One day after eleventh grade, I had to help out at my Catholic School's Church running choir auditions because I got caught ditching PE to smoke some MJ under the bleachers. My job was basically to sign in the old ladies trying out and tell them where the bathroom was. Every single one of them asked. There was one biddy who clicked her tongue every time someone new went into the Chapel to sing. "She doesn't even know how to hum, how can she sing?" "No one who dresses that trampy is fit to sing for the Lord!" "She's ancient! She'll be dead before the end of the week." Hideous.
When it was her turn, I listened at the door. She made my mom's screechy shower version of "Manic Mondays" sound like a skilled, professional studio recording. When she was done disemboweling Ave Maria, the choir director stood up and said, as kindly as possible, "Margaret, I appreciate your moxy, but I think it's time you stopped coming back. I just can't use you." She ran out of the building sobbing, and I spent some time watching her have a mini-breakdown in the parking lot while I enjoyed a smoke in my car. Wow, detention's fun!
This week, Top Design taught us to stick to your loud, plastic, tacky guns no matter what, don't trust someone who tells you it's all gonna be ok, and you can talk trash all you want, but it doesn't mean you won't be taken out with it.
Gay Dad says tells us that if he doesn't make it into the top 2, he's gonna get depressed and kill himself, cuz he's the most experienced Designer and biggest woman there. Gay Dad would kill himself over Top Design. Nellie.
Carisa and Andrea giggle and pretend that they can stand each other at the breakfast table. Carisa says "Wow. Two girls in the top 3. I did not think that was gonna happen." Neither, apparently, did Andrea, who tells us she's surprised Carisa's Rent-a-Room plastic aesthetic got her so far and she hopes that the next challenge won't be something formal, so Gay Dad can get knocked out. Dream on, sweets. Gay Dad's in. It's between your two pasty asses now. I feel horrible pointing this out because it's not nice to make fun of women's bald spots (especially when I myself am a woman with a bald spot), but someone painted her scalp for her, which would have been an awesome idea...like nine weeks ago. Now I'm staring at the black glare and hating myself for it. Thanks, Andrea. Like crow feathers glued to an eight ball.
When Gay Dad thinks about his family and all the drama going back home, he feels guilty for secretly hoping he'll win so he can get the seed money to escape those breeders and DANCE, DAMMIT! As he walks into the PDC with Carisa and Andrea, he compares the three of them to Charlie's Angels. And he's Farrah! Carisa agrees. "Yes, yes you are." LOL, Carisa!
The Sock Puppet welcomes them to the workroom by anointing them a Mega Star Design Trinity. You clever puppet! You should be the Pope! Condoms and 800 thread count sheets for everybody! He leads them to a wall of framed Elle Decor covers and asks them to choose which cover most speaks to their design sense. Andrea chooses the blandest, whitest room out of the bunch. 
The most flattering feature of the room is the high ceilings and enormous windows that fill the space with sun and a backdrop of trees, which will be hard to re-create in a studio warehouse. 
The only deviation from stick up the ass upper middle class Pottery Barn-ism is a zebra skin rug on the floor. I hope the task isn't to recreate this room, or she's screwed.
Gay Dad goes with the most girlie choice on the wall, saying the clean empty space is what what speaks to him, but is it a coincidence that it's the most like a prison cell?
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Comments (15)
Yeah, Gay dad is pretty much a shoo-in (shoe-in?)
Good for him I guess. No way do I see Carissa winning this. I agree Carissa is much more likeable lately, pretty funny stuff, she and Taylor Hicks. Andrea please, you dies your scalp too late! First thing I noticed. Funny recap! Thanks!
1 of 15 | Posted by sweetleaf![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 9, 2007 9:04 AM
Funny, funny recap, flipit. This show seems to be like Project Runway, in the way they pick the winners each week. The designs that look good to us (viewer) never really win. But, to me, YOU are the winner.
2 of 15 | Posted by may1 | Posted on April 9, 2007 9:37 AM
The judging on this show and the judging on Top Design are completely different in almost every fashion, I think. Project Runway at least has some idea about what looks good and what's ugly. On PR, occasionally a person wins who might have the second or third-best design to we the viewer, but at least we know it's usually good; on this show, it is completely fucknuts crazy and is largely arbitrary almost every week, which is why I quit watching it around week five or so.
3 of 15 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on April 9, 2007 9:43 AM
Sorry, I meant the judging on Project Runway. The randomness of this show has leaked into my proper noun usage.
4 of 15 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on April 9, 2007 9:44 AM
Geesh, I loathe Carisa. I am already not a fan of media whores in general, but media whores who preen for the camera get extra helpings of hate from me. STOP LOOKING INTO THE LENS, CAMERA FUCKER!
Matt can kiss my ass, too. That room was atrocious and I was seriously shocked that he not only made it to the finals, but he won the damned challenge. For what? The craptacular windows? The hideously overbearing inkblot paintings? The completely uninspired color palette?
Andrea's room was the best of the 3. I don't know what the hell that dude was talking about with "it was too flat." That room was flat, but Carisa's groovy low-to-the-ground aesthetic was a-okay with you? Carisa sucks. She shouldn't even be in the final 3.
To be fair, she did tap into the age-old guarantee of a finals appearance on all reality shows far and wide: act like a complete C-U-Next-Tuesday and you're in.
Bleh. I'm glad this show is over.
5 of 15 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 9, 2007 1:16 PM
i say it was a okay because it at least wasn't TAN. the other two rooms looked exactly the same, and they both sucked. i guess a little color made me feel better. :)
6 of 15 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 9, 2007 1:24 PM
Flipit, I loved "penii" and "pottery boy." And I'm sensing a growing interest in Little People, Big World. Does this mean...I mean, could it? Is this your next show to recap? The wife on the show, Amy, takes every opportunity to emasculate her already-feeble husband. But, other than that, it's good times.
P.S. I think EVERYONE went to high school with Kayla Gordon.
7 of 15 | Posted by velouria | Posted on April 9, 2007 3:49 PM
who were you again,,,,??
8 of 15 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 9, 2007 4:24 PM
giff who are you talkin to?
9 of 15 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 9, 2007 4:30 PM
xoxox-- sorry bad day... call me!
10 of 15 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 10, 2007 12:03 AM
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what what what??
....how am I suppose to whore around here!!!
11 of 15 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on April 10, 2007 12:05 AM
What the hell? How did Gay Dad's room win that stupid challenge? I don't think that man has ever used any color in his rooms. Every single room of his that I can remember has been some shade of beige/tan/off white/bone/taupe/smegma, yet the judges always love it. Bullfuckinshit. And once again, I seriously forget he's "straight" until he mentions his family. Come on, he called himself Farrah. Come on.
Flipit, once again, you brought the lol's. I'm stuck in bed with a bad back and a laptop that gets too hot, and you made me forget all of that for the few all too brief minutes I was reading your recap. Well, it was you and the two vicodins I just took.
12 of 15 | Posted by brendahamLincoln | Posted on April 10, 2007 12:29 AM
Flipit ~ Thank you for taking the time and effort to share your most HEElarious observations about this show with us. Your enhanced screenshots always have me LOL'ing. It's the brilliant witticisms and artful snarkiness that has kept me a fan of TVgasm when all the original auteurs jumped ship. I wish nothing but the best for you and hope you reach (meet, use and toss away like a used Kleenex) your "goal" soon!
LYLAS,
subgenre
13 of 15 | Posted by subgenre![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 11, 2007 6:26 AM
"Flipit's Goal"
"Taylor Hicks plays Carissa his album"
hahaha OMG I thought i was going to get fired while reading your screen shots due to all the hilarity.
14 of 15 | Posted by cherin![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 11, 2007 9:08 AM
thanks you guys. you made my am. LOVE
15 of 15 | Posted by Flipit![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 11, 2007 10:09 AM