I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most athletic of men. When I'm motivated, I can get the hell up on a stage and shake my 250 pound ass so hard to the beats of Janet, Beyoncé and Rihanna that other people get injured... and then other times I find myself getting winded while typing recaps and I have to rest and have a cookie. SO, far be it from me to criticize others for their possible lack of athleticism...
...I'm not kidding, the sheer weight of that sweater is exhausting him!...
...but I have to say I was howling with laughter when I saw this week's episode of Top Design described as a "triathlon of decorating"! I imagine that hardcore Iron Man athletes everywhere are saying to themselves "Yeah, so I hadda consecutively swim 2½ miles, bike 112 miles and run a full 26.2 mile marathon... but those plucky interior designers over on Bravo had to decorate a chair, set a table, and paint an alcove!... how do they train for such a grueling event?" I'll tell you how: Diet Coke and cigarettes (and a magazine or two). Let's pull a few groin muscles in sympathy after the jump!
First off, yay to see Shazia getting the boot once again, I did a little happy dance (and a shot of Cuervo) to celebrate! No more wah wah wah from her, and not a moment too soon. However, my momentary happiness turned to horror as we were subjected to a shot of Eddie BaueRoss shirtless...
...the camera crew on this show need to get laid more so we can put a stop to this kind of thing...
It's one thing to show Prettyboy Preston, or even sexychub Big Daddy Ker-Bear, but Eddie? Funny to see him sporting a little muffin-top, though. If next week's show has a nearly-nude Whatisit, I'm going to need an extra therapy session for the next 2,038 weeks or so. Anyhow, Eddie's tired of the team challenges, too, and wants to have a chance to do individual design. I hate to agree with the prissy little fuck, but he's kinda got a point, it's time to see what kind of stuff these people can come up with on their own and let the exponential fug lay low for a while.
Whatisit eats meatloaf for breakfast. What's even more frightening is that my boyfriend does too, sometimes.
Meanwhile, Silver Spoon Andrea is whining about how much she misses her children, and points out that she's the only designer in this competition with four kids... and it's soooo haaaard...
...funny how the rugrats photo doesn't exactly have pride of place...
Hey, how about not being a reality TV whore if you don't wanna be away from your kids so bad? Or better still, leave the competition (I drool at the thought). I'd be willing to bet that Ricky Jr., Riqeña, André and little Rickandreanna are enjoying the break from the scowl and the lifeless vocalizing for a bit.
Over in the Top Design studio, they are greeted by India Hicks and Kelly Worstler is back! We missed you, Kelly! She is dressed like Batgirl and stuck a flower pot on her head...
...it's not too late... to whip it... whip it good!...
Good thing she's an awesome interior decorator, cuz she'd have Tim Gunn projectile vomiting if he got a good look at her. Anyhow, after welcoming them, India says she hopes they are well-rested, because today's challenge is going to be a triathlon... She can't even keep a straight face, either, because when she says "The Top Design Triathlon is a grueling event!" she totally cracks up! See? Even India knows it's a laughable concept! At least they will be working as individuals today.
Black Eye Nathan says "I'm definitely not a triath-a-lete... I'm a smoke-a-lete!" Oh Nathan, you and your scary Nosferatu head are making sad ol' cynical me giggle every episode now! I'd kiss you but I'm afraid you'd bite me and make me undead.
So the first of the three legs of today's challenge is... the Chair Leg! They're going to have to transform a boring chair into something would clash with everything in your house...
...illustrates the viewership of this show...
They get two hours, paint, stain, fabric, beads, bangles, glitter, markers and puffy stickers to complete their "transformations" for Kelly and India to judge. While there is going to be an overall winner of the "triathlon", the winners of each individual leg get immunity, and all the designers smile big, because everybody loves them some immunity... too bad they don't love them some taste just as much (I'm looking at you SexOndineCity... no more pasting zoology textbooks to things!)...
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Comments (11)
Great recap J-mo!!!! ((**Samara and J-Mo do the happy dance**)) Good to know Samara can dance and not just creep on Twiggy!
Funny how the colors look so different on the caps then they do on my TV, but of course I'm a lazy ass and haven't upgraded my TV in like centuries!!! Nasal's room looked better here, it looked green on my TV--do do do do . . .
My coworker busted a nut on your Kelly formula!!!!
Well, last week I was wondering what Twiggy had up her sleeve, guess we know now, zzzzzen!
So, is it me, even her goodbye sounded like, thanks to the producers who thought I could add something to the show (despite the fact that I've never designed a thing before) shrug-shrug!
I smell foul forces at work, but it was kind of great to see Beige Spoons in the bottom . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 6, 2008 1:46 PM
Darling J-Mo,
Is there something wrong with me? I totally want to adopt Whatisit as another lap dog. You know take him for walks, send him to the groomer and keep him around to amuse me. But that nasty tendency to break out into opera would have to go.
Have I mentioned that you are so my hero for turning out awesome funny recaps for two different shows a week.
Lerv,
Yenta
2 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 7, 2008 3:39 AM
I still can't believe I'm watching this horribly bad show. It's all your fault, J-mo, you and your excellent recaps.
Interesting that the show has a pretty big budget, compared to Project Runway -- imagine giving Pleatha or Blayne ten grand to spend on one of their 'designs'...
3 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 7, 2008 8:50 AM
I loved all of your fancy photoshop work. Great recap!
4 of 11 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on October 7, 2008 10:35 AM
J-Mo, you really can't help yourself with the Eddie flesh, can you? Oh dear, Preston is so much prettier, and so much more determined to play nice.
How can any of the other designers not have caught on to the identity of Andrea's husband yet? I mean, Ondine recognized the back of Ricky's head right off the bat and Andrea's company's name is Schroder Development, right? And she uses Schroder as her last name, right? Or do you think she's taken this whole incognito stuff as far as to adopt a different last name with the other designers/judges? Is that even possible to keep her married identity from the judges since the producers CLEARLY know about Ricky (at least if they've watched any footage at all of the show)? People, I need answers!
5 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 7, 2008 7:15 PM
I think they're like me, that is, "Ricky who?"
I mean, I seem to recall vaguely that he did something way back when, he was in my sister's Tiger Beat mags, I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, I think Andrea scooted out of the room because she knew Eddie and Blackeye were about to get...um...busy.
6 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 8, 2008 12:52 AM
Ha, itchy! I guess my age is showing. I spent many a pre-teen evening watching Silver Spoons (of course I'm always partial to the sidekicks rather than the main characters, so it was Jason Bateman, not Ricky, that did it for me).
And Nathan's really getting around, huh?
7 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 8, 2008 6:41 AM
Great recap, J-Mo! I just started watching this show and I love your snarkiness.
I dont know about anyone else, but the first thing I thought about when I saw Eddie BaueRoss's design was, "Is that his granny's funeral?"
8 of 11 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 8, 2008 8:57 AM
I have to admit that I love Wizzit. I want to sit next to him and pet his hair every time I see him on the screen! To quote Jon-Jon... he is j'adorable!
9 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:04 AM
J-Mo;
Terrific recap! I always catch so much more by reading your take on it than I see while watching the show "live".
Of friggin' course everything Eddie BewbRoss does is "granny", he works for the Head Granny herself. After 5 days with that broad any designer would think that "granny" is chic!
Keep up the good work, and here's hoping for more pictures of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt.
Yum-Oh!!
Lots O' Love
10 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:09 PM
juddfan... you know my process for getting screenshots is REALLY convoluted. I do not have a DVR (*gasp*) so I record the show onto DVD, then watch it on the computer on PowerDVD shrunk down as far as it will go, then take a printscreen and paste it into Paint, then I have to shrink it down even further with some other MicroSoft PictureViewer program and then I can upload it. SO, it is quite possible that the coloring could see some adjustments that may not meet your TV's reality during that process. Also, I agree with you, Teresa's farewell sounded suspiciously like a "Thank you producers for picking me" kind of thing. Very strange. Love to you! Me and Samara are learning a hip-hop routine right now... watch for video later!
yentapatrol... honey you are so normal for wanting a Whatisit of your own, I think they're going to be this year's Furby... you pet him and he will giggle and sing weird opera... I appreciate the love, but I am glad one of my shows is ending, two per week is killing me... love to you!
itchy... you are so sweet to me, I am very appreciative... and as far as the budget on this show goes, I agree with you... BUT, I also wonder if they keep all the receipts and when the challenge is over they wind up taking back a lot of that merch to the various stores where they got it from and get money back... plus I bet they've got a deal worked out for the advertising of these various stores (like Cost Plus and Pier One, etc.)... love to you...
tvkitty... honey, you are too kind... I only WISH I actually HAD Photoshop on this computer, I am actually pretty good at using it to make realistic compositions... I have actually been using the bare-bones "Paint" program to do cutting and pasting and inserting text and all that stuff, and it's kind of like trying to paint the Mona Lisa using a box of 8 crayons... but your compliments are like refreshing water to my parched soul, LOL... love to you...
tvismyfriend... ok, you busted me. There is something about Eddie that makes me want to break into his house some night and throw an angry fuck into him at 3am... maybe because he's such a little bitch, but I think he's probably a freak in bed. As far as Miss Schroder goes, I am not clear about whether or not the others know about her star-talent hubby... you'd think she'd be mobbed from morning till night with people asking what it's like to be married to a former child star... love to you!...
itchy... that's a vile image (i.e. Eddie and Nathan)... I love you for it!...
lexxi1129... thank you sweetie! I love your commentiness!
Snootchy Bootches... love your screenname... welcome to the circle of Whatisit lovin'... love to you, too!
arizonatom... the only reason I pick up on the minutiae of this show is because I not only watch it in real-time, but I also go back and watch segments over and over to get dialogue and expressions... I'm so glad you're loving the extra info, I try to go that extra mile. And I agree, Eddie is retirement-home ready at age 30 (or however old he is). I will try to comply with more Preston pics (provided he's caught with his shirt off again). Love to you!
As always, thank you guys for your kind comments! They make my damn day!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 12, 2008 2:14 AM