Especially from Prettyboy Preston, who says "Elle Decor is a really big deal in the design world... I've never been published in a magazine of that magnitude, and it would be awesome to be on the newsstands..." This comment made me wonder where else our boy Pres actually has been published, so I did a quick search, and look what I found!...
...Woof!...
Anyhow, there's one catch to this challenge, as they'll have to get all of their materials from a "garden center". Nasal Natalie doesn't know how she's gonna design an entire room around plants and nothing else. This is why it's called a "challenge", Nat! They'll be given $1000 each to spend and a whopping 45 minutes to shop this time around. That's almost a whole hour! Trés generoso, producers! I wonder if the "garden center" is gonna be a K-Mart, which Eddie BaueRoss could not legally turn his nose up at considering his boss-lady has a giant merch deal there...
Nope, they're at some generic place called "International Garden Center" where everyone runs around frantically buying fountains, birdbaths, urns, plants, cactii... wait, cactii? Yup, that's the brilliant idea fostered by Black Eye Nathan, who is really into succulents... (insert tasteless joke here)
Meanwhile Twiggy Teresa says she's going to a "zen courtyard space" and if I hear the word "zen" out of her mouth one more time I'm going to send her a copy of this really weird videotape I have that has a stringy-haired little girl crawling out of it who kills people. 7 days from now... kaput!
...I'm serious, I will totally sic Samara on her...
Now they have 4 hours to work, and as they come into the warehouse and see their "rooms" they discover they are not actually rooms, but actually corner alcoves...
Dear God, but SexOndineCity is going to paint her entire room brilliant kelly green! She says it's very "60's pop" and that it's long been a dream of hers to do an all kelly-green-and-white room. I think she's sailed off the edge of the planet, her room looks like one giant greenscreen ready for the weather and traffic reports to be displayed in the background...
...was this tacky color named after Ms. Worstler?...
Eddie's working hard and calls out to his next-door neighbor "Teresa, what are you going for?" She answers "Zen."
...bitch, I warned you...
"I want people to feel, like, this absolute, like, zen bliss when they see my spa-" ((**Samara quickly kills Teresa**)) Ahhhhh, sudden tranquility! Wow, I guess now I know what she means by "zen bliss"... Okay, just kidding, she didn't get killed by Samara, but she is being made fun of by Nasal Natalie, who stage-whispers to Black Eye Nathan "Every concept is zen... you know what I'm talkin' 'bout?" Natey-boy giggles raspily
Speaking of Nate, things are not going so well in his room. His paint is the color of a loose bowel movement and he's trying to pull off some kind of faux-finish that just looks like a really poor paint job. Then when Twiggy Teresa comes in and remarks how they're doing the same finish, and how much she likes it, Nathan has a horrifying epiphany and says "I diarrheaed in my mouth!"...
...funny, that wacky woven top of his gives me the same feeling...
Realizing he must distance himself from the zen-turdage he frantically goes back over his previous work with a roller to make it a solid flat finish. Good idea, Nathan. Speaking of odd paint-jobs, Prettyboy Preston is doing these godawful stripes all over his walls that he says are inspired by his grandmother being a strong single mother growing up in Texas. Huh-what? I thought the inspiration was supposed to be "nature"! Well, grandmothers are pretty natural, I guess. Mine still has the hots for Neil Diamond.
Anyhow Teresa sees Eddie BaueRoss' "Grecian Urn & Birdbath Fantasy" and says "That looks great!" Eddie, of course, is flattered, "Thank you Teresa! Yours is... coming along... I love all your, like, tobacco colors!" Wow, Eddie kinda gave her an almost-compliment there... except when Teresa rounds the corner out of sight he zooms back over to Assholia by making doobie-faces...
...ha ha, Eddie... if her room had weed in it then it would be automatically cooler than yours...
He makes a big production of hacking and asides to Silver Spoon and Prettyboy "It's giving me smoker's cough!" Preston has the courtesy and guts to be a little taken aback and says "I can't believe you just said that!" I can, because Eddie is a total dickface.
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Comments (11)
Great recap J-mo!!!! ((**Samara and J-Mo do the happy dance**)) Good to know Samara can dance and not just creep on Twiggy!
Funny how the colors look so different on the caps then they do on my TV, but of course I'm a lazy ass and haven't upgraded my TV in like centuries!!! Nasal's room looked better here, it looked green on my TV--do do do do . . .
My coworker busted a nut on your Kelly formula!!!!
Well, last week I was wondering what Twiggy had up her sleeve, guess we know now, zzzzzen!
So, is it me, even her goodbye sounded like, thanks to the producers who thought I could add something to the show (despite the fact that I've never designed a thing before) shrug-shrug!
I smell foul forces at work, but it was kind of great to see Beige Spoons in the bottom . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 6, 2008 1:46 PM
Darling J-Mo,
Is there something wrong with me? I totally want to adopt Whatisit as another lap dog. You know take him for walks, send him to the groomer and keep him around to amuse me. But that nasty tendency to break out into opera would have to go.
Have I mentioned that you are so my hero for turning out awesome funny recaps for two different shows a week.
Lerv,
Yenta
2 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 7, 2008 3:39 AM
I still can't believe I'm watching this horribly bad show. It's all your fault, J-mo, you and your excellent recaps.
Interesting that the show has a pretty big budget, compared to Project Runway -- imagine giving Pleatha or Blayne ten grand to spend on one of their 'designs'...
3 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 7, 2008 8:50 AM
I loved all of your fancy photoshop work. Great recap!
4 of 11 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on October 7, 2008 10:35 AM
J-Mo, you really can't help yourself with the Eddie flesh, can you? Oh dear, Preston is so much prettier, and so much more determined to play nice.
How can any of the other designers not have caught on to the identity of Andrea's husband yet? I mean, Ondine recognized the back of Ricky's head right off the bat and Andrea's company's name is Schroder Development, right? And she uses Schroder as her last name, right? Or do you think she's taken this whole incognito stuff as far as to adopt a different last name with the other designers/judges? Is that even possible to keep her married identity from the judges since the producers CLEARLY know about Ricky (at least if they've watched any footage at all of the show)? People, I need answers!
5 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 7, 2008 7:15 PM
I think they're like me, that is, "Ricky who?"
I mean, I seem to recall vaguely that he did something way back when, he was in my sister's Tiger Beat mags, I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, I think Andrea scooted out of the room because she knew Eddie and Blackeye were about to get...um...busy.
6 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 8, 2008 12:52 AM
Ha, itchy! I guess my age is showing. I spent many a pre-teen evening watching Silver Spoons (of course I'm always partial to the sidekicks rather than the main characters, so it was Jason Bateman, not Ricky, that did it for me).
And Nathan's really getting around, huh?
7 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 8, 2008 6:41 AM
Great recap, J-Mo! I just started watching this show and I love your snarkiness.
I dont know about anyone else, but the first thing I thought about when I saw Eddie BaueRoss's design was, "Is that his granny's funeral?"
8 of 11 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 8, 2008 8:57 AM
I have to admit that I love Wizzit. I want to sit next to him and pet his hair every time I see him on the screen! To quote Jon-Jon... he is j'adorable!
9 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:04 AM
J-Mo;
Terrific recap! I always catch so much more by reading your take on it than I see while watching the show "live".
Of friggin' course everything Eddie BewbRoss does is "granny", he works for the Head Granny herself. After 5 days with that broad any designer would think that "granny" is chic!
Keep up the good work, and here's hoping for more pictures of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt.
Yum-Oh!!
Lots O' Love
10 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:09 PM
juddfan... you know my process for getting screenshots is REALLY convoluted. I do not have a DVR (*gasp*) so I record the show onto DVD, then watch it on the computer on PowerDVD shrunk down as far as it will go, then take a printscreen and paste it into Paint, then I have to shrink it down even further with some other MicroSoft PictureViewer program and then I can upload it. SO, it is quite possible that the coloring could see some adjustments that may not meet your TV's reality during that process. Also, I agree with you, Teresa's farewell sounded suspiciously like a "Thank you producers for picking me" kind of thing. Very strange. Love to you! Me and Samara are learning a hip-hop routine right now... watch for video later!
yentapatrol... honey you are so normal for wanting a Whatisit of your own, I think they're going to be this year's Furby... you pet him and he will giggle and sing weird opera... I appreciate the love, but I am glad one of my shows is ending, two per week is killing me... love to you!
itchy... you are so sweet to me, I am very appreciative... and as far as the budget on this show goes, I agree with you... BUT, I also wonder if they keep all the receipts and when the challenge is over they wind up taking back a lot of that merch to the various stores where they got it from and get money back... plus I bet they've got a deal worked out for the advertising of these various stores (like Cost Plus and Pier One, etc.)... love to you...
tvkitty... honey, you are too kind... I only WISH I actually HAD Photoshop on this computer, I am actually pretty good at using it to make realistic compositions... I have actually been using the bare-bones "Paint" program to do cutting and pasting and inserting text and all that stuff, and it's kind of like trying to paint the Mona Lisa using a box of 8 crayons... but your compliments are like refreshing water to my parched soul, LOL... love to you...
tvismyfriend... ok, you busted me. There is something about Eddie that makes me want to break into his house some night and throw an angry fuck into him at 3am... maybe because he's such a little bitch, but I think he's probably a freak in bed. As far as Miss Schroder goes, I am not clear about whether or not the others know about her star-talent hubby... you'd think she'd be mobbed from morning till night with people asking what it's like to be married to a former child star... love to you!...
itchy... that's a vile image (i.e. Eddie and Nathan)... I love you for it!...
lexxi1129... thank you sweetie! I love your commentiness!
Snootchy Bootches... love your screenname... welcome to the circle of Whatisit lovin'... love to you, too!
arizonatom... the only reason I pick up on the minutiae of this show is because I not only watch it in real-time, but I also go back and watch segments over and over to get dialogue and expressions... I'm so glad you're loving the extra info, I try to go that extra mile. And I agree, Eddie is retirement-home ready at age 30 (or however old he is). I will try to comply with more Preston pics (provided he's caught with his shirt off again). Love to you!
As always, thank you guys for your kind comments! They make my damn day!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 12, 2008 2:14 AM