A couple of summers ago, I was feeling depressed, so a friend suggested I do charity work. Nothing to make you feel better about yourself than helping other people! Well, let me save you the time. Other people suck. I only needed one day of getting bitched out by old incontinents in a state run nursing home to reaffirm that. I ended up spending a couple of months at the dog shelter, where I met my little friend Brodie. Brodie was a tiny terrier that had been abused by his owners and when he was rescued, his torture continued from the other dogs. I just didn't get it. Why did every one hate the smallest creature? It just seemed unfair. I took him home, vowing to love him and squeeze him and call him George, and all hell broke loose. The second he was safe, he started to lash out. He bit me, peed on everything, and barked at me viciously when I came home from work. The abuse and torture suddenly didn't seem so unfair. After two weeks, I had had enough. I was still depressed, and now I was physically and emotionally scarred. The morning I was walking him back to the shelter for a lethal injection, he bit my ankle, made a run for it, and got hit by a Prius. He didn't die, which meant I had to spend two thousand dollars and three days in the doggy hospital. Drugged up and half dead, Brodie stared into my eyes and licked my hand, making me forget all about the little jerk he'd been for the past couple weeks. For the first time since I was a kid, I prayed. I asked God to make Brodie better. But not too much better.
This week, Top Design taught us that empitness in inexusable when you have a lot of money, Taylor Hicks is an asswipe, and last minute grace may not save your ass, but it might just save your soul.
We open with a flashback of Goil's "I don't wanna be Jan Brady!" monologue from last week. Hilarious, and more delicious the second time around. LIke murder. (What?) They don't, mercifully, revisit him cuddling on the couch with the Wiggum Kid. I'm sorry I even brought it up.
Being in the bottom three last week has shaken Goil's confidence. He sees himself as barely clinging on at this point. Oh, Goil. You've got this thing in the bag, kid. Lighten up. He wears a bright pink belt to try to make himself feel better, but the second he walks into the living room, Gay Dad and the Wiggum Kid start in with the jokes. There's no question that Gay Dad is Marsha and Goil is Jan, but the Wiggum kid refuses to be Cindy. "Shut it, Marsha. I'm really cousin Oliver!" Goil is not amused. But I am.
The girls find a letter from the sock puppet on their kitchen table. Andrea is afraid to open it. What if it's a TWIST?!? This is Top Design, Andrea. There are no twists. Over in the boy's loft, Jan picks up the puppet's letter and says "Matt, it's time for you to go home!" Who's Matt? Gay Dad lisps out the puppet's lunch invite. Congrats on all the hard work! We'll have a car downstairs to take you to lunch! Jan, confused, asks "What does it mean?" The Wiggum kid rolls his eyes. "That there's a car. And lunch." LOL, Nancy Drew.
The GMC's pick them up and take them to Norman's on Sunset Blvd. They meet the puppet in the Chef's Table dining room and he lays out their next challenge. They will be designing an upscale, private room like this for an internationally known Guest Judge Chef. We already know from teasers that the "Mystery Judge" is Daddy Tom from Top Chef, so it's really funny to watch the Wiggum kid make grandiose guesses about his identity. "A celebrity Chef? It could be Wolfgang Puck, Bobby Flay or Mario Batali...Julia Chid is dead, so we know it's not her" Ouch, Daddy Tom.
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Comments (15)
Can I just say Flipit... the story about George... the stories about life.... all teach us by example... so we don't have to relive the horrors of your youth..... help the needy? Pashay... as if.... Flipit says it sucks so f you ... no way.... I am not helping you!
You are the best recapper here and I know you are over worked and under payed but I so wish for you a fat daddy salary from TVGasm... not for the number of words... but what you do with them.... anyone can write a 12 page recap but only a Flipit can write 6 pages and make every single paragraph worth reading..
I enjoy being entertained and thank you for entertaining me.
1 of 15 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on March 26, 2007 1:19 PM
Fabulous recap, flipit. I enjoyed every bit of it. Yea, Ralphie is gone. Off to design play areas at the local McDonald's maybe?
2 of 15 | Posted by may1
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Posted on March 26, 2007 1:34 PM
I don't watch top design so I'm not really interested in reading a recap, but your story about the dog was too funny. I might just have to go back and read your recap.
3 of 15 | Posted by rachel | Posted on March 26, 2007 2:06 PM
I've been trying to translate the theme song into flat text, and this is far as I've gotten:
hey heyey hey hey heyey hey
Oh dear flipit, I gotta agree with the first comment, you work far too hard for such crappy shows. Funny thing is, if I had my way, you'd recap the only non-flipit recap I read because I think the ANTM recaps lack some serious lol's. But we're here to talk about Top Design, darn it, so I'll move on to that.
Thanks for reminding me of my favorite comment this week, "I'm not Cindy, I'm Cousin Oliver!" It made so much sense, because much like that fat little kid ruined the brady bunch and everyone hated him, Wiggum can relate. He ruined taste and style and was hated by chunky girls in old lady tops the world over.
I totally, honestly, no lie, swear to god, put it on my beloved asshole cat Solo that I forgot Gay Dad was "straight." When he brought up the wife and kid, I was seriously taken aback. I was all, "huh? wha? guh?" Shows how well his butch facade works, huh?
And finally, I have a vinyl decal on my back window of Ralph Wiggum in the exact pose you posted at the end. Finger in nose. Now whenever I look at my car, I can think of wookies, bananas, and home sweet home.
4 of 15 | Posted by brendahamLincoln
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Posted on March 26, 2007 2:14 PM
Love, love, LOVE your recaps. You are the only reason I watch Top Design, which is a pretty boring show. The Brodie vignette was hilarious.
I always misread your website as Flippity-pies.com
5 of 15 | Posted by deedeetv | Posted on March 26, 2007 4:15 PM
great recap once again flip! I always forget to watch this show, but I never forget to read your recap.
I'd pay you to be the face of my 'gasm! :)
6 of 15 | Posted by zoobabe | Posted on March 26, 2007 4:21 PM
"Judge" Kelly looks like an Eastwick witch.
7 of 15 | Posted by Deb-so-bored | Posted on March 27, 2007 7:58 AM
"Judge" Kelly looks like an Eastwick witch. Great recap!
8 of 15 | Posted by Deb-so-bored | Posted on March 27, 2007 7:59 AM
crap show, hilarious recap, thx Flipit!! I'll miss Michael, he was such an annoying trip with such delicate sensibilities, so easily offended. Dunno who to root for, maybe GayDad or Andrea? I don't like Goil at all, too much crying, too much gargoyle semblance. I also noticed the sockless judges & I thot Kelly's hair looked like a Renaissance period king's. oh & why was Taylor Hicks nailing that beam to the ceiling, what for? too bad it ddn't squish Carisa!
9 of 15 | Posted by Tati | Posted on March 27, 2007 8:03 AM
I think Goil cuts his penis off in the next show.... I am not sure why he was up there naked on that table saw but they said it had something to do with a carpenter and oil???
10 of 15 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on March 27, 2007 3:52 PM
I've been redecorating my house and with very little budget and having zero training I'm impressed that my rooms look so much nicer than some of the crap they throw together on this show with their $10,000 tables,etc.
This is by far my least favorite show of the Bravo Trilogy. When does Project Runway comeback?
At least I get to read your recaps Flip-It. It's the best part of the show.
11 of 15 | Posted by punkrox
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Posted on March 28, 2007 4:51 AM
hey you guys! thanks for being so great. happy top design day. there are only three episodes left! stay with it, i think it's just about to get good! (?) uh......
12 of 15 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on March 28, 2007 1:38 PM
I want to take up a collection to buy (Gar) Goil a new t-shirt. I'll chip in $ .48
I finally figured out what Kelley looked like - she was a cross between Bram Stoker's Dracula, Robert Downey Jr's Character in Restoration and a snooty Poodle named Fifi.
She looks like she smells too sweet which would explain Margaret's perpetually upturned nose.
I am going to miss Judge Wiggum and all his variations on a peeved and annoyed expression. I always like to study people's default faces. His default face is so persnickety.
Flipit - who luvs ya baby?
13 of 15 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on March 28, 2007 1:54 PM
TinkerbellAPixie gets an extra dollar for the Goil new shirt fund for using the word "persnickety"
14 of 15 | Posted by brendahamLincoln | Posted on March 29, 2007 5:50 PM
We love Flipit! We love Flipit recaps!
(I read your TD recap every week. I wish I had the brainpower to post something more original, but I am tired and you have purloined the most humorous phrases.)
I will continue to watch, as you continue to recap.
You might have to fight me for a spot @ Daddy Tom's chef's table, though.
xo
15 of 15 | Posted by roorooB | Posted on April 1, 2007 8:57 PM