Downtown Shazia Brown and Black Eye Nathan are painting and suddenly Shazia looks up at the side-surface they're working on and says "Do you think that wall is straight?" Snorting, Nathan replies "Honey, there ain't nothin' straight on this show!" Yup, not even the big fat recapper... *snap* *snap* *snap*
Meanwhile, Team Chub'N'Chaser has painted the main part of their wall a screaming yellow (and I mean it screams "YELLOW!!!!!") and they're putting up a patterned foil wallpaper that looks more "backwoods whorehouse" than "Blade Runner", and although their client Jeffrey "Dahmer" Sebelia had specific ideas of what he wanted, Big Daddy is trying to help bring Whatisit's ideas into the fold as well, so he's compromising with this silly wallpaper.
...I take it back, this isn't looking like a whorehouse, it's looking more like the set of Paul and Jan Crouch's TBN shows...
And speaking of holy people, here comes Todd Oldma'am to consult, and for once it's not in the last five minutes of the challenge when it's too late to do anything with his suggestions other than cry. He's visiting Team Bruises and wonders if they have checked the gray of Andrae's sad dress against the gray that they've painted their back wall in. Gee, that would have been smart, although I don't blame them at all if it's a backhanded attempt to try and hide that fugly dress. Todd does give them some good advice on how to break their mirrors (glue paper to the back of it before you whack it apart, which is actually quite a practical tip!... me, I just woulda been tossing them off the roof of the building, kinda casually aiming for Silver Spoon Andrea or Eddie BaueRoss in a completely offhanded way).
Oh no, Big Daddy Ker-Bear is going to start attempting to attach their mirrors to their back wall to create the "kaleidoscope effect" and he only has Whatisit as his wispy helper! This can't be good. After slathering the back of a large 4-foot square with mastic adhesive, Kerry has to go outside for a moment to cut some shims and leaves Whatisit in charge of holding the mirror in place... and of course, within a few minutes, poor Whatisit is losing his grip on it and can't seem to keep it held in place...
...it's like using a delicate flower to hammer nails...
...and now their mirror has slid down the wall about three inches, leaving a big ucky trail of mastic on their nice yellow wall. "I'm-not-good-at-hol-ding-stuff." says Whatisit as they just take the mirror down. As patient and forgiving as he is, Big Daddy's gettin' mighty heated. "Ah'uz abayowt t'drop-kick'im t'JAYsus ah thought raght thayir on the spot, but ah smahled lahk a true Southerner..."
...meaning "the embodiment of passive-aggressive"...
Ah, I don't blame him, it's gotta be frustrating as hell to work with someone as ethereal as Whatisit, who is so easily distracted by dust motes floating on a sunbeam, or the sunbeam itself, or just light in general.
Meanwhile, the parking lot of La Super Strip Mall has all kinds of painting, spraying and other work going on. Eddie BaueRoss is breaking a bunch of mirrors into a bucket and laughing about how he has, like, five hundred years of bad luck coming. We can only hope so...
And just for fun, how about a gratuitous ass-cap of Prettyboy Preston?...
...and for any of you into Silver Spoon Andrea, her ass is lumbering around in the background somewhere, too...
It's the next day, and everybody is scrambling back to work, because they've only got 4 hours to finish their windowscapes off. Big Daddy Kerry is hanging smaller mirror squares at different levels to try once and for all to get the damned kaleidoscope feeling they were going for. Whatisit is nowhere in sight, but that's probably because he's having an in-depth conversation with a dandelion he found growing in the parking lot. Daddy seems to be doing pretty well on his own.
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Comments (19)
I'm soooo sad that Big Daddy got sent home and I call shenanigans! Whatsit/waitoozie/whatchamacallit gave nothing, NOTHING, to that challenge but BD gets sent home? Nooooo!
It's a crap decision, not to mention the message it sends out to the world: Whatever you do, don't take responsibility for it. BD should have just stayed quiet, but he "manned up" and owned his responsibility. What a bunch of a-holes those judges are.
Actually, I thought all of the windows were crap and looked like they were designed by middle school students for their current drama production. Nathan & Shazia’s was worse than Big Daddy’s, but I actually think that Eddie & Teresa’s was the worst of all – really cheesy and literal and amateurish.
Alas, we don’t get a say in the contest, so I guess I should either stop watching or stop whining.
Nah.
Great recap as always, J-Mo. Your accents are my favorite part!
1 of 19 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 20, 2008 12:53 PM
J-Mo;
I just lurve the title of this recap! Fuglies on sale - come one, come all.
While I love seeing the shirtless pics of Prettyboy and hope he stays (and keeps undressing) until the very last, I sure hated seeing Big Daddy go home. It would have been fun for it to have ended up having Kerry and Preston battling for the title.
As ever, a wonderful job done by my favorite fat-hairy-gay-boy-blogger!
Lots O' Love
2 of 19 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 20, 2008 1:09 PM
I was shocked, SHOCKED that they sent Big Daddy home. Should have been Shazia. All she's done is ruin materials, make a couch look like it was made of cellulate, fail to understand the concept of gravity, and hide behind her fellow contestants. Besides, she's boring.
Now Wisit, on the other hand, is my fav reality contestant in a looooong time. Do you think he even knows he's on television? I actually did a pause & rewind on the PREVIEW of him trying to hold up that mirror. He tickles my funny bone. I hope he stays a long time!!
3 of 19 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on September 20, 2008 1:28 PM
arizonatom, I totally agree with you. Prettyboy should stay until the very end but be forced to not wear a shirt during all of the work periods of the show. *sigh* If only he were straight...damn you gays, throw one our way some time :P.
I will miss Ker-Bear. I loved him so much and he was so sweet. I think Shazia should have gone as she doesn't really do anything, ever. Wisit looked totally depressed about it though, so I can't get pissed at him for anything.
By the way, does anyone else think it's weird that three of the judges are all squashed up on one couch? I found that such an odd set-up considering this is an interior design show and it is so not aesthetically pleasing to see three adults squeezed onto one couch.
4 of 19 | Posted by pixiegal262 | Posted on September 20, 2008 2:31 PM
Thanks for the GREAT RECAP!! It's a real bummer that Big Daddy was sent packing. While I agree with what another poster about 'WHATISIT' being good television, he does remind me of an Asian Houseboy that Alex and Simon Social Climber (Real Housewives of NYC) might employ, to help with their posturing on their journey to the top. :)
5 of 19 | Posted by chask70 | Posted on September 20, 2008 10:23 PM
pixiegal262, be careful what you wish for. They might decide to throw Eddie our way...
J-Mo, you're our macaroni and cheese. Mwa.
6 of 19 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on September 20, 2008 10:38 PM
I am as horrified as can be over BD's eviction, even being pre-aware of the time table (or not, I'm not admitting a thing) At any rate, IMHO it should have been Shazia &/or any of those other idiots and not Kerry. Period. The producers/judges scrooged the pooch on this one big time. Let's hope there's a "Fan Favorite" prize we can give him. Seriously.
7 of 19 | Posted by caraneagle@hotmail.com | Posted on September 21, 2008 12:50 AM
SO UNFAIR! That's what you get for being a decent (and talented) guy?! Really?! No WAY was that window Kerry's fault! Or even the worst! Really? Broken mirrors? And seriously, why is Shazia still there? Clearly the producers/judges have miscalulated. Please.... if given the chance.... *Repeat after me* I vote for Kerry for "Fan Favorite". (God-willing we get the chance)
8 of 19 | Posted by Carawatches2muchTV | Posted on September 21, 2008 1:14 AM
It seemed pretty clear that Shazia was going to go home after India said something to her like, "We have no compelling reason to keep you." So don't keep her! *sniff*
9 of 19 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on September 21, 2008 10:28 AM
**sad**sad**
Big Daddy was soooo funny and gracious! Wisit makes me laugh, but his "RoCaCa" idea blew everything off!
Who thinks that the wicker basket would help in anything the horrible dress and window? Wasn't Andre the one with those endless stories about Paris Hilton boyfriend, blah, blah, blah?
Pixiegal, I also think is funny to see the judges in one couch and India by herself in one chair, maybe they should give her a white cat that she can pet while judging! LOL
Thanks for the recap and laughs, my darling J-Mo!
**Mwah**
10 of 19 | Posted by detinha | Posted on September 21, 2008 10:32 AM
sayhuh: ew...I agree. Nevermind. But I'm claiming George Clooney, even though he's a "dedicated bachelor".
11 of 19 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on September 21, 2008 5:14 PM
Those designer dresses were really fug, some more than others. If it's possible, Jeffery is even more disgusting than he was on P.R. I still think he cheated to win.
I'm so bummed Big Daddy got sent home. He did the noble thing by falling on the sword for Whatsit and his reward was being canned. It so should have been Whosit or Shasta.
Great recap. It's always good for a lot of laughs.
12 of 19 | Posted by skies | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:34 PM
OK, now that I have time to post longer:
- That sucked. I want Big Daddy back. Maybe next week, after Eddie sniffles "I work with THE BEST!" to that guy who doesn't seem to give a shit who Martha Stewart is, his head will explode and then they'll have to bring back Big Daddy a la Chris March in Project Runway. But first, I really really want to see that hissy fit.
- I actually liked Team Bitter's window, and if I did look like Marta Sánchez (I know, you mentioned her forever ago,) and had her money, I would totally wear the Phlegmy Phloating Phrock. Not without thinking "ew", you know, now that I have read your take on it. But seriously, that Marta Sánchez love? You should check out Miguel Bosé. Same era, same style of music (although I like his a lot more), but from my perspective and (I assume) yours, he's a lot hotter.
- Thank you again for the Prettyboy shirtless photo. You sure know how to keep your readers happy. Bravo editors need to be more careful, though. Or else they're getting us ready for Halloween. That quick jump between shirtless Preston and shirtless Nathan was a total "BOO!" moment.
- Is there ANYONE left in this show with a really funny accent now, J-Mo? I demand they get a Danish designer next...
13 of 19 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on September 22, 2008 12:08 AM
Hey, J-mo, I think you're becoming my favorite recapper-- I just read through your recaps of the last three episodes (well, I'm supposed to be working, see...) and they're a hoot. Hell, they even convinced me to watch the show (thanks, youtube!). Keep up the great work!
Truly sorry for the BD loss --although I suspect there's a smell ol' fish coming...in a couple of weeks, one of the other hacks, er, I mean, designers, are going to hurt themselves on a scissors and have to leave the show...and back comes Big Daddy...
Can't believe how untalented these people are. It's like the mirror universe to the current season of Project Runway. Without Kenley's weird teeth to hold my fascination.
14 of 19 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 22, 2008 3:09 AM
Great recap! I totally was thinking about the wire hangers when Andrae was wigging out about the wicker!
Did anybody else notice how much Jeffrey is looking like Tom Green?
And as for Santino's dress my co-worker walked up behind me and saw the picture and said "oh I watched that movie last night"! LOL
15 of 19 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on September 22, 2008 10:34 AM
Great episode and recap!
Did anyone see A-List and Mr. Schroeder at the Emmy's last night?!? I just caught her in the back of the screen while Ryan was talking to Eva Longoria or something.
SHE WAS WEARING THE YELLOW DRESS!
Hmmm...maybe she did purchase that dress in 30 seconds!
16 of 19 | Posted by lostinqueenanne | Posted on September 22, 2008 3:28 PM
Do they do exit interviews on this show, coz I'd love to hear what Rabid Sphinctermouth Fuckstain Pusbag Needledick Twatbreath Robert has to say for himself!!!
Too funny, J-mo, you're the gayest recapper of all and you hold my heart in your hand--now squeeze hard and end this misery called life where all the guys I lust are straight (Sean Astin, James Gandolfini, and that guy from "Worst Week"-how cruel to have him all over on billboards posing all sexy in his trash bag diaper) and beautiful talented people like Big Daddy (and Stella and Terry) get eliminated before cannon fodder like Downtown and Whatsit ( and Suede and Joe) Make it stop!!! Only you can save me, J-mo, squeeze!!!!
17 of 19 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 22, 2008 4:51 PM
lostinqueenanne -- I totally saw Mrs. Schroeder rocking the yellow dress on the Emmy's - too funny!
These recaps crack me up and I am sad for the loss of Big Daddy. Whatsit and Shazia need to be gone already.
Oh and JMo - they did a Top Chef/Top Design crossover last season...Big Daddy Tom was the guest judge for the challenge which was to create a chef's table for him...
18 of 19 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on September 24, 2008 10:52 AM
zbird... I totally agree with you, Big Daddy got screwed by a lot of things, mostly being a stand-up guy (and being saddled with the Whimsical Whatisit) and I do think all the windows looked shitty, too! Oh, and thanks!
arizonatom... I'd like to see Prettyboy and Big Daddy fighting for love... love to you, too!
Pegster... I agree about Shazzie-ma-Nazzie, she's stayed way past her skill level.
pixiegal262... I think that India Hicks gets her own chair possibly because she's probably a lot richer than Jon-Jon, Maggie or Kelly... but I could be wrong... maybe she smells and no one wants to sit next to her.
chask70... LOL about Whatisit being Gaysian Houseboy for Alex & Simon! And thank you!
sayhuh... you took the words right out of my mouth... and thanks, I love being creamy and cheesy and really very easy! :)
caraneagle@hotmail.com/Carawatches2muchTV... I agree with you, if there is a Fan Favorite prize to be awarded, I say it goes to Big Daddy, too!
rubinina... word t'ya mutha! That's the truth, Ruth!
detinha... you're welcome as always... :)
skies... I'm with you, Jeffrey is a vile human being, and his acting like an asshole has had dire consequences on his "fashion career" (serves him right, too). And thank you!
sayhuh... I didn't think about that, but that would be fabulous if it happened that way! I'll take a pound of Big Daddy any day over the entire wealth of Eddie BaueRoss... and no, sadly, I think I'm about out of accents (unless I want to break the 's' key on my keyboard putting in all the sibiliants that Eddie hisses when he lisps...
itchy... wow, that is a great compliment, and I'm so happy you're enjoying my hacky work here (there are a LOT of great writers here, seriously, you're too kind) and I agree with you, the talent seems rather haphazard (much like "Runway" is)...
flowie623... thank you, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who constantly sees "Mommie Dearest" connections in everything...
lostinqueenanne... NOOOOOO, I didn't see that, does anyone have pictures or know where we can find them? That bitch! Thanks for the tip and your kind kudos! :)
juddfan... yay for gay! And no I will not destroy your heart, we must be strong and carry on in the face of this Dearth Of Cute Fellas We Like On TV, K? Be strong, sistah! :)
LNNC92... OMG, you are so totally right, and I can't believe I forgot all about that challenge (especially how much everything sucked there, too). I hang my head in shame...
Thanks for all the comments you guys, you make my week brighter!
love, J-Mo :)
19 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 24, 2008 5:29 PM