As Jonathan starts the "On your mark... get set..." we see Eddie the Asshat holding out his skinny arm in a feeble attempt to block Black Eye. Nathan gives him a priceless look...
...what is he, a third-grader?...
More running and frantically tagging stuff by the designers. Maybe I spoke too soon about the athleticism required, cuz they sure do seem to be huffing and puffing away (or maybe that's just Nathan being a "smoke-a-lete"). Finally they all have their armloads of crap and start working on their tables.
Silver Spoon Andrea is complaining some more about missing her family so much (zzzzz) and says she's going to use her daughter's birthday party as the theme for her table... she's feeling intimidated because on one side of her is Black Eye Nathan, whom she considers a "fabulous designer" ever since he won the first leg of the challenge... and Eddie BaueRoss on the other, who is, of course, Touched By The Hand Of Martha.
And speaking of the Little Ass-Bandit, he's yammering on about his grandmother being the biggest influence in his life as far as decorating goes (remember this, because it will come up later on) and he fondly recalls the Thanksgiving where she set the table and made tin-foil fans under the candles. I'm thinking she just washed out a few Hungry Man™ TV dinner trays, cut 'em up and stuck votives in the sections where the peas and the potatoes would go. Of course, he knows that he's just awesome and says his table is "looking really chic".
...Chic, thy name is Eddie...
This time Twiggy Teresa is the first one to be judged...
...it took her two hours to do this?!?...
No wonder Teresa's dinner parties don't start until close to midnight! Honestly, I can't really see much here that's innovative, it's a table with some dishes, some flowers and a few candles, but it's not standing out. For the 36,000th time she describes her aesthetic as "zen", which I really think she's confusing with "boring". Jon-Jon asks her to describe her design style and sensibility, and when she comes back with "Uhhhhm, it's uh, m-modern, uhhh, with a little bit Asian..." and trails off. Jonathan favors her with this look...
...I don't think he believes you, Teresa...
...and with that they move on. Teresa is grinning like a schoolgirl, and I think she's just completely oblivious to the fact that Jonathan apparently thinks she sucks and has no vision.
Oh well, it's Nasal Natalie's turn...
...and it looks like we're having candles for dinner at Nat's place!...
Nat makes me giggle as she's telling India and Jon-Jon that she tried to do the opposite of what she usually does (and the joke just writes itself) and her table is supposed to be a brunch that's fancy but not too extreme (which means normally she'd make it trashy in the super-extreme). Jonathan says her flowers are pretty tasteless, but overall he likes everything else. Nat beams like someone just told her about the burgeoning BBW website phenomenon...
It's time to see Eddie BaueRoss' super-mega-ultra-chic table...
...someone stoled gramma's flower boxes from the window sill!...
Eddie is just spouting a bunch of words, as usual, "I wanted it to be very long, very modern... it's actually very me, Eddie Ross, like, I love it!" Jonathan says he likes "these little glue-gunned things" (I have no idea what he was referring to, I was unable to spot any glue-gunnage from my TV) and Eddie giggles like the prime-grade ass-kisser that he is.
It's not actually going to get any better over at Silver Spoon Andrea's table. Here is what she described as a "super-feminine, super-girly, birthday party" for her daughter...
...is her daughter in her 30's?...and ill?...
Seriously? This is how you'd set the table for your daughter's birthday party, Andrea? I guess Casa Schroder is a no-fun-zone, huh? Honestly, I could not have thought of a more boring palate for a child, and I think she totally missed the mark by using this as her supposed "theme". A kid's birthday party is supposed to be filled with loud, garish colors, cavorting cartoon characters, refined sugars and happy shrieking at high-decibels... it should look like this...
...damn...that pizza looks good...
...unless, of course, you're Not Allowed To Make A Mess, or giggle, or shriek, or play, or breathe until Mommy's Zoloft Kicks In. India calls it "very sophisticated", but I'm not really sure she meant that as a compliment.
Here is our boy Black Eye Nathan...
...don't show up too early at Nathan's house!...
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Comments (11)
Great recap J-mo!!!! ((**Samara and J-Mo do the happy dance**)) Good to know Samara can dance and not just creep on Twiggy!
Funny how the colors look so different on the caps then they do on my TV, but of course I'm a lazy ass and haven't upgraded my TV in like centuries!!! Nasal's room looked better here, it looked green on my TV--do do do do . . .
My coworker busted a nut on your Kelly formula!!!!
Well, last week I was wondering what Twiggy had up her sleeve, guess we know now, zzzzzen!
So, is it me, even her goodbye sounded like, thanks to the producers who thought I could add something to the show (despite the fact that I've never designed a thing before) shrug-shrug!
I smell foul forces at work, but it was kind of great to see Beige Spoons in the bottom . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 6, 2008 1:46 PM
Darling J-Mo,
Is there something wrong with me? I totally want to adopt Whatisit as another lap dog. You know take him for walks, send him to the groomer and keep him around to amuse me. But that nasty tendency to break out into opera would have to go.
Have I mentioned that you are so my hero for turning out awesome funny recaps for two different shows a week.
Lerv,
Yenta
2 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 7, 2008 3:39 AM
I still can't believe I'm watching this horribly bad show. It's all your fault, J-mo, you and your excellent recaps.
Interesting that the show has a pretty big budget, compared to Project Runway -- imagine giving Pleatha or Blayne ten grand to spend on one of their 'designs'...
3 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 7, 2008 8:50 AM
I loved all of your fancy photoshop work. Great recap!
4 of 11 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on October 7, 2008 10:35 AM
J-Mo, you really can't help yourself with the Eddie flesh, can you? Oh dear, Preston is so much prettier, and so much more determined to play nice.
How can any of the other designers not have caught on to the identity of Andrea's husband yet? I mean, Ondine recognized the back of Ricky's head right off the bat and Andrea's company's name is Schroder Development, right? And she uses Schroder as her last name, right? Or do you think she's taken this whole incognito stuff as far as to adopt a different last name with the other designers/judges? Is that even possible to keep her married identity from the judges since the producers CLEARLY know about Ricky (at least if they've watched any footage at all of the show)? People, I need answers!
5 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 7, 2008 7:15 PM
I think they're like me, that is, "Ricky who?"
I mean, I seem to recall vaguely that he did something way back when, he was in my sister's Tiger Beat mags, I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, I think Andrea scooted out of the room because she knew Eddie and Blackeye were about to get...um...busy.
6 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 8, 2008 12:52 AM
Ha, itchy! I guess my age is showing. I spent many a pre-teen evening watching Silver Spoons (of course I'm always partial to the sidekicks rather than the main characters, so it was Jason Bateman, not Ricky, that did it for me).
And Nathan's really getting around, huh?
7 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 8, 2008 6:41 AM
Great recap, J-Mo! I just started watching this show and I love your snarkiness.
I dont know about anyone else, but the first thing I thought about when I saw Eddie BaueRoss's design was, "Is that his granny's funeral?"
8 of 11 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 8, 2008 8:57 AM
I have to admit that I love Wizzit. I want to sit next to him and pet his hair every time I see him on the screen! To quote Jon-Jon... he is j'adorable!
9 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:04 AM
J-Mo;
Terrific recap! I always catch so much more by reading your take on it than I see while watching the show "live".
Of friggin' course everything Eddie BewbRoss does is "granny", he works for the Head Granny herself. After 5 days with that broad any designer would think that "granny" is chic!
Keep up the good work, and here's hoping for more pictures of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt.
Yum-Oh!!
Lots O' Love
10 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:09 PM
juddfan... you know my process for getting screenshots is REALLY convoluted. I do not have a DVR (*gasp*) so I record the show onto DVD, then watch it on the computer on PowerDVD shrunk down as far as it will go, then take a printscreen and paste it into Paint, then I have to shrink it down even further with some other MicroSoft PictureViewer program and then I can upload it. SO, it is quite possible that the coloring could see some adjustments that may not meet your TV's reality during that process. Also, I agree with you, Teresa's farewell sounded suspiciously like a "Thank you producers for picking me" kind of thing. Very strange. Love to you! Me and Samara are learning a hip-hop routine right now... watch for video later!
yentapatrol... honey you are so normal for wanting a Whatisit of your own, I think they're going to be this year's Furby... you pet him and he will giggle and sing weird opera... I appreciate the love, but I am glad one of my shows is ending, two per week is killing me... love to you!
itchy... you are so sweet to me, I am very appreciative... and as far as the budget on this show goes, I agree with you... BUT, I also wonder if they keep all the receipts and when the challenge is over they wind up taking back a lot of that merch to the various stores where they got it from and get money back... plus I bet they've got a deal worked out for the advertising of these various stores (like Cost Plus and Pier One, etc.)... love to you...
tvkitty... honey, you are too kind... I only WISH I actually HAD Photoshop on this computer, I am actually pretty good at using it to make realistic compositions... I have actually been using the bare-bones "Paint" program to do cutting and pasting and inserting text and all that stuff, and it's kind of like trying to paint the Mona Lisa using a box of 8 crayons... but your compliments are like refreshing water to my parched soul, LOL... love to you...
tvismyfriend... ok, you busted me. There is something about Eddie that makes me want to break into his house some night and throw an angry fuck into him at 3am... maybe because he's such a little bitch, but I think he's probably a freak in bed. As far as Miss Schroder goes, I am not clear about whether or not the others know about her star-talent hubby... you'd think she'd be mobbed from morning till night with people asking what it's like to be married to a former child star... love to you!...
itchy... that's a vile image (i.e. Eddie and Nathan)... I love you for it!...
lexxi1129... thank you sweetie! I love your commentiness!
Snootchy Bootches... love your screenname... welcome to the circle of Whatisit lovin'... love to you, too!
arizonatom... the only reason I pick up on the minutiae of this show is because I not only watch it in real-time, but I also go back and watch segments over and over to get dialogue and expressions... I'm so glad you're loving the extra info, I try to go that extra mile. And I agree, Eddie is retirement-home ready at age 30 (or however old he is). I will try to comply with more Preston pics (provided he's caught with his shirt off again). Love to you!
As always, thank you guys for your kind comments! They make my damn day!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 12, 2008 2:14 AM