Kelly gets to have the cheap thrill of saying "On your mark.... get set.... GO!" and watching these grown adults scrambling for the chairs and fabrics and stuff like kids scrambling for candy from a broken piñata... and dear God, what is up with the snotpaint that Eddie BoogeRoss went for?...
...phlegm-o-rama!...
Well, I guess the plus side of that color would be if your chain-smoking Aunt Roz comes over and hacks up her hourly loogie onto it, no one will notice. Whatisit is as exuberant as ever as he describes his work: "I-stained-the-wood-and-I-pain-ted-the-fab-ric-be-cause-I-wan-ted-to-leave-my-own-ar-tist's-mark-on-the-chair..." What he's doing actually looks kind of interesting, I just wish his paint-color wasn't so Dried Nosebleed...
Silver Spoon Andrea isn't having such an easy time of it... "They want a 'wow factor' and that's really hard for me because I'm very classic and simple, so for me to come up with a 'wow' chair... I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that." Oh, come on Andrea! You are the wife of famous actor Ricky Schroder... you should be spraying "wow" wherever you go!...
...clearly Andrea's "wow" face...
Of course, we can always count on Miss Silver Spoon to talk shit about somebody else's work... she's hating on Twiggy Teresa because her chair is comprised of some fabric and an entire box of staples... "It looks... like a mess!" It may be, but I bet at least it's going to be a mess with "wow"...
SexOndineCity says she's ripping off being inspired by fashion designer Betsey Johnson for her chair, and so she's gluing on some rick-rack and those little puff-balls they used to have on the backs of girl's ankle-socks...
...I'm hearing a gay mariachi band playing "The Mexthican Hat Danthce"...
Classy. Amazingly, SexOndineCity has the nerve to say she thinks that Nasal Natalie's chair is "totally over the top"! Yeah, and who's chair can be seen from space, huh? Bitch. At least Nat's chair wouldn't look so at home in a brothel.
Eddie BaueRoss got ahold of a Queen Anne chair and says he wanted to update it from being so "grrrr-andma" and that he doesn't want a "wow" factor, he wants a "glam factor" and a "beauty factor"... so he's stapling silver lamé to it. Now his chair looks like your grandma after she gets divorced, starts wearing those new-fangled 80's fashions and hanging out at the local Dirty Drummer knocking back Mai Tais and hitting on the guys who take down the Tilt-A-Whirl. Meet your new grandpa! Anyhow, Eddie says his was looking the best and "Honestly?... It was perfection!"
...of course! Because Eddie's a perfect a-hole!...
Time is up, and here comes India and BatKelly! First up is Prettyboy Preston's...
...Ninja Chair!...
Preston says he could see it being a desk chair at one of the Starwood Hotels. I could see it being extra firewood during a long, cold winter. Girl, it'd be like sitting on a big bruise! Ugh.
Next up is Lady Whatisit...
...looks like a Rorschach Test...
Actually, I kind of like what he did, it always seems like Whatisit tends to really add those creative artistic touches whenever he's allowed, and both India and BatKelly love how he made that fabric look like it was printed. It's too bad I could never sit in that chair because his ink-blots look like the Hindu god Vishnu reaching out to strangle me with 6 or 7 of his arms... *shudder*...
Moving on to Eddie BaueRoss's "perfection"...
...Grandma's Slutty Phlegmseat...
Eddie says he thinks there's someting very antique and yet very modern about it. I totally agree... if by "antique" you mean "70's", and by "modern" you mean "80's". India wants to know if Eddie could live with his chair. India, honey, I think Eddie would sleep with his chair if allowed. India says it looks "very finished". Yeah, I'm done, too, let's move on...
Here is Natalie's "over the top" work...
.♪..Purple pain.♪..Pur-ur-ple pain..♪.
Ugh, I guess Ondine wasn't really exaggerating about our Natty-Klumppo's work... I could totally see this chair in a ridiculously rococo bathroom somewhere in Prince's house in Minneapolis (and I'd bet he'd have had sex on it, too). Natalie's explaining that it's a good mix of her, because she's not completely modern and not completely traditional. I'd say it's more of a "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you just look like one" kind of vibe. All India and BatKelly say is "Thank you!". Not a good sign.
Here's a depressed Silver Spoon Andrea... before we even look at the chair India says "You're looking worried!" and Andrea whines that she's having a hard day... I'll say...
...Haunted House Chic!...
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Comments (11)
Great recap J-mo!!!! ((**Samara and J-Mo do the happy dance**)) Good to know Samara can dance and not just creep on Twiggy!
Funny how the colors look so different on the caps then they do on my TV, but of course I'm a lazy ass and haven't upgraded my TV in like centuries!!! Nasal's room looked better here, it looked green on my TV--do do do do . . .
My coworker busted a nut on your Kelly formula!!!!
Well, last week I was wondering what Twiggy had up her sleeve, guess we know now, zzzzzen!
So, is it me, even her goodbye sounded like, thanks to the producers who thought I could add something to the show (despite the fact that I've never designed a thing before) shrug-shrug!
I smell foul forces at work, but it was kind of great to see Beige Spoons in the bottom . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 6, 2008 1:46 PM
Darling J-Mo,
Is there something wrong with me? I totally want to adopt Whatisit as another lap dog. You know take him for walks, send him to the groomer and keep him around to amuse me. But that nasty tendency to break out into opera would have to go.
Have I mentioned that you are so my hero for turning out awesome funny recaps for two different shows a week.
Lerv,
Yenta
2 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 7, 2008 3:39 AM
I still can't believe I'm watching this horribly bad show. It's all your fault, J-mo, you and your excellent recaps.
Interesting that the show has a pretty big budget, compared to Project Runway -- imagine giving Pleatha or Blayne ten grand to spend on one of their 'designs'...
3 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 7, 2008 8:50 AM
I loved all of your fancy photoshop work. Great recap!
4 of 11 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on October 7, 2008 10:35 AM
J-Mo, you really can't help yourself with the Eddie flesh, can you? Oh dear, Preston is so much prettier, and so much more determined to play nice.
How can any of the other designers not have caught on to the identity of Andrea's husband yet? I mean, Ondine recognized the back of Ricky's head right off the bat and Andrea's company's name is Schroder Development, right? And she uses Schroder as her last name, right? Or do you think she's taken this whole incognito stuff as far as to adopt a different last name with the other designers/judges? Is that even possible to keep her married identity from the judges since the producers CLEARLY know about Ricky (at least if they've watched any footage at all of the show)? People, I need answers!
5 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 7, 2008 7:15 PM
I think they're like me, that is, "Ricky who?"
I mean, I seem to recall vaguely that he did something way back when, he was in my sister's Tiger Beat mags, I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, I think Andrea scooted out of the room because she knew Eddie and Blackeye were about to get...um...busy.
6 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 8, 2008 12:52 AM
Ha, itchy! I guess my age is showing. I spent many a pre-teen evening watching Silver Spoons (of course I'm always partial to the sidekicks rather than the main characters, so it was Jason Bateman, not Ricky, that did it for me).
And Nathan's really getting around, huh?
7 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 8, 2008 6:41 AM
Great recap, J-Mo! I just started watching this show and I love your snarkiness.
I dont know about anyone else, but the first thing I thought about when I saw Eddie BaueRoss's design was, "Is that his granny's funeral?"
8 of 11 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 8, 2008 8:57 AM
I have to admit that I love Wizzit. I want to sit next to him and pet his hair every time I see him on the screen! To quote Jon-Jon... he is j'adorable!
9 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:04 AM
J-Mo;
Terrific recap! I always catch so much more by reading your take on it than I see while watching the show "live".
Of friggin' course everything Eddie BewbRoss does is "granny", he works for the Head Granny herself. After 5 days with that broad any designer would think that "granny" is chic!
Keep up the good work, and here's hoping for more pictures of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt.
Yum-Oh!!
Lots O' Love
10 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:09 PM
juddfan... you know my process for getting screenshots is REALLY convoluted. I do not have a DVR (*gasp*) so I record the show onto DVD, then watch it on the computer on PowerDVD shrunk down as far as it will go, then take a printscreen and paste it into Paint, then I have to shrink it down even further with some other MicroSoft PictureViewer program and then I can upload it. SO, it is quite possible that the coloring could see some adjustments that may not meet your TV's reality during that process. Also, I agree with you, Teresa's farewell sounded suspiciously like a "Thank you producers for picking me" kind of thing. Very strange. Love to you! Me and Samara are learning a hip-hop routine right now... watch for video later!
yentapatrol... honey you are so normal for wanting a Whatisit of your own, I think they're going to be this year's Furby... you pet him and he will giggle and sing weird opera... I appreciate the love, but I am glad one of my shows is ending, two per week is killing me... love to you!
itchy... you are so sweet to me, I am very appreciative... and as far as the budget on this show goes, I agree with you... BUT, I also wonder if they keep all the receipts and when the challenge is over they wind up taking back a lot of that merch to the various stores where they got it from and get money back... plus I bet they've got a deal worked out for the advertising of these various stores (like Cost Plus and Pier One, etc.)... love to you...
tvkitty... honey, you are too kind... I only WISH I actually HAD Photoshop on this computer, I am actually pretty good at using it to make realistic compositions... I have actually been using the bare-bones "Paint" program to do cutting and pasting and inserting text and all that stuff, and it's kind of like trying to paint the Mona Lisa using a box of 8 crayons... but your compliments are like refreshing water to my parched soul, LOL... love to you...
tvismyfriend... ok, you busted me. There is something about Eddie that makes me want to break into his house some night and throw an angry fuck into him at 3am... maybe because he's such a little bitch, but I think he's probably a freak in bed. As far as Miss Schroder goes, I am not clear about whether or not the others know about her star-talent hubby... you'd think she'd be mobbed from morning till night with people asking what it's like to be married to a former child star... love to you!...
itchy... that's a vile image (i.e. Eddie and Nathan)... I love you for it!...
lexxi1129... thank you sweetie! I love your commentiness!
Snootchy Bootches... love your screenname... welcome to the circle of Whatisit lovin'... love to you, too!
arizonatom... the only reason I pick up on the minutiae of this show is because I not only watch it in real-time, but I also go back and watch segments over and over to get dialogue and expressions... I'm so glad you're loving the extra info, I try to go that extra mile. And I agree, Eddie is retirement-home ready at age 30 (or however old he is). I will try to comply with more Preston pics (provided he's caught with his shirt off again). Love to you!
As always, thank you guys for your kind comments! They make my damn day!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 12, 2008 2:14 AM