lurker on here, but I wanted to tell you that I lurved your stories at the beginning of your recaps. Don't give them up! I'm sure there are many life lessons to be learned through Top Design.
16 of 20 | Posted by mandarine688
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Posted on February 7, 2007 1:43 PM
Flipit you are fab, I was so excited to see a Top Design recap posted! I agree with everyone else in that I'm very glad you're back with more post-Top Chef recaps
I think you should seriously consider taking over My Super Sweet Sixteen recaps, I think your family flashbacks would bode well at the beginning of 16-year-old birthday parties...
seriously do it!
17 of 20 | Posted by cherin
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Posted on February 7, 2007 2:24 PM
I know that this is gay-friendly BRAVO, but couldn't they do better than Alexis Arquette? What's next, a confetti-strewn room for Rip Taylor?
18 of 20 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on February 7, 2007 4:25 PM
love the recap flipit!
are the pictures oddly stretched out in all flipit recaps for anyone else? not a big deal, but everyone looks extra wide.
19 of 20 | Posted by yaytv
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Posted on February 7, 2007 6:11 PM
when Alexis was "Alex" Arquette he was the Boy George singer in The Wedding Singer. I liked him better as a he, but I agree SHE should definitely hit up her sis-in-law for a job on Dirt.
I didn't like any of their rooms. They just didn't look comfortable, and what about ones with no TV's? 50K and no big-screen? Ridiculous!
great job Flipit! :)
20 of 20 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on February 8, 2007 4:57 AM