Uh-oh, I hear the Electric Piano Of Melancholy playing and Nasal Natalie is talking about how her mother is one of her big inspirations. Turns out her mother died three years ago, and Nat believes she is looking down on her and is proud of who she is today. Aww, that's so sweet. And unlike that bunghole Suede/Pleather, I actually believe she's being sincere and not just tossing out dead relatives for sympathy. Mostly I'm grateful she didn't feel the need to blow fake kisses to the sky...
...or maybe he just loves the smell of his anus-breath...
Whoops, not my show. Anyhow, back at the Union Lofts, Black Eye, Silver Spoon and Dickface Eddie are quietly talking shit about Teresa's room. Except for Eddie, who in his most piercing yelp says "She said 'I'm going for the tobacco look!' and I go 'Yeah, and I'm getting lung cancer!'" Nathan, I'm sorry to say, joins in with Eddie's raucous cackling...
...lung cancer is hysterical!...
I notice that Silver Spoon Andrea actually looks a little ashamed of their behavior, and she interviews "Eddie's great, but, at the same time, it's really important for me to be around people that are genuine... I'm like, a genuine person, but Eddie's always, like, 'Gorgeous! Love it! Gorgeous! Love it!'... you know, I don't know if it's 100% genuine..."
...why sure it is!...100% genuine asshole...
Interesting that she's finally starting to pick up on this facet of Eddie's "personality"... I'm guessing that part of the reason he's so nasty is that Eddie probably got beat up a lot as a kid, which is sad, but his constant dickfacedness is making me want him to get beat up some more, and that's just not cute either...
The next day they only have 1 hour to complete their rooms before judging, and that hour flies by in about 45 seconds, and here come the judges... Oh... my... lordinheavenabovepleaseprotectandsavemewhatthefuckiswrongwithKellyWorstler?!??!?...
...I have no words...
I gotta give it up to her for trying out Halloween costumes months before the actual event. I know I'd throw candy at her to make her go away. But, let's get to judging, K?
We start off with Prettyboy Preston...
..."Dirty Peppermint Illusions"...
India asks Pres if his space would work well for a photo shoot, and he seems to think it would, that the stripes would lend some "beautiful lines". Jonathan Adler's face says something else...
...No...
I know he spent a lot of time painting those stripes, but jeez, they just look so harsh and eye-tiring, and I find they make it hard to see the vine-encrusted chair he put in the middle. I fear there may be no more shirtless Prettyboy screencaps in the future... *snif*...
Now it's time for Twiggy Teresa's alcove...
..."Smokin' Zen-Sations"...
"So, mine is... ZEN!" says Teresa! ((**Samara's head pops up on the TV again**)) Jonathan Adler looks like he's pretty tired of hearing that word outta her mouth, too, and asks her if she thought about putting anything in the middle of the space while Margaret wonders if she thought of doing anything to change the bare concrete of the floor. Negative to both, that's just not ZEN enough...
..."and what are the vibrations in your hair telling you, Kelly?"...
I hate to admit that Eddie and Nathan were kinda right, her room looks like a great big blood-clot with some plants stuck in the middle of it. Kelly's hair says FAIL.
Ahhhh, here is the lovely and ethereal Whatisit...
..."Junior High School Musical"...
I'm wondering what that phallic little statue at the bottom of the urn is all about. "What-I-wan-ted-to-give-you-was-um-a-spring-time-in-Pa-ris... I-de-ci-ded-I-wan-ted-to-have-ve-ry-pale-col-ors-that-would-show-off-the-flow-ers-more-and-I-did-the-clas-sic-her-ring-bone-floors-that-we-see-all-over-Pa-ris-a-part-ments..." Wow, so lots of apartments in Paris look like they have had paint tracked all over the floors? Sacré bléu!
Jon-Jon calls it "kinda surreal and thoughtful" and eagle-eyed Margaret spies a bamboo rod on the floor, which causes a blushing Whatisit to reveal that that was supposed to be his curtain rod for his imaginary curtains but he ran out of time... Awww, poor fella!
Forging ahead, we encounter Black Eye Nathan...
..."Nate's Chocolate Salty Walls"...
Nathan says he envisioned this pile of brown as a "beachside kind-of shack in Baja... a casual kind of hangout... flip-flops... cut-off jeans... tank tops!" All I'm seeing is a shit-brown room with some cactus in it, which I can see in rest-stops all over the state here in Arizona, so this is not exactly exciting or innovative work. Although sometimes the rest-stops do become "casual hangouts"... hmmmm.... He pretty much gets a "Thank you." and the judges move on. I'm guessing Black Eye's gonna be stuck at two for three this time.
Well, let's look at what Nasal Natalie has to offer...
..."GreyTron Gardens"...
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Comments (11)
Great recap J-mo!!!! ((**Samara and J-Mo do the happy dance**)) Good to know Samara can dance and not just creep on Twiggy!
Funny how the colors look so different on the caps then they do on my TV, but of course I'm a lazy ass and haven't upgraded my TV in like centuries!!! Nasal's room looked better here, it looked green on my TV--do do do do . . .
My coworker busted a nut on your Kelly formula!!!!
Well, last week I was wondering what Twiggy had up her sleeve, guess we know now, zzzzzen!
So, is it me, even her goodbye sounded like, thanks to the producers who thought I could add something to the show (despite the fact that I've never designed a thing before) shrug-shrug!
I smell foul forces at work, but it was kind of great to see Beige Spoons in the bottom . . .
1 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 6, 2008 1:46 PM
Darling J-Mo,
Is there something wrong with me? I totally want to adopt Whatisit as another lap dog. You know take him for walks, send him to the groomer and keep him around to amuse me. But that nasty tendency to break out into opera would have to go.
Have I mentioned that you are so my hero for turning out awesome funny recaps for two different shows a week.
Lerv,
Yenta
2 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 7, 2008 3:39 AM
I still can't believe I'm watching this horribly bad show. It's all your fault, J-mo, you and your excellent recaps.
Interesting that the show has a pretty big budget, compared to Project Runway -- imagine giving Pleatha or Blayne ten grand to spend on one of their 'designs'...
3 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 7, 2008 8:50 AM
I loved all of your fancy photoshop work. Great recap!
4 of 11 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on October 7, 2008 10:35 AM
J-Mo, you really can't help yourself with the Eddie flesh, can you? Oh dear, Preston is so much prettier, and so much more determined to play nice.
How can any of the other designers not have caught on to the identity of Andrea's husband yet? I mean, Ondine recognized the back of Ricky's head right off the bat and Andrea's company's name is Schroder Development, right? And she uses Schroder as her last name, right? Or do you think she's taken this whole incognito stuff as far as to adopt a different last name with the other designers/judges? Is that even possible to keep her married identity from the judges since the producers CLEARLY know about Ricky (at least if they've watched any footage at all of the show)? People, I need answers!
5 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 7, 2008 7:15 PM
I think they're like me, that is, "Ricky who?"
I mean, I seem to recall vaguely that he did something way back when, he was in my sister's Tiger Beat mags, I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, I think Andrea scooted out of the room because she knew Eddie and Blackeye were about to get...um...busy.
6 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 8, 2008 12:52 AM
Ha, itchy! I guess my age is showing. I spent many a pre-teen evening watching Silver Spoons (of course I'm always partial to the sidekicks rather than the main characters, so it was Jason Bateman, not Ricky, that did it for me).
And Nathan's really getting around, huh?
7 of 11 | Posted by tvismyfriend | Posted on October 8, 2008 6:41 AM
Great recap, J-Mo! I just started watching this show and I love your snarkiness.
I dont know about anyone else, but the first thing I thought about when I saw Eddie BaueRoss's design was, "Is that his granny's funeral?"
8 of 11 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 8, 2008 8:57 AM
I have to admit that I love Wizzit. I want to sit next to him and pet his hair every time I see him on the screen! To quote Jon-Jon... he is j'adorable!
9 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:04 AM
J-Mo;
Terrific recap! I always catch so much more by reading your take on it than I see while watching the show "live".
Of friggin' course everything Eddie BewbRoss does is "granny", he works for the Head Granny herself. After 5 days with that broad any designer would think that "granny" is chic!
Keep up the good work, and here's hoping for more pictures of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt.
Yum-Oh!!
Lots O' Love
10 of 11 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:09 PM
juddfan... you know my process for getting screenshots is REALLY convoluted. I do not have a DVR (*gasp*) so I record the show onto DVD, then watch it on the computer on PowerDVD shrunk down as far as it will go, then take a printscreen and paste it into Paint, then I have to shrink it down even further with some other MicroSoft PictureViewer program and then I can upload it. SO, it is quite possible that the coloring could see some adjustments that may not meet your TV's reality during that process. Also, I agree with you, Teresa's farewell sounded suspiciously like a "Thank you producers for picking me" kind of thing. Very strange. Love to you! Me and Samara are learning a hip-hop routine right now... watch for video later!
yentapatrol... honey you are so normal for wanting a Whatisit of your own, I think they're going to be this year's Furby... you pet him and he will giggle and sing weird opera... I appreciate the love, but I am glad one of my shows is ending, two per week is killing me... love to you!
itchy... you are so sweet to me, I am very appreciative... and as far as the budget on this show goes, I agree with you... BUT, I also wonder if they keep all the receipts and when the challenge is over they wind up taking back a lot of that merch to the various stores where they got it from and get money back... plus I bet they've got a deal worked out for the advertising of these various stores (like Cost Plus and Pier One, etc.)... love to you...
tvkitty... honey, you are too kind... I only WISH I actually HAD Photoshop on this computer, I am actually pretty good at using it to make realistic compositions... I have actually been using the bare-bones "Paint" program to do cutting and pasting and inserting text and all that stuff, and it's kind of like trying to paint the Mona Lisa using a box of 8 crayons... but your compliments are like refreshing water to my parched soul, LOL... love to you...
tvismyfriend... ok, you busted me. There is something about Eddie that makes me want to break into his house some night and throw an angry fuck into him at 3am... maybe because he's such a little bitch, but I think he's probably a freak in bed. As far as Miss Schroder goes, I am not clear about whether or not the others know about her star-talent hubby... you'd think she'd be mobbed from morning till night with people asking what it's like to be married to a former child star... love to you!...
itchy... that's a vile image (i.e. Eddie and Nathan)... I love you for it!...
lexxi1129... thank you sweetie! I love your commentiness!
Snootchy Bootches... love your screenname... welcome to the circle of Whatisit lovin'... love to you, too!
arizonatom... the only reason I pick up on the minutiae of this show is because I not only watch it in real-time, but I also go back and watch segments over and over to get dialogue and expressions... I'm so glad you're loving the extra info, I try to go that extra mile. And I agree, Eddie is retirement-home ready at age 30 (or however old he is). I will try to comply with more Preston pics (provided he's caught with his shirt off again). Love to you!
As always, thank you guys for your kind comments! They make my damn day!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 12, 2008 2:14 AM