When I temped for a large publishing house in New York, I assisted the front desk receptionist, a gal named Debbie. Debbie was like a walking Encyclopedia, she could type over 100 words a minute, and knew every inch of the company, but unfortunately she was busted ugly. Grooming skills weren't her forte, which shouldn't matter in this day and age, but as we all know, looks count. Debbie couldn't understand why she was always being passed up for promotions, so over lunch one day, I suggested she get a makeover. After she stopped crying, I explained to her that a little conditioner and and bit of eyebrow wax could change her whole life. She listened, and showed up the next day looking like a new, hot woman. People who refused to look her in the eye the afternoon before were suddenly forwarding her joke emails, inviting her to happy hour, and calling the front desk just to say hi. Well, come Monday morning, an old woman named Myra was sitting at Debbie's desk. I asked my boss what happened to my friend, and he rolled his eyes. "That floozy? She's outta here."
This week, Top Design taught us that white people are lazy complainers, fags trump hags, and if you want to be taken seriously, don't be fun. Be functional.
Gay Dad says that he is ready to rumble. You can throw whatever you want his way, and he'll lick it. Vaginas? No problem! It's 100,000 smackers up for grab! Carisa always knew that she had talent and an aesthetic sensibility, but she didn't know just how great she was until she made it to the finals! Honey, you were up against the Wiggum Kid, Eight Ball, and Butch. Don't pat yourself too hard.
The Sock Puppet comes into the workroom wearing too many patterns to distinguish. Way to keep 'em off balance, Puppet! I find it a bit unfair that Puppets are allowed to wear plaid and stripes together but no one else is. I guess there's gotta be some upside to walking around with Bravo's fist up your ass. The final project will be to design a 1,700 square foot loft in the "hottest neighborhood" in downtown LA. LOL. The realtors are doing their best to transform downtown, but as of now, this is the "hottest neighborhood".
Glue a couple of rusty syringes and used condoms to the ground and you win! The two finalists will have two whole months to work on this project and when they return, five days to get it done. Thankfully, the producers have decided to give the contestants one last chance to not suck it hard before this show is cancelled by giving them lots of time and money. That will give Carisa a chance to scour the world for plastic furniture and Gay Dad an extra moment to study old lady's living rooms across America for inspiration. The mystery clients are...themselves!!! Uh-oh. I sense a lot of pink and closets for Gay Dad and a spectacular food court kitchen for Carisa. For materials, they get $12,500 (will it be enough for a Pizza Hut Express?) plus and extra $150,000 to blow at the PDC. Holy crap. If these spaces suck, I am hunting these two down and setting them on fire myself.
The lofts are huge and in desperate need of a complete overhaul. The floors are busted, the bathrooms are ugly, and the kitchens are formica and plastic. The first thing they do is measure. Carisa suggests they do it together and Gay Dad says not a chance. This bitch is in it to win it. While they are packing up their stuff to go home for a couple months, Carisa says that she needs to prove to Margaret that she is capable of luxury. She writes "The Mayor of Exusesville" on her dry erase board, but doesn't explain why. I am hoping that she isn't going to channel Butch for this one. Putting that beast in your brain isn't healthy for anyone.
Gay dad says losing to Carisa isn't an option, and is hoping her inexperience will shine in this challenge. "If I lose to a student, I'm gonna rob a bank and go to Mexico to drink for the rest of my life." That he didn't threaten to kill himself over this challenge shows that he is legitimately worried about Carisa, and I love it. Robbing a bank and fleeing to Mexico sounds like a much more valid goal than winning a chintzy Bravo reality competition to me, anyway. Do it, Gay Dad! Find a nice busboy to bang ya and be done with it. End of recap.
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Comments (16)
Fantastic. The GD jabs were right on. Since your tivo cut out, you missed the homoerotic tension between GD and the carpenter at the end. I was really looking forward to your take on that.
And when Trudy said that he needed to bring the sexy into the bedroom, I thought "that's what his wife says." nice to know we're on the same page :)
1 of 16 | Posted by watermelon | Posted on April 15, 2007 5:08 PM
Reality show winners are always about transformation. Gay Dad's transformation from smart, sweet, slighty fruity to catty, smug, arrogant closet queen was touching. Huzzah! and Kudos. Flipit, you da man. I feel bad that you actually had to watch this crap all the way through just so that I wouldn't. Much thanks.
2 of 16 | Posted by LaSexorcisto![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 15, 2007 7:03 PM
spot on flipit! totally enjoyable read.
3 of 16 | Posted by dirtydingusmcgee | Posted on April 15, 2007 7:39 PM
Swear to god, Flipit, you're my long lost gay brother from another mother. While reading your hilarious recap, I kept thinking, "GET OUT OF MY HEAD, DELIGHTFULLY WITTY HOMO!" I heart you so bad, Flipit, I really do.
Total WTF at Gay Dad winning. His preggo photography creeped me out, his bathroom was gross, everything was boring as hell and the same damn off white/taupe/bone/smegma color he's used 99% of the time. I concur: HATE.
In conclusion, this recap was the most hilarious ever. Ever! EVARRR! Please do Shear Genius, please.
4 of 16 | Posted by brendahamLincoln | Posted on April 15, 2007 7:55 PM
Veronica Mars! Veronica Mars! Veronica Mars!
5 of 16 | Posted by OzoneDude | Posted on April 15, 2007 8:16 PM
Everything about gay dad and his design is gross! It is a catastrope of gigantic proportions that Carisa was not named Top Designer.
See you later, Decorator, my ass. See you later, Jonathan Adler! I've lost all respect for you and your pillows and throw rugs.
6 of 16 | Posted by Danny Aged![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 16, 2007 7:31 AM
I must have missed the epi where Andrea got kicked off. What happened to her?
And Gay Dad sucks.
7 of 16 | Posted by dent![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 16, 2007 8:15 AM
Wonderful recap, as usual. Love the screencaps. Sorry your fav didn't win. Wonder what Taylor Hicks is doing now?
8 of 16 | Posted by may | Posted on April 16, 2007 9:55 AM
I must not have any sense of style b/c I thought Carissa's loft was much better too. They were supposed to design a loft that they would live in and seriously- what father would put that shit in a house with a young child in it? Plus- the master bedroom with the sheer curtain in front? WTF? what kind of wife would want her guests being able to traipse through her BEDROOM at parties? No way!
I loved Carissa's floors and her bed/pit. She should have won.
great recap though Flip! You always bring the funny.:)
9 of 16 | Posted by zoobabe | Posted on April 16, 2007 10:14 AM
Great recap ... have enjoyed all season long! Any chances of recapping the rest of the season of Workout (I don't know how Bravo pulled me into ANOTHER one of their shows but what can I say?)
10 of 16 | Posted by M'low | Posted on April 16, 2007 11:54 AM
Eh, they both sucked. Totally predictable.
Carisa's bed was cool to look at, but about as useful as a submarine with a screen door. The thought of having to climb up and out of that thing at 6am to get ready for work made my head hurt as soon as I laid eyes on it. And her floor was hideous.
Not that Matt was so much better.
I hate the Carisa's of the reality world. Totally inferior to most of the other designers, yet kept on way beyond her deservedness because she's the "drama" of the show. Bleck.
11 of 16 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 16, 2007 12:34 PM
Agreed^^^^^ and thanks you guys. Last mon of giggles for while. Gonna finish ai season then see what's around. Gotta try and bag a husband and get outta the house more. Lol. I am a pasty bitch ass. LOVE
12 of 16 | Posted by flipit | Posted on April 16, 2007 12:51 PM
Agreed^^^^^ and thanks you guys. Last mon of giggles for while. Gonna finish ai season then see what's around. Gotta try and bag a husband and get outta the house more. Lol. I am a pasty bitch ass. LOVE
13 of 16 | Posted by flipit | Posted on April 16, 2007 12:52 PM
Flipit, don't get yourself a man because WE NEED YOU ON THIS BOARD!
14 of 16 | Posted by slutty_whore![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 16, 2007 5:52 PM
A wife! WHAT!!!
15 of 16 | Posted by couchpotato![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 17, 2007 6:57 PM
I actually began to like Carissa because she was the only honest contestant on the show. Seriously.
GD was ... Damn, I was going to type that he was "such a dick" but thought I had better not; than I was going to modify it to "such an asshole" and realized that wouldn't be appropriate either.
We saw no footage of him at home because Bravo realized that his "life" was a lie and he wasn't married and had no daughter. What father would give a daughter a Marie Antoinette room?!? What a sick F$#K he is. He wanted a pink room and he wanted a collection of cheap prom-queen crowns. Also, who'd put a $7,000 desk in a kids room -- she is a figment of his imagination because he is still in denial that he is gay.
The master bedroom was repulsive as was the majority of the studio. None of that furniture was fitting for a child.
I knew the judges were idiots all season and them playing favorites in this final task proves that point. He could have had one chair in an otherwise empty room and still won. It is unfortunate that Carissa was defeated before they ever began.
Did you see the clip during Sheer Genius with GD complaining about Trudy? He bitched about her and then said she could "send her husband over ... to sing to me." Right, Farrah, sure.
I mentioned a month or so ago how these people were just about the most detestable people on the planet (comparable to Nazis at Nuremburg); but I have changed my mind after watching the first episode of Sheer Genius. These people are deplorable ... it'd be nice to see them all stab each other with scissors in a few weeks. The contestants and "judges" both are awful -- what was with the bitchy judge criticizing a stylist's mannequin's haircut when she had the EXACT same haircut! BITCH. At least Barbie was likable on Top Design -- there is NOTHING enjoyable about Sheer Genius.
16 of 16 | Posted by TWilliams![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 19, 2007 10:08 AM